Anyone else feel like men get less out of relationshisp than women?

[GorillaTheater]

Sorry it took so long to respond - have been traveling in this Gawd-awful heat all day (up to 109 degrees) & just got back to my hotel room...yep, it's definitely the avatar, GT!!!

 

I changed it. I figured I'd tormented Ariadne long enough.

[redtail]

etc...

 

Well there's no such thing as...

 

etc...

 

I blame them ...

 

NTLS, you don't need nor want anyones pity, I'm certain of that. But I can't help but express that I feel sorry for you. I'm sure you speak from your reality, I understand and am sympathetic. What ever life experiences lead you to this strong opinion, have obviously left a scar.

 

This kind of animosity that you harbor more than likely will hurt you in the long run more than it will ever do any good for this crusade against inequality. Good luck to you.

[GorillaTheater]

I have a distinct feeling he's NOT so NTLS at all.

 

Remember "Green"? That's my guess. I've seen NTLS compared to Jersey Shortie but frankly, I think that's unfair to Jersey. I don't think this guy is that sincere about the stuff he goes on about.

[Untouchable_Fire]

So expressing your concerns obviously is wrong?

And its obviously ok if a woman is a whiny bitch because women lack strength , honor and integrity?

 

Are you really expressing concerns? I think your just venting, or pot stirring.

 

Seriously... why are you so bitter about this?

 

Because you're trained from an early age to be their personal servant.

 

Listen... you see this as a power struggle between the sexes. I don't.

 

I know that I can achieve more in life working with a woman than I can working against.

[cn283]

Your boyfriend gives you more security/love/care/protection than you give him.

 

Well there's no such thing as a woman who is protective of ALL the men in their life is there the way a few men on this thread have claimed to be?

 

 

Then again it is those men who tell others to suck it up that hurt other men.

 

I blame them more than I blame women for how women are.

 

I'm happy to say my bf doesn't agree with you, so I'm fortunate enough to be in a relationship with a guy that doesn't blame me for my small stature.

 

What do you mean about being protective of all the men in my life? Technically you are now a man in my life, and no, I would not put myself in the same situations for you as I would my bf, my dad, or my friends...but I don't think you would either.

 

I'm confused, do you want all women to hit the gym, get super muscular and take testosterone so we can be as aggressive and as tough as men?

[cn283]

So its ok to feed men to the wolves?

 

Or you can have the attitude of the woman below me. She seems to be the opposite of you.

 

Btw women are as aggressive as men. They use it to hurt men though not protect/nurture them.

 

 

 

 

+1000

 

What DM described was very cool. But it wasn't the physical stuff you were talking about. I mentioned purely physical things that yes, my bf is better at but he doesn't blame me for those things. Other things that I can help him with, I do and never think about "who's getting more out of this...me or him." Neither of us do, which is my whole point. When you are with someone you love it's not a constant argument over who does more or gets less...you do the things you can to make that person feel special, needed, wanted, loved, ect. and you try your best to better yourself and make him or her proud.

[cn283]

Ok, your not listening to me...kind of silly for me to think you would.

 

I WOULD ABSOLUTELY risk my life for him. PERIOD. What I am trying to say is that:

 

 

1. People can't be blamed for their genetics (short, weak, tall, strong) and if one person shines where another one doesn't one would try to help regardless of gender.

 

and

 

2. In a healthy loving relationship people do not think like you do. If you want to harp on the things you do and she doesn't you may not be ready for a commitment.

 

I'm a better cooker, I don't get pissed at how he's the one coming home to a home cooked meal. I'm not resentful that he asks me to design things for his family or asks me to retouch photos. I love him, and I want to do those things. And when he goes out of town, the garbage still gets taken out, the heavy lifting still gets done, and the other things he normally gets done. He doesn't resent that he takes out the trash, he's happy to. It's that whole give and take people in love do.

[sally4sara]

Don't men seem to help women more than vice versa? In general men are encouraged by society to be self sufficient than women.. Women are encouraged by society to get men to do things for them.

 

I think bolded part of your post is due to YOUR personal experience rather than a norm of society. You are assuming that your personal experiences dictate an absolute for the population of the world. Something like that would vary from culture to culture. Combine that with how many guys don't know how to do their own laundry or cook without a microwave and live on fast food. So often now I meet guys who know much less about cars than even I do. Also often, no basic carpentry knowledge. Often they don't bother knowing basic child care even once they become parents.

 

There are women who don't know how to do these things either, but then there are women who do know how to be self sufficient. Just as some men do know these things even though I meet guys who don't know these things.

 

Then I remind myself that many many people in your threads have pointed out that they experience things differently than you seem to and it hasn't soothed you enough for you to feel further gender contention threads are non-productive and pointless so far. And then I ask myself why I feel MY post will see anything different in you and why did any of us bother entertaining these threads anymore at all?

 

What is it you want OP? What do you seek with these threads? Is there a particular woman you wish to project all this angst towards? Instead of typing out your frustrations, I've found batting cages and shooting ranges to work better at relieving stress and anger. Why not push away from the keyboard for a day and go check if these things work for you too?

[sally4sara]

I kind of get your point. But the difference is you don't sacrifice or take any real risks when it comes to cooking. He might be stronger but for that reason only he is exposed to danger, pain and only he is fed to the wolves. That's not a fair relationship.

 

Whatever. Forget I asked.

 

OK. This isn't Sparta OP.

There is a difference between being put in harms way and harm finding you. You ask if women will protect the men. Sometimes you mention emotionally, but you seem mostly preoccupied with women protecting them physically. What would a woman's willingness to throw themselves in front of a maniac with a knife have to do with anyone being thrown to the wolves?

What you're talking about is manufactured harm. Not taking a bullet is not the same as throwing someone in front of a bullet. Just as not fighting off a wolf is different from throwing someone to a wolf. Are you trying to imply women lure men to harm?

 

You're getting yourself worked up beyond the the assertion.

I'm not sure why this is the stuff that occupies your mind.

What do you hope to get out of these threads?

[D-Lish]

Not often but even if this came up (or even minor danger) it'd be the man's job. Women often say they feel very protected and safe with their man. Ever heard a man say this? Not even when cuddling do men get this feeling,

 

What about men having to walk women home and risk getting beat up or worse?

 

You...Need...Therapy dude.

[sally4sara]

Are you kidding me? I have heard women picking fights with men so their man can fight for them. how many movies have scenes with women attacking bikers so their boyfriend/husband can fight them?

 

And men are fed to the wolves. If there is a noise he is sent first (assuming she comes down after-big assumption). He is pushed towards the danger. Women wake men up so men can go check on the noise.

 

I am also concerned with emotionally. Its known men are emotionally stronger and stable rocks for women. never vice versa.

 

Who comforts during a mutual crisis?

Who is lower maintenance and easier to deal with ? Men even have to deal with PMS while women don't care about IMS, men's midlife crises, men's emotional cycle?

Who gives more emotional support than they take?

 

In GENERAL the answer is men, men, men.

 

Who gives more care and security (financial, physical, emotional) ?

 

Who overall gives more in a relationship? Men.

 

I don't know what I am getting. perhaps just emotional validation. just having your feelings acknowledged is grat.

 

Did you seriously just use movies as real life proof?

 

I'm glad all the men you have dated were so wonderful. I'm just wondering why you're wasting the happiness you could be sharing with the man you chose, by posting these threads. There is nothing to be accomplished here for you or anyone reading. Not even any validation to be had when you're resorting to Hollywood for your reality.

[carhill]

I fear this poster is going to spontaneously combust

[D-Lish]

I fear this poster is going to spontaneously combust

 

One can only hope....

[theBrokenMuse]

I fear this poster is going to spontaneously combust

 

Don't know about that but I will say that oftentimes the guys whom turn out to be keeping hookers' heads in the freezer and whatnot tend to show this level of gynophobia.

[D-Lish]

Don't know about that but I will say that oftentimes the guys whom turn out to be keeping hookers' heads in the freezer and whatnot tend to show this level of gynophobia.

 

Without looking it up on google- is that a fear of Vagina's???

 

But it's after 11....shhhh, OP's mommy has insisted on lights out.

[theBrokenMuse]

Without looking it up on google- is that a fear of Vagina's???

 

But it's after 11....shhhh, OP's mommy has insisted on lights out.

 

An abnormal fear of women (wielding their mighty vaginas) hehehe

[carhill]

ROFLMAO!

 

Indeed!

[cn283]

Maybe the OP just got out of a horrible relationship. And instead of coming to the logical conclusion that she wasn't right for him, and he's better off without a girl like that, he went in another direction and decided to blame all women for the actions of this one. He keeps bringing up physical stuff, maybe she put him in a situation that he was uncomfortable with and instead of talking about it, it became something bigger than it should have...just my thought.

 

Obviously he just wants to rant, he doesn't want to hear about nice girls because right now there's no such thing in his world of pain and regret. Hopefully he'll come to realize that this is an immature and bitter view of the world, but if he doesn't I just hope he sticks to his convictions enough to never get into another relationship so he doesn't screw someone up as badly as he is.

[Gunny376]

I'm going to try hard and stay away from generalizations.

 

Such as "Women are just like men, but completely different!"

 

All women are the same! But different!

 

The word that fits? Paradox.

 

That is to say everyone the same, but different. So you cannot possibly slam dunk someone into any given category.

 

But, from my experience? Most people do not have the necessary life experiences, knowledge, nor skill set to sustain a LTR.

 

Given enough time? Experiences? They may acquire them ~ but its definitely not something that your born with. Its learned.

 

Trouble is? Its really not being taught anywhere by anyone ~ except in the reactive state after the livestock's gotten out of the barn, (IC, MC etc)

 

Some have a clue? They were fortunate to have been born into a two parent family, that got it right. The learned from this role model, and was fortunate to get with someone who came from the same background.

 

Most of us have to learn from failure before we get it right. Some us more than just once.

 

Women collectively as a whole, along with the women's lib movement of the past sixty years (or better) and the change in the social, cultural, legal dynamic have pretty much screwed the pooch when it comes to marriage for men.

 

Other than having children in the context of the nuclear family? Men haven't anything to gain from getting married. And any man that's been married, has had children is a fool IMHO to ever get married again.

 

That's not to 'blanketly' say there aren't good women out there who go above and beyond their vows to stay married.

 

There are!

 

But finding a good woman ( or man) is much like finding a good job (especially now days). What few good one's there are? Are generally already taken, and the ones that have them? They've had them a good long while! And generally speaking? Your just about going to have to kill them to get them away from them! (So if you find one? Don't screw it up!)

 

Personally? I've got more to offer most women, than most women have got to offer me ~ in that they've really only one thing to offer me when you get to the bottom of the pot?

 

As far as women serving in the military? Most of them are 'in tha' rear with the gear!"

 

"GI Jane!"

 

A woman in Navy Seal Training. Not to say it can't be done, but 38% of the men wash out!

 

Women just don't have the muscular strength (unless maybe their on steroids) to go toe to toe with some 6'5', 300 lbs joker from Russia.

 

Hell most men don't!

 

I do admire WM's (Women Marines) they pretty much go through the same training as their male counterparts, (except for the makeup classes ) in boot camp. But the 'wash-out' rate is higher than for their male counterparts.

 

If your a male and find yourself dating a WM or former WM? I wouldn't go out of my way to PHO! When she tells you? "I'm going to kick your @zz!" She's isn't just talking 'jive-s***!"

 

All Marines are now required to have earned their 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, or 5th black belt by the end of their first four year enlistment!

 

The Marine marksmanship rating system goes ~ Marksman, Sharpshooter, Expert.

 

Most Marines obtain Expert with the rifle and pistol upon completion of their first enlistment.

 

Lee Harvey Oswald was only a sharpshooter.

 

In closing?

 

Do away with the generalizations, your bi-polar logic!

 

Your absolutely right and your absolutely wrong in your conclusions!

 

Now? Run, scoot and hide before some WM comes along a kicks your @zz and embarrasses you in front of all your friends!

[BeautifulBrunette]

To the OP,

 

Is this what you really feel like or did you quote them from books, magazines internet ect?

[HsMomma]

What's the point of talking?

 

The man's non-reciprocated role of protecting/nurturing his woman does not change.

 

Maybe a woman might give some sympathy. But the role wouldn't equal out out.

 

NTLS, I'm so disappointed - I've been offline for a couple of days out of town for business...I return thinking that NTLS has eased up somewhat since the original post & does indeed understand there are decent women everywhere...only to find that you've gotten, if possible, even more rigid.

 

You ask above, "What's the point of talking?" At this point, I don't think there IS a point in trying to discuss your OP & its content with you, because it has become glaringly obvious that you have blinders on which you refuse to remove, no matter what anyone says to you.

 

I'm sorry to see this. Here I was thinking that you'd come on here genuinely looking for answers and were actually opening up to the possibility that you may have misjudged the entire female part of the world, but I don't think that's the case. Seems you've dug your heels in & aren't going to budge.

 

Sad, sad, sad:(

[silktricks]

Are you kidding me? I have heard women picking fights with men so their man can fight for them. how many movies have scenes with women attacking bikers so their boyfriend/husband can fight them?

none in the movies I watch. Maybe you should improve your viewing habits...

 

And men are fed to the wolves. If there is a noise he is sent first (assuming she comes down after-big assumption). He is pushed towards the danger. Women wake men up so men can go check on the noise.

I sleep so soundly that a noise would NEVER wake me up. If, however, my husband woke to a sound, I doubt that he'd wake me. My 1st husband, though??? He'd wake me up to take care of it!!! So, maybe you're also hangin' out with the wrong women???

 

I am also concerned with emotionally. Its known men are emotionally stronger and stable rocks for women. never vice versa.

Known??? by whom??? Seems pretty much even in the circles I frequent. Just because more women seek help in an emotional crisis, does NOT mean they are less stable... it might even imply the opposite, as more men successfully manage to commit suicide than women...

 

Who comforts during a mutual crisis?

Who is lower maintenance and easier to deal with ? Men even have to deal with PMS while women don't care about IMS, men's midlife crises, men's emotional cycle?

Who gives more emotional support than they take?

Pretty much even in our household. He likes to lay his head on my tummy while I rub it, and BTW, since his affair was probably based in a midlife crisis... I think I truly did my part in caring about his midlife crises and emotional cycles..

 

In GENERAL the answer is men, men, men.

Maybe you should become a monk???

 

Who gives more care and security (financial, physical, emotional) ?

already talked about the physical and emotional... so now for the financial... just why is it that if the woman in the relationship makes more money it is so hard on the man??? In today's society (American) more women are graduating from college than men, and fewer women than men are losing their jobs in this recession. Ergo, more women are giving more financially than their partner. More and more the woman is the breadwinner and the man is the stay-at-home parent or "house-husband".

 

Who overall gives more in a relationship? Men.

maybe in your relationships.... no, I doubt you have one. But our relationship is pretty much even. Sometimes my husband gives more, sometimes I do.

 

I don't know what I am getting. perhaps just emotional validation. just having your feelings acknowledged is grat.

The problem is that your feelings are a little off-center. You want people to agree with a line of thinking that everyone else here just does not agree with... do you want us to lie to make you feel better?

 

Oh yeah - and what exactly would it take in your opinion to make things what you would consider to be even?

[Taramere]

I don't know how to get over this.

 

I'm not certain it will be wordy enough for your tastes, but there are some nice snippets of advice in here. I thought the following was particularly good:

 

One of my patients said the following when she was freeing herself from decades of Victim energy. “20 years ago I was physically assaulted for 30 minutes. I’ve been mentally assaulted [by the Victim role] for 20 years.

 

If you have an interest in issues relating to justice and fairness and you get a mental buzz out of exploring these then that's fine. If all you're doing is winding yourself up into a frenzy of anger, however, then perhaps you're not cut out for the kind of research you've been engaging in.

[Star Gazer]

Then go live on an island somewhere where other mealy-mouthed sissies live and you can all run through the meadow all day picking flowers.

 

Classic - I love it! ^5!!

[NoIDidn't]

Are you really that freakin' BITTER that you're going to WHINE about the fact that it's usually the man that takes the aggressive role in a situation like that? Are you KIDDING me?

 

Basic physics can figure this one out. Whose going to do a better job of protecting the family compound - a 125 pound woman or a 200 pound man whose body contains more muscle mass? Jesus.

 

And might I ADD that the person creeping around downstairs robbing you is more than likely a MAN stealing your stuff?? So go ahead you little whine-bag, send wifey downstairs while you sit upstairs in bed cowering under the covers and whining your pathetic life away.

 

Jesus, its been 20+ pages of listening to your bitter ridiculous whining about gender roles that have played out since the beginning of TIME. You don't like it? Then go live on an island somewhere where other mealy-mouthed sissies live and you can all run through the meadow all day picking flowers.

 

And last but not least - quit your freakin WHINING about men going to war. It's MEN WHO CREATE WAR!!!! Women haven't ruled the world, it's always pretty much been men. Whose the nutbar over in South Korea just waiting to start a war? Why, I believe it's a MAN. Same with the Middle East. Same with EVERYWHERE. But don't worry - on Pansy Island, you won't have to worry about real life.

 

Get a friggen GRIP. You sound like some EMO teenager, for God's sakes.

 

Awesome post!

 

LOL. I wonder if he thinks it would be a woman downstairs rummaging through his things?

 

What kind of man sends a women downstairs for a strange noise? Seriously, unless he's a Coward, what man even suggests that foolishness?