Els Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 I'm in an LDR with an Asian guy. Guys typically do that cave thing and don't tend to need to talk as much as women do, especially when they're having problems. Asians communicate more through actions ie. demonstrations of love, rather than proclamations. Unfortunately it's much harder to demonstrate such stuff on an everyday basis in LDRs. Oh, he's done wonderful stuff, staying up for half an hour to talk to me even after he's dead tired from 16 hours in the hospital, paying an outrageous sum of money to come to me during his midterm break. It's just that distance screws him doubly over. Because it depresses him, and he doesn't want to communicate when he's depressed. Wait, I forgot to mention that he's in the most hellish course ever (bad choice of medical school, heh). So that adds to the stress and depression. I just know we'd SO TOTALLY make it if it weren't for all this. Without a doubt. If we'd just been near each other like the average couple and he had the workload of the average student it'd be SO EASY. Frankly I don't effing understand how couples that are fortunate enough to be like this can even think they have problems. I just pray I'll be strong enough to stand with him through the insanely tough times now. He's committed so much to me already. Now if only that makes things less hard... Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 Asians communicate more through actions ie. demonstrations of love, rather than proclamations. i don't agree with this at all...whats your definition of "asian"? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Els Posted July 12, 2009 Author Share Posted July 12, 2009 Oh sorry, my bad. Chinese. The only Asians I know who are big on wordy communication are Indians, though. Most of the others aren't. Anyway, now that I've clarified, I hope to get back on topic? Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
BlackWhite Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 Oh sorry, my bad. Chinese. The only Asians I know who are big on wordy communication are Indians, though. Most of the others aren't. Anyway, now that I've clarified, I hope to get back on topic? Thanks. Are you white? Are his parents okay with you? Link to post Share on other sites
JCTC Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 I am an Taiwanese guy in a comparable situation with an American. Generally, our societies value loyalty very highly, especially if the relationship has progressed to becoming physical. So you have quite a bit going for you. Unfortunately blackwhite is on to something. Race can be an issue with traditionally minded Asian families. Whites are viewed with more favor than blacks among those of us who are less than enlightened--is his family middle class? Link to post Share on other sites
bean1 Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 Don't underestimate the pressure of education on Chinese children. Unlike many Western cultures, Chinese (and most other Asian cultures) expect their children to provide for them when they are elderly. I have a few Korean friends and they are all doing their MA's & PhD's - with the expectation that the favour (ie. paying for school) is returned. Even if he wasn't Chinese, he's under a lot of pressure with school, it's natural for him to be so exhausted. Heck I am a white girl and almost drove myself into the ground finishing college. It's hard! Give him time to process all the stuff going on - just keep being supportive, it will get better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Els Posted July 16, 2009 Author Share Posted July 16, 2009 Guys.. I'm Chinese. I know what our society is like. I've been living in it for 23 years. That's why I was detailing it in my OP. I also know our pitfalls and main shortcomings. Some people are the exception; he is not. Chinese + male is a double whammy for talking about feelings. Trust me. It was just a rant. I agree with bean1, and I personally hate my culture for being so. Parents drum into their kids' heads since they're tiny toddlers that nothing is more important than academic excellence; and that fact is usually reinforced with beatings whenever mistakes are made. I just wish it wasn't like that. In his case though it's well-justified because if he fails he may not be able to continue due to financial issues. If he returned to our country to take a course here he'd be able to afford it, but he wants to make a better life and future for himself in a better country -- that's contributing to a huge chunk of the pressure. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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