joseffrost Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 Hi there, My ex broke up with me about a month ago. We had been together for two years and we were both very much in love with each other. She is younger (21 and I'm 25) but we had started seriously talking about our future, and were going to move in together later this year. She was just coming to the end of her degree, in a subject which I followed her into and so we both had exams around the same time. She had been spending time at home (Ireland, I'm in London) but i regularly flew over to see her and we were definitely both still happy together, if a bit stressed. In the last month before our exams we both concentrated on studying and could only talk on the phone. Again, the stress occasionally came through we never had a real argument, in fact we never really did in the whole two years. To keep it short(ish), she was unlucky with her final exam, which reduced her grade considerably. I had my last exam on her results day she needed me to be there for her and the only way I could have been with her would have been to travel 2 hours and spend about an hour with her before going to work the next day. She was upset and called things off two days later. I spent the weekend in a mess and on the Monday, called in sick and flew to see her. We spent a good day chatting but it was clear she wouldn't change her mind. She went away on holiday for two weeks, we spoke twice briefly on facebook, but not about 'us'. When she came back, I told her how I felt and she apologised and said it wasn't my fault. I knew that I should just leave her be, but a couple of days later called her and just spoke to her as friends, apologising for my previous emotional outburst. I know now that I need to give her space - she's already got two more holidays coming up (alright for some!) and I know that the best thing to do is to leave her to figure out what she wants. Question is - have I ruined my chances for good with my tearful trip to see her and my subsequent pouring out of my heart? Or is it good that she at least knows how I feel and if she starts to feel the same way again, she'll know I'm there for her? It probably doesn't help that I am still good friends with her parents and speak to them about once a week. I just wish it was her I was talking to again! Link to post Share on other sites
Thaddeus Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 Question is - have I ruined my chances for good with my tearful trip to see her and my subsequent pouring out of my heart? Or is it good that she at least knows how I feel and if she starts to feel the same way again, she'll know I'm there for her? It probably doesn't help that I am still good friends with her parents and speak to them about once a week. I just wish it was her I was talking to again! Sounds like she was pretty disappointed in her final grade. I can relate... worked so hard and just couldn't pull it off in the end. That's no fun. I'm of two minds on this, frankly. On one hand, it's common for women to want their man to open up, be in touch with their feelings and express themselves and all that supposedly-good stuff. But when it actually happens, these very same women will often perceive that outpouring of emotion as a manifestation of weakness. It isn't weak at all, of course, but that's often how it's perceived. (It's happened to me more than once.) Give her some time and space, it will be good for both of you. Whether she'll come back to you or not is a coin-toss at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
Author joseffrost Posted July 14, 2009 Author Share Posted July 14, 2009 Thanks Thaddeus, After reading many many posts on this site, I realise that my situation isn't really that unique - a break up is a break up and whatever the reasons and back story are, the effect is largely the same. I have been working hard on breaking contact (including with her parents) to give her time and have stopped the fatal mistake of checking up on her Facebook page (never a good idea after half a bottle of wine). I've started getting in touch with old friends and getting on with things and though it still hurts, it's getting better. I do still want her back, but hindsight is a wonderful thing, and I now realise that if we are to have a future, it needs to be a brand new relationship and not a continuation of what we had. Time can stretch out and a day can seem like eternity, but it really is the best healer! Link to post Share on other sites
Charly Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 It kinda deflated me how common our problem is!,except I don't think you deserved to be dumped.What im planning to do is give my ex 2 months of space and then i will decide wheater to go for it or just accept it.Join me?Will tell you how it pans out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author joseffrost Posted July 14, 2009 Author Share Posted July 14, 2009 Well there were other little niggles in the relationship too, but they were the kind of things that only someone who was undoubtedly still in love would see as being minor. At the very least, it has taught me about things that I need to change, and has taught me the crucial lesson that you should never get complacent or take someone for granted. Just because you can put up with someone's faults, that doesn't guarantee that they will see past yours, unfortunately. Good luck, and let me know how things turn out. Link to post Share on other sites
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