I'm stuck in the friend zone

[GrizzlyMan]

I've been reading all over the place about how to get out of the friend zone. I wish I had read a bit more BEFORE I'm in the position I'm in. But here I am.

 

Let's begin the story. I met my friend when her and I worked together about 12-13 years ago. At the time, I was a goody-two-shoes, and she was too wild for me. We became really good friends, but I wasn't interested in more. I quit that job to pursue better options. We lost contact about the same time. I wound up getting married, and having kids. This friend and I came across each other online, and began writing each other. She was engaged to a guy, and we were trying to get all four of us together. (my ex never met her, and her ex never met me) It never worked, and I found out that my ex-wife was having an affair. (only the 10th that I knew about) We divorced. That immediately put a "hold" on friend and I meeting, because she was involved, and I didn't want there to be a problem.

 

I became involved with someone else shortly before her and her ex separated. (he was an abusive alcoholic) So again, we never got to meet up. She moved away to try to restart her life. My someone else and I separated about the same time this friend and I finally met up. To me, there was almost an instant attraction. We went through the years, and discovered that we copied much of the same things (even worked for a couple of the same employers at different times!) We literally just missed each other repeatedly. She moved back, and we've become room-mates. (she couldn't afford to survive on her own, and I needed someone I could trust to take care of my things.) I forgot to mention yet another kink in the works. I'm an over the road truck driver. (I was a local driver until my marriage fell apart. My escape was to get back on the road.) I'm currently buying my truck, and am locked into a pretty substantial truck payment.

 

Before we decided to do the room-mate thing, we had talked about where we stood. She claims that she is not interested in dating anyone. At all. (and I've seen her stand by that) She's been trampled on pretty bad. At the time, I wasn't interested in dating. I have this truck to worry about, and I've taken a beating a bit in the relationship department. Well, I rapidly realized how fast and hard I was falling for her. So, I had told her a little bit here and there via email. She simply doesn't answer anything along those lines. We talk about anything and everything. We go to the movies and out to dinner when I'm home. She went to a family get together a couple of months ago, and allowed her daughter to be in family pictures. (I love her daughter to death. She has no real father figure in the picture. I do everything I can to make sure she's taken care of.) After the get together, my sister notified me that "she's totally in love with me. You can see it in her eyes and how she acts around me."

 

I was kind of giving her room to work out her anti-relationship thing. Then a couple of weeks ago, the lady that I was in a relationship with after my divorce and I started talking again. We cleared the air from the breakup and are back to being friends. When I mentioned this to my friend, she instantly showed signs of jealousy. I'm fairly certain she has feelings for me, but I think she's afraid of any kind of relationship still. But now I'm not sure. She says things on occasion that I think of the perfect comeback a week or two later. The entire situation is driving me nuts. If there's a chance of more, I'm willing to wait. But there is no doubt in my mind that I'm totally in love with her. I actually love her more than I EVER did my ex-wife. I am totally confused and trying to figure out what to do. I'd love to hear some advice from some random people just to figure out what I should do. Thanks.

[door-mat]

Put your neck on the line!!!!!! Perhaps when your out to dinner or out in a more casual way, start a conversation about the way you feel but make it very clear in the beginning that you want her as a friend if not as a partner as these situations can backfire and you can end up with nothing at all. Also are you prepared for a knock back??? It may come about that she is not interested in a relationship with you and is more than happy to remain friends but can you stay the same after telling her the way you feel???

[secretagentman]

I know since you're on the road driving, I wouldn't suggest it - but do you text? you could text while in your sleeper, or waiting between loads. Text'ing is a real flirty way of communicating. I imagine that it'd be sufficiently awkward in discussing with her, and putting her on the spot. maybe that form of communication would allow you to establish inner passions for one another. Then when you see eachother on the weekends, you could play on those emotions, rather than waiting for her to answer you over dinner.

Hope this helps. good luck.