Pregnant from an affair

[Dexter Morgan]

But, that is not her dilemma right now, that's something she can choose later on.

 

yes, unfortunately, it seems her baby will end up paying the ultimate price for her decisions.

[tami-chan]

Tami, I am a engineer not a engineering student. I am a student in a different medical program now. The pill option you are talking about is not offered after 5 or 6 weeks(in most places). The surgical option starts at 5 weeks and around 12 weeks.

 

WE know...this has been explained above, I do not know why you feel the need to say it all over again.

 

Good luck on your Masters. Can you tell us what program? does that make you a medical doctor after?

 

Noraajane,

You most of you(3 or 4) are just trying to convince her to get the abortion because it makes you feel like you are winning something. Most of you have not given a single reason to have the child, just reasons to terminate it. If you were really trying to help her make the best the decision, you would offer info on both sides. You guys have tried using, her other children, her finances, the men(that may be the father) and her health as reasons to have it. All I did is point out that abortion is just ask risky and you all are set on proving abortion is the best road.

 

We are not trying to do any of the things you have mentioned above. But I think because YOU have an AGENDA you were trying to scare her about abortion and minimizing what her doctor says about her condition. Both are manipulative. All we presented are facts about abortion. I do not sway either or, I am in the medical field, too-probably far more than you are. As medical professionals it is our responsibility to present the facts. Ultimately, it IS her decision/choice to make.

[norajane]

Ultimately, it IS her decision/choice to make.

 

That's just it, tami. He doesn't believe it should be her decision to make. That's why he sees discussion of the factors she needs to consider when making her choice as us urging her to terminate her pregnancy. In his view, there are no factors to consider because there is no choice and she shouldn't have a choice.

 

I also find it interesting that he doesn't consider the father of this child at all relevant to her decision. If any of the factors would make a difference to the OP, based on what she's said, it would be that man stepping up to the plate and saying yes, I will be an active father, I want to be there for you and the child, I will tell my girlfriend what's going on and will support you throughout what may be a difficult pregnancy. I will be there to help you raise the child after it's born and will be responsible for its health and well-being.

 

Instead, it's all about her and taking responsibility for her choices and making sure she has this baby, without regard to what happens to her or her family after the baby is born.

 

lkjh - no one wins anything here. That you even think that's what is going on in this thread just highlights how entrenched you are in your beliefs that you don't really care about the mother or her personal circumstances. We turn the computer off and go on with our lives regardless of what the OP does. It's her life that is impacted, not ours.

[GreenEyedLady]

You know what guys?

 

Some people are just against abortion like some people are against adultery.

 

C-sections are pretty routine now and people can have multiple c-sections. I myself had 2 and I know MANY people who had 3 and several who had even more.

 

High-risk is a term that gets thrown around to scare people. If you're over 35 you're automatically considered higher risk, yet how many women have babies in their 40's? Unless the OP is in a third world country, I think the advances in Obstetrics will greatly lessen her risk.

 

It's the OP's choice, and I don't see very many posts from her lately. I'm surprised that this thread hasn't been locked. It has little to do with her OP and more to do with an argument for or against abortion.

 

Sad, sad, sad.

 

GEL

[tami-chan]

You know what guys?

 

Some people are just against abortion like some people are against adultery.

 

C-sections are pretty routine now and people can have multiple c-sections. I myself had 2 and I know MANY people who had 3 and several who had even more.

 

High-risk is a term that gets thrown around to scare people. If you're over 35 you're automatically considered higher risk, yet how many women have babies in their 40's? Unless the OP is in a third world country, I think the advances in Obstetrics will greatly lessen her risk.

 

It's the OP's choice, and I don't see very many posts from her lately. I'm surprised that this thread hasn't been locked. It has little to do with her OP and more to do with an argument for or against abortion.

 

Sad, sad, sad.

 

GEL

 

Gel, we all know that...however, she had complications during her first and second c-sections....what they were , we do not know-in this case, "high risk, is NOT just something that her doctor just threw around....jmho.

[NoIDidn't]

High-risk is a term that gets thrown around to scare people. If you're over 35 you're automatically considered higher risk, yet how many women have babies in their 40's? Unless the OP is in a third world country, I think the advances in Obstetrics will greatly lessen her risk.

 

Then you didn't see her post about practically passing out after her last c-section.

 

I'm not urging the OP in one way or another, and I don't think anyone else was either. And I think that the conversation has stayed largely on topic as she was looking at her options and gave us many factors to consider.

 

I know several people that have had three or more c-sections. I know several people that have become mothers at advanced ages. Advances in Obstetrics has never included babysitting if she had complications. And the fact that her main partner had a vasectomy means he's likely to swear he isn't the father. We ALL KNOW what MM's do in these situations (run like the wind in the opposite direction). So, medical advances aside, she needs to be looking for her support team more than anything else.

 

 

And we already know who started the off-topic argument about abortion (lol)

 

I still hope the OP is reading along and will update us on how she's doing at least.

[mymistake]

Hi all just to let you know thursday night i started bleeding and wa sin alot of paina nd was confirmed i had a natural miscarriage so i never got to make my desicion i guess the lil one made it for me

 

i'm ok, waiting for the bleeding to subside and hopefully try and get on with mylife and re-evalute where i'm headed and never get myself into that kind of situation again.

 

feel so numb and if i feel upset i feel guilty i dunno time will heal and i've learnt alot from this.

 

Goodluck to you all and many thanks for all the responses.

 

Love to all xxx

[Dexter Morgan]

ok, problem solved.

 

any possibility of making an appointment for getting your tubes tied? if you feel any pregnancy in the future will put you at risk, then it only makes sense....no?

[Athena]

Sorry for your loss. Have a speedy recovery, and take care.

[tami-chan]

let me get this straight...you have been bleeding since Thursday night and it has not subsided? hmmm....

 

I hope all is well..take care of yourself.

[GreenEyedLady]

Hi all just to let you know thursday night i started bleeding and wa sin alot of paina nd was confirmed i had a natural miscarriage so i never got to make my desicion i guess the lil one made it for me

 

i'm ok, waiting for the bleeding to subside and hopefully try and get on with mylife and re-evalute where i'm headed and never get myself into that kind of situation again.

 

feel so numb and if i feel upset i feel guilty i dunno time will heal and i've learnt alot from this.

 

Goodluck to you all and many thanks for all the responses.

 

Love to all xxx

 

What you are feeling is completely normal. It's normal to feel sad and guilty and a little bit relieved and sad and guilty and so on...It's like a cycle and you'll get through the grieving process, but it will be a process.

 

Take care of yourself, drink lots of fluids (do not drink alcohol it is a blood thinner and it will cause you to lose more blood than you normally would.) See a therapist if you're able. It will help immensely if you can talk all your feelings out.

 

Don't worry about anyone else but you right now.

 

GEl

[Athena]

let me get this straight...you have been bleeding since Thursday night and it has not subsided? hmmm....

 

I hope all is well..take care of yourself.

 

Hey Tami, what does it mean? Is it not normal for any bleeding to occur... what are you thinking my dear? Do share.

[fooled once]

It is normal to bleed for several days after a miscarriage ~ at least that is what my doctor told me after mine.

 

The feelings you are having are normal and your hormone levels are all over the place.

 

Please take this time to get yourself away from this man and stay away from him.

 

Actually - BOTH men. You don't love one and the other one is with someone else.

 

Work on YOU and good luck.

 

I am sorry for your loss; sometimes, solutions are taken out of our hands and in this case, maybe that was for the best.

[GreenEyedLady]

Hey Tami, what does it mean? Is it not normal for any bleeding to occur... what are you thinking my dear? Do share.

 

Actually sometimes it is...My doctor was not alarmed at first, but I was after my third pregnancy and I was bleeding. They did a blood test which confirmed the HCG levels were consistent. However it continued until almost my 12th week and it turned out that my baby had died (found out by sonogram).

 

Sometimes bleeding during pregnancy signals placenta previa, which can go away and not cause problems later, or is very treatable.

[whichwayisup]

Sorry that you're going through this..I'm sure it's not easy and it's still a loss, reguardless of the situation itself.

 

Rest and take care of yourself.

[tami-chan]

Hey Tami, what does it mean? Is it not normal for any bleeding to occur... what are you thinking my dear? Do share.

 

Hi Athena, OP said she had a natural miscarriage...so yes, bleeding is normal and may occur up to two weeks...however, it has already been for a few days and still she says she is waiting for it to subside..it should already be subsiding. If it doesn't subside she probably needs to talk to her doctor about it -to make sure that no tissue was left in the uterus(needs to be seen by MD again)-but I doubt that is the case, otherwise she will be too weak to even log on the net or to make sure that she is not losing too much blood that may cause her to pass out or what not. Sometimes the continued heavier than usual bleeding is cause by blood clots and the patient needs to be seen by the MD again. Maybe she is really just a "bleeder". Bleeding is one of the ways our body tells us it is trying to expel something that does not belong or should not belong inside.

 

Some doctors recommend that patients who bleed more than the usual (though not hemorrhaging) take iron supplements. OP needs to drink a lot of fluids.

 

I hope she is doing well....

[mymistake]

hello,

 

Thanks again for messages, i had very heavy bleeding at first mainly early hours of friday morning and then all day friday with some horrible things passed, its light now a bit like a period.

 

As for wanting no more children, yeah thats true, but ive decided to go for the contraceptive implant which will be implanted asap.

 

I wont get my tubes tied as someone put it, as it's not something i want to do. i would rather have a long term working contraceptive.

 

I'm perking up a bit now and spent the day laughing with my children which i felt guilty for before because of my secret, but i'm getting there slowly a day at a time.

 

Today was supposed to be the day for the appointment to have the termination if i was to go through with it. I wonder what today wouldve held, would i have decided to have the kept the baby and be making plans or would i be waiting to go through what ive just been through.

 

Lifes odd sometimes eh.

 

Well thanks again for comments and well wishes, sorry for anybody going through or have gone through the same or the same situation likewise or otherwise.

 

Thanking you all and wishing you well in your future lives xxx

[mymistake]

yeah the doctor advised about fluids i'm drinking loads of water and tea.my iron levels were tested too and they are 11.9 said not great but not bad either.

 

So theyve been looking after me, ive had two check ups and one visit to A&E.

 

I have another friday to discuss having the contraceptive implant inserted as apparently can have it now and will be affective, nows the best time apparently.

 

thanks again and for the words of wisdom etc.

 

love to all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Dexter Morgan]

I wont get my tubes tied as someone put it, as it's not something i want to do. i would rather have a long term working contraceptive.

 

you can't get any longer term than tied tubes.

[mymistake]

true, but my mum had it done and it's just not for me right now, maybe in the future when a bit older and realise its all final then will be something will def consider. right now i just want to be protected as quick as possible without an operation etc, after 2 c sections i just dont fancy anymore ops, so yep prob be on the cards one day but will stick with this for now. xxx

[Dexter Morgan]

true, but my mum had it done and it's just not for me right now, maybe in the future when a bit older and realise its all final then will be something will def consider.

 

I understand the waiting til one realizes they are done with kids, but what is there really to wait on in your case? you cite being high risk for pregnancy. that isn't going to get better as time goes on.

 

And if you were willing to abort, then its all the more reason to get something like that done.

 

But if you are getting an IUD, I guess thats better than nothing.

[NoIDidn't]

I'm so sorry about the miscarriage.

 

I'm glad your hormones seem to be going back to normal though. Whether by birth or other means, the ending of a pregnancy always does crazy things to the hormones.

 

As to the "tubes tied" thing. There is a new method in the US where you don't have to undergo a surgery. I think its called Essure. I can't imagine it not being in the UK or Europe by now, as they always have things before we do.

 

But take care of yourself. Glad you came back and updated us.