Want to tell

[Woggle]

If this is honestly true, then you are hanging around the wrong type of women. Additionally, if you love a woman, you put her first before any man. Are you still in your teenage years? You seem to need to have some more life experience and mature a bit...

 

So should a woman put a man first as well? I am only willing to put a woman first if she is willing to return the favor and most are not.

 

I am 30 years old and I know from experience that most women will side with each other no matter what and they egg each other on when it comes to cheating on their men.

[stace79]

So should a woman put a man first as well? I am only willing to put a woman first if she is willing to return the favor and most are not.

 

I am 30 years old and I know from experience that most women will side with each other no matter what and they egg each other on when it comes to cheating on their men.

 

Again, you are associating with some unusual women. Yes, in a committed relationship, both partners should always put each other first. Even above other family. That's what happens when two people commit to each other and then get married.

 

I have NEVER in my 30 years associated with or really even seen women who "egg each other on" to cheat. That's nuts.

[Woggle]

Again, you are associating with some unusual women. Yes, in a committed relationship, both partners should always put each other first. Even above other family. That's what happens when two people commit to each other and then get married.

 

I have NEVER in my 30 years associated with or really even seen women who "egg each other on" to cheat. That's nuts.

 

I think a bit differently. My friends are my family and have been there long before any woman and have stood by me and helped me at my lowest point which is more than I can say for any woman so they come first.

 

These women do exist and they even help each other cheat.

[stace79]

I think a bit differently. My friends are my family and have been there long before any woman and have stood by me and helped me at my lowest point which is more than I can say for any woman so they come first.

 

These women do exist and they even help each other cheat.

 

Again, if you are truly desiring a meaningful long-term relationship you are going to need to go outside this circle of women you are in now.

 

Second, you will have to learn to put a woman first in your life. If you don't, you can't expect her to put you first, and your relationship will be doomed before you even get started.

 

Obviously this doesn't come at the beginning, but you grow to love each other enough that you are each other's priorities. If you can't do that, then good luck to any woman you meet. No good, self-respecting woman will stay with a man who refuses to put her first in his life, if she is doing the same in return.

[Dexter Morgan]

I have NEVER in my 30 years associated with or really even seen women who "egg each other on" to cheat. That's nuts.

 

 

I don't think its a matter of "egging" it on....but rather understanding.

women tend to think that if another woman is cheating, then there must be some good reason or something the man had to do, or not do, to push her to the arms of another man.

 

I know, not all woman, but i think most women see it this way.

 

Just like if a friend came to you and said she was cheating, you might not condone it, but you would empathize with her I'm sure and let her know you understand why she might stray.

[stace79]

I don't think its a matter of "egging" it on....but rather understanding.

women tend to think that if another woman is cheating, then there must be some good reason or something the man had to do, or not do, to push her to the arms of another man.

 

I know, not all woman, but i think most women see it this way.

 

Just like if a friend came to you and said she was cheating, you might not condone it, but you would empathize with her I'm sure and let her know you understand why she might stray.

 

No I absolutely would not. I would absolutely, in no uncertain terms, tell her I did not approve of cheating, for ANY reason. The solution for any problem with a man is to either work it out to an amicable compromise or leave the relationship.

 

I might empathize with the PROBLEMS she is having with her bf/husband, but I would tell her in no uncertain terms that cheating is simply unacceptable, regardless of the "reason". In fact, the only friend I've had that I have known cheating was going on was the one I mentioned in an earlier post, and I ratted her out. I also don't really associate with that friend anymore. We message once in awhile on Facebook or she might stop by my family's house once a year or so, but we don't really hang out anymore. Nothing in common.

[Dexter Morgan]

then stace, you are one in a million

[stace79]

then stace, you are one in a million

 

Ha, well thank you. I am very fortunate in that my fiance and I both believe very strongly that there is no excuse for cheating. He currently is living 240 miles from me and I never worry that he will cheat. I might worry about other stuff but that is another story.

 

I just don't understand cheating. And it bugs me that more people don't speak out against it or end relationships because of it. If you want to sleep around or be with someone other than your SO, then end the relationship. What is the point of telling someone you are exclusive if you don't really want to be?

[Woggle]

In theory I do agree that a man should put a woman first but since most women do not put a man first no matter a woman says I just feel that my way is a better approach. I put her first in my first marriage and even dropped my old friends because that is what she wanted and I was respecting her wishes. When she betrayed me the same people that I rejected were the ones who were there for me and helping me get back on my feet so I will never put a woman above them again. They are the sure things in my life while women these days can turn a man at any given 2nd and fall out of love all of a sudden. Why wouldn't I abandon them over something so unreliable?

[stace79]

In theory I do agree that a man should put a woman first but since most women do not put a man first no matter a woman says I just feel that my way is a better approach. I put her first in my first marriage and even dropped my old friends because that is what she wanted and I was respecting her wishes. When she betrayed me the same people that I rejected were the ones who were there for me and helping me get back on my feet so I will never put a woman above them again. They are the sure things in my life while women these days can turn a man at any given 2nd and fall out of love all of a sudden. Why wouldn't I abandon them over something so unreliable?

 

Well not to be hurtful but I am betting there were signs while you were dating, before you got married. Honestly you should have demanded more from her. It sounds like she wasn't making you happy even while you were just dating, i.e. "I put her first in my first marriage and even dropped my old friends because that is what she wanted and I was respecting her wishes."

 

I think over the years a lot of people, myself included, have relaxed standards and we have not demanded the kind of love and respect we deserve. We get wrapped up into relationships because we don't want to be alone, or we have "invested too much time to break up" or whatever other reason...and we end up with someone who doesn't treat us the way we all deserve to be treated!

 

I don't think you should just toss aside your friends/family for every woman you take on a few dates. But some time, you will meet a woman who deserves that kind of treatment and gives you back the same kind of respect.

[Woggle]

You are right that I should have saw the signs but the whole thing was a major learning experience so it wasn't all bad. I followed the crap that men are fed today that I need to cater to all her needs and bend over backwards to satisfy her or else I am not a good husband. That got me nowhere so I will never make that mistake again. The reason that so many men end up miserable and lonely when their wives turn is because they gave up everything to please her and she still dumps him or still cheats on him. He put all his energy into pleasing an unpleasable woman and after divorce he has nothing left.

 

People of both genders need their own friends and their own interests even in the best of relationships, Finding true love can be great but it is only a part of a happy life.

[harmfulsweetz]

I have to say stay out of it. You know what the saying is 'don't shoot the messenger'-guess what? The messenger always gets shot. I know it's awful, but what are you supposed to do? Take chances with your relationship? She may think you're lying, or whatever. I have been there, I've been that messenger and trust me, I wouldn't ever do it again, nor would I advise it. When the fallout comes you'll regret it. It always comes back as well.

 

This doesn't have to comprimise your values, you know it is wrong, and feel for her, but it isn't your place to be intruding in their business. I would say to your bf and his friend that you want nothing more to do with it, you don't want the details etc etc, and hope he can do the right thing for once. The ultimatum sounds like a good idea-maybe you could bluff him into telling her?