BOLTON33 Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 Hmm let me start off by saying im a 21 year old male who has never had a real girlfriend. Ive hooked up with a couple of girls on the rebound, been ona couple of dates, but never a real , steady girlfriend. I work at a retail pharmacy store in a quiet neighborhood where there are more elderly people than average. I am on register a lot of times and people are generally friendly, make small talk etc. You'd think this is a perfect way to meet girls, but not so. First of all I am always forced to work right next to this guy who is everything I'm not. He is 6'3 (compared to my 5'7), rather handsome (compared to my average), but has my exact personality (my most attractive trait). We have been best friends for 10 years and have lived in our own little somewhat anti-social world for this time, but I've noticed he's always had a girlfriend. I've noticed that any time a girl may theoretically be interested in talking to me, as soon as they notice him, they totally ignore me and start talking about him. I can't say it doesn't make me a little jealous. Scratch that, it really pisses me off! Most people are like this. When it's only me, all attention is focused on me and they give me a chance to make small talk with them and make them laugh. But when he's around, it's like i disappear into thin air. It's not like my friend is some alpha male or trying to take away the attention from me (he gets so much attention he usually ignores it or just nods actually, as he already has a girlfriend and 2 others waiting in line). But the women just don't let up, they go through ridiculous lengths to talk to him. It's led me to believe that women, contrary to popular myth, are much more shallow then men. For example if I see an average looking chick who looks cool and a hot chick who looks standoffish, I will always go for the average looking chick. I've come to realize that my biggest problem is that at 5'7 many women immediatly right me off as not good enough, women generally have a really strong fetish for tall guys no matter if they are masculine, effeminate, mentally retarded, fat, etc. Most guys I know who are around my height and aren't ball busting ex-cons who are comic book dominant, are hopelessly lonely, yet most of the guys 6 feet up I know are beating them away with sticks, even if they are particularly ugly or stupid or fat. I find this is a huge dealbreaker for the majority of women, and it's not like I go for girls so out of my league, most girls I go after actually don't look so different from me and usually share my style and attitude. i decided to write about this because i was really infuriated the other day when a cute looking girl wearing a plaid shirt (like girls in plaid shirts for some reason) was giggling and staring at my friend all while I was the one who was ringing her up. Most women ive talked to about this have a blame the victim mentality and say its not because of my height or my looks, but rather for abstract phoney reasons like "you dont believe in yourself" or other feel good crap that has nothing to do with dating. But then 5 minutes later will remark at how hot and tall my friend kevin is, LOL! SHould I just become a monk, or do you know any ways i can get laid and have women atleast show me a little bit of interest even if my friends around. Sometimes I'm afraid if i ever do get a girlfriend, I Will have to keep her away from my friend as he has the same exact personality as me only much better looking and very tall, i will be screwed. Link to post Share on other sites
LostLamb Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 Some women inject poison into their faces and have all kinds of horrible surgeries because they want to live up to what society expects them to look like. We are judged harshly if overweight , wrinkled etc Men are way more shallow than women and always will be! Why do you expect pretty girls to like you? Are you pretty? There are plenty of men your height who are in relationships. I like tall men because I am a tall woman but have dated men shorter than me. Maybe you do have an attitude problem? Or keep trying to date women who are just out of your league ? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 Bolton, I can't deny that physical attraction is important. But it shouldn't be everything. In your case, your friend is just like you but better-looking and taller. In essence he has more to offer. So, what more can you offer, to address the imbalance? If someone offered you a SAAB and a BMW at the same price, which one would you buy? Link to post Share on other sites
clv0116 Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 If someone offered you a SAAB and a BMW at the same price, which one would you buy? Depends on the price, maybe neither one. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 Most women inject poison and have plastic surgeries in order to impress other women. The fashion industry is run by gay men and women who impose unrealistic beauty standards on women. It is not straight men that promote anorexia or any of that crap. Link to post Share on other sites
kahn2154 Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 Yeah, I probably agree. Most women, while they talk and say they are not superficial are as they seem to have very picky standards when it comes to guys. On the other hand, men have the rep of being more superficial because they are more judgmental of women (e.g. post some maxim girl on an online forum full of nerds and they'll rate her a 6) But most men seem to have no standards when it comes to women (they'll sleep with anything that walks) Link to post Share on other sites
SpanksTheMonkey Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 the guys 6 feet up I know are beating them away with sticks, even if they are particularly ugly or stupid or fat. I dunno thats a fairly shallow statement I may have disagree and say just as many men are shallow as women! I'm an average women and my recent interest is 6ft3 I have to say it is appealing I wont lie I'm only 5ft4 my last ex before him tho was 5ft4 so theres hope for you yet lol.. Link to post Share on other sites
clv0116 Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 It's normal, expected and a good thing to try and get the best you can. Anyone who says otherwise is probably a loser. Sounds like your friend is better than you. Deal with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Thaddeus Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 So it's not straight men who have been ogling Pam Anderson's plastic boobs and face all this time? Well, seeing Anderson is a bit like driving by a traffic accident. You really don't want to look, but you kinda can't really help it... Link to post Share on other sites
missdependant Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 Is it me or are women just extremely shallow? SOME are, Yes. And so are SOME men. Link to post Share on other sites
clv0116 Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 So it's not straight men who have been ogling Pam Anderson's plastic boobs and face all this time? It sure wasn't me. Just say no to fake body parts. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 OP, I have a simple solution. Stop competing (or thinking about competing) with your workmate for the attention of girls/women. Approach women elsewhere. Conversely, enjoy the experience with all those elderly people. You'll learn a lot more about life and being a mature gentleman from them Link to post Share on other sites
Author BOLTON33 Posted July 14, 2009 Author Share Posted July 14, 2009 It's normal, expected and a good thing to try and get the best you can. Anyone who says otherwise is probably a loser. Sounds like your friend is better than you. Deal with it. This is what pisses me off the most. HE is NOT better than me. I am much stronger than him, a better fighter, 1000 times more masculine, confident and secure in myself, and more mature. I personally feel I Think I should be getting laid a lot more for this. I refuse to believe he is superior to me...just because he can dunk a basketball. Or maybe women are really that stupid. Besides if people were superior on inferior based on what women thought about them then John Mayer and Backstreet Boys would be der ubermensch. Link to post Share on other sites
clv0116 Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 I refuse to believe he is superior to me...just because he can dunk a basketball. In the world of the genetic lottery, he won, you lost. I'm not saying it's fair, I just report the weather I don't make the weather. Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 First of all I am always forced to work right next to this guy who is everything I'm not. He is 6'3 (compared to my 5'7), rather handsome (compared to my average), but has my exact personality (my most attractive trait). We have been best friends for 10 years and have lived in our own little somewhat anti-social world for this time, but I've noticed he's always had a girlfriend. I've noticed that any time a girl may theoretically be interested in talking to me, as soon as they notice him, they totally ignore me and start talking about him. I can't say it doesn't make me a little jealous. Scratch that, it really pisses me off! It's understandable that you feel jealous. It's equally understandable that all other things being equal (as you've defined they are in the case of you and your colleague) women are going to focus on the more attractive guy. It's led me to believe that women, contrary to popular myth, are much more shallow then men. For example if I see an average looking chick who looks cool and a hot chick who looks standoffish, I will always go for the average looking chick. Yes, but you're describing two different kinds of women. One of them is "cool" (presumably meaning she's friendly and approachable looking) and the other one is standoffish or hard to approach. Comparing your outlook with that of the girl who makes a play for your handsome colleague....are you a better person because you're cautious about approaching the hotter looking but standoffish girl? What's really driving your behaviour in that situation? Some kind of "I'll go for the approachable looking girl because she's nicer" morality? Or fear about being rejected by the hotter girl? SHould I just become a monk, or do you know any ways i can get laid and have women atleast show me a little bit of interest even if my friends around. Sometimes I'm afraid if i ever do get a girlfriend, I Will have to keep her away from my friend as he has the same exact personality as me only much better looking and very tall, i will be screwed. How on earth do two guys come to have the exact same personality? Never mind not getting laid.....not having an identity of your own that's distinct from that of your colleague is probably your biggest problem at this point. And I'm willing to bet that your personalities are so similar because you've copied his traits (possibly in the hope of getting laid) rather than vice versa. My apologies if that's incorrect and therefore unduly harsh....but this just seems odd. Two guys with the exact same personality? WTF? Link to post Share on other sites
Author BOLTON33 Posted July 14, 2009 Author Share Posted July 14, 2009 And please stop with the Oprah approved whiney "female beauty standards crap". Most women I know who are not obese or have a very extreme personality disorder, have men chasing after them. All you need to do to go out and date...is not be fat and be average looking. But for men it's different. Women all seem to have a "type" that is always some unreachable ideal, men generally don't have a type that they actually adhere to. Not saying model-like people shouldn't be picky, but I've noticed average looking and even ugly women are the same. It's WOMEN who don't want to date men in their own league, they always want to date upwards. Link to post Share on other sites
clv0116 Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 I work at a retail pharmacy store in a quiet neighborhood where there are more elderly people than average. I am on register a lot of times and people are generally friendly, make small talk etc. You'd think this is a perfect way to meet girls, but not so. Register monkey at a retail pharmacy is about as far from an ideal way to meet women as I can imagine. For example if I see an average looking chick who looks cool and a hot chick who looks standoffish, I will always go for the average looking chick. A lot of guys are intimidated by the hot chicks. Try talking to the one you're attracted to and not her average looking friend. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 Any opinion on my suggestion, or is this just a rant? Link to post Share on other sites
Author BOLTON33 Posted July 14, 2009 Author Share Posted July 14, 2009 It's understandable that you feel jealous. It's equally understandable that all other things being equal (as you've defined they are in the case of you and your colleague) women are going to focus on the more attractive guy.[/Quote] This isn't my complaint. My complaint is that these same women, after knowing he is taken/not interested, still refuse to give up their interest for the next best thing (me). If two girls one amazing looking and another OK looking with the same personality, and the amazingly hot one is taken, I Will be more than content with the ok looking one, rather than hold on my whole life for the hot one to cheat on their SO. Yes, but you're describing two different kinds of women. One of them is "cool" (presumably meaning she's friendly and approachable looking) and the other one is standoffish or hard to approach. Comparing your outlook with that of the girl who makes a play for your handsome colleague....are you a better person because you're cautious about approaching the hotter looking but standoffish girl? What's really driving your behaviour in that situation? Some kind of "I'll go for the approachable looking girl because she's nicer" morality? Or fear about being rejected by the hotter girl? [/Quote] Well I try to date girls in my league. Most very good looking women are also rarely single. How on earth do two guys come to have the exact same personality? Never mind not getting laid.....not having an identity of your own that's distinct from that of your colleague is probably your biggest problem at this point. And I'm willing to bet that your personalities are so similar because you've copied his traits (possibly in the hope of getting laid) rather than vice versa. [/Quote] Actually, it's quite the opposite. In high school my friend got constnatly bullied and I taught him how to defend himself, be confident, etc. We have copied stuff from eachother and learned from eachother, that is what happens with close friends. My apologies if that's incorrect and therefore unduly harsh....but this just seems odd. Two guys with the exact same personality? WTF? [/Quote] Not same exact, but very similar. Link to post Share on other sites
clv0116 Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 This isn't my complaint. My complaint is that these same women, after knowing he is taken/not interested, still refuse to give up their interest for the next best thing (me). If two girls one amazing looking and another OK looking with the same personality, and the amazingly hot one is taken, I Will be more than content with the ok looking one, rather than hold on my whole life for the hot one to cheat on their SO. This is a fundamental rule of female behavior; most women would rather share a winner than have a loser all to themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 And the definition of winner and loser has nothing to do with reality Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 This isn't my complaint. My complaint is that these same women, after knowing he is taken/not interested, still refuse to give up their interest for the next best thing (me). If two girls one amazing looking and another OK looking with the same personality, and the amazingly hot one is taken, I Will be more than content with the ok looking one, rather than hold on my whole life for the hot one to cheat on their SO. So from what you're saying, you feel that you have a very fair outlook in that if you can't get the hot girl you'll settle for the average looking one. It angers you that women you're meeting aren't following this example of kind and logical behaviour. When women are confronted by exceptionally attractive guys (which your friend may well be) they'll sometimes go crazy and act in a way which is far more forward/pushy/flirtatious than their usual behaviour. I witnessed that at a bbq recently, when some of the women were (in my opinion) making fools of themselves over an outstandingly handsome instructor. Perhaps it's a biological thing. "My baby's going to have that guy's genes if I have to rip that bitch's hair out in the race to get at him" thinking. The vast majority of men don't fall into that Adonis category. You're perhaps in the unfortunate position of witnessing women throwing themselves at a particularly attractive friend of yours and being left thinking "why not me, damn it? Is there something wrong with me that I don't get that kind of attention?" The chances are that there's not a thing wrong with you. It's just that most men don't get that kind of full-on "me, me f*ck ME" attention from women....and you're allowing yourself to be misled into believing otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BOLTON33 Posted July 14, 2009 Author Share Posted July 14, 2009 This is a fundamental rule of female behavior; most women would rather share a winner than have a loser all to themselves. Their definition of winner and loser is really stupid, but I agree completely. I guess if i ever find a girl who wants me I'll have to keep her far far away from my buddy LOL. I don't think I'm particularly a loser. It's not like I'm incredibly ugly or mentally retarded. Women just have a very interesting definition of winner and loser. Me, a guy who would make a good lover and companion, I'm a loser because I'm under 6 feet tall. But some ex-convict drug addict woman beater can have women paying his rent and bending over backwards (I see it all the time) just because he is 6 feet tall. And the definition of winner and loser has nothing to do with reality [/Quote] I agree. If it's about protection, I know for sure I am a better protector than my pal, considering 90% of the time I am the one physically defending him in various bar fights, etc. Don't see how being 6 feet 3 makes you more of a man or a better protector by default, but hey, women have bird brains so it's not surprising. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BOLTON33 Posted July 14, 2009 Author Share Posted July 14, 2009 So from what you're saying, you feel that you have a very fair outlook in that if you can't get the hot girl you'll settle for the average looking one. It angers you that women you're meeting aren't following this example of kind and logical behaviour. When women are confronted by exceptionally attractive guys (which your friend may well be) they'll sometimes go crazy and act in a way which is far more forward/pushy/flirtatious than their usual behaviour. I witnessed that at a bbq recently, when some of the women were (in my opinion) making fools of themselves over an outstandingly handsome instructor. Perhaps it's a biological thing. "My baby's going to have that guy's genes if I have to rip that bitch's hair out in the race to get at him" thinking. The vast majority of men don't fall into that Adonis category. You're perhaps in the unfortunate position of witnessing women throwing themselves at a particularly attractive friend of yours and being left thinking "why not me, damn it? Is there something wrong with me that I don't get that kind of attention?" The chances are that there's not a thing wrong with you. It's just that most men don't get that kind of full-on "me, me f*ck ME" attention from women....and you're allowing yourself to be misled into believing otherwise. Wow this is great advice actually, makes me think about it in a whole other situation. I have always been unsure if it's something most men get or if it's just my friend. My friend isn't Adonis, he's not particularly muscular, he's just tall and kind of handsome with a cocky/arrogant attittude. It's the best advice I've ever gotten over the internet though, the most realistic. I was expecting you guys just to be like "OMG CONFIDENCE IS THE KEY" or some other stupid phoney cliche. And yes Taramere i wish most women would have my outlook, it would make dating a lot easier and we'd all be happier for it. Not saying you should be with someone you don't find physically attractive at all, but if its a person whose kind of cute and a good person, why is that so bad? I will never understand them, women that is. I guess it has to do with female empowerment and financial independence. When I get a good job I will simply go the russian mailorder bride route I guess, where they rely on you to eat and are forced to "settle" Link to post Share on other sites
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