windows Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 Is anyone familiar with limerence b/c it is the only way I can describe it. I am only 17, am male and can't get over this girl I met 5 years ago. Much too much time spent on a dead-end crush. I don't see her much at all anymore (she changed schools) yet my heart is still wound up on her. And hence I find it hard to become attracted to anyone else. I need help overcoming her hold on me. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 Windows, First things first...those are your thoughts that have a hold on you; your thoughts about the girl, not the girl herself. Which is to say, EVERYTHING that you need to resolve this is within your own power and control. 100% of it. Have you considered what she represents for you? If you just stopped thinking about her, what would you lose? And. What would you be "forced" to think about, instead? That is, what is obsessively thinking about her preventing your from facing that you don't want to face; and/or "saving" you from doing that you don't want to do? Your answers to questions like that may help you gain some insight into what's really going on for you, about this. Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author windows Posted July 15, 2009 Author Share Posted July 15, 2009 You are absolutely right. Holding onto the thought of her is what I intentionally do all the time, just because she has been a constant in my mind for the last 5 years does not make that normal does it? My answer to your question is: If I don't have her to think of; I think I have nothing. Which was always the case all along. I know what happens if I 'lose' her and I really don't want to face that. It would mean that 'holding onto her all these years' would 'have been for nothing'. This charade must end. The thought of her is all I can do to push aside the thoought of loneliness. If I'm not thinking of her; I'm thinking about loneliness. Either way I am still trapped by my own mind. Has anyone been through this and/or knows how I can get out of this? Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 You could look at it that it wasn't "for nothing"...it was for "not to face loneliness" -- which, in and of itself, is a good goal, and doing things that way was fine for the past 5 years. (That's really the only way to look at it, to not feel "bad" and get down on yourself about it.) In reality, you would not be losing "her"...you'd only be losing thoughts that no longer serve you (although they used to serve you, as mentioned above.) I understand your belief-feeling that you have "nothing" but I can't see that as being really true...you do have 'something' that you can turn into more things -- interests, passions, intelligence, dreams, goals, etc. What would you like to think about, accomplish and enjoy INSTEAD OF just spending all your mental energy on basically one single thought? Yeah, at some point you'll also have to face your fear of loneliness, but that doesn't have to happen right now. It's your mind and your thoughts...you can take charge at any time you wish! Link to post Share on other sites
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