man_of_ability Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 Have either you or Man of ablitiy read derek12b's thread? You both may find it helpful, it's on the next page I think. I will look at it. Link to post Share on other sites
Andy L Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 I hope i just find out that shes cheating with me cuz thats teh only way am gonna be able to take my mind off this marriage. So find out the truth, try a investigator-agency... Link to post Share on other sites
Author vikram1 Posted July 16, 2009 Author Share Posted July 16, 2009 So find out the truth, try a investigator-agency... I talked to her about this if she has another man in her life. She sounded pretty confident in what she said ..also she said if that was the case it wuld have been all easy to let this relationship go. She fliped out but i told her that i have these trust issues and i cant talk to anyone but her. She understood it and calmed down. But again...i cant trust her completly anymore...anythings possible. Its been only 4 5 days since shes moved out. Lets see where i stand in a month. I want to give myself and her that much time and i have decided to keep distance from her even tho she keeps txt msging me or calling me every now n then ...and letting me know wat she did all day and all that bull****. Let me know what u guys think about that. And i thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for hearing me out and pitching in with their thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author vikram1 Posted July 21, 2009 Author Share Posted July 21, 2009 Update! As i said i have left her all by herself. But shes calling me every day for some reason or other. I am trying to keep our conversation to minimum. I am going to give her till end of next month to decide what she wants and after that i think am going to make a call on the whole situation. As of now things are getting much better as we had few open conversations about our relationship. Also i realize i had not treated her right in past two years and took her for granted most of the time. Even my freinds pointed that out to me. So..i accepted that and also apologized to her for that. Lets see how things go on. so far we seem to be on track atleast with our communication. I still hvent told her anything about moving back ..as i want her to make up her mind once and for all so as this thing doesnt happen again. Update you guys in few days. Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 You need to continue LC with her. Do not answer her calls or texts. Call her back on your own terms. When you do talk, speak about generic things, finances, etc. She wants distance, let her have it. She needs to miss you and experience life without you. If she loves you, and there is not another man, she will miss you. She will continue to contact you. Eventually she probably will get angry as to why you are not answering her calls/texts, yada, yada. Calmly explain to her that it was she who moved out and wanted her space. Let her know you want to work things out, but you're preparing for life without her. Tell her if she wants to work on your marriage, the first step is moving back home. Link to post Share on other sites
Author vikram1 Posted September 21, 2010 Author Share Posted September 21, 2010 Wow. Been so long since i visited this site. Lot of things have changed since last time. We ended up having a divorce after been seperated for an year. Just got finalized last month. It was initiated by me as i found out that she was hanging out with this one guy and seen at places with the same guy. I asked her and she said that this guy has been her "best friend" and that nothing more was going on. At the same time, she didnt want to put even 5% effort into our relation. All she did in her time of been seperated was txt messaged me saying how she missed me, and she wished things were different. Everytime i got some response i thought theres some hope, but then she would be the same ...as in..not wantign to work on "US". While we were going through the paperwork...everytime we met ..she would want to know more on what i was doing in my life and what are my plans. Instead of been rude to her or saying her that NONE OF UR BUSINESS anymore. I would just give her synopsis on what i was doing as i did not want to finish things on a bad note. Anyway, so we are officially divorced now!! About me. I have moved out of town. Found a new job and i think i have made myself really busy all day to think about her or what she did with me. And just when i thought i was on my way to find some kind of peace with myself and was trying to shape my life away from her, she drops a bomb. Two weeks passed by and she texted me saying " I think we have made a big mistake...Ok. I have made a big mistake. I really want to be back with you and make it work out. After months of feeding my ego, I have come to realize that you are the family I will ever have and need. I know I have been out of line. Pls think about it and let me know if and when u are ready to have a conversation. I understand if you dont want to have to do anything with me anymore". Its been a week and I still havent replied to her message as I really dont know what to say. I feel really bad for her that shes all alone now..and still care for her. Now its all stuck in my mind again...it took me few months and a new place and a new job to be out of her. And its all coming back. Trying my best to ignore it as i feel she needs to try harder rather than just txt msging me. Keeping life as busy as possible. Lets see what the future unfolds for us. Link to post Share on other sites
michaelhopes Posted September 21, 2010 Share Posted September 21, 2010 keep ignoring her.......why would you want that misery back in your life? Link to post Share on other sites
Iconoclast Posted September 22, 2010 Share Posted September 22, 2010 That's it? Hah, there's no effort there. Let her work for it. Ignore her and see if she starts showing some real remorse. Don't give up your power, you are in control now. Stay there. If, you ever decide you would like to have her back in your life. Sit down and carefully write out, what she would need to do to earn your forgiveness. You may not know that yet, and you need to. Because if you can't at some point in the future, forgive her, then this is not worth pursuing. Writing it out may help you decide if it is worth your time. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 22, 2010 Share Posted September 22, 2010 " I think we have made a big mistake...Ok. I have made a big mistake. I really want to be back with you and make it work out. After months of feeding my ego, I have come to realize that you are the family I will ever have and need. I know I have been out of line. Pls think about it and let me know if and when u are ready to have a conversation. I understand if you dont want to have to do anything with me anymore". Translation? "I realized that the grass isn't greener on the other side, now that I've tried out with someone else, it didn't work, I want you back so I don't have to be alone." HOW has she come to understand that you are the family she needs and wants? GRASS IS GREENER. IF you talk to her, ask her if she's done any counselling to figure out WHY she walked out on you, refused to put effort in and broke your heart? Said one thing, but did another, over and over again until a divorce HAD to happen. If you are happy where you are, keep going forward and don't look back. Talk to her but let her know there is no future and she should accept her mistakes and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 22, 2010 Share Posted September 22, 2010 Its been a week and I still havent replied to her message as I really dont know what to say. I feel really bad for her that shes all alone now..and still care for her. Now its all stuck in my mind again...it took me few months and a new place and a new job to be out of her. And its all coming back. You do what's easier for you, but since you ended things pleasently, not on a nasty note, then out of respect (though she doesn't deserve it from you) answer her through email, do your best not to have the conversation on the phone or face to face. Ofcourse it's going to tug on your heart strings. She was your wife and you loved and cared about her. She made her choices and stood by them very strongly, which led to a divorce. Don't let your genuine care for her make you cave and feel too sorry for her. She will survive, she's got friends and family who can help her. She may be lonely and feel alone, but that's a consquence of her choices and the outcome. Focus on healing and moving on with your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author vikram1 Posted September 22, 2010 Author Share Posted September 22, 2010 Thanks ICONOCLAST...I like your idea of writing out my thoughts about about her and what i will be expecting from her thats if i ever decide to give this a chance. I feel like at this stage my thoughts are scattered and all over the place when it comes to her. Writing them down should help. I always thought when all this started out, that my situation is different from other ppl on this site and there was a fair chance to make things better as long as I was commited on making it work out from my side. Turns out, what people have said and suggested here have been very true even though i choose to ignore there suggestions. WHICHWAYISUP thanks for reading between the lines for me. As a woman, your perspective probably makes more sense and gives more clear vision to what she means by her words. I am still trying to get my thoughts together before I reply to her thats if i ever do decide to do so. A part of me thinks that the matter was closed when we decided to sign on the divorce papers and the other may be stuipd part of me thinks that everyone makes a mistake ..bigger or small at some point in there life and if shes willing to give her best shot ..we can be together. I hope this confusion defuses sooner than later. Thank you for taking time and effort in reading all this and for your thoughtful suggestions. Link to post Share on other sites
You Go Girl Posted September 22, 2010 Share Posted September 22, 2010 Well, she did say the magical words. There are no others. If you're curious, get together for a few dinners, a walk in the park, whatever. Just NOT sex, gawd no, you will screw up your head and you won't be able to think straight at all, nor make a smart or wise decision. So on these outings, should you decide you are even a little curious, and quite far from jumping at the chance to reconcile, pay very close attention to what she is doing action-wise with her life, and less with her words. If you see a real change in her, she won't be able to fake it. Or...you can continue to move along with your life, and never look back. It's all up to you. It's nice to have choices. Link to post Share on other sites
cyabye Posted September 22, 2010 Share Posted September 22, 2010 don't look back....nuff said! cya Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted September 22, 2010 Share Posted September 22, 2010 She's been sampling other men and now realizes you are the best! Oh please, do not look back hoping to reconcile with this woman of dubious character. If she really, really wants you back? She will break down the door and beg forgiveness and not send some lame text just to put the feelers out. Link to post Share on other sites
Windsurf66 Posted September 25, 2010 Share Posted September 25, 2010 To the OP: No, do not trust her. During the separation, she must have been screwing around and now after she was dumped, she want you back again Get on with yr life and get to know other pple. Your ExW is a whore and as the name suggest, she is only fit to provide sex to you (provided she has been tested to be clean!!). Get someone whom is sincere and can be trusted to be your spouse. Link to post Share on other sites
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