My girlfriend left me...I miss her so much it hurts to breath!

[Angelo_28]

Hi,

My name I Angelo. I was with my girlfriend for 2 months shy of 3 years. She goes to school and works, I have a career and I dj on the weekends. For almost the whole time we were together she's been telling me to move out of my parent's place. You see, I'm 28 now and she's 24, we both live with our parents and I am here "first". She was always talking to me about the dream of meeting that one man and marrying him and moving out. The typical Cinderella story. Things were great the first year and half. After that the fights and arrguements progressed. We argued of petty stuff and faught over the fact that we hardly spent enough time together. I was basically too busy doing my own thing that I neglected her. Her leaving me me now, I understand that I was holding on to a life that was obsolete being that I now had her to build a new life with. But, in my twisted lil mind I was holding back because I knew she wasn't ready to take that step...turns out she was but wanted me to take the lead, I never saw that! Anyhow, I tried everything to keep her from leaving after she dumped me. I told her that I now understand what I need to do to improve on myself, to be able to care for her truly. She said why now...after 3 years why now!! And I told her...I don't know why now, maybe because you leaving me kicked me in the ass that I finally woke up and see how im hurting you!...Im sorry I told her and told her that things would be diferent for sure...you promised me change before she said...and I responded I know...but now I really know what the problem is. She also took some guilt for now expressing herself to me clearly enough...but she thinks im just gonna hurt her again. All this took place over the phone and via email...and everytime I tried to ask her to face me she said, I can barely speak to you on the phone without crying...its just to hard right now. I sent here tons of text messages and left her messages and nothing. She called me to see how I was doing a couple of days after that and I broke down on the phone crying...I told here that I missed her so much and I wanted her to come back...she said she had to go back to work and told me I should move on. I told here I couldn't because I still love her so dam much...then she cried and siad what do you want from me...after 3 years, its not fair...I said I know but I'm sorry...not everyone "wake-up" at the same time you know!!! she said bye and went back to work. That was the last I heard from here till I wrote her a handwritten letter and placed it in her mug that she left at my parents place. I wrote to her saying I was ok with the break up and that I know what I have to do...I also apologized to her about acting all crazy and deperate and I left it at that.

 

I MISS HER SO MUCH!!!!!!!!! I placed it in her mail box and texted her saying to check it. the next morning I got an email saying thank for returning my mug. I appreciate it. And no refferance to the letter!!! I emailed here back saying don't forget to look inside... and that was it.

 

I let the whole day go by and nothing....I called her and left a message saying your welcome and I hope you read the letter...if and when your read I'll be here.

 

Now I'm waiting....and it hurts so much!!!! what am I gonna do!!....she everything I ever wanted and I LOST HER!!!!

 

...angelo[sIZE=3]

 

[/sIZE]

[mr.dream merchant]

Hi,

My name I Angelo. I was with my girlfriend for 2 months shy of 3 years. She goes to school and works, I have a career and I dj on the weekends. For almost the whole time we were together she's been telling me to move out of my parent's place. You see, I'm 28 now and she's 24, we both live with our parents and I am here "first". She was always talking to me about the dream of meeting that one man and marrying him and moving out. The typical Cinderella story. Things were great the first year and half. After that the fights and arrguements progressed. We argued of petty stuff and faught over the fact that we hardly spent enough time together. I was basically too busy doing my own thing that I neglected her. Her leaving me me now, I understand that I was holding on to a life that was obsolete being that I now had her to build a new life with. But, in my twisted lil mind I was holding back because I knew she wasn't ready to take that step...turns out she was but wanted me to take the lead, I never saw that! Anyhow, I tried everything to keep her from leaving after she dumped me. I told her that I now understand what I need to do to improve on myself, to be able to care for her truly. She said why now...after 3 years why now!! And I told her...I don't know why now, maybe because you leaving me kicked me in the ass that I finally woke up and see how im hurting you!...Im sorry I told her and told her that things would be diferent for sure...you promised me change before she said...and I responded I know...but now I really know what the problem is. She also took some guilt for now expressing herself to me clearly enough...but she thinks im just gonna hurt her again. All this took place over the phone and via email...and everytime I tried to ask her to face me she said, I can barely speak to you on the phone without crying...its just to hard right now. I sent here tons of text messages and left her messages and nothing. She called me to see how I was doing a couple of days after that and I broke down on the phone crying...I told here that I missed her so much and I wanted her to come back...she said she had to go back to work and told me I should move on. I told here I couldn't because I still love her so dam much...then she cried and siad what do you want from me...after 3 years, its not fair...I said I know but I'm sorry...not everyone "wake-up" at the same time you know!!! she said bye and went back to work. That was the last I heard from here till I wrote her a handwritten letter and placed it in her mug that she left at my parents place. I wrote to her saying I was ok with the break up and that I know what I have to do...I also apologized to her about acting all crazy and deperate and I left it at that.

 

I MISS HER SO MUCH!!!!!!!!! I placed it in her mail box and texted her saying to check it. the next morning I got an email saying thank for returning my mug. I appreciate it. And no refferance to the letter!!! I emailed here back saying don't forget to look inside... and that was it.

 

I let the whole day go by and nothing....I called her and left a message saying your welcome and I hope you read the letter...if and when your read I'll be here.

 

Now I'm waiting....and it hurts so much!!!! what am I gonna do!!....she everything I ever wanted and I LOST HER!!!!

 

...angelo[sIZE=3]

 

[/sIZE]

 

 

You already know what you have to do man. She chose to end things with you. That means the ball is in her court. There is nothing YOU can do to change HER decision. It is up to HER to make that decision. I know how you feel because I was in your position just a little over a month ago. My ex left me and I was broken. I was two hairs shy of begging and pleading for her back. Looking back on it, it really was a waste of time. The reality of both of our situations is this:

 

They left, now it is up to them to come back. Nothing you do or say will convince them to come back. Only when they have made up their mind will they either walk or come back.

 

The best advice I can give you from personal experience is to seek some kind of closure. Maybe you two exchange your last words (peacefully and in a mature way) and after that you go no contact. It is going to be very hard but getting that closure will really help you come to accept that what you your ex-gf shared is over.

 

I know I had a hard time moving on when my ex broke up with me. But the reason I had a hard time is because she did it without any kind of closure. She basically just said it was over and went no contact. I was confused for about 3 weeks. I was able to move on when she finally contacted me and was very very nasty and rude with me. Right then and there I knew that what we had, and the person I thought I loved, was over. Dead. Gone. Finito. At that point it just made sense, you know? To just move on with my life. To not be stuck on someone who could be so cruel and nasty to me.

 

 

Now my situation is similar but a bit different than yours. I was able to move forward due to how she acted. But your ex seems to be more hurt than angry. But like I said, seek some closure. If she isn't willing to talk to you now, don't blow up her phone. Or email. Wait a week or two, contact her for some closure. When you get that closure, MOVE. ON. DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT contact her.

[Thaddeus]

You're hurting now and for that I'm sorry.

 

She undoubtedly got your letter but she may need some time to respond.

 

I know it hurts - we've all been there - but you can and will get through this.

 

There are a couple of very big flashes of inspiration in your post that I think you should really pay attention to:

turns out she was but wanted me to take the lead

This is very, very common. Women, for all their talk of equality and whatnot, still insist that the man take the lead. (Equality, apparently, is only desirable if it doesn't make the woman uncomfortable. But when it causes them to have to stretch a little bit, suddenly equality is not so hot. But I digress...)

 

So take the lead!

 

This is exactly how NOT to take the lead:

I sent here tons of text messages and left her messages and nothing

Sorry to say, but that's about the worst thing you could possibly have done.

 

But it's done so we have to deal with reality as it is, rather than how we would like it to be.

 

Here's what you do:

 

DO NOT CALL HER.

 

DO NOT TEXT HER.

 

DO NOT SEND HER NOTES.

 

DO NOT IM HER.

 

Give it a bare minimum of a week. After that you might try to send her a very short (like, 1 sentence) note to see if you and she can meet for a coffee or something. Nothing heavy, nothing laden with emotion, just a short contact.

 

She may or may not respond, I don't know. But for this next week, there should be NO MORE CONTACT WITH HER WHATSOEVER.

 

Sorry for the caps... but really, it's that important.

[Angelo_28]

Thank you...This is what I wrote in the letter...

 

(Blank),

 

I just wanted to let you know that I'm okay. I understand and agree with your decision to leave me. I havn't been the "model" boyfriend" for some time now and I understand what I must do to improve upon myself. I want you to also know that I meant everything I said to you over the phone...I just wish I could of told you in person.

I also wanted to let you know how sorry I am for my behaviour in the heat of you leaving me. I acted crazy and desperate...and I apologize.

Oh! some good news! I had a fantastic change in luck the other day...funny timing huh?

I'd love to fill you in...but in the futre. You and I both need some space right now

 

-Angelo

 

I was so hard to say that I agree with it...cause in my heart (if it's still there) I just want to run over to her and tell her I love her! I don;t know if she read it...she emailed back "Angelo, thak you for returning my mug. I appreciate it." and that was it! I was like dam she doesn't even care! then I thought maybe she just has no response to it yet cause I acted like a real SAP!

Anyhow...I know she still loves me...I can hear it in her voice when she called me the other time...right now I think she's probably confused with everyting going on in her life. Maybe space is a good thing...then again I don't what her feelings for me to disapear!...I love her and want to marry her....I have the ring already!!!! Should of asked her sooner! I feel like a real ****tard!

I miss her so much.......

[Angelo_28]

I wrote her a poem last week...she like these shorta things...she never commented on it...but I'd like to share it with you guys..so here goes... (oh...cara'mia means my love in Italian)

 

Cara’mia,

 

Should I keep on loving you,

Should I continue to care?

Should I keep longing,

To smell your hair?

 

Should I fritter each passing day,

Thinking of you in every way?

Should my heart smoulder amid desire,

To hold you close forever?

 

You left me and now I am but one,

Fearing the harm cannot be undone.

I’ve made you miserable and sad,

The pain I cause is driving me mad.

 

I know I should give you space and time,

Instead of calling or this lame rhyme.

Laugh if you so must,

Just know my heart has turned to dust.

 

The other day I took a walk,

To myself I began to talk.

I ended up where we first sat,

In the old port, you remember that?

 

It was crowded,

People everywhere,

Yet our bench was empty,

So I sat there.

 

I thought of the conversations

That we shared,

And how I loved you

Right then and there.

 

I then gazed at the vessel,

Our first big date as a couple.

And I saw that famous window,

Steam covered I wrote I love you.

 

That was the first time I spoke my heart,

You replied your equal part.

I remember feeling so free,

When you replied you love me.

 

That was a happy day,

Forever it will stay.

The first time I felt true love,

You were like an angel from above.

 

As I stood there still watching,

Seeing us romanticizing.

At that moment, I knew what I lost

And now, my sufferance is the cost.

 

We had many happy days,

We showed our love in many ways.

By the rock where we first kissed,

Your tender lips I do so miss.

 

I have failed to convey,

My appreciation in your ways.

I neglected you I know,

My love I failed to show.

 

I know what I must do,

To change your heart so blue.

To show you that I'm true,

When I say, Cara'mia I love you.

 

As I walked away from the port,

I felt empty and erased.

I turned back to look once more,

Hoping to see you face.

 

I'm sorry for what I've done,

Or the lack there of.

Your love was like a dove,

And away it flew above.

 

Time will only tell,

If this painful spell,

Will break the depth of hell,

And bring back my loving angel.

 

I miss you with every cell in my heart,

It's so painful to be apart,

I'll love you with each passing year,

Even with my heart filled with tears...

 

I'll love you forever Cara'mia.....

 

Angelo xxxx

 

God I'm such a SAP!!!! I miss her...can't sleep, can't work...this is so painful, I wouldn't wish this pain on my worse enemy!

[adamt]

I know how you are feeling i am about 7 weeks down the line. It does get better as you learn to live with it, get used to being on your own again and most of the time keep your emotions under control. It can be hard to understand that someone can leave aand be so cold, but if they think it is really over then in the long term they are doing you a favour by not contacting you. I couldnt focus on my job for a month. first 2 weeks of break up i would break down everytime i talked about her. I still have my down days and waking up at5:30 most mornings.

 

You need to focus on yourself, just fill up all your spare time as much as possible with hobbies/sports. Find some new hobbies, it might be hard to find the motivation but push yourself. get yourself in shape as that will rebuild your confidence. Hassle friends to go out, no matter how hard it is. talk things through with friends. catch up with old friends. get out and about. Keep NC and you will start to recover and control your emotions. I know it is not easy but keep yourself strong and focus. it is a long process but you have to want to fix yourself.

 

Dont torture yourself with lots of questions, there is nothing you can do as she is moving on. She might have moved on no matter how you did things in the relationship.

[Angelo_28]

I know what your saying, but I know her...and there's no way she moved on so fast. I don't think she wants to move on, I think that she needs time to gauge the events taking place in her life right now. I know I did not make it easy for her and thats why she put our relationship on the hanger...

One thing I do know is that she viewed our relation ship and I quote "Intense...incomparable"...and in one of her messages to me previously, after the break up, she still called me by my nickname she gave me

Don't forget guys, she majored in Psycology...my guess is that this is her way of dealing with stressful situations...being me that caused some stress in the relationship. I believe she's not contacting me because A) she needs time to focus B) she really wants me to get my act together C) it's probably just as painful for her to talk to me as it is for me to her right now cause we both really miss eachother and love eachother intensly...and D) all of the above!!!

 

AHHHHH its killing me to guess and analyse and predict...where's the dam manual GOD!?!?!?!?!??!

[adamt]

When i split up with my ex she was gettin gover her mom passing away, she said she wanted to focus on looking after her dad and had not time for a boyfriend. She didnt think it was fair on me to let me wait until she was ready. At first i thought it was genuine reasons but a month down the line i realised it was more than that. Now i look back and think did i really know her that well that i didnt see a break up coming? What i'm tryign to say is in the early stages, their excuse for a break up might seem unique and genuine but after time of reflection it is only part of the reason. I mean if a couple have a strong relationship they will get through the tough times together and sometimes bring them closer.

 

Just focus on yourself and keep yourself busy. if she wants to work things out she will get back in touch, if not you are moving on anyway. please dont put your life on hold. be strong. try not to analyse too much and just be selfish and look after yourself

[Heartbroken-idiot]

I'm a guy and going through what your going through mate and my god, i was sat here reading your poem and im actually crying to it, it was beautiful, if you give/ gave that to her and she wasnt moved, then god only knows.

 

its so hard, doing everything even the smallest of things without the one you love so much knowing and doing them with you.

[Angelo_28]

Day 2...still no word. I feel so alone. Maybe I deserve this, maybe I was a terrible boyfriend...I wish I could talk to her again...look into her eyes and tell her how much I miss her and love her. I'm hurtin' real bad...I don't feel right without her. Imagine you give your heart to someone and then they just runaway with it...how can you live? How can you move forward when the only thing left is emptyness? I know I shouldn't gear all my thoughts around her now, but she is my everything...I dream of seeing her walkin' down the isle in church, sayin' "I do"...I imagine living and raising a family with her...now it's all dust in the wind. I feel like everything came to a stop. Time, space, life...nothing is movin' and I can hear my heart pounding in despare from miles away....I miss her so much, I'm affraid of closing my eyes because I see her face everytime...I love her so much and now she's gone...maybe forever...I can't live like this, can't live without my cara'mia...I'm bleadin' tears and the pain is constant...to the point where the only emotion or sensation left is numbness...

How can love hurt so much........I don't know what to do.......

[New_life]

Angelo, its crazy how things work out.. I mean you have them and dont take care of them... I took her for granted, and begged her back that I was going to change.. be sweet, go out more, gifts, etccc. She said why now? after 4 years.. why now? and I said the same, cause i was blind before, I have changed, give me week try me out!!

 

To make it short, she didnt come back... Im in NC, she is with someone else. Im starting to date my ex, and she found out and is now is contacting me for stupid things.. (she doesnt want me but wants me not to go out??!)

 

In conclusion, go NC. You already, expressed your feelings with no answer, have no regrets. The cards are in her table. Be strong and go NC, that is my advise.. Will you get her back? Who knows, but you leaving her will be like when she left you.

[Heartbroken-idiot]

i did change for over a year, i grew up but one thing i couldnt help was not giving her enough space and it made her mad and fell out of love, i gave her everything i had, and still try to untill the last two weeks, its been just over a week of NC i spoke to her mum and her mum says shes in bits, she just runs at the gym all day to take her mind of it and hasnt been eating and is getting unwell, shes gone away for two weeks now to dance at a dance school and i wonder every minuit how it is going, its her birthday on sunday and i cried inthe car today thinking about what i did for her last birthday and how she cried at how beautiful i made it.

 

its killing not knowing how she is and then to find out shes cut up and pissing her friends off like i do mine by being upset constantly, confuses me to why we cant have this special time if shes just as upset.

 

i dont live , i just excist, hanging by a thread she will realise what i am to her and come to me.

[Angelo_28]

God this NC is killing me...I don't think I can do it! EVerything I do, go, see, smell, hear etc makes me think of her! I'm goin insane...I cry all the time, I can't hear myself think cause my heart is screaming at me to seek her out. This pain is hellish and I wish to god she comes back to me........

I had an idea, I had both a ring for her...was gonna ask her to marry me just before the break-up...maybe I should ring her door bell, get on one knee and poor my heart out right there....I know she still loves me....what do you guys think?

[AnswersPls]

God this NC is killing me...I don't think I can do it! EVerything I do, go, see, smell, hear etc makes me think of her! I'm goin insane...I cry all the time, I can't hear myself think cause my heart is screaming at me to seek her out. This pain is hellish and I wish to god she comes back to me........

I had an idea, I had both a ring for her...was gonna ask her to marry me just before the break-up...maybe I should ring her door bell, get on one knee and poor my heart out right there....I know she still loves me....what do you guys think?

 

 

Oh my god.. I am reading your post.. and cannot help tearing..listening to what you have done..

 

I have not called him since last monday (9 days).. Have not spied on skype for Sunday (3 days).. Just heard from from his fren about him yesterday.. So.. issit considered that I officially NC for only a day?

But the big reason why I am not able to bring myself to call him, is because he is the one who does not wan to contact me to give me false hopes..

 

Anyway.. I have been feelin really miserable too.. as dumpees.. no matter what we say or do.. will never change their heart, especially if they are very firm with their decision..

 

As for your sudden proposal, I am not sure how she will take it.. but.. if you do try, pls let me know the result..

 

But pls do not have any expectation, becoz with any expectation, if **** happens, then you wil fall harder. Also, without any expectation, if she accepts it, then it will be god's grace..

 

Pls let us in on whether you did propose to her..

 

ps: still having a hard time movin on, miss my ex like crazy.

[NopeNah]

God this NC is killing me...I don't think I can do it! EVerything I do, go, see, smell, hear etc makes me think of her! I'm goin insane...I cry all the time, I can't hear myself think cause my heart is screaming at me to seek her out. This pain is hellish and I wish to god she comes back to me........

I had an idea, I had both a ring for her...was gonna ask her to marry me just before the break-up...maybe I should ring her door bell, get on one knee and poor my heart out right there....I know she still loves me....what do you guys think?

Please DO NOT DO THAT! Have some dignity, man! You've already begged,pleaded, wrote notes,ect.. and by the way that "a fantastic thing happened to me i'd like to tell ya about it" thing...is from one of those how to get your ex back nonsense books..anyways. I know it sucks and is the worst feeling in the world right now. Just take a breath, compose yourself for a week or two. Don't contact her, because you're obviously not in the frame of mind to do so. The last thing you want to do is propose to her right now. What's next on your thinking plan? Maybe if she'll sleep with you one more time you can get her pregnant? Then she has to stay,right? WRONG! Let it play out for a bit, man. You can't force her to change her mind, it's called FREE WILL! I'm not trying to be mean at all here. I just don't want you to lose anymore face and look weaker to her than you already have/do. What woman wants a weak man? RELAX, focus on yourself, make the changes you "think" would make you a better mate/bf/husband..BUT!!! DO NOT DO THEM FOR HER!! DO THEM FOR YOU!!!

[AnswersPls]

Please DO NOT DO THAT! Have some dignity, man! You've already begged,pleaded, wrote notes,ect.. and by the way that "a fantastic thing happened to me i'd like to tell ya about it" thing...is from one of those how to get your ex back nonsense books..anyways. I know it sucks and is the worst feeling in the world right now. Just take a breath, compose yourself for a week or two. Don't contact her, because you're obviously not in the frame of mind to do so. The last thing you want to do is propose to her right now. What's next on your thinking plan? Maybe if she'll sleep with you one more time you can get her pregnant? Then she has to stay,right? WRONG! Let it play out for a bit, man. You can't force her to change her mind, it's called FREE WILL! I'm not trying to be mean at all here. I just don't want you to lose anymore face and look weaker to her than you already have/do. What woman wants a weak man? RELAX, focus on yourself, make the changes you "think" would make you a better mate/bf/husband..BUT!!! DO NOT DO THEM FOR HER!! DO THEM FOR YOU!!!

 

Daylight, ..u r so firm.. just curious.. are u them dumpee or dumper?

[NopeNah]

Daylight, ..u r so firm.. just curious.. are u them dumpee or dumper?

dumpee..but, also former dumper on several occasions. What was so firm about what I said? Does it not make sense?

 

on edit: I have had some vodka tonight ;-)

[AnswersPls]

dumpee..but, also former dumper on several occasions. What was so firm about what I said? Does it not make sense?

 

Nono. pls do not take offense.. I was just curious. I love to be as firm as you.. . still trying to learn to be strong.. u make sense.. its true.. once a person changed his/her heart, it difficult.. The only thing we dumpees can do is to walk away with dignity.. Thats the only thing we kinda have left..

[NopeNah]

Nono. pls do not take offense.. I was just curious. I love to be as firm as you.. . still trying to learn to be strong.. u make sense.. its true.. once a person changed his/her heart, it difficult.. The only thing we dumpees can do is to walk away with dignity.. Thats the only thing we kinda have left..

None taken at all. I was at the same stage as him 3+mo ago with my recent ex of 5 years and living together 2.5 of those. I made some of the same mistakes, had the same thoughts but, realized they are a road to nowhere. I've learned from my past and am only on here to try to help others by what I went thru. I'm over my ex at this point. She wants back but, i'm not having it. I'm done with that chapter of my life.

[Angelo_28]

lol I didn't know that's from a book!! lol But I really had a great change in luck...I signed on a new house last monday and finally moving out of my parent's place! She doesn't know this yet...when the time is right...I think she'll believe I'm makin an effort to change and improve myself.

[NopeNah]

lol I didn't know that's from a book!! lol But I really had a great change in luck...I signed on a new house last monday and finally moving out of my parent's place! She doesn't know this yet...when the time is right...I think she'll believe I'm makin an effort to change and improve myself.

It is from a book. Also, what happened to you with the house is not luck! That's motivation and moving forward in your life. There's no need to even mention it to her!

[adamt]

Try to forget what she may or may not think of what you are doing and just think about yourself and what is best for you. just keep strong and resist any urge to contact.

[AnswersPls]

None taken at all. I was at the same stage as him 3+mo ago with my recent ex of 5 years and living together 2.5 of those. I made some of the same mistakes, had the same thoughts but, realized they are a road to nowhere. I've learned from my past and am only on here to try to help others by what I went thru. I'm over my ex at this point. She wants back but, i'm not having it. I'm done with that chapter of my life.

 

 

after how long did she want back?

[NopeNah]

after how long did she want back?

We were seeing each other off/on for the past 3mo once or twice a week since the breakup. Once she saw I was not there as much for her anymore and the guy she left me for got pissed that she was still not done with me left..around then. Basicly.. ME= back up plan

 

Edit: vodka= run-on sentences

[AnswersPls]

We were seeing each other off/on for the past 3mo once or twice a week since the breakup. Once she saw I was not there as much for her anymore and the guy she left me for got pissed that she was still not done with me left..around then. Basicly.. ME= back up plan

 

Edit: vodka= run-on sentences

 

 

then.. u just butt of her life by NC??> .. admire ur persistance..

 

As for me.. my ex is choosing to NC from me.. not to hurt me further and not to give false hopes..

 

Cannot believe.. hes gone.. gone for good..