Girlinterrupted Posted November 6, 2003 Share Posted November 6, 2003 I've been single for almost a whole year now, guys don't even approach me. I'm not ugly, in fact most people I meet say I'm very attractive and sexy. I'm 24, 5'3 and about 125pds, I have a great figure, I have a cute face. I love to dress well in the lates fashions and I take pride in looking good. There is a lot more to me but truth is people don't know that if they don't know you. Once people do approach me they tell me that they were intimadated at first, that I look like the type who doesn't want to be bothered but that Im real cool now that they know me. That's not me at all, in fact I'm very freindly and always wanting to meet new people but I guess my overall appearance throws people off. Guys usually say that they didn't approach me cause they thought #1. I must be taken already #2. I'll probably turn them down or #3. They assume I'm some kind of playa. I don't get it. People assume all the time that I have a lil' black book packed w/ #'s but truth is I have none.... What can I do? Do I have to become a plain Jane to be noticed! Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted November 6, 2003 Share Posted November 6, 2003 i think all you can do is make more of an effort to meet people yourself. just chatting with people, smiling, giving them a chance to see that you're not so intimidating, you don't bite, etc... also, maybe dress just a tad more casual? good luck, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Clancy Posted November 6, 2003 Share Posted November 6, 2003 You sound wonderful. Wht not start asking guys out instead of waiting for them to ask you? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted November 6, 2003 Share Posted November 6, 2003 The best way for someone like you to meet lots of people is through friends. If a friend introduces you to somebody you may be interested in, the already know you are available and approachable. Then all you need to do is put them at ease. Matter of fact, I think it's a little goofy for any lady to expect she can just walk around town and have Mr. Right walk up to her. That's just nonsense. There are so many really cool ways to meet people. And if you walk up to a guy you're interested in an introduce yourself and start a conversation, you show him you are interested and approachable. I just don't by this crap from people who think they intimidate the opposite sex. If you learn to flirt, have an inviting look on your face, men will know you aren't taken and will be receptive. Work on some technique and get your friends and work associates to think of good matches for you. There's no reason why you shouldn't have dates every weekend. As a side, your friends may just not want to be cruel but there are some women who would be 5'3" and weigh 125 pounds...at age 24...and perhaps need to shave a few pounds here or there. I'm not saying this is true of you (it just depends on your body type) but your ought to get some unbiased opinion on this. You certainly aren't overweight by any means but I have a friend who is your height who weighs 107 and she is stunningly perfect physically. I'm NOT saying you have a weight issue but check it out. Even so, it would be very slight and I don't think it would affect guys' attaction to you. For that matter, there are other things you ought to check out...just to be safe....like having a pleasing personality, fresh breath, nice cologne that's not overbearing....just stuff like that. Guys can be weird. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Girlinterrupted Posted November 6, 2003 Author Share Posted November 6, 2003 Wow...107 is just a little to thin for me! LOL for any woman I'd think. I weighed that when I was like 14 and no, by far do I have a weight issue. At 107 that girl must have no a$$ or boobs....a walking stick figure. Not my style. I am very physically fit and most my weight is in my lower body, I have a nice butt and thick legs... My body is not a problem, that I know. Men of all races like my body....I'm latina by the way (not that it should matter). So moving on....I never said that I intimadate men.....that's what men say to me! Meeting new people through friends is not an option, my friends are all settled down w/ their mates and don't do much and I'm not into asking people at work to "hook me up". I could however try smilling more often...just feels weird smilling at total strangers. And no I will not dress down...... Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted November 6, 2003 Share Posted November 6, 2003 I don't think you need to have much to do with men you intimidate. When they say that, just say sorry and move on. I'm glad you checked the weight thing out and that's not an issue. As I said, it just depends on the person. I can't relate to your problem. I have never been intimidated by any person, unless they were wearing a gun. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted November 6, 2003 Share Posted November 6, 2003 i didn't mean smile at strangers. just be more smily and friendly in social situations - ya know, parties, clubs, whatever. by the way, if you don't like what's happening to you AND you're not willing to change anything, nothing's going to change right? you could say the men are screwed up and don't realize your worth, if that makes you feel better, but the point is to start going on dates, etc, isn't it? also ... are you Latin America? because latino men are quite diff't from north american men... the latinos are much more agressive and forthcoming, on average, I believe. -yes Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted November 6, 2003 Share Posted November 6, 2003 I could however try smilling more often...just feels weird smilling at total strangers. You don't so much have to smile AT people - just look pleasant. I tend to walk around smiling just because I'm happy. I'm no beauty by any means, but one memorable day, I was walking down our pedestrian mall smiling my head off because I was in a very cheery mood. No word of a lie, a guy was so busy looking at me, he walked into a pole! Check your usual expression in a mirror, if it's a little sombre or severe, just see if you can brighten it up a bit - look pleasant or welcoming if you can. People used to think me snobby or reserved when I was actually terribly shy. I don't recall when or how I figured out that my expression could use a tweak but I did and it's made a HUGE difference. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Girlinterrupted Posted November 6, 2003 Author Share Posted November 6, 2003 I wear Cashmere Mist by Donna Karen, it's a very soft scent. I do take care of my self thoroughly...hygiene is in check....breath and everything else....LOL I don't think it's my appearance or anything else negative. I think it may me that I don't look freindly enough. Too serious maybe. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Girlinterrupted Posted November 6, 2003 Author Share Posted November 6, 2003 Thanks moimeme I think it is my expression, people often have told me I look mean or mad. Why, I don't know but I will work on it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Girlinterrupted Posted November 6, 2003 Author Share Posted November 6, 2003 [the latinos are much more agressive and forthcoming, on average, I believe.] Not always true. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Girlinterrupted Posted November 6, 2003 Author Share Posted November 6, 2003 What do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
Heidi2 Posted November 6, 2003 Share Posted November 6, 2003 Originally posted by Girl interrupted I've been single for almost a whole year now, guys don't even approach me. I'm not ugly, in fact most people I meet say I'm very attractive and sexy. Once people do approach me they tell me that they were intimidated at first, that I look like the type who doesn't want to be bothered but that I'm real cool now that they know me. That's not me at all, in fact I'm very friendly and always wanting to meet new people but I guess my overall appearance throws people off. Guys usually say that they did't approach me cause they thought #1. I must be taken already #2. I'll probably turn them down or #3. They assume I'm some kind of playa. I don't get it. People assume all the time that I have a lil' black book packed w/ #'s but truth is I have none.... What can I do? Do I have to become a plain Jane to be noticed! Hey Interrupted: I read your recent thready, and thought: "hey, it's not only me." I meet new guys everyday, at school, & while @ work. However, their main reason, in my opinion for only wanting to be friends and such is because I'm either: Too smart for them to understand, or 2 too busy with my academic career, etc. to take some time out, etc. for them. Quite frankly I feel this whole thing as: 'if it's going to happen, it will', and if it doesn't right now.. it just isn't/wasn't meant to be. The fact that I'm going to be 21 in the upcoming, and single for a long time now.. isn't a mind set of distractions, but of an asset to achieve/surpass. Someday, someway my prince charming will come to be.. it's just time that is thee initial suppression right now. Best of luck, with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Girlinterrupted Posted November 6, 2003 Author Share Posted November 6, 2003 Thanks Heidi~, I knew I wasn't the only one simply cause most my freinds had the same problem before they "finally" met the one...... So I put my lil' pic. up to kill anyones assumption that I might be single cause I'm some Ogre! LOL Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted November 6, 2003 Share Posted November 6, 2003 It's a minute shot, but it appears you can muster up a fairly respectable smile Link to post Share on other sites
Author Girlinterrupted Posted November 6, 2003 Author Share Posted November 6, 2003 Why thanks moimeme, I always respect your opinion. After reading your post and advice I think that you are very wise. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted November 6, 2003 Share Posted November 6, 2003 Thank you for your kind compliment. I hope to be blessed with wisdom; it's my goal to keep learning and growing until they shut the lid on the box so perhaps I will earn that credit someday. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Girlinterrupted Posted November 6, 2003 Author Share Posted November 6, 2003 So far you've replied to every issue I've posted and you always have good advice. I like that you don't judge and are very open minded. I find your replies to be sincere and it's like you actually care, you take your time. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Lurker Posted November 14, 2003 Share Posted November 14, 2003 Can you post a pic for us? I'd like to see your smile Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted November 14, 2003 Share Posted November 14, 2003 So far you've replied to every issue I've posted and you always have good advice. I like that you don't judge and are very open minded. I find your replies to be sincere and it's like you actually care, you take your time. Thanks. Gosh! I only saw this today! Well thanks again. I do actually care - but lots of folks here do, too It's just I've been posting a fair bit lately. Hope all is going well for you Link to post Share on other sites
DragonflyX Posted November 17, 2003 Share Posted November 17, 2003 I feel your pain It is very hard to meet people you would want to date these days. I haven't had more than 3 dates with the same person for 6 or 7 years. If she is interested in me, I'm not interested in her and vice versa. Link to post Share on other sites
ziggue Posted November 18, 2003 Share Posted November 18, 2003 I know exactly how you feel. I am 23 turning 24. I am still single. I have been told that I am gorgeous, attractive and have a great figure too. I keep wondering if people think that then why am I still single? It's hard to be single these days. That's for sure. I do look young for my age. People say about 16 to 18 which doesn't help. Practically all of my friends have settled down now. It is hard to go out and meet new people because of that. I agree with you there! I have one other friend that is single as well and we go out every so often. Try get your friends too have a girls night out. That is always fun. They could help you choose out someone to go out with for a couple of dates or maybe more. Works for me sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
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