sxyNYCcpl Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 It's something to be ashamed of actually. Really?? Why is that? Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 I feel sorry for the kid in all of this. Imagine how she might treat the kid if he/she didn't turn out to be a mantrap like she was hoping, or worse yet if he isn't the father and she is stuck with a kid that she or nobody else legitimately wants. I hope that she will at least consider adoption. Otherwise, I'm afraid that kid really won't have a chance. As for you, poster - I would cut her off completely pending DNA results. If the kid is yours, then expect her to use the kid as a way to guilt you into staying with her and also expect her to screw you for the maximum of child support if you tell her you don't want to be with her. A nice counter would be for you to sue for full custody, and sue her for child support. I wouldn't do that unless you are 100% sure you can handle having a kid in your life full time. You have a tough road ahead of you, that's for sure. If the kid is not yours, then run and consider it the mother of all bullet dodging. Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 I feel sorry for the kid in all of this. Imagine how she might treat the kid if he/she didn't turn out to be a mantrap like she was hoping, or worse yet if he isn't the father and she is stuck with a kid that she or nobody else legitimately wants. I hope that she will at least consider adoption. Otherwise, I'm afraid that kid really won't have a chance. As for you, poster - I would cut her off completely pending DNA results. If the kid is yours, then expect her to use the kid as a way to guilt you into staying with her and also expect her to screw you for the maximum of child support if you tell her you don't want to be with her. A nice counter would be for you to sue for full custody, and sue her for child support. I wouldn't do that unless you are 100% sure you can handle having a kid in your life full time. You have a tough road ahead of you, that's for sure. If the kid is not yours, then run and consider it the mother of all bullet dodging. Make sure you don't sign a birth certificate or any other declaration of paternity until you get a paternity test done, or you will be declared the father by default and my be ordered to pay child support regardless of the paternity of the child. It might also be a good idea to get an attorney to either fight for custody if its your or if its not to make sure you aren't made responsible for misplaced child support. TS, do not listen to the "its yours most likely" banter. With her past history and inability to keep her legs shut it is very plausible that the baby is not yours. Do not sign any paperwork and make sure you get a paternity test forthwith. She does not sound like a woman of good moral character. I want you to re-read these posts over and over again until your ears bleed! These are all excellent posts for you to read and obey! Don't sign anything! Get the Paternity test done NOW if possible!! Don't sign the birth certificate unless you are proven to be the father by the Paternity test results! Make sure the tests are done by someone who is qualified to do this sort of thing! But don't take her back whatever the results! Keep a copy of the results! She does sound like a man trap! Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 Make sure you don't sign a birth certificate or any other declaration of paternity until you get a paternity test done, or you will be declared the father by default and my be ordered to pay child support regardless of the paternity of the child. this needed a bump because OP really needs to listen to this above!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
f50 Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 she disgusts me too and i don't even know the slore. i would drop her like a hot turd. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 she disgusts me too and i don't even know the slore. i would drop her like a hot turd. why would you have a hot turd in your hand in the first place??? Link to post Share on other sites
EvilRomantic Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 Being cheated on hurts like hell, but in your case I'm not sure what hurts more, your amazing humiliation or the cheating. I say kick her $$, if there is a trash box under the window wait till the trash truck comes and throw her in. Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 I hope all the guys in this thread have a much lower number of sex partners than the OP's ex or at least have the renewed character to be completely ashamed of how many times they sullied themselves with their lack of discretion concerning sex. OP, if the baby turns out to be your kid, go after custody. Get some of this behavior documented as it can help prove her unfit. If it is your child, you need to keep it from the life it would have in her care. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 I hope all the guys in this thread have a much lower number of sex partners than the OP's ex or at least have the renewed character to be completely ashamed of how many times they sullied themselves with their lack of discretion concerning sex. what does that have to do with her cheating? and btw, yes, I'm sure I have less partners than she has...not that it makes one bit of difference or your comment any less irrelevant. OP, if the baby turns out to be your kid, go after custody. unless she is an abuser, drug user, etc....he'll lose. She has to be proven unfit. And being a cheating slore doesn't deem a mother unfit...unfortunately. Get some of this behavior documented as it can help prove her unfit. If it is your child, you need to keep it from the life it would have in her care. document what? the fact she likes alot of d!ck? sorry, someones personal life and preferences, as long as abuse and drugs are not involved, won't come in to play. Even if he was married and was getting divorced, it wouldn't be enough to get custody....and in this case, he is just an unmarried partner. Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 what does that have to do with her cheating? and btw, yes, I'm sure I have less partners than she has...not that it makes one bit of difference or your comment any less irrelevant. unless she is an abuser, drug user, etc....he'll lose. She has to be proven unfit. And being a cheating slore doesn't deem a mother unfit...unfortunately. document what? the fact she likes alot of d!ck? sorry, someones personal life and preferences, as long as abuse and drugs are not involved, won't come in to play. Even if he was married and was getting divorced, it wouldn't be enough to get custody....and in this case, he is just an unmarried partner. No one is so cowardly as the one afraid to fail. No one is so bitter as the one too angry to risk being wrong. And this, you won't understand either. Link to post Share on other sites
AAlike Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 I hope all the guys in this thread have a much lower number of sex partners than the OP's ex or at least have the renewed character to be completely ashamed of how many times they sullied themselves with their lack of discretion concerning sex. yes, it's unfortunate that these threads still expose the underlying sexism and confusion that most 20-something guys harbor when it comes to women. However, if OP's story is 100% true, then regardless of whether she had been with 2 or 200 people previously, what she did is utter, blatant disrespect to someone that she supposedly has feelings for. OP, get that test done ASAP! Link to post Share on other sites
Bejita463 Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 No one is so cowardly as the one afraid to fail. No one is so bitter as the one too angry to risk being wrong. And this, you won't understand either. It is possible he is not the one who is wrong. Just tossin' that out there. Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 It is possible he is not the one who is wrong. Just tossin' that out there. I never said anything about the OP being in the wrong. How did anyone think I implied that? I just felt that all the guys throwing around "slut" and similar names better not have sex partner numbers that rival the OP's ex. It would be gross and weird for sluts to start insulting another for being a slut. I do think Mr. Angry Pants Dexter needs to stop advising people based on theory. My ex roommate never married his son's mother and he got custody of his son anyway. It can happen, but one has to go after custody to even stand a chance. Not sit there and pessimistically decide it won't work so why bother. If the kid is the OP's, he needs to save it from the life this woman would give it. Link to post Share on other sites
Bejita463 Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 I never said anything about the OP being in the wrong. How did anyone think I implied that? Looking back, I misread what I quoted. I took it as an insinuation you were right and that Dex would see that if he were able to admit to the possibility of being wrong. I was attempting to poke fun at that, as this is almost always said by someone who will refuse to admit that same possibility themselves. A bit of (probably) obscure humor gone awry. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 No one is so cowardly as the one afraid to fail. No one is so bitter as the one too angry to risk being wrong. And this, you won't understand either. Oh I understand it, its a stab at those that know an exercise in futility when they see it. tell it to my attorney. I think he knows a helluva lot more than you do. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 I do think Mr. Angry Pants Dexter needs to stop advising people based on theory. what theory? OP says she cheated. Is that a theory and he is just making it up? Go ahead...call him a liar. My ex roommate never married his son's mother and he got custody of his son anyway. It can happen, but one has to go after custody to even stand a chance. Not sit there and pessimistically decide it won't work so why bother. and what grounds did they give your X roommate custody? What was it that she was deemed unfit? Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 what theory? OP says she cheated. Is that a theory and he is just making it up? Go ahead...call him a liar. and what grounds did they give your X roommate custody? What was it that she was deemed unfit? She wasn't deemed unfit. She has visitation and an amount she was told to pay in child support. I don't think she pays what she should though. He went for custody because he was moving out of state. She wasn't happy about it but allowed it at first. HER mom goaded her into bringing him back to home state and going for custody. She lost; end of story. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 She wasn't deemed unfit. She has visitation and an amount she was told to pay in child support. I don't think she pays what she should though. He went for custody because he was moving out of state. She wasn't happy about it but allowed it at first. HER mom goaded her into bringing him back to home state and going for custody. She lost; end of story. dont think so....nice try Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 Oh I understand it, its a stab at those that know an exercise in futility when they see it. tell it to my attorney. I think he knows a helluva lot more than you do. If I had listened to every lawyer I talked to when I went through this..... I had one male attorney tell me I would lose a custody battle to my son's multi DUI holding father who kidnapped our son because my ex FIL had a nicer house than I and my ex had moved into it. Another said I'd need to move to his city. A law degree doesn't make them intelligent or perfect. I think a nice home made porn would suffice for the OP to prove the mother unfit. A fella like yourself would probably go covert for the OP just for a chance to make a female (ANY female) look bad. With this one? Easy as pie; she'd do the work for you. Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 dont think so....nice try Believe what you need to; do you have kids you gave up on? That might be why you wish to think I'm lying. For my friend, it is reality. It came down to the almighty dollar. He made more of it at his job than she did at her's. The city he had moved to had more extended family in it than the city she lived in and he had been the kid's primary care giver since the boy was 6 months. The worst she was able to pull was bringing the boy back to the home state and making the courts there handle it. It caused my friend to have to travel a lot while they battled it out but..... He won. And just for kicks I'll let you know - his lawyer was a woman. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 Believe what you need to; do you have kids you gave up on? nope. I get them every other weekend, once a week, and really, anytime I want them. She just wanted custody for the child support. my attorney said there is no sense paying him big money only to lose anyway unless I had something concrete on her. he said the courts won't give you custody just because she cheated. again, I think he knows more than you. Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 nope. I get them every other weekend, once a week, and really, anytime I want them. She just wanted custody for the child support. my attorney said there is no sense paying him big money only to lose anyway unless I had something concrete on her. he said the courts won't give you custody just because she cheated. again, I think he knows more than you. It also depends upon the state in which you live. Ex. If a man lives in Illinois, he's screwed! In a very few states, if she cheates, she will be held accountable for screwing around, but, like I said, that's a very few states. So Dex, that may be in your state as well as some others, but, it's not in every state. Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 nope. I get them every other weekend, once a week, and really, anytime I want them. She just wanted custody for the child support. my attorney said there is no sense paying him big money only to lose anyway unless I had something concrete on her. he said the courts won't give you custody just because she cheated. again, I think he knows more than you. Cheating didn't have anything to do with it for my ex roommate. He and the mother had stopped dating before the child was born. The only reason she didn't abort is because he said he would care for the baby even if she disappeared or not. In the OP's situation, he isn't married and yeah, she cheated, but without a marriage license the courts won't care who she slept with or when. If the child ends up his, it would be a straight cut custody issue. Beyond that, in your state your lawyer's statement was probably right. When it comes to who the courts chose be the primary care giver, it is usually who was doing it before the divorce. I find it hard to believe your ex only went for custody to gain child support. If she was the primary care giver to begin with, she wasn't doing it for the child support prior to the divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 It also depends upon the state in which you live. Ex. If a man lives in Illinois, he's screwed! funny you should mention that, cuz thats where I live:o Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 Beyond that, in your state your lawyer's statement was probably right. Illinois...yup, you bet. When it comes to who the courts chose be the primary care giver, it is usually who was doing it before the divorce. I find it hard to believe your ex only went for custody to gain child support. we argued for shared custody 50% time. She wouldn't have any of it....although when it was all said and done she was more than happy to tell me that I could have 50% time so she could have her alone time with her new jobless man. She just wanted legal custody and wanted it on paper...she was glad to offer up letting them stay with me so she wouldn't have them all the time. 50% time wouldn't have gotten her child support.....go figure. Looks like she only wanted to be the custodial parent in the eyes of the court. so much for a father being just as important to the child as the mother:o Link to post Share on other sites
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