InReverie Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 Perhaps I should introduce myself. I'm 22 and I’ve recently graduated from my University just within the year. I've been following posts all over the internet in the attempt to acquire some sort of comfort in other people's similar predicaments. Unfortunately we are all equally different and I’ve realized that the only way I’m going to find some sort of satisfaction or relief is by finding a place to vent my own situations and insecurities... I'm male and have been seeing another boy my age for almost 6 months now, about half a year. We graduated together in the same department and I have to say it's been so refreshing to finally feel situated in a somewhat stable relationship, considering I’ve been having a lot of difficulty throughout all four years of college with this. One thing that i think is important for me to explain is that I often become very comfortable in my relationships early on. I've always expressed how I’ve felt right off the bat and I rarely try to play games with myself or the other person. But this is the first time I’ve ever held back telling another person that i was in love. This mostly has to do with my inability to read how committed he is to me...I’m terrified for the first time that the feeling may not come mutually at first, if at all. We've spent a lot of time together during the last part of our senior year, but have recently moved back to our separate homes two hours apart from each other. We're both living with our parents and need some time to get on our feet job-wise so I make occasional trips to see him when i can. He still has yet to come and visit me, but I know it is something he's willing to due when the opportunity arrives. I am much more willing to drive the distance at just about any hour of the day regardless of what little time we may have together and I’m comfortable with the fact that although it's something i am willing to do, it's not something he is willing to do for me. Besides, I quite enjoy getting out of the house, and we'd have very little to do where I live anyway. My gripe with the whole situation however, isn't specifically to do with the long distance, but rather the fact that my awareness and insecurity has been heightened due to no longer being within walking distance from him. He has this humor about relationships that really confuses me and makes me feel as though he's only dating me because I’m the only one willing. He says that he cares about me but he's far less adamant about spending time with me than I am and I wish that he could be more reassuring about how he really feels about me. He's always making odd references to his friends’ relationships and how ridiculously obsessive they tend to be, I’m beginning to feel that this boy is never going to give me the opportunity to open up. I feel so discouraged. Our communication consists of text messages. Pure text message. We never speak over the phone, and we only chat online when I have an issue I need to address. Don’t get me wrong. He’s reassured me before that if he had a problem with me he’d tell me, and he’s always told me that I shouldn’t be afraid to tell him how I feel. The time we spend together is really nice, and he can be affectionate at times, but he's hardly the emotional sort of guy so he doesn't understand why I get upset, depressed or hurt... I’m finding it really hard to keep myself entertained and busy when I’m not with him and honestly i just feel so useless anymore. And lastly, is it wrong to want to hear him say I love you first? or am I doing myself a disservice by not telling him how much I feel, because I’m afraid it's going to push him away if I take that path and say it too early (although our relationship isn't a whopping two years or anything, I do consider my 6 months to be a hefty investment.) *sorry for such a large post, please forgive me, but any words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated Link to post Share on other sites
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