The Mother of LDs

[JCTC]

Hi everyone, I think I just want to share my story with you.

 

I am doing an LD--over 12 hours worth of time zones. I am an East Asian. The girl is an American I met when I schooled in the US. We decided to date after corresponding online throughout the years in college when she was in NC and I was in VN. We haven't met each other for more than five years. She has agreed to wait for me for more than one year if need be when I work on getting into a graduate school. I guess we are both what you would call "odd people"; she is bipolar, I have post traumatic stress.

 

She is an interesting girl: She is pretty, a polymath in dead languages, and has many peculiar notions about life; for example, she told me she would never date a person that she does not want to marry. Before you asked, she's an almost-not-young adult and I am one year older, a not-so-young-adult. I a very old virgin but dated before. She had been in a relationship for three years so she's awful lot more exprienced than I am.

 

Before you start it, yes, I know it's an awful idea. But we are in it for the third month and she had just recovered from the wrost depression she has had for years. My point is, if we can do this for three months, knowing that there will be zero visits, and that I won't see her sooner than Febuary next year--your odds don't look so bad now does it? Culture and mindset has a lot to do with it. I have seen/heard long distance work between committed lovers that triumphed over oceans and years of seperation.

 

Need to keep your spirit up--but also be prepared for the wrost is what I have learned.

[Rollercoasterr]

I don't get it. What exactly are you saying the part about before we start it? Do people seriously not know they are in the LD part of the forums? Of course we don't think it's an awful idea. We're all in them.

 

And as far as not seeing each other until Feb, that sucks, but some people here havent seen their SO's in years. Yours doesn't sound so bad now, does it?

[JCTC]

 

And as far as not seeing each other until Feb, that sucks, but some people here havent seen their SO's in years. Yours doesn't sound so bad now, does it?

 

If it's working out for them, great. Good luck to all those whose eyes are glued to the calender.

[Els]

My point is, if we can do this for three months, knowing that there will be zero visits, and that I won't see her sooner than Febuary next year--your odds don't look so bad now does it?

 

Nope, doesn't look bad at all. I'd kill to be in your shoes, actually.

 

By the way, if you're separated by MORE than 12 time zones, doesn't that actually become less than 12? As in, if she's 18 hours behind you, you're really only 6 hours apart in practical terms... it's just that your 'yesterday' is her 'today'. Thinking of it that way helps.

[Bayern]

That's not impossible at all! Just keep talking to her as much as time permits (I know timezones make it difficult).

 

You have a great theme "Expect the worst, hope for the best". If that sticks in your head, you will have no problems.

 

Keep your head in your studies, do well, stay out of trouble and keep her as motivation to do what you need to do. Even if it doesn't workout it's a kickass motivation now isn't it?

 

Good luck!

[JCTC]

Yes, it is a kick ass motivation. It has not been doing well lately, however.

 

It is the combination of the distance and her bipolar disorder that makes it difficult. Depression takes weeks out of her schedual--she's an honor roll student who just can't graduate because she is sick all the time. She is very attractive but her illness also had left her psychologically defenseless--she has an entourage of sketchy "friends" that really have, shall we say, less than honorable intentions, and their way of responding to her rejection is to ask to be friends, then use instant messanger system and a FF game to pour torrents of verbal abuse at her, in what I think is their plan to break her mind and get what they want from her.

 

She asked an addict friend to go to her family beach house for a vacation with her family and another friend to try to help him ween off his habit. He was so grateful that he hit her. This "friend" was her psychotic ex, whom she stayed with for three years for college in spite of physical and I suspect sexual abuse. He enjoyed in putting a knife on her throat or smothering her with a pillow, because he likes to see her terrified. From what other things I would spare you.

 

The problem is that she is a submissve with impaired judgement. She told me, with much shame, that she was attracted to brutality; like Stella to Marlon Brando's Stanley A Street Car Named Desire. I am the first semi-normal guy to ask her out.

 

She told me yesterday, after relating to the incident at the beach, that she cannot handle a relationship at the same time three other men are messing with her mind (she never use vulgarity) and she doesn't know anymore. I told her to get off line and go to sleep. This morning, I IMed her and basically told her that because it will only give people more oppertunity to abuse her mentally, I adviced her not to use IMs and play MMORPG and that she would cut off all the men who want a piece of her for a month and give her self break. She thought it was a good idea, and I told her it's a personal order from me to her. She responds well to authority and agreed.

 

I am not terribly optimistic.

[Bayern]

Then it is motivation to finish your studies so you can go back to see her and give her the care and acknowledgement you know she requires. You have a mission now. Do it well. Good luck.