Has anyone had this experience?

[ant0255]

Hello, Im new to this so bear with me.

 

My girlfriend and I have been dating for 7 months yesterday. She is a great girl, smart, beautiful, the total package in my eyes. I love her to death. Well in her past relationship she was emotionally abused by her ex. From what i was told it was really bad. Obviously she told me this when we first started dating and i got good of how bad it was when her and i went to san francisco for day. He called her and just ripped her apart, to put it in perspective, i was putting gas in my car and the doors and window were shut and i could hear him yelling at her. Yes, it pissed me off, i cant stand wife beaters whether its physical, sexual or emotional. Also being a police officer made it even harder for me to deal with cause i would loved to put him away. She was really upset after wards and i told it was ok, she was with me and i would not let anything happen to her.

 

She ended spending the night, we had fun, played wii bowling and just had fun. The next day we hang out and things are going good and he texts her saying that he was gonna change the locks on her house, it was thiers but he moved out, and take the dogs. She was devested. For fear of her being hurt i had my roomate who is like a sister to me and who is tougher than nails go with her. If i went and he was there i wouldnt be typing this. They get to the house and there are holes in the walls and doors and the dogs are gone. They got back and I gave her a huge hug and said its gonna be ok. She moved out of the house and back with her parents.

 

The next couple months were great, she was getting over it and was happy. well at work one night during a concert she sends me a text that her ex had shown up with his girlfriennd and gave her a hug and said things ended wrong and if she wanted to see the dogs she could. I new she was upset, so she picked me up after the concert and i stayed with her, we didnt talk about till the next morning. I told it was me and her and that things will get better. Well they got worse he kept calling her and was using the dogs and the house as a way of controlling her. I saw it, my roomates saw it, her counselor saw and my parents saw it.

 

I know with any abuse survivor its not easy getting over the past, they hold onto it and look for ways to blame themselves. Like i said i love her and all can do is support her and encourage her. She has come along way and im proud of her.

 

things were sketchy for a while, and finally we had a talk about it. We decided to slow down and work through things. Great things were good and then downhill again. We had another talk and talked about taking a break which sucks but the fact that i love her and want her to be happy is what i care most about. Well we took it slow, and a couple weeks ago my roomates and i went to her house for a bbq, the girls got drunk and my friend and i just hung while they had fun. Well at the end of the night my girlfriend went from happy to pissed. She had finally hit rock bottom. I felt so bad for her, but at the same time knew it was probably the best thing to happen to her.

 

Flashforward to today i had her come over and we talked and she finally realized that she can be herself and take charge. She called her dumbass ex and told him to take her off the lease of the house. He was pissed but, bro move on. I was so proud of her. The thing that sucks she needs her time to be her. Im ok with that, but i stilll want us to work out in the end. She says she loves with all her heart and she knows she has hurt with her prior actions, which to me are not her fault. She still wants to talk and hang out, and says she loves me. With that said im gonna continue to encourage her and care for her. We may not see each other all the time, but i will be here for her. I want her and i will continue to fight the good fight.

 

I apoligize for the novel i just wrote but I would like any advice from women who have or are goin through the same thing as well as men whose girlfriends have gone through this.

 

Thanks

[Confused4Now]

Hello, Im new to this so bear with me.

 

My girlfriend and I have been dating for 7 months yesterday. She is a great girl, smart, beautiful, the total package in my eyes. I love her to death. Well in her past relationship she was emotionally abused by her ex. From what i was told it was really bad. Obviously she told me this when we first started dating and i got good of how bad it was when her and i went to san francisco for day. He called her and just ripped her apart, to put it in perspective, i was putting gas in my car and the doors and window were shut and i could hear him yelling at her. Yes, it pissed me off, i cant stand wife beaters whether its physical, sexual or emotional. Also being a police officer made it even harder for me to deal with cause i would loved to put him away. She was really upset after wards and i told it was ok, she was with me and i would not let anything happen to her.

 

She ended spending the night, we had fun, played wii bowling and just had fun. The next day we hang out and things are going good and he texts her saying that he was gonna change the locks on her house, it was thiers but he moved out, and take the dogs. She was devested. For fear of her being hurt i had my roomate who is like a sister to me and who is tougher than nails go with her. If i went and he was there i wouldnt be typing this. They get to the house and there are holes in the walls and doors and the dogs are gone. They got back and I gave her a huge hug and said its gonna be ok. She moved out of the house and back with her parents.

 

The next couple months were great, she was getting over it and was happy. well at work one night during a concert she sends me a text that her ex had shown up with his girlfriennd and gave her a hug and said things ended wrong and if she wanted to see the dogs she could. I new she was upset, so she picked me up after the concert and i stayed with her, we didnt talk about till the next morning. I told it was me and her and that things will get better. Well they got worse he kept calling her and was using the dogs and the house as a way of controlling her. I saw it, my roomates saw it, her counselor saw and my parents saw it.

 

I know with any abuse survivor its not easy getting over the past, they hold onto it and look for ways to blame themselves. Like i said i love her and all can do is support her and encourage her. She has come along way and im proud of her.

 

things were sketchy for a while, and finally we had a talk about it. We decided to slow down and work through things. Great things were good and then downhill again. We had another talk and talked about taking a break which sucks but the fact that i love her and want her to be happy is what i care most about. Well we took it slow, and a couple weeks ago my roomates and i went to her house for a bbq, the girls got drunk and my friend and i just hung while they had fun. Well at the end of the night my girlfriend went from happy to pissed. She had finally hit rock bottom. I felt so bad for her, but at the same time knew it was probably the best thing to happen to her.

 

Flashforward to today i had her come over and we talked and she finally realized that she can be herself and take charge. She called her dumbass ex and told him to take her off the lease of the house. He was pissed but, bro move on. I was so proud of her. The thing that sucks she needs her time to be her. Im ok with that, but i stilll want us to work out in the end. She says she loves with all her heart and she knows she has hurt with her prior actions, which to me are not her fault. She still wants to talk and hang out, and says she loves me. With that said im gonna continue to encourage her and care for her. We may not see each other all the time, but i will be here for her. I want her and i will continue to fight the good fight.

 

I apoligize for the novel i just wrote but I would like any advice from women who have or are goin through the same thing as well as men whose girlfriends have gone through this.

 

Thanks

Doesn't sound like she's moved on....abuse is a tricky thing. Go get Lundy Bancroft's book "Why does he do that?" Should open your eyes.

[sugarmomma]

I wish there was a guy like you around when I was in a similar situation. She definitely doesn't need anything too serious and lots of space to think. The end of any r should have a grieving process and especially one that was abusive.

 

Give her time, don't pressure her and just continue to be a good friend.