JUSTdaNCE Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 Long story short.... Me and this guy dated for 3 years. He lived with my family and I for 2.... Broke up with me a few months before our 3 year anniversary and two months later was already engaged. I was quite pissed...as were his friends. I stayed in touch with a lot of his friends and they explained how mad they were at him. They said he swears up and down to them and myself that he never cheated on me. Well a year later he breaks up with her and comes back to me. Saying he still loves me, that he never fell out of love with me...he ran away from something great and he wants to work on things. He knows I am the one for him and he will spend as long as it takes earning my trust again. I gave him a second chance and we are working things out for the past 3 months... Is it normal to be so jealous?! I worry where he is all the time and who he is texting when I'm not around. How long will it take to get his trust back?? I'm going crazy... but I love him and want things to work. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 I'm hearing nice words. What is he *doing* to earn your trust back and show his understanding of the choice he made to leave you and ask another woman to marry him? Give me an example from, say, yesterday.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author JUSTdaNCE Posted July 16, 2009 Author Share Posted July 16, 2009 that's the thing. I'm not quite sure what to be looking for...what should I be looking for? What should he be doing?? The only thing I can think of yesterday, is that he met me at the book store after I got out of work. He had a meeting later that night and we wouldn't be able to see each other but he wanted to spend some time with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Bejita463 Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 that's the thing. I'm not quite sure what to be looking for...what should I be looking for? Should you really have to look to see his attempts to earn back your trust and display remorse? Link to post Share on other sites
sugarmomma Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 I don't understand. Why are YOU trying to get his trust back when he was the one that violated your trusts by cheating? He should be proving himself to you as opposed to you being jealous. You should be having a great time enjoying your life and fitting him in when you can. The magic is not in him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JUSTdaNCE Posted July 16, 2009 Author Share Posted July 16, 2009 He swears he never cheated on me. I believe that he didnt *physically* cheat on me...but he had to have been emotionally cheating...which some claim to be just as bad. He wants ME to trust him again...he trusts me wholeheartedly... Link to post Share on other sites
bean1 Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 What a prize. He can dump a girl, be engaged 2 months later, and make wedding plans while still being in love with another girl. If your daughter, sister, mother, or female friend were in your situation, what would you say to her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author JUSTdaNCE Posted July 16, 2009 Author Share Posted July 16, 2009 Thing is... he never made wedding plans...never got her a ring...never picked a date. I mean, if my sister or friends were in this situation and they loved the guy a lot, I'd say go for it and give him another chance...just keep in the back of her mind what he did... *Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me* Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 I dunno JustDance, this guy doesn't sound very reliable. What's different about this time from last time? Link to post Share on other sites
bean1 Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 Thing is... he never made wedding plans...never got her a ring...never picked a date. I mean, if my sister or friends were in this situation and they loved the guy a lot, I'd say go for it and give him another chance...just keep in the back of her mind what he did... *Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me* Well, I'm not sure if that's engaged. Then again, I wouldn't trust his word, sorry. Men don't "figure themselves out" hopping from woman to woman (which is what he is doing). Sounds like he just tells people what they want to hear. Then again, it seems to work for him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JUSTdaNCE Posted July 16, 2009 Author Share Posted July 16, 2009 I dunno JustDance, this guy doesn't sound very reliable. What's different about this time from last time? He seems much more attentive towards me than he did the first time around. Tells me he loves me more than he did before. The way he looks at me is different as well. I dunno if I'm defending him with this next statement, but I've known many circumstances where the cliche "You don't realize what you had till its gone" plays a part...but it seems like it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JUSTdaNCE Posted July 16, 2009 Author Share Posted July 16, 2009 Bean- This isnt stuff he had told me...this was what all our mutual friends were saying to me. They would ask him if they planned a date and he would come back and say something like, I dunno, I haven't thought about it... Then when he came back to me- he said he never thought about the future with her... He never talked like we used to talk, about who would be in our wedding and where we would have it. He said he never really had the desire to talk about stuff like that with her... thats when he said it hit him. Link to post Share on other sites
bean1 Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 Well, I think you have made up your mind. The only way to get past jealousy is TIME. Nothing you can do about that. Just wait it out. Sorry if I seem so "against" him, I've just been in your place before, it wasn't pretty. I wouldn't want you to be hurt like that ... again A man needs to get his act together alone - not use a woman as a crutch to be tossed aside when he makes some of his many decisions Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 The only thing I can think of yesterday, is that he met me at the book store after I got out of work. He had a meeting later that night and we wouldn't be able to see each other but he wanted to spend some time with me. Great. Continue to be receptive to such actions for the next six months while you continue to live your life. Reciprocate as you feel appropriate. Accept proactive physical affection and reciprocate as appropriate. Watch for consistency in both. This man will have to acquire patience to win your love back. Tell him I said so Link to post Share on other sites
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