This is it!

[imhurt]

I think first of all, I need to quit being a whiny baby! I am sure he is just fine and going on with his life, why should mine stop? IT"S OVER FOR A REASON!!

 

I wish I could feel like this all the time, this damn roller coaster of emotions. But I do believe it will get better. For good.

 

During the day is hardest for me, I didn't get out of bed til 3 pm yesterday. What a waste of a day! I finally went to see an old friend and I did feel better last night.

This morning was hard again, I vomited a few times, which I had nothing to vomit, so that sucked.

But here I am, still alive. And starting to feel better. I know tomorrow will probly suck again, I am not looking forward to this first weekend w/o him.

I filled my days ahead of time, so I won't be stuck at home alone. I am going ahead with this break up.

 

We broke up because we wanted different things out of life. I finally realized he didn't want these same things, why should I compromise what I really want? He sure as heck wasn't. I just hope he didn't want them with someone else! That would suck.

I can't think of that though. I am strong and will get through this.

I will not dwell for much longer. I am not obsessive, I have not contacted him, I am focused on moving forward....I still love him, I do miss him right now, but I know what would happen if we got back together. I do not want to go down that road or this road again, this is the most awful thing I have gone through. I will not go through this again. I will try harder in the next relationship....Man, I now feel like calling him again, strange how it comes and goes, back and forth, up and down.

If I did call him, or he call called me and we did try again, it would be just to not feel this way any more. Right? or is it the what if's?

And why can't we talk to each other? Why this NC order? Not that I want to be the one to break it, but why not? Will it hurt that much more? I am just rambling, Ufff...I really hope I don't waste a whole year on this....I hear people on here that are on 2 years! thats nuts! even 5 months seems like a long time. I will just pray to GOD and go forward. You only get one life, I can't waste it anymore.