Has anyone felt bad making love to MM and H on same day?

[Mr. Lucky]

Sex is terrific. But who wants to be owned? I've never seen my 'job' as a wife to be an available source of pleasure. I'd like to think it is mutual or not at all.

Makes sense on the surface, but that's also the rationale that some spouses have used to reduce sexual activity in the relationship to zero. "If I'm not feeling it, you're not getting any" becomes a dangerous concept in a marriage when applied across the board...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Mr. Lucky]

Yeah, that whole idea of "that's what you signed up for when you said 'I do'" made me recall a thread where the poster who started it said, basically, that she gives her H BJ's ANY time he wants, even if she is sick, because it's "her duty."

She wants to please her husband? How old-fashioned and out of touch with the current successful approach to marriage ...

 

Mr. Lucky

[OpenBook]

Maybe I'm a bizarre creature, however I've never had sex with any man unless I was into it. I have absolutely no issues regarding 'marital duty'. In fact, I find it to be a real 'downer'. I consider myself to be a sensual creature and sexual creature however the idea that a marriage certificate buys unlimited rides in happy town on demand turns me off in such a major way it isn't even funny. I am so independent that the idea that someone owns me makes my toes curl. I don't like anyone making 'demands' of me so demanding sex would absolutely be a turnoff and would probably be a deal breaker for me. I am a 'take me as I am" sort of woman because I like myself. If my husband asks me to 'come play with him" and I don't want to... well, I don't. I have sex when I want to and that will never change.

 

Sex is terrific. But who wants to be owned? I've never seen my 'job' as a wife to be an available source of pleasure. I'd like to think it is mutual or not at all.

 

And I see a lot of "I's" and "me's" here in your Independent Woman (Even Though I'm Married) anthem... but nothing about how your H feels. Do you take that into account, ever?

 

Also, you ask "Who wants to be owned?" but yet you refer to your H as "my husband." Doesn't that imply ownership? And ergo, doesn't he own you?

[Mr. Lucky]

Um, unless you read that whole thread, don't even TRY to comment.

Do I need your approval and permission to comment on any thread or is it just limited to this one?

Well, how should she refer to her H? "This is THE husband?"

 

Or maybe, "This is the man I am married to." Gets kinda long and drawn out that way.

You avoided OB's point. Saying "I only have sex when I want to" completely ignore's your partner's needs and feelings, which at any given time may or may not align with yours...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Mr. Lucky]

Again, you've avoided OB's point. So be it...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Gamine]

And I see a lot of "I's" and "me's" here in your Independent Woman (Even Though I'm Married) anthem... but nothing about how your H feels. Do you take that into account, ever?

 

Also, you ask "Who wants to be owned?" but yet you refer to your H as "my husband." Doesn't that imply ownership? And ergo, doesn't he own you?

 

I don't know what floats your boat in your personal life or in your marriage. For me, I own me. He owns himself.

 

Now, in the English language "I", 'Me", etc... is generally used to describe ourselves. So yes, when discussing MY views I used "I". And, for the record, (again adhering to the English language as a guide) used MY husband to identify the man to whom I am married. Is that any better?

 

Now, do I ever take my husband into consideration? Every single day of my life. I cook fabulous meals for him, iron his shirts, help with his business, hold his hand when he needs a friend, hold him up when he is too tired to stand, and would walk through fire for him and fight to the death if anyone where to attempt to bring harm to him.

 

Do I lay down sublimate myself because I am married? Heck no, and I never will.

So, yes... I used "I" to describe me. I own me. I have sex when I want to have sex. I am not a purchased prostitute. And, as for me... I am 1000% woman in every way shape and form. Including my ability to say yes or no... married or not. I don't know what man would want a woman to 'yield' to him for his sexual gratification. That is just plain nonsensical.

 

Frankly, with the exception of this forum I have never heard ANY WOMAN in my life say that they 'do their duty' for their husband. Many of my friends (male and female) are completely horrified when I tell them about the attitudes towards 'wifely duties' expressed here on LS. To say they can't believe their ears is an understatement. I generally get "Who are these people anyway?" or, "What is wrong with them?". So, as for me (at least in terms of the circles I travel in) having sex with the husband like a dead fish because he 'needs it' doesn't seem to be flying with anyone I know.

 

I'm the best friend my husband has ever had, even when he wasn't a very good friend to me. I'm faithful like a puppy dog but I belong to me. I give myself to him. A free spirit with morals and integrity. No one will ever own me. And... I will NEVER OWN anyone.

[Confused4Now]

No one will ever own me. And... I will NEVER OWN anyone.

 

Well said....excellent post!!!

[Mr. Lucky]

Do I lay down sublimate myself because I am married? Heck no, and I never will.

So, yes... I used "I" to describe me. I own me. I have sex when I want to have sex. I am not a purchased prostitute. And, as for me... I am 1000% woman in every way shape and form. Including my ability to say yes or no... married or not. I don't know what man would want a woman to 'yield' to him for his sexual gratification. That is just plain nonsensical.

So you never have sex with your husband when you're not "in the mood"? Never had the proverbial "quickie" when his sexual desire doesn't align with yours ???

 

Mr. Lucky

[Mr. Lucky]

Now, Mr. "Lucky," if you're going to just make stuff up, don't post because you're being nothing but counterproductive.

Donna, thanks again for the posting instructions. I'll start paying attention when it says "Moderator" under your username...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Gamine]

So you never have sex with your husband when you're not "in the mood"? Never had the proverbial "quickie" when his sexual desire doesn't align with yours ???

 

Mr. Lucky

 

That's right.

[whichwayisup]

Also, you ask "Who wants to be owned?" but yet you refer to your H as "my husband."

 

Everyone I know calls their spouse this - My husband, or my wife. Then there's my friends, my parents, my siblings, my children. My grandparents, my aunts, my uncles..

[White Flower]

Everyone I know calls their spouse this - My husband, or my wife. Then there's my friends, my parents, my siblings, my children. My grandparents, my aunts, my uncles..

and don't even start with...'my MM'...lol

[Mr. Lucky]

That's right.

I'll just say "wow".

 

Perhaps I just have a different perspective. I've just gone through a 90-day "on again, off again" bout with ED as a side effect of some medicine I'm taking for coronary disease. It has been very important to me to stay just as connected sexually (and other ways) to my wife, if for no other reason than her pleasure and happiness is very important to me. I feel that, regardless of my mood or condition or my own orgasm, I owe that to her. It's a debt and obligation I happily accept without regard for what's in it for me.

 

Does that make me a "purchased prostitute"?

 

Mr. Lucky

[White Flower]

I'll just say "wow".

 

Perhaps I just have a different perspective. I've just gone through a 90-day "on again, off again" bout with ED as a side effect of some medicine I'm taking for coronary disease. It has been very important to me to stay just as connected sexually (and other ways) to my wife, if for no other reason than her pleasure and happiness is very important to me. I feel that, regardless of my mood or condition or my own orgasm, I owe that to her. It's a debt and obligation I happily accept without regard for what's in it for me.

 

Does that make me a "purchased prostitute"?

 

Mr. Lucky

I don't think it makes you a purchased prostitute at all. I think it makes you available to your wife when she is feeling in the mood. Perhaps we as women like to think you're obliging us because for us sex is as a spiritual connection as it is a physical one and for men it can tend to be just physical. Not always true, but seems to be the norm or at least stereotype; so when a woman obliges him, it can tend to feel like submitting rather than partaking and sharing. But when we remember we are in love or better yet are feeling loved by our husbands, submitting can be a beautiful thing.

[Gamine]

I'll just say "wow".

 

Perhaps I just have a different perspective. I've just gone through a 90-day "on again, off again" bout with ED as a side effect of some medicine I'm taking for coronary disease. It has been very important to me to stay just as connected sexually (and other ways) to my wife, if for no other reason than her pleasure and happiness is very important to me. I feel that, regardless of my mood or condition or my own orgasm, I owe that to her. It's a debt and obligation I happily accept without regard for what's in it for me.

 

Does that make me a "purchased prostitute"?

 

Mr. Lucky

 

 

If this is what makes the two of you happy and fulfilled in the marriage and as individuals then it seems you have found the key to your marital happiness.

 

For me, I will make love to my husband. I will not, however, use my body to sexually service him (one sided) to resolve a physical urge. That is how I wish to use my body as a woman and believe that ... not even the covenant of marriage denies me that.

[Mr. Lucky]

For me, I will make love to my husband. I will not, however, use my body to sexually service him (one sided) to resolve a physical urge. That is how I wish to use my body as a woman and believe that ... not even the covenant of marriage denies me that.

Was your position on this refined in any way by your H's affair or have you always felt this way ???

 

Mr. Lucky

[Gamine]

Was your position on this refined in any way by your H's affair or have you always felt this way ???

 

Mr. Lucky

 

I have always felt this way. I give, yet do not yield. While being devoted to him and sharing my life with him.... I give all of me. Yet, in the giving it does not require that I do what is against my feelings. We can be devoted and yet not be owned. I suppose there are just personal boundaries to the self that can be preserved and in some cases should be preserved.

 

I will always give to him, however it is giving... not demanded nor taken.

[whichwayisup]

and don't even start with...'my MM'...lol

You just made me snort WF.

[Reggie]

That's right.

 

I think this is good. I cannot even imagine my desire continuing if I saw evidence my wife was not into it. It is degrading to both parties, IMO.

I would never insist on sex if my spouse was tired or just not in the mood. If it was a regular thing, I'd know something was very wrong and try to address it.

Unfortunately, in my situation, I did inquire and all I got was a bunch of lying and she acte like she had no idea what I was talking about. You cannot fix these problems if the other person will not communicate.

[Mr. Lucky]

Yeah, what self respecting man would WANT his woman to lay there submissively because "it's her duty?" Wouldn't a guy WANT his woman to be into the lovemaking?

Good job of applying the most negative spin possible. The point you're missing is that sometimes it's not about your wants but rather a choice to focus on your partner's desire. Those times that my W has initiated when I have't been in the mood - perhaps tired, had a tough day or as I stated above the medicine I'm on - simply give me an opportunity to physically express my love for her. It never occurred to me to see myself as such a "submissive" victim...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Gamine]

I am 100% with Reggie and DonnaMaybe on this one. Mr. Lucky, I am picking up from your posts on the subject that you seem to be coming from the right place with regard to the intimacy between you and your wife. However, for me, intimacy is something that is cultivated and shared between two people. Consent wouldn't be enough for me to take something from someone who believes it is their duty or obligation to me. I would still feel it was wrong, even if they agreed to it.

 

I have read some of the most outrageous things on forums. Some wives or husbands 'consent' to three ways or orgies to satisfy their partner's needs... so as to live by the creed that they are 'expected to' or suffer infidelity when they go looking to 'satisfy it' outside of the marriage.

 

Some indicate they 'did it' for their partner 'out of marital intimacy' or 'love'. However, I didn't purchase my husband when I married him and he certainly didn't purchase me. His body is not mine to use as I see fit and mine not for him to use as he sees fit.

 

Inside of me... this outlook appears to be degrading to the parties. That is not something I signed up for. Some do... and while I don't personally understand it and am (at times) shocked by it... I suppose if that is what the couple agrees to then so be it.

 

I am me and won't do anything that doesn't work for me. Unless raped, I will never have sex with a man (my husband in this case because I'm married) unless I choose to. For me to choose to I must want to. Otherwise, he is using my body like a sex toy and being degraded in that way is something I won't allow. I wouldn't ask my partner to do something in the sack he wasn't into either and expect him to 'perform it' simply because we're married... and that, somehow, that entitles me to make demands. Well, to me, it doesn't.

 

I just don't think that sex should be 'selfless' or 'selfish'. It is to be given and shared... mutually. But, that's just me... and what works for me. I don't believe marriage is ownership... but it is a commitment. And my commitment doesn't include sacrificing myself for someone's pleasure. No man I ever dated EVER asked that of me... and I believe a husband should respect a wife more than even just a boyfriend would.

[Reggie]

And, of course, there are the "inflatable" options.

[Gamine]

And, of course, there are the "inflatable" options.

 

Okay, Reggie. You NEVER cease to get a grin out of me....

[Gamine]

Was your position on this refined in any way by your H's affair or have you always felt this way ???

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Mr. Lucky, I am curious. Did your position on this refined in any way by your heart disease and/or resulting ED? I'm wondering... did you see sex in this same light when you were 18? When you were 30? Etc... How has your view changed, if any, over the years.

 

Reggie, do you find that you see 'sex' differently as time has passed? Eg., 20 yrs. old, 30 etc... I am wondering whether we become 'different' or develop a different attitude or emotional view on sex because of life experiences.... and if so... I wonder how... and in what ways.

[Reggie]

I think my views on sex have evolved,. But to be honest, with my Catholic upbringing,(I wanted to be a priest for a long time) I always thought it was something that should mean more than being a pleasurable physical activity.

As a kid, I was pretty good looking and a very good athlete. I dated a few women that had graced the covers of magazines. Yet, my wife, was my first partner and I was 29. I realize this was not normal, but it worked for me.

I know this is a large continuum along which folks fall re the importance of sex and the neccessity for an emptional connection. I am not critical of those who view it more along the lines of a pleasurable bodily function, like eating a good meal or getting massage.

I was talking about this to my best childhood friend, a really good looking guy, rich as hell, a vascular surgeon. We grew up together and were inseperable. We both came from large Catholic Families(7 kids for me, 12 for him). We were altar boys and went to mass a lot. We are both successful and in good shape and look decent.

He was complaining that , despite all the opportunites, with attractive women, he had drunk too much Catholic Kool Aid to ever cheat on his wife(he said this in jest).

I recently revealed to one of my college basketball teamates that I had never slept with any of the girls that I dated. He was incredulous.

I think I am a dinosaur. But, it works for me.

My 19 year old son, on the other hand recently found out that he has a 17 month old daughter. He told me he has slept with over 20 girls. I think he has a problem.