Has anyone felt bad making love to MM and H on same day?

[Mr. Lucky]

Mr. Lucky, I am curious. Did your position on this refined in any way by your heart disease and/or resulting ED? I'm wondering... did you see sex in this same light when you were 18? When you were 30? Etc... How has your view changed, if any, over the years.

Well Gamine, given the ignorant awkwardness I brought to sex at age 18, I certainly hope that I see sex in a different light .

 

I will also say that I've long been humbled by my wife's sexual generosity. We've had our ups and downs like any long-married couple, but she's been incredibly giving (regardless of her mood ) over the years. I really do feel like a lucky man. And perhaps you're right, my slowing down due to these meds has given me a chance to focus on her without regard to my own satisfaction. Perhaps I am trying to balance the ledger a little bit...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Gamine]

I think my views on sex have evolved,. But to be honest, with my Catholic upbringing,(I wanted to be a priest for a long time) I always thought it was something that should mean more than being a pleasurable physical activity.

As a kid, I was pretty good looking and a very good athlete. I dated a few women that had graced the covers of magazines. Yet, my wife, was my first partner and I was 29. I realize this was not normal, but it worked for me.

I know this is a large continuum along which folks fall re the importance of sex and the neccessity for an emptional connection. I am not critical of those who view it more along the lines of a pleasurable bodily function, like eating a good meal or getting massage.

I was talking about this to my best childhood friend, a really good looking guy, rich as hell, a vascular surgeon. We grew up together and were inseperable. We both came from large Catholic Families(7 kids for me, 12 for him). We were altar boys and went to mass a lot. We are both successful and in good shape and look decent.

He was complaining that , despite all the opportunites, with attractive women, he had drunk too much Catholic Kool Aid to ever cheat on his wife(he said this in jest).

I recently revealed to one of my college basketball teamates that I had never slept with any of the girls that I dated. He was incredulous.

I think I am a dinosaur. But, it works for me.

My 19 year old son, on the other hand recently found out that he has a 17 month old daughter. He told me he has slept with over 20 girls. I think he has a problem.

 

 

I could tell you had a depth to you that was uncommon. Like you, I do not view sex as a bodily function. I was single until age 35 and dated quite a bit as a free spirit. Raised in a very chaotic household with 5 kids and two children/adults who were our parents. Father successful... mother catholic upbringing... hopelessly stifled and resentful towards her kids and... out of control.

 

I modeled, had many suitors and boyfriends who I did sleep with (not all). Never had a one night stand in my life and never crossed the line with weird stuff or pick ups. I view sex as an extension of sensuality... which engages the spirit and personality. Not an urge to be satiated in an animalistic manner. I am generally grossed out by the overwhelming amount of posts on LS that refer to women and men acting out sexually in an incredibly broken way. Almost in a helpless, victimized way. Honestly, despite my history I was never exposed to vulgar behavior by men or women and I am shocked and upset by it when I read about it. Sex is used in a distorted way.

 

Even reading on another thread about how the OW 'takes care of her MM' before he goes on vacation with his family so that their "MM" won't have sex with his wife.

 

It is insidious, really, because of its mean spirited origin. I can truly appreciate your desire to become a priest in your youth. I could easily be a nun and thrive in a convent.

 

You always come to LS with a genuine voice of reason that comes from a good heart. I am happy you are here.

[Gamine]

Well Gamine, given the ignorant awkwardness I brought to sex at age 18, I certainly hope that I see sex in a different light .

 

I will also say that I've long been humbled by my wife's sexual generosity. We've had our ups and downs like any long-married couple, but she's been incredibly giving (regardless of her mood ) over the years. I really do feel like a lucky man. And perhaps you're right, my slowing down due to these meds has given me a chance to focus on her without regard to my own satisfaction. Perhaps I am trying to balance the ledger a little bit...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

 

Something that comes from a 'good place' from inside of a person can never be bad. So if you and your wife are happy and fulfilled ... inside as well as outside... then it obviously works for you. I hope your health remains on a good path and that you are well.

[boldjack]

Gamine,Your "spiritual ", outlook on sex comes from your spiritual outlook on life. This works for you. Other ways work for other people. Consent being the operative word. If both parties consent, (or three or four or however many) then what they do, or how they do it, is their concern. Don't you agree?

[Reggie]

Gamine,Your "spiritual ", outlook on sex comes from your spiritual outlook on life. This works for you. Other ways work for other people. Consent being the operative word. If both parties consent, (or three or four or however many) then what they do, or how they do it, is their concern. Don't you agree?

 

I agree with this. I do not look down on people that use sex as a form of recreation. I must admit ,it is foreign to me. But, it seems to work for them.

I am a bit bewidered, however, at the depth of their pain upon finding a parter is cheating. I have a hard time reconciling how a partner's engaging in an activity to which they attach very little significance causes them so much pain> I understand that it impacts their lives financially or threatens the family structure, which can be scary. But, it seems they also display the same type of pain as those for whom sex is something more sacred.

this, sort of , leads me to believe that despite being programmed by societal influences that promote sex as a casual activity, somewhere, hard wired in our brains, we do have some programming causing us to have the desire to associate physical intimacy with more than just pleasure.

but, as i have found throughout my life, it is really impossible for me to figure out how people different than me process things.

I think the best thing one can do in selecting a partner is to find someone that really has the same values as oneself. Of course, as many of us have found in these infidelity situations, we made a mistake or were fooled in this regard.

For me, the evidence was there, ready to be considered in the selection process, but , for a variety of reasons, I ignored it. And, it cost me a lot.

So, now i ma left to apply arbitrary criteria, which often ignore the ability of people to have made changes. I routinely get out of any relationship where there is any history of infidelity , in any capacity. I do this knowing that I may be forgoing what could be a good relationship with a person that has changed. But, the risk is just too great, for me, and I know if this happened again, it might cost me my sanity.

[Gamine]

Gamine,Your "spiritual ", outlook on sex comes from your spiritual outlook on life. This works for you. Other ways work for other people. Consent being the operative word. If both parties consent, (or three or four or however many) then what they do, or how they do it, is their concern. Don't you agree?

 

 

I don't know how spiritual of an outlook I have on sex. Honestly, I'm just normal. Of course when I was dating I heard about weird stuff but frankly from the time I was a girl to the present day think that people who do those things are weirdos. It is twisted and I'd be willing to bet that if put under the psychological microscope they'd be proven to be damaged goods emotionally and psychologically. I'm pretty fortunate that I've never attracted weird guys and if they were weird or had weird tendencies they certainly didn't air their dirty laundry with me. In my opinion, no man can truly love a woman who has a desire to see her with another man or woman. I'm sorry. The men I have known in my life wanted to give black eyes to guys just checking me out the wrong way. What does it say about how a man feels about a woman (and vice versa) if they get off watching them 'do' someone else? Nope. Love isn't a factor there that is for certain. I don't think they can even really care about them deep down.

 

I like decent fellas who aren't weirdos.

[Gamine]

I agree with this. I do not look down on people that use sex as a form of recreation. I must admit ,it is foreign to me. But, it seems to work for them.

I am a bit bewidered, however, at the depth of their pain upon finding a parter is cheating. I have a hard time reconciling how a partner's engaging in an activity to which they attach very little significance causes them so much pain> I understand that it impacts their lives financially or threatens the family structure, which can be scary. But, it seems they also display the same type of pain as those for whom sex is something more sacred.

this, sort of , leads me to believe that despite being programmed by societal influences that promote sex as a casual activity, somewhere, hard wired in our brains, we do have some programming causing us to have the desire to associate physical intimacy with more than just pleasure.

but, as i have found throughout my life, it is really impossible for me to figure out how people different than me process things.

I think the best thing one can do in selecting a partner is to find someone that really has the same values as oneself. Of course, as many of us have found in these infidelity situations, we made a mistake or were fooled in this regard.

For me, the evidence was there, ready to be considered in the selection process, but , for a variety of reasons, I ignored it. And, it cost me a lot.

So, now i ma left to apply arbitrary criteria, which often ignore the ability of people to have made changes. I routinely get out of any relationship where there is any history of infidelity , in any capacity. I do this knowing that I may be forgoing what could be a good relationship with a person that has changed. But, the risk is just too great, for me, and I know if this happened again, it might cost me my sanity.

 

 

I'm with you on this Reggie. I have read stories from people who are into all sorts of group activities who cry the blues when their partner does it with someone 'behind their back'... which signifies that it isn't about a tie between them. It is more about control. They don't mind their partner having sex with someone else in front of them for a thrill, but heaven forbid they do it behind their back. Sex isn't even a bodily function in the animal kingdom. Let's ask a bird if they've arranged for an orgy lately. Geese mate for life. I find it difficult to believe that we are more highly evolved creatures if we can focus only on our body parts. Sex is reduced to an act no differently than relieving oneself in the minds of some.

 

I do, however, look down upon people who engage in these activities as it speaks to immorality... certainly not the most highly evolved individuals.

[Reggie]

I try not to look down on these folks, Gamine. I just feel sorry for them. I know that sounds bad, elitist or something.

But, I see them scurrying around, devoting all types of time and energy to hooking up, expieriencing all types of degrading things, trying to fill voids in themselves. It truly is sad.

You see this in other areas, besides sex, as well. Chasing $$ and material things in an effort to find peace and happiness.

Or, trying to get "washboard abs", so one's life is meaningful and all problems are solved. The crazy **** we do in an effort to avoid rally figuring out what is important amazes me. I think I used to do it with golf. I thought, if I get to scratch, all will be well. Then, it happened, I was a scratch golfer. Guess what , it is meaningless. I get less satisfaction out of breaking par than I do helping my kids or just meeting a nice person on the course.

 

I could no more envision myself witnessing my wife or girlfriend having sex in front of me with someone else than who knows what. No way would I be aroused by whipping my clothes off in front of a group and going at it. I'd be motified.