allietea Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 I have been with my boyfriend for almost three years and we live together. All of his friends are girls. Well, not all of them but all his male friends live really far away so when he does hang out with people it's with girls... For awhile he wouldn't let me come hang out with him and his friends because he says that he needs to have a life that is in no way intertwined with mine, and i agree with that. However, i had a problem with my boyfriend hanging out with a bunch of girls and never ever being included in their plans. I explained that i don't want to be friends with this person or steal her away or act rude to her, but that i'll NEVER be okay with him hanging out with girls if i dont know anything about them. If i could just get a sense of who they were and what she was like that i'd probaby be alot more comfortable with the whole thing. For a loooong time this was the only major issue we've had. I think he thought that i would just get over it and stop bothering him everytime he said he had plans with girls and that i wasn't allowed to join. Well, i didnt - and haven't- let it go. So he finally last night said that i can go with him and his friend Holly somewhere tonight and hang out. However after a long talk he told me that he has told her that i get mad everytime he goes to hang out with her or any other female without me and that he has gone to her for advice when we have had issues in our relationship. I think that is totally innoppropiate especially when i am kept away from her and she'll never hear my side of anything. My question is: should i go tonight? I know i'll feel uncomfortable. I know that it will be very hard for me to get dressed and do my makeup tonight and physically walk out the door to go meet this person. Especially since i know that she knows only the bad details about me.... HELP Link to post Share on other sites
JUSTdaNCE Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 Do you know that she *only* knows bad details about you?? If you have been with this guy for 3 years, surely he has had to boast about you at some point. I would go. This way you can see that they are just friends and you have nothing to worry about! Besides, you may actually enjoy yourself! Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 I So he finally last night said that i can go with him and his friend Holly somewhere tonight and hang out. However after a long talk he told me that he has told her that i get mad everytime he goes to hang out with her or any other female without me and that he has gone to her for advice when we have had issues in our relationship. OK. First let me say that your bf is an a** and you are right to feel as you do - but whats Worse is that you allow yourself to be in this position and in this relationship. Here is what you do, in light of what he has told his friend: Dont go with him to meet her out. Meet them a little later. When you meet her, be friendly and as genuine as you possibly can. Be affectionate to your BF but dont hang on him. After a bit, make your exit telling them to catch up and have a good time. Tell him with a smile you'll see him at home. His friend will see first hand that you are not a threatened jealous shrew and will never believe him again. Done. Link to post Share on other sites
bean1 Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 That is not ok. You live together. I don't know any groups of friends where a live-in girlfriend is not welcome to join a mixed-gender gathering ("boys nights" are a bit different). That is an insult. Link to post Share on other sites
Author allietea Posted July 16, 2009 Author Share Posted July 16, 2009 I really appreciate everyone's responses. I still don't know what i'm going to do. I liked the idea of going there for a little bit and then leaving early but unfortunately my only mode of transportation is my boyfriend because i dont have a car and all my friends are unavailable..... Keep the advice coming : ) I feel like im gonna have an anxiety attack so im gonna take a nap and see if i feel better when i wake up... Thanks again! Link to post Share on other sites
Stark Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 There is something wrong in this picture. Any friend of mine, woman or man, in 3 years, I would have shown off my girlfriend to, and I find it especially odd that the nights he's out is with girls. Im not advocating he cheats on you, but there is definetely something up. I mean seriously in 3 years you've never met any of his friends that are female? Don't let him box you in and make you feel guilty with his tongue, you weren't asking to hang around every moment, just an oppurtunity to meet them, and you had that right as a partner. I can't give you advice on the current situation, except it seems as if he's said that to put you off going, I would definetely question his behaviour with his female friends when you're not around, and this isn't out of paranoia, it's because of his insistence of him not literally wanting them to meet you, and more so that guys never really go nights out with girls unless it's a mixed crowd. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts