spiraling downward Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 especially men who have straying wives.... There seems to be a lot of tough talk about what they would do to the other man if they confronted him.... When my MW's husband discovered us one day having a beer in a tavern... he barely said boo to me... said something about me "not being worth it" and maintained about 15 feet between him and myself (I was standing closer to him than MW was.) He spent the majority of the time berating my MW... I have to say, I didn't know what was going to happen... was trying to get a read on the situation since he suprised us... The whole episode lasted less than 5 minutes.... I figured he went back outside to lock and load... but he was nowhere to be seen. We continued with our day together and I got her home that evening. Nothing more from him. what am I to make of his actions? he hasn't contacted me since.... it seems to me if he really wanted to fight for his marriage, he would have made more of a scene with me? and this is from my MW.... but she claimed that he didn't pay attention to her for years... just loved his bottle. He only got interested in being dad of the year and a attentive husband when he highly suspected she was seeing someone. What do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
Confused4Now Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 especially men who have straying wives.... There seems to be a lot of tough talk about what they would do to the other man if they confronted him.... When my MW's husband discovered us one day having a beer in a tavern... he barely said boo to me... said something about me "not being worth it" and maintained about 15 feet between him and myself (I was standing closer to him than MW was.) He spent the majority of the time berating my MW... I have to say, I didn't know what was going to happen... was trying to get a read on the situation since he suprised us... The whole episode lasted less than 5 minutes.... I figured he went back outside to lock and load... but he was nowhere to be seen. We continued with our day together and I got her home that evening. Nothing more from him. what am I to make of his actions? he hasn't contacted me since.... it seems to me if he really wanted to fight for his marriage, he would have made more of a scene with me? and this is from my MW.... but she claimed that he didn't pay attention to her for years... just loved his bottle. He only got interested in being dad of the year and a attentive husband when he highly suspected she was seeing someone. What do you think?Well for me I had a D-day and went knocking on their door...I wanted clarity so I basically asked him out to talk. He never did. So I walked away to later get a phone call from him threatening me when the whole time he was standing behind the door and he couldn't even come out the house to talk to me. I knew this man was a abusive man to his wife and most of them are cowards to men. But if some words would be exchanged I'd say the same thing he's not worth it and then I'd take MW somewhere to another bar. No reason to subject yourself to that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiraling downward Posted July 16, 2009 Author Share Posted July 16, 2009 Maybe he didn't feel like spending the night in jail, and over a cheating tart at that. So what you're telling me then is that he believes in self preservation and doesn't really care about his wife at all... in other words, he's all about himself. That's kind of what I was thinking. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiraling downward Posted July 16, 2009 Author Share Posted July 16, 2009 it seems to me if he really wanted to fight for his marriage, he would have made more of a scene with me? Is that what you wanted, a broken nose or worse? What did you feel seeing him and standing so close to him? Considering you once stood in his shoes. Did it make you feel proud or ashamed? You're assuming that he could do that to me? No.. really I was just kind of suprised that he actually found us. When I was in his shoes, the folks around me had to pull me off the OM... yes, that happened (a sordid tale at best.) So you see, I was suprised by his non-action. He was all talk. One more thing... if his main concern was his wife... he would have drug her out of there. You're giving this man too much credit. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 I think maybe him seeing you together made it real and he probably sees that it's over, she's gone and moved on. Maybe he'll be able to move on now too. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 His main concern is his wife and to him, you are nothing more than sh*t on his shoe. And your main concern is trying to hurt someone who can to this forum for SUPPORT. That makes you the FLY ON THE S*** OF HIS SHOE. GEL Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiraling downward Posted July 16, 2009 Author Share Posted July 16, 2009 I'm absolutely certain that's what you need to believe. However, if I had a cheater on my hands, I would not only NOT go to jail over the self serving individual, I would usher his arse out the door and onto his AP's doorstep. That's very understandable. That would also be the fighting spirit on your part. I saw nothing of that from him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiraling downward Posted July 16, 2009 Author Share Posted July 16, 2009 And your main concern is trying to hurt someone who can to this forum for SUPPORT. That makes you the FLY ON THE S*** OF HIS SHOE. GEL thank-you GEL, I couldn't have said that better! Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 You're assuming that he could do that to me? No.. really I was just kind of suprised that he actually found us. When I was in his shoes, the folks around me had to pull me off the OM... yes, that happened (a sordid tale at best.) So you see, I was suprised by his non-action. He was all talk. One more thing... if his main concern was his wife... he would have drug her out of there. You're giving this man too much credit. He doesn't need to drag her out of there "a la caveman" to show his concern. In fact, not doing that, shows his self-control, which is a nice character trait to possess. Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiraling downward Posted July 16, 2009 Author Share Posted July 16, 2009 I think maybe him seeing you together made it real and he probably sees that it's over, she's gone and moved on. Maybe he'll be able to move on now too. I think this is probably the right answer. Before he saw us together, in his mind I wasn't real. One more thing about him, there are very strong indications that he's out running around now as well... I think he has moved on. He has had one known affair during their marriage... the word from family and friends was that there were more. Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiraling downward Posted July 16, 2009 Author Share Posted July 16, 2009 He doesn't need to drag her out of there "a la caveman" to show his concern. In fact, not doing that, shows his self-control, which is a nice character trait to possess. that would have been all nice and wonderful except for him spitting obscenties at her. Once again, too much credit for this wonderful BS. This man has no self control... only wants to control others. He is an alcoholic after all. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 I could see the scene in my head... It reminds me of my 'ex's ex.. she was complety crazy.. screaming obscenities at me in public places.. what a nut case... they bark but most of the time, they don't bite.. They were separated when I was living with him.. (she's the one who cheated on him, that's why they splitted).. she wanted him back desperately.. Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 I've been in a similar situation with my WS, now ancient history. As a youngster ultra-violence was my profession. The thought of doing violence to her MM/OM never entered my mind. In fact, quite the opposite, I hoped that they would both live long healthy lives. I didn't want some homicide detective knocking on my door because the "ex" is always a suspect. I understood what the guy saw in my ex. Better than anyone I knew what her qualities were. It wouldn't be sensible to blame him for being in love with her. The choice was hers. It's always the choice of the WS to do what they do. The person they stray with aren't responsible for the problem, the WS is. When these things occur, it's time to move on. Hopefully you can see the situation more clearly. Violent thoughts can't lead to anything good. Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiraling downward Posted July 16, 2009 Author Share Posted July 16, 2009 I understood what the guy saw in my ex. Better than anyone I knew what her qualities were. It wouldn't be sensible to blame him for being in love with her. The choice was hers. It's always the choice of the WS to do what they do. The person they stray with aren't responsible for the problem, the WS is. When these things occur, it's time to move on. Hopefully you can see the situation more clearly. Violent thoughts can't lead to anything good. You seem to be a rare breed. The philosophy that you hold is commendable. Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 You seem to be a rare breed. The philosophy that you hold is commendable. Philosophy? Maybe laced with a large dose of self preservation. Not physical self preservation, emotional preservation. When a person leaves one person for another it doesen't make the original person feel good. It can be devestating. In my case, after 25 years it was devistating. Each day we obsess, even dwell on the WS's behavior prolongs the agony. I went through a terrible time. Just like everyone else I got sick, lost weight, felt aimless and worthless. The whole gamut. Why some of it was obvious, some wasn't. There was no point in giving my former mate the satisfaction of knowing my pain. And.... I really couldn't blame the OM. He had enough sense to keep away, and not rub my face in the situation, which was kind of him, and wise as well. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 What do you think? Maybe he just wanted you to know that he was no fool. It is the being fooled that hurts the most. Now that he knows and says nothing it is like he is saying he doesn't care. OTOH, it may be his intention to drive you crazy by sitting and waiting quietly, allowing YOU to wonder what is going on in his head. This could drive you crazy! Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 Maybe he just wanted you to know that he was no fool. It is the being fooled that hurts the most. Now that he knows and says nothing it is like he is saying he doesn't care. OTOH, it may be his intention to drive you crazy by sitting and waiting quietly, allowing YOU to wonder what is going on in his head. This could drive you crazy! I agree. I am not sure what kind of 'support' you want. If he would have 'dragged her out of there'; you would be all pissed off that he handled it wrong. The man saw you, probably decided you weren't worth a night in jail, and neither is his cheating wife. Do you want to be commended for hanging out with a married woman in public? Has she left her husband? Has she filed for divorce? Or is she a cake eater? Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiraling downward Posted July 16, 2009 Author Share Posted July 16, 2009 This could drive you crazy! Don't you wish this was true. I'm just interested in what makes people tick. Otherwise I wouldn't be on this forum gathering opinions. There's a lot of talk... but talk is cheap. There are winners and losers in every situation. I feel like I'm winning because I'm getting the woman of my dreams. The losers spend their time whining and moralizing about their misfortunes. That's really the bottom line. Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiraling downward Posted July 16, 2009 Author Share Posted July 16, 2009 I agree. I am not sure what kind of 'support' you want. If he would have 'dragged her out of there'; you would be all pissed off that he handled it wrong. The man saw you, probably decided you weren't worth a night in jail, and neither is his cheating wife. Do you want to be commended for hanging out with a married woman in public? Has she left her husband? Has she filed for divorce? Or is she a cake eater? I never asked for support.... just opinions. I'm not sure why you would think that I want to be commended... that sounds rather condescending of you. And oh yes, the divorce is underway. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 especially men who have straying wives.... There seems to be a lot of tough talk about what they would do to the other man if they confronted him.... When my MW's husband discovered us one day having a beer in a tavern... he barely said boo to me... said something about me "not being worth it" and maintained about 15 feet between him and myself (I was standing closer to him than MW was.) He spent the majority of the time berating my MW... I have to say, I didn't know what was going to happen... was trying to get a read on the situation since he suprised us... The whole episode lasted less than 5 minutes.... I figured he went back outside to lock and load... but he was nowhere to be seen. We continued with our day together and I got her home that evening. Nothing more from him. what am I to make of his actions? he hasn't contacted me since.... it seems to me if he really wanted to fight for his marriage, he would have made more of a scene with me? and this is from my MW.... but she claimed that he didn't pay attention to her for years... just loved his bottle. He only got interested in being dad of the year and a attentive husband when he highly suspected she was seeing someone. What do you think? He probably didn't think the "skank" or you were worth it! Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiraling downward Posted July 16, 2009 Author Share Posted July 16, 2009 He probably didn't think the "skank" or you were worth it! exhibit A. another whining loser. What are you doing on the OM/OW board anyway? Some of you whining BS need to be kicked. Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 I think you need to look up the word condescending LOL GEL posted And your main concern is trying to hurt someone who can to this forum for SUPPORT. and then YOU said thank-you GEL, I couldn't have said that better and anyone who said anything even remotely negative, you were quick to defend your thinking. So from someone reading this - you were either bragging or wanting people to agree with you. <shrug> Doesn't matter to me either way. Good luck with your cheating girlfriend. Remember, what goes around, comes around. How she treats her ex will be an indication of how she treats you. And you seem very smug about "winning" her - since you 'won' her at the expense of someone else's feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 exhibit A. another whining loser. What are you doing on the OM/OW board anyway? Some of you whining BS need to be kicked. ??? Can you please point out who the whining BS's are? If you are in anyway implying me - then you are WRONG. Never have been a BS. Just because people disagree with you doesn't mean they are a BS. Just means they have a different VIEW; which is what this world is made up of. Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiraling downward Posted July 16, 2009 Author Share Posted July 16, 2009 I think you need to look up the word condescending LOL GEL posted and then YOU said and anyone who said anything even remotely negative, you were quick to defend your thinking. So from someone reading this - you were either bragging or wanting people to agree with you. <shrug> Doesn't matter to me either way. Good luck with your cheating girlfriend. Remember, what goes around, comes around. How she treats her ex will be an indication of how she treats you. And you seem very smug about "winning" her - since you 'won' her at the expense of someone else's feelings. Yeah well... but... I'm providing some of you some great reading.... what else would you be doing if you couldn't hang on the OM/OW forum right now!! lol!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiraling downward Posted July 16, 2009 Author Share Posted July 16, 2009 ??? Can you please point out who the whining BS's are? If you are in anyway implying me - then you are WRONG. Never have been a BS. Just because people disagree with you doesn't mean they are a BS. Just means they have a different VIEW; which is what this world is made up of. you might not be a BS... but you sure took something personal. Yes, we all have different VIEWS, and you seem to be quite bothered by mine. I think you just want to tell me I'm WRONG about something. lol!! I hope you feel better. Link to post Share on other sites
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