ello Posted November 6, 2003 Share Posted November 6, 2003 [color=blue][/color] Hi! Please help me I am very sad, and I tried to make it as short as possible, but there are so many details. I left most out! I am 23. My boyfriend and I had been together three years and were always great together until about 7 or 8 months ago. We lived together, and his mother kept intruding in on our lives. She would call and ask me questions about his finances, etc. behind his back. I didn't feel it was her business. She is always making him feel bad, puts him down because of "his lifestyle" which is that he is a mechanic instead of working in the family business like his brother, etc. Anyway, he ended up winning a trip in a contest, and a huge fight occured because of it between him, the mom, brother, and I. They felt that his brother should go, and so he ended up asking him and I was furious because of the way they were treating me (I am trying not to do into much detail so I hope you get the point) and I finally told him that if he was going to treat me that way and let them talk about us, etc. I didn't want to see him anymore, and that he should leave. I was just tired of it. The fighting went on really bad for about two weeks. The day before the trip, he went and stayed at the families home and I told him to take some of his stuff. Five days later, he was back from his trip, and I felt terrible about the whole situation. I wanted to try and fix it so he came home (our place) to talk. He seemed strange, but said he loved me and wanted to fix things. About a week later he told me he had cheated when he was drunk on vacation. He also told me that his brother had given him some "advice" about how when he and his ex were together, he decided to do that too see if she was "the one", and if there was someone else better for him, and all of this other stuff. He was supposed to be my friend. Anyway, I moved out and for the last 7 months my ex has been trying to fix things, or get me back. He says that he has never felt so low in his life, that he loves me more than anything and wants to marry me, that he was really messed up during this fight and didnt know what was going on, and he didnt know what he wanted, that he did it because he felt liked when he thought no one liked him, and so much other stuff! He has also said he would go to counselling. I know he is a really great guy, and has always treated me like a princess before this and now, and was really messed up at the time, I also know he has learned a lesson he says this is the hardest thing he has gone through. This has taken over my life for the last 7 months and I can't figure out what to do. I am wondering is what he did cheating, is it forgiveable, and what would you do? Any advice please!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted November 6, 2003 Share Posted November 6, 2003 am wondering is what he did (1) cheating, (2) is it forgiveable, and (3) what would you do? (1) I consider it cheating (2) I don't know that I could forgive infidelity - if I did it would take a very long time and some heavy couples counseling (3) Get some counseling and stay apart until I was sure of what I wanted, and sure that he and I were on the same page as far as our requirements and deal-breakers for the relationship were concerned. I would need to know that if we were married - I came first to him and he would make that clear to his parents/family. Link to post Share on other sites
Daveysgurl Posted November 7, 2003 Share Posted November 7, 2003 It seems like you've had alot of time to work things out, I personally wouldn't forgive him. If your bf truly loved you he would have taken you on that trip with your relationship in mind, a getaway just for the two of you. It seems like he's being selfish and that he's more attached to you physically than romantically. Mainly the fact that he didn't take you on the trip, he cheated on you and he doesn't stand up and protect you when your being hurt. These arn't exactly top ten reasons to date a guy. (My bf mom always tells me, if you can say I love you without any buts, then you've found your perfect match. she's still married to her college sweetheart so I take her words wisely) however its your decision and you did leave out details so I may just be making false assumptions Cheer up Link to post Share on other sites
cosies Posted November 18, 2003 Share Posted November 18, 2003 ok you really hate life without him,right? well why not try to work it out and give him a second chance.it might not work out but at least you would have walked away knowing that you went in and tried to resolve the problem.im sorry that his family is BUTTING in on your alls relationship,but he is responsible for his own actions.and while you cant make his mom disapear maybe the three of you could get togather and talk out your differences.i wish the best to you and i hope ur life gets better with or with out this guy good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ello Posted November 20, 2003 Author Share Posted November 20, 2003 Hi again. I am still thinking about what my decision is going to be, and taking some time to myself right now. I was wondering if you could possibly give me anymore advice on this situation. He tells me that he knows what he did was terrible, and he says that he honestly thought we were over but he knows that's not an excuse because things were unsettled between us at the time. I know that this whole thing has been just as hard on him as it has on me. He says he will do whatever it takes to fix this and he belives I am his sole mate and this has only made him sure of that. What do I do? I love him and I know he really is a wonderful kind person, possibly the kindest person I've know in alot of ways. He is also very honest, (maybe too much sometimes!) and does so much for me. I know that he cares for me more than anything but I do not know if this is forgiveable. I also don't know what to do about my anger towards his brother. Link to post Share on other sites
Reckless Posted November 20, 2003 Share Posted November 20, 2003 Signs don't look great. You ex didn't put you first or value the relationship he had. You both allowed family to influence you too much and he was unfaithful to you. The best indicator of the future is the past, so as I said, things don't look good. However, 7 months is a long time to be trying to fix things so if you do want to give it another chance, I'd start dating again (don't move back in together) and see if you can draw up and live by some solid ground rules regarding the family and how important the relationship is to you both. You ask if his cheating is 'unforgivable' - nothing is unforgivable, if you can forgive him, then it's forgivable. I personally wouldn't want someone slept with another woman to make sure I was "the one" and then told me about it - but it's your call... Sorry, can't be of more help, R Link to post Share on other sites
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