Heard rumours ex may come back, how shall i handle it?

[Angelrose]

After six happy months together in the space of 13 days my ex switched on me. He started overreacting anytime I disagreed with him or brought to his attention any disrespectful behaviour or treatment which started to increase in those 13 days. He broke up with me out of the blue saying mean and hurtful things and said most especially he never loved me it was all a lie and didn't give me a chance to talk at all.

 

I was shocked, devastated and heartbroken. I couldn't believe how he changed in such short a time and how he overreacted to little things making me feel like it was my fault for daring to point out a few things that were hurting me or making me unhappy.

 

Almost three months have passed. I have put everything into perspective. I realize it wasn't my fault and that I am allowed to speak up in any situation that is hurting me. I also realized that he was battling with himself, he couldn't cope with me disagreeing with him about anything let alone point out when he was behaving inappropriately.

 

I know people who love eachother and genuinley care will want to work on the relationship, be willing to listen and compromise and care about the others needs and happiness. He obviously couldn't do that.

 

I still love him because he was so incredibly lovable those six months and I grew to love him for a reason. But now I don't like him and I don't want him because he is capable of being mean, he is obviously totally unreasonable and selfish. He only wanted his needs met and wanted me to comply with everything he wanted.

 

Its like I had to slot into his life and his way of doing things and be grateful and show that through total surrender and compliance without complaints ever so he would continue to love me and treat me well-which he started to stop doing near the end anyway.

 

After the break he never contacted me. Its been almost three months now but I am hearing rumours that he wants to come back.

 

I don't know how to handle it if he tries to come back and I want to be prepared if he does.

 

Like I said, luckily I don't want him back. But I do still love him. My love is real. Once I love I always love.

 

When he broke up with me I sent him textes and a voicemail to talk about what was happening, a deep and honest chat so we can resolve it, work on it or just talk it through like the friends I thought we were after six good months even if he still wanted to break it off.

 

But he ignored my messages. I felt that was disrespectful and mean.

 

Because of the mean way he broke it off I am not sure what to do if he contacts me. Should I not answer his calls at all? He didn't respect me at all...

 

He may come by to where I live. I really don't know.

 

Or should I meet up with him? I will have to tell him I don't want him back.

 

I know this will drain me and take me steps back. I really have started to accept the break up, see the relationship more clearly and know I don't want it even though I still love him. I know I will be affected by him. He may even start crying, he has in the past and he will see I still love him.

 

I don't want to confuse him by telling him I love him but don't want him. Then again the most hurtful thing during our break up was the belief he never loved me. If I knew he loved me but had other reasons for the break up it would have hurt less and my memories would have been cherished not clouded and dark.

 

What I really need is to be prepared on how to handle it, what to say, how to act if he tries to come back.

 

Maybe the rumours are just rumours but they did make me think. Even now I feel I have taken afew steps back. I am not as cheerful as I was. I was cheerfully moving on with my life before these rumours putting it all behind me.

 

So what do you think I should do?

[UCFKevin]

Generally what happens is once you get on with your life and start feeling better about yourself and your life, that's when they come back.

 

Honestly, I dunno what the hell to tell you. If you love him, if you think you could work things out, go back to him. But no contact at ALL for three months on his part? That's rotten. Personally I'd move on and tell him he had his chance and blew it.

[Leikela]

Honestly, I would just ignore his calls. What goes around comes around. He didn't have the decency to return your calls so why should you give him the satisfaction 3 months later?

 

You may love him, but love is NEVER enough. He obviously doesn't respect you, nor love you, so stay as far away from him as possible. Being in contact with him again will derail your progress. Just ignore him and move on with your life. You'll be better off in the long run.

[ojibwaywmn]

I am basically going through the same thing as you. Just two days ago, my ex's cell number showed up on my cell. We haven't had any communication since our break-up about 4.5 months ago, except when he came to pick up his stuff at my apartment. Luckily, I missed his call as I wouldn't know what to do if I was there to accept it.

 

I still care for him as he has a lot of great qualities. But he has deceived, lied, and betrayed which I am slowly getting over. It is true, just when you are gaining ground, they try to come back.

 

But I have decided that if he wants to talk to me that much, so be it. He will know how much he has hurt and angered me. If he is hoping to be friends, alright, when I am ready to be a friend. Not before, not when he thinks it is more suitable. I love and respect myself enough not to trust blindly where he is concerned. He had the chance and blew it big time. If he wants any type of relation with me, he has to show that he is adult enough to do so. But I highly doubt he is. Don't hide from his calls, emails. Be upfront and honest with him. If he cowers at your response, then he is not an adult, just a child.