My mind is boggled...seriously

[AnnaLee]

Hello! I'm just looking for some outside advice on a situation...

 

Its a loooong complicated thing, that seems to just be getting more and more complicated...

 

Last December, I met a boy through an online dating site thing. I know, lame. But whatever. Anyway, we met up about a week or so after first contact and seemed to really hit it off...

 

He was still a little hung up on a previous relationship, so things were kind of wishy washy, but we talked for hours everyday, and hung out at least once a week. We'd hug whenever we parted, and he'd buy me dinner. I told him that I really liked him, but he never really said what his intentions were, because he said he wasn't sure what he wanted in his life.

 

Well, in April, he decided to lie to me about trying to re-hook up with this girl he knew from college, whom he'd recently went to visit at her current college. His excuse for not telling me was that he didn't want to hurt me. So it was a big ugly ordeal, where a lot of feelings were hurt...

 

Needless to say, we had a major falling out. I haven't seen him since the beginning of April. We still chat randomly on AOL, but its general pleasentries....Also, his "girlfriend" who lives 200 miles away, has yet to come visit him, and because of his job screwing with his hours, he cant go see her. They hardly ever talk on the phone, because he doesn't like talking on phones...

 

Now heres the effed part...My birthday was like, 2 weeks ago...and he IMs the other day to say he got me a birthday present. WHAT?! My brain practically exploded. I haven't seen him in almost 4 months, and he buys me a birthday present!?

 

What the hell does that mean? Does it mean he likes me now? Does it mean nothing? I'm so confused. What kind of guy does this?

 

I was really getting used to the idea of never seeing him again. And now, I kind of want to. Maybe I'm selfish, but part of me really wants to know what he got me. Is it something stupid that he got at a dollar store? Or something he actually put a good amount of thought into?

 

Can anyone help?

[Athena]

Don't waste your time on him. Sounds like he just wanted an excuse to hook up with you... don't see him because you invested more of yourself and your feelings into him, than he did.

 

As for the gift... how lame can it be?

It's probably some CD.

[berry_oh]

It's good that you dont want to see him again. It'll help you get over him.

 

However it's only a birthday present. It doesn't have to mean anything more than that. He probably got you it because he still thinks of you as a friend (even though you're distant now). You two still talk on AOL so he doesn't realize that this is affecting you as much as it is. I dont think he's stupid. He probably does know it's affecting you at least a little and is giving you a present as a sign that he still wants to be friends.

But honestly, I dont think it means that he likes you now.

 

It's up to you really if you want to accept the present or not. But he does deserve to know that he hurt you, and if you dont want to say it to him in person, keep what you're doing, or have even less contact with him. If he's smart, he'll eventually realize it, if not then he's inconsiderate of you and you're better off without him anyways.

[AnnaLee]

Not that many people replied...but I did go to lunch with him.

It was on a work day for me, so I had a limited amount of time to meet with him. We were set to meet at 12.30 at a joint a few minutes from where I work. At 11.30, he texts me to ask if he should pick me up, or if I just wanted to meet there. I said I didn't care either way. He said to pick one. I asked why I always had to pick. (When we previously hung out, he almost always made me choose what we did, or how we did something.) He texts back saying he'll pick me up. Do friends do that? Especially when you haven't seen them in 4 months? Personally, I don't think they do...But moving on...

 

So he picks me up, and we go have lunch. As we're standing in line to place our order, I reach into my purse to get my money. He says "I got it." Now, when we were hanging out, I made it very clear that if we were not dating, that we would go Dutch when we ate out, because that only seemed fair. After insisting I would buy my own lunch, he finally dropped the issue.

 

I got my food and proceeded to the cashier, while he waited in line for his food. I get to the cashier and have a small conversation with him. I look over at "The Boy" and he's giving me and the cashier a funny look. It looked like a small streak of jealousy to me. But I'm not sure. Needless to say, the cashier was my cousin, and when I told The Boy this once we sat down, this wave of relief seemed to come over him.

 

We ate, and chatted about random things like we always had. Then I had to get back to work. We get in the car, and he hands me a large tupperware container that I had left at his house before our falling out, and inside was my present wrapped in newspaper. It was the DVD of the one movie we saw together in the theatre.

 

I can't tell if this was a sweet, sentimental jesture...or he just didn't know what else to get. Even though, honestly, I wouldn't have even noticed if he didn't get me a damn thing.

 

All these feelings are rushing back to me, and I can't get him off my mind again. Doesn't help that he's cute has hell, and actually looks slightly better than I recalled.

 

I guess what I want to know now, is should I be direct and ask what the deal is? Or just let it go.

 

Thanks.

[xpaperxcutx]

Time to let this one go. He's the kind who won't do any sentiment things unless you're in his line of vision, and once you're gone, he pushes to the back of his mind until you initiate contact.

 

He's the kind who comes and goes in your life like a phantom but he won't cease all contact unless you do first. He will drive you up the walls with questions when in the back of your mind you know he's unavailable.

 

Write his name in the " DO NOT DATE" section and move on.