I don't know what I want

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I recently took a long break from alot of things ( including LS). While being by myself is very comfortable, it's also made me settled with the idea that I just don't want to be with anyone. I don't want to date, make friends, or even talk to anyone that initiates conversations. I have officially became a hermit and approaching a derelict.

 

While the former isn't all that important, I find the latter two distressing because I'm pushing all of my best friends away, and I'm reluctant to form new friendships with other people.

 

It's been just me, me, me.

 

This period of my life should be about reflections and change, and while reflections are simply skimmed over, the vast change I've seen in me has been one of me becoming less social and more reserved and private. I'm afraid with the pace that I'm going about things, I'll reach a point where I won't even want to leave my apartment.

 

There's alot of people trying to get me to open up to them, but I'm skeptical about their intentions. They tell me they want to be my friends and wants the best for me, but since they don't even know me that well, how do they know what's the best for me?

 

They make plans and wish to include me in them, but I have a terrible habit of standing them up at the last minute. I also have a tendency of disapearing sporadically, therefore i'm pretty certain my (selfish) behaviour is already getting on their nerves.

 

Truthfully and honestly, I'm scared and frightened of forming attachments. I don't handle rejection well, and I sabotage relationships and friendships like an uncontrollable habit.

 

So then, should I just settle with myself ( since I'm addictively comfortable) with being by myself, or should I just open up and risk getting exposed ( emotionally)?

[westrock]

You seem to be exhibiting some of the signs of Avoidant Personality Disorder. Do a google search to read up on it. WikiPedia has a good summary.

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You seem to be exhibiting some of the signs of Avoidant Personality Disorder. Do a google search to read up on it. WikiPedia has a good summary.

 

 

Just wikipedia'd it.

 

It described me perfectly although, I've been known to have associated myself with plenty of disorders. The thing is, I don't want to seek out a disorder as an easy answer to all my problems. Therapy to me isn't a form of solution that I can monetarily afford, and I also have my share of experiences to know certain therapists are inadequate at their jobs.

 

What I want to know, without seeing things from a clinical point of view, is if I should start being open with myself in terms of getting more comfortable around other people or just go on being by myself.

[westrock]

It described me perfectly although, I've been known to have associated myself with plenty of disorders. The thing is, I don't want to seek out a disorder as an easy answer to all my problems.

 

Fair enough. At least it may give you and understanding of why you are feeling the way you are and that's a good place to start in order to figure out what direction you want to take in your life.

 

What I want to know, without seeing things from a clinical point of view, is if I should start being open with myself in terms of getting more comfortable around other people or just go on being by myself.

 

I think only you can answer that question. The easy answer is to say to be yourself. However, since you are posting the question it's likely you're not happy with the current way of your life and you seem to want to change.

 

What do you think will happen if you start being open with your yourself in terms of getting more comfortble around other people?

[xpaperxcutx]

 

 

I think only you can answer that question. The easy answer is to say to be yourself. However, since you are posting the question it's likely you're not happy with the current way of your life and you seem to want to change.

 

What do you think will happen if you start being open with your yourself in terms of getting more comfortble around other people?

 

Yes, I want to change, I'm constantly seeking ways to change myself, whether they're emotionally or physically related, I always see changes for myself as a way of progressing. But at the same time, I don't know if anything I ever do makes any sort of impact, although at the moment I'm making said changes, they give me a sort of emotional uplift in regards to my moods.

 

I honestly don't know what I hope to expect from opening myself up to people although, when I'm more socially open I'm much more happy with things. What I am afraid of is that I have a tendency to trust too easily and place too much emotions into things where emotions aren't usually required. I also get clingy in the sense that I will continuously try to to seek out companionship when I'm bored. I just don't want to push people away, but I have a habit of doing it anyways, so basically for me alot of things are a cycle unto themselves; that is unless I learn to break them.

[russelA]

well, maybe you have had experiences the worst part of your life by attaching yourself too much to a person or individuals that's why your having that strange feelings in you right now. i really don't know what is exactly the term to be called by that but surely you have been hurt a lot of times... just try to relax your mind and heart about what happened. evaluate everything and forgive all the ones who have had hurt you badly. taking time for yourself is okay but don't become like insane. you have to open up in the long run and face what life really is... God bless!

[xpaperxcutx]

well, maybe you have had experiences the worst part of your life by attaching yourself too much to a person or individuals that's why your having that strange feelings in you right now. i really don't know what is exactly the term to be called by that but surely you have been hurt a lot of times... just try to relax your mind and heart about what happened. evaluate everything and forgive all the ones who have had hurt you badly. taking time for yourself is okay but don't become like insane. you have to open up in the long run and face what life really is... God bless!

 

Russel, I have had previous experiences where things turned out horrible for me. There was an instance where I had become hopelessly clingy with a guy because he changed his mind about dating me, that I ended up bombarding his cellphone with messages. Thankfully, I no longer do that, but I have had moments where I placed blame on other people so that I wounded up as the victim.

 

Is that my problem? My tendency of playing the victim is not allowing me to let go of people? I rarely if ever forgive anyone because I won't acknowledge their existence once they hurt me. Hence there was no point to forgive.

 

I haven't become insane yet, at least I hope I haven't. But sometimes I'm wary of opening myself up in case I ended up being vulnerable and have my secrets used against me.

[Samari]

Russel, I have had previous experiences where things turned out horrible for me. There was an instance where I had become hopelessly clingy with a guy because he changed his mind about dating me, that I ended up bombarding his cellphone with messages. Thankfully, I no longer do that, but I have had moments where I placed blame on other people so that I wounded up as the victim.

 

Is that my problem? My tendency of playing the victim is not allowing me to let go of people? I rarely if ever forgive anyone because I won't acknowledge their existence once they hurt me. Hence there was no point to forgive.

 

I haven't become insane yet, at least I hope I haven't. But sometimes I'm wary of opening myself up in case I ended up being vulnerable and have my secrets used against me.

You shouldn't depend on other people for yourself to be happy. Whether it be a friend, spouse, boyfriend, whatever...those people should serve to increase your happiness that is already there, not create it. It's also unfair and unattractive to the other person.

 

And situations like you described happen to a lot of people. That's life. I don't mean to sound like what you went through isn't a big deal, but these things happen. Just like death of a loved one happens. But you have to move on and build positive strength from your past experiences. Don't let them hold you back from living your life.

[Brady_to_Moss]

Wow..you just described me. That is exactally me right now this summer. I dont want to talk to anyone..make any new friends and i am like you in pushing my friends that i have away but not contacting or turning down any invitation to do anything...i cant get out of it..i am living in a cave right now.

[xpaperxcutx]

You shouldn't depend on other people for yourself to be happy. Whether it be a friend, spouse, boyfriend, whatever...those people should serve to increase your happiness that is already there, not create it. It's also unfair and unattractive to the other person.

 

And situations like you described happen to a lot of people. That's life. I don't mean to sound like what you went through isn't a big deal, but these things happen. Just like death of a loved one happens. But you have to move on and build positive strength from your past experiences. Don't let them hold you back from living your life.

 

They say experiences only make one stronger. However if you have to compare what happened to me to losing a loved one ( death), I wouldn't exactly call it a good example. Not that your advice is all that bad, but I feel like I have a Cinderella complex. My mom has always been very protective of me that she doesn't want to have boy friends, or even date boys. She constantly berates me with racist comments about dating people outside my race ( which I ignore completely) and constantly tells me that she's the only one I have to count on. She doesn't even allow me to get a job. Basically I grew up dependent on my parents, an action which transferred itself to being dependent on others.

 

I actually do have a problem with having new people in my life. I know my happiness shouldn't be based on others, but I find that I'm only happy if I have others who can take care of me.

[xpaperxcutx]

Wow..you just described me. That is exactally me right now this summer. I dont want to talk to anyone..make any new friends and i am like you in pushing my friends that i have away but not contacting or turning down any invitation to do anything...i cant get out of it..i am living in a cave right now.

 

Brady, maybe it's only the summer that you're socially inactive? For me, I've always been like this, I go into my shell if I come across any situation that might produce a rejection.

[Brady_to_Moss]

Brady, maybe it's only the summer that you're socially inactive? For me, I've always been like this, I go into my shell if I come across any situation that might produce a rejection.

 

Yeah. This summer its really bad for me. Once i am back to school in a month ill be fine...its just that summers are so lonley for me. All my friends at college are doing their own thing and i am as well...just idk..

[xpaperxcutx]

Yeah. This summer its really bad for me. Once i am back to school in a month ill be fine...its just that summers are so lonley for me. All my friends at college are doing their own thing and i am as well...just idk..

 

 

Well I'm taking a break from school so I can understand. But haven't you tried looking for a summer job? Or go on dates? That's what I have been doing in terms of busying myself. I just don't particularly like the socializing part, but otherwise, things aren't so bad.