Only 5 hours away..

[sa14]

My new University is 5 hours away from my hometown. My boyfriend's University is 2 hours away. I am 3 hours from my boyfriend. Are there any good tips to keep our relationship strong?

[kittie s.]

If you're going to be only 3 hours from your boyfriend...you're alot better off than a lot of us! My boyfriend and I are 12-14 hours apart

 

Honestly, we would probably arrange going back and forth to each other's cities every weekend. Alternating weekends, like I drive to his house one weekend, the next weekend he drives to mine. Just an idea! I'd be so happy if my boyfriend moved only three hours away instead of 12.

[sa14]

Oh man kudos to you for being able to put up with that! I don't know if we'd make it 12+ hours apart. I can't imagine even 3 hours, let alone 12

[Lovin a scrapper]

If Rayette and I were only three hours apart then we so would spend every weekend together. Im 1700 miles from her and there are a lot more people on here who make that look like nothing at all distance wise. Please be thankful that you are so close in proximity. There are so many who would give anything to be only three hours apart.

[Rollercoasterr]

If my fiance were 3 hours away from me I'd see him just about every day. Oh, I wish... Too bad we're 1000 miles, 15 hours, and a country border apart.

 

But really, see each other as often as possible, talk, and love one another.

[Island Girl]

I wouldn't care how many hours we were apart if I could get in the car and just drive there!!

 

But there is a HUGE ocean that keeps that an impossibility. Damn Pacific Ocean.

 

I'd be incredibly happy to have unlimited long distance to be able to talk to him whenever and for however long! and yeah. That isn't happening.

 

He is 20 to 21 hours away depending on daylight savings time.

And over 15 hours flying time - not to mention lay overs, etc. - Which works out to 3 to 4 hours behind me - but the next day.

 

 

You asked for tips to keep your relationship going.

 

The distance is going to be a factor as far as insecurities, etc.

 

The only thing I can tell you is to talk to him about this now. Get on the same page about what can happen and what you'll do to help the other person with their fears if they arise.

 

My husband and I made an agreement when we first went LD that has served us VERY well.

There are no stupid questions. Any question asked gets an immediate straight answer.

No answering a question with a question either.

For instance, if a question is asked there is no "why?" or whatever. And if the question has already been asked it gets answered again.

 

Just that has saved us from a mire of trouble that plagues a lot of couples (not just those LD).

 

Also -- keep a small journal and when he says those things that make your heart soar write them down.

In times when you feel the distance between you or you feel down for whatever reason (maybe doubtful, etc.) then you can look back on those and they will take you back to that secure happy place.

 

Agree ahead of time that you will make each other a priority. I can not stress this enough.

[jonesec]

My boyfriend and I live two hours apart, and I absolutely can't stand when I ask for advise and all I get is that I should feel lucky.

 

It is a distance that is too close to keep you apart, but too far to always be together. The alternating weekend thing is a really good idea. If you don't have cars, or just one of you does, then you might have to get used to phone calls every night and only having one weekend a month together. Texting is a big thing for me. It is a quick way to let him know I am thinking of him, and I know he will get it right away. Just have patience. Just because he doesn't call you back right away or text right away doesn't always mean something is wrong. And if one of you isn't in the mood to talk on the phone, then emails will have to be enough. You can also find a show or something you can both watch in your respective cities, that way you have something constant that you are experiencing together. Our big show is Lost. We aren't always together when it airs, but at least we have something to look forward to together.

[Island Girl]

My boyfriend and I live two hours apart, and I absolutely can't stand when I ask for advise and all I get is that I should feel lucky.

 

1. You should feel lucky.

Not just because there are those of us that are a lot worse off than you are (and we'd KILL to have as good as you do!). It is also a way to hang on and make it through no matter what. In some instances it has been the only thing that has kept me sticking through a particularly rough patch (and trust me I have had A LOT). I think I can easily say I have one of the worst situations here as far as distance, length of time, and time between visits - yet when I look at the Break Up forum here or the Coping forum (among others) - I feel extremely lucky to have what I do.

 

2. Four out of five posters here gave advice about the relationship. Pretty good I think!

[Lovin a scrapper]

If my fiance were 3 hours away from me I'd see him just about every day. Oh, I wish... Too bad we're 1000 miles, 15 hours, and a country border apart.

 

But really, see each other as often as possible, talk, and love one another.

 

I agree here!! I really wouldnt do anything different than what Rayette and I do right now even if we were this close in proximity except see other much more often.

 

We talk every day at least three times on the phone every day, text constantly, send surprise cards and small gifts and love each other unconditionally. That is what we do and we are extremely happy.

[Els]

I wouldn't care how many hours we were apart if I could get in the car and just drive there!!

 

Well technically we CAN drive from Europe to my country... it'd just probably take a few weeks or so.

 

Jonesec, in which post have you asked for advice and ALL you get is 'you should feel lucky'? I can't imagine that such a thing would happen, especially with IG's wonderful penchant for good advice. Care to point it out?

 

Of course, people WILL say that you're lucky, because you are! And it's been proven to make people feel better. But it almost always is accompanied with other advice, unless other people have already said all there is to say. And in generic situations like this (my SO has gone abroad, how do we keep strong/any tips/what should I do/etc), really, the entire board is chockful of advice, so we try to just give a few general guidelines and welcome the OP to look around and ask if she has any other difficulties/problems.

[sa14]

Thank you so much everyone!! This is great advice!

 

I do surprise my boyfriend with little gifts/cars/ what not. He doesn't really seem to do the same though. He always wants to spend time with me though-that's a good thing! I talked to him about it, to see if he notices what I do for him and if he could maybe try the same ( i usually say it'll be fun! try!) and he comes back with "I'm just not good enough for you. all we do is fight, and i never make you happy". but this isn't true-i love spending time with him...when we do more than just sit on the couch and watch tv. i try to get him to take me out or to go for a walk or something but he's so, sorry, pissy!

 

any more advice?

[Bearandsue]

I wish my hubby live hours away instead of thousands of miles.

 

I do surprise my boyfriend with little gifts/cars/ what not. He doesn't really seem to do the same though.

 

As far as that goes. Maybe that is not his way to show his affections. I do all kinds of mushy stuff for my hubby and I know he loves them but he is way to macho to those things. He shows his affections in lots of different ways.

I would not worry about it too much.

[Els]

. He always wants to spend time with me though-that's a good thing! I talked to him about it, to see if he notices what I do for him and if he could maybe try the same ( i usually say it'll be fun! try!) and he comes back with "I'm just not good enough for you. all we do is fight, and i never make you happy".

 

The first part is a GREAT thing! I'd take that over gifts anyday.

 

The second part.. sounds a bit like my bf to be honest -- the not good enough part. Does he have any self-esteem issues, does he tend to inordinately place blame on himself when it really isn't his fault? You need to work with him through this, SHOW him or TELL him that he makes you the happiest girl in the world. He does, doesn't he?