unsure and drifting around

[kittie s.]

I just posted another topic about my boyfriend being on forums ALL the time instead of giving me his full attention sometimes..well, I've got a worse problem than that, and I need advice from anyone who reads this.

 

We are two years into our relationship. He is my first love, we share almost everything, and we talk at least a little every day, online or by phone. Well he's never really been the kind of guy to throw compliments and say those sweet romantic things. When we were together in person almost every day before he moved, I didn't need those words. His actions were usually more than enough. But now, it's a little different. I can't expect him to change the way he is because of our distance now..and when I mention it, he does make sure to add in little extra compliments..but it just doesn't last very long.

 

Since he got his new car, he's been SO obsessed with it, which that part is fine because i would be too if i had a new car, but he's so carried away with it, he seems to be forgetting how we were before he got it.

 

I've been getting frustrated with him...I did a couple times last week...and he got mad at me about it for the first time! He's one of the most laid back guys and neither of us like to fight...we like to just talk through things more calmly than that, but something's off.

 

He spends more time on the forums than with me, and I feel EXTREMELY neglected, so I"ve been kinda short with him the past week or so. We have webcams, and haven't even used them yet!!!!

 

So anyways, I was out with some of my friends last night, and one of my old best guy friends I used to work with spotted me at the restaurant and we gave each other a big hug. I'm pretty shy, so when I started working at the store with him about three years ago, he promised me that he was going to help me come out of my shell. Since then, I have somewhat. We talked for a minute, and it was just really a nice thing to see him. He was so excited to see me, and I was to see him. Now though, I'm starting to get worried. What does it mean that I was that excited to see him? He has changed alot and I'm not going to lie, he looks great. And he's always been so sweet to me, complimenting me and whatnot.

 

See...I feel horribly guilty that I said any of that...I shouldn't when I have a boyfriend that I adore somewhere else. I just don't feel like I"m getting the right kind of attention from him. Except when we're together (in person)....which we can only get together once every three months usually. It should be within the next few weeks that we get together, and I asked him about plans...and he told me he hasn't even thought about it yet, but we'll figure something out. Yet he's constantly trying to plan trips with his forum friends. IRRITATING. Any advice on anything? And I appreciate you reading all of this. Thanks a bunch.

[Bayern]

Now though, I'm starting to get worried. What does it mean that I was that excited to see him? He has changed alot and I'm not going to lie, he looks great. And he's always been so sweet to me, complimenting me and whatnot.

 

This is something you're going to have to workout for yourself. Being attracted to someone while you have another boyfriend is only human. You have to maintain it's only him being an attractive friend.

 

That being said, your current boyfriend doesn't seem to be fulfilling your needs. I understand in some ways how he would find it hard to maintain such a strong relationship online or over the phone, but he is meeting his car friends so he obviously has the money/time to travel - if he's dedicated to you, I wonder (and maybe you need to ask) why he doesn't visit more often?

 

Maybe it's me, but if I'm in a LDR I am dedicated and motivated to getting things done where I am and making the money to visit my girlfriend as often as I possibly can.

 

I'm not saying you need to break up with him or anything like that. Communication can help a lot and I might suggest bringing up a few points you brought up here, with him. Maybe you're scared of him being mad, but what difference does it make if he's mad if you two aren't compatable at that distance?

 

Good luck.