We finally met again after a year, but it was akward and fell apart

[whatthef]

I met this girl in person last year and we hit it off at a convention, but we were only together for about 2 hours then. We stayed in touch and talked for hours, every single day, for an entire year. We finally met again 2 weeks ago at another convention that's about 3 days long. We were both insanely excited right before we finally met(she said she wanted to kiss me badly and i said i wanted to do the same to her), but when we finally met it was just like "hey!". It was awkward the entire time, and it slowly got more and more awkward. The two of us never had any time alone; at the convention we were always surrounded by a group consisting of my cousins and her cousins and my sis(from the very begining of the convention to the end). It just wasn't what we expected and we figured this meant we weren't too good together so we went the "just friends" path. I'm wondering whether whether we were just bad together, or if the awkwardness was supposed to be expected? And if it was supposed to be expected, would us always being with our families(didn't want to make a move in front of all of them) have not allow us to kill the akwardness?

[Els]

or if the awkwardness was supposed to be expected? And if it was supposed to be expected, would us always being with our families(didn't want to make a move in front of all of them) have not allow us to kill the akwardness?

 

Obviously!!! What did you think, she'd kiss you in front of your families??

[whatthef]

Obviously!!! What did you think, she'd kiss you in front of your families??

 

It was her cousins, 2 girls and one guy when we first met. And i planned on kissing her when we met but of course didn't want to in front of them. So do you think me and her never had a chance that weekend?

[kittie s.]

I don't think anything you said proves that you guys aren't good together. I've seen this happen to many couples. They talk and talk about romantic things they'll do once they are together, then it puts a lot of unknown pressure on the meeting. Or things just don't work out exactly as planned and disappointment ensues. There was definitely no opportunity for romance and kissing with all of those people around! How far is the distance between the two of you? I think you guys need to meet up and go out for lunch or something. JUST THE TWO OF YOU! See if you feel a deeper connection then.

[whatthef]

I don't think anything you said proves that you guys aren't good together. I've seen this happen to many couples. They talk and talk about romantic things they'll do once they are together, then it puts a lot of unknown pressure on the meeting. Or things just don't work out exactly as planned and disappointment ensues. There was definitely no opportunity for romance and kissing with all of those people around! How far is the distance between the two of you? I think you guys need to meet up and go out for lunch or something. JUST THE TWO OF YOU! See if you feel a deeper connection then.

 

First of all, thank you and elswyth for the replies, and we're about 800 miles apart, and i don't think we'll see each other for another year till the next convention. Though we still talk to each other often. And just to be more specific about the awkwardness, we got to a point where we barely said a word to each other for the last 2 nights, seemed like we were kind of waiting on the other person to say something about how horribly it seemed to be going.

[kittie s.]

Ahhh. Yeah...so have either of you initiated a conversation about it yet? I think you should if not. At least maybe you can get past that and keep your friendship from getting awkward. Do you not really want a relationship with her anymore?

[whatthef]

Ahhh. Yeah...so have either of you initiated a conversation about it yet? I think you should if not. At least maybe you can get past that and keep your friendship from getting awkward. Do you not really want a relationship with her anymore?

 

We had a good conversation about it, but the conversation was based off of the both of us thinking that what happened pretty much meant that we weren't good together. Our friendship isn't awkward at all either. And it's just that it seems like the relationship we had before the convention is completely dead and unrevivable, though i reallyyyy wish it weren't

[kittie s.]

Aww

 

I'm sorry. Do you think she's dead set against it?

 

If you guys mention it again, don't agree when she says that proved it wasn't meant to be. Maybe she's seeing what you will say to that.

[whatthef]

Aww

 

I'm sorry. Do you think she's dead set against it?

 

If you guys mention it again, don't agree when she says that proved it wasn't meant to be. Maybe she's seeing what you will say to that.

I have a feeling her opinion of ldr's has been pretty soured by this since she waited a year for us to meet, was really disapointed, and she'll probably have to wait another year to meet again. So i'm pretty sure we're just going to end up going our seperate ways And thanks for that advice- i'll definitely disagree with her on that if it comes up.

[russelA]

the awkwardness you've felt actually because of the conversations you had before the convention and then plus the fact that you were surrounded by your sister and cousins that's why. maybe you can invite her out and do the move if you really like this girl. try to rekindle the fire okay?

[Island Girl]

We stayed in touch and talked for hours, every single day, for an entire year.

 

So you met -- there was chemistry and more (enough to enjoy each other's "company" for hours and hours just talking.

 

That's pretty good by ANY relationship standard.

 

We were both insanely excited right before we finally met(she said she wanted to kiss me badly and i said i wanted to do the same to her)

 

So there was a whole lot of buildup and anticipation. That is normal.

But did you talk about the pressure aspect ahead of time? It doesn't sound like it.

 

but when we finally met it was just like "hey!".

 

That happens sometimes. There are couples here where one of the partners has posted that each visit there is some awkwardness at first but that it dissipates after some time.

 

It was awkward the entire time, and it slowly got more and more awkward. The two of us never had any time alone; at the convention we were always surrounded by a group consisting of my cousins and her cousins and my sis(from the very begining of the convention to the end).

 

Why???????????????????

 

You didn't take the initiative and have diner alone or go for a walk each night -- ???????

 

We finally met again 2 weeks ago at another convention that's about 3 days long.

 

WTF???

 

Three days and you have spent a year talking to this girl and you didn't arrange for any alone time??

 

That's unbelievable. Really.

 

Why on Earth would you spend the entire time with your family???

 

If it were me, I would have suggested alone time but perhaps she isn't as forward as I.

In any event it'd be kind of a turn off if you weren't taking charge of the situation and just kind of going along with everyone else's plan or just participating in the group.

 

It just wasn't what we expected and we figured this meant we weren't too good together so we went the "just friends" path.

 

You didn't even find out if you were good together.

 

You found out if you could get along in a big group of people. Not only that you stayed around each other's family the entire time.

I love my husband to death - but if we had to be around his family every second when we had a visit it would have made me very awkward the whole time.

And if he had to be around my family every second it'd be the same on his side.

It makes a HUGE difference to have the opportunity to be alone throughout.

 

I'm wondering whether whether we were just bad together, or if the awkwardness was supposed to be expected?

 

There is no telling if you are bad together or not.

 

You didn't even attempt a "date".

You spent time with each other's family which is always awkward when you are just meeting them.

And you didn't spend any time alone.

 

When you met there was obviously chemistry. So you had that going. And then you talked for hours and hours every day for a year - so you are compatible that way.

 

Yes, you should have expected a little awkwardness.

But you also should have taken FULL advantage of being in the same place for 3 DAYS and spent time together alone without everyone around.

 

And if it was supposed to be expected, would us always being with our families(didn't want to make a move in front of all of them) have not allow us to kill the akwardness?

 

Yes. I think I already answered this in detail. But YES. YES. YES.

 

 

There IS a reason you are still thinking about this and it isn't because you spent time talking to her BEFORE.

If you had really killed it - or it wasn't there when you saw her - you'd be moving on without a thought of it.

 

But you aren't. You are still stewing. That means something.

 

Why do you have to wait for conventions to see her...?

[whatthef]

So there was a whole lot of buildup and anticipation. That is normal.

But did you talk about the pressure aspect ahead of time? It doesn't sound like it.

The only thing we talked about was how excited we were to see each other, everything that ended up happening was completely unexpected.

 

 

 

Why???????????????????

 

You didn't take the initiative and have diner alone or go for a walk each night -- ???????

 

 

 

WTF???

 

Three days and you have spent a year talking to this girl and you didn't arrange for any alone time??

 

That's unbelievable. Really.

 

Why on Earth would you spend the entire time with your family???

 

If it were me, I would have suggested alone time but perhaps she isn't as forward as I.

In any event it'd be kind of a turn off if you weren't taking charge of the situation and just kind of going along with everyone else's plan or just participating in the group.

I see where you're coming from, i'm sorry i forgot to give some details about the convention! It was a youth convention mostly ages 18-25, and the schedule made alone time close to impossible. They occupied most of our time(like form eary morning to LATE at night, pretty sure they did that to make sure everyone didn't jsut get wasted) with events. And it was mandatory for us to do everything they told us to(they did role call like 5 times a day to make sure we were where we were supposed to be). Before the convention we both expected that we would be spending lots of time alone, but of course once we got there we realized that prolly wouldn't be happening. And the awkwardness slowly grew and grew, by the second day, it pretty much seemed like there was too much awkwardness between us to do anything.

 

 

You didn't even find out if you were good together.

 

You found out if you could get along in a big group of people. Not only that you stayed around each other's family the entire time.

I love my husband to death - but if we had to be around his family every second when we had a visit it would have made me very awkward the whole time.

And if he had to be around my family every second it'd be the same on his side.

It makes a HUGE difference to have the opportunity to be alone throughout.

 

 

 

There is no telling if you are bad together or not.

 

You didn't even attempt a "date".

You spent time with each other's family which is always awkward when you are just meeting them.

And you didn't spend any time alone.

Yeah, especially with my sis around i was kind of holding back some things i wanted to say/do. And me and her never had a private conversation pretty much the whole time there, our families were always around us and really couldn't get away.

 

When you met there was obviously chemistry. So you had that going. And then you talked for hours and hours every day for a year - so you are compatible that way.

 

Yes, you should have expected a little awkwardness.

But you also should have taken FULL advantage of being in the same place for 3 DAYS and spent time together alone without everyone around.

 

 

Yes. I think I already answered this in detail. But YES. YES. YES.

 

 

There IS a reason you are still thinking about this and it isn't because you spent time talking to her BEFORE.

If you had really killed it - or it wasn't there when you saw her - you'd be moving on without a thought of it.

 

But you aren't. You are still stewing. That means something.

 

Why do you have to wait for conventions to see her...?

 

Yeah that's why i haven't been able to quit thinking about it: if we really weren't good together- we would have noticed in the year we spent talking to each other everyday. So if we were forced to be with a group the whole time, the group being our cousins and siblings nonetheless, do you think we really had much of a chance going into the convention? And i guess we were just taking it slow the past year, we felt like we had plenty of time and there was no need to rush anything: plus we thought we'd have a ton of time together at the convention. After the convention, if we hit it off, we probably would have started visiting each other more, but we didn't and we're 800 miles away from each other, so thats why i doubt i'll see her till then.

 

And thank you so much for that responce Island Girl, i realyyy do appreciate it

[Island Girl]

It was a youth convention mostly ages 18-25, and the schedule made alone time close to impossible. They occupied most of our time(like form eary morning to LATE at night, pretty sure they did that to make sure everyone didn't jsut get wasted) with events. And it was mandatory for us to do everything they told us to(they did role call like 5 times a day to make sure we were where we were supposed to be).

 

So it was a youth convention through religion...?

 

Mostly 18-25 would be mostly adults.

And I'm sorry but the only way something would be "mandatory" and have me follow it to the 'T' would be if it was it was work related and I'd be fired.

Other than that -- I am an adult and if I choose not to do something or have different plans for short periods of time while enjoying some kind of conference then that is my business. -- But again, that's just me.

 

 

Before the convention we both expected that we would be spending lots of time alone, but of course once we got there we realized that prolly wouldn't be happening. And the awkwardness slowly grew and grew, by the second day, it pretty much seemed like there was too much awkwardness between us to do anything.

 

I hear you.

 

I'm sorry things worked out that way.

I wish you'd have called her room - even after things got over late and tried to get at least an hour or two alone.

I think it would have been worth it.

It sounds like you were really sketchy about putting yourself out there and just kind of went with the program.

 

Yeah, especially with my sis around i was kind of holding back some things i wanted to say/do. And me and her never had a private conversation pretty much the whole time there, our families were always around us and really couldn't get away.

 

I am at a loss as to why you couldn't call her room or something like that to arrange a private chat.

Perhaps the families were operating strategically - ?

 

Yeah that's why i haven't been able to quit thinking about it: if we really weren't good together- we would have noticed in the year we spent talking to each other everyday.

 

That's what I was thinking. - During the first conference there was a "spark" between the two of you, wasn't there?

 

So if we were forced to be with a group the whole time, the group being our cousins and siblings nonetheless, do you think we really had much of a chance going into the convention?

 

No. Especially since you haven't really had any time alone to begin with.

 

I think you had the chance to see each other and you should have taken the risk where each other is concerned. Especially since you spent a year building a relationship and she lives 800 miles away!

 

You know what they say -- "All is fair in love and war."

The people running the conference could get as mad as they wanted - but knowing I wasn't going to jail, losing my job, and really not in danger of any serious repercussions I'd have made sure I put myself out there and the invitation was understood.

Again - that is just me.

 

I think love is rare in this world. And it is the only thing worth living for. So many never even get the chance, you know?

 

And i guess we were just taking it slow the past year, we felt like we had plenty of time and there was no need to rush anything: plus we thought we'd have a ton of time together at the convention. After the convention, if we hit it off, we probably would have started visiting each other more, but we didn't and we're 800 miles away from each other, so thats why i doubr i'll see her till then.

 

So now that you are armed with this information - about it being natural to be awkward at first, etc. Now what are you going to do? Wait until the next convention to try to broach the subject...?

 

Just letting you know I wouldn't wait. But, as I said, anything for love!

 

And thank you so much for that responce Island Girl, i realyyy do appreciate it

[Els]

I really think your solution is simple.

 

You said you would have started visiting her more if you had hit it off. If you've the time and funds to spare, I'd just give it a shot if I were you, if the connection was really THAT palpable. Spare yourself all the wondering and worrying. If it works out, it'll definitely be worth it. If it doesn't, well, you're a bit wiser with nothing much lost, and you'll probably have a good time as friends anyway.

[Island Girl]

I really think your solution is simple.

 

You said you would have started visiting her more if you had hit it off. If you've the time and funds to spare, I'd just give it a shot if I were you, if the connection was really THAT palpable. Spare yourself all the wondering and worrying. If it works out, it'll definitely be worth it. If it doesn't, well, you're a bit wiser with nothing much lost, and you'll probably have a good time as friends anyway.

 

Exactly!

 

And you'll see each other without someone scheduling your time or always being around.

[whatthef]

So it was a youth convention through religion...?

 

Mostly 18-25 would be mostly adults.

And I'm sorry but the only way something would be "mandatory" and have me follow it to the 'T' would be if it was it was work related and I'd be fired.

Other than that -- I am an adult and if I choose not to do something or have different plans for short periods of time while enjoying some kind of conference then that is my business. -- But again, that's just me.

 

 

 

 

I hear you.

 

I'm sorry things worked out that way.

I wish you'd have called her room - even after things got over late and tried to get at least an hour or two alone.

I think it would have been worth it.

It sounds like you were really sketchy about putting yourself out there and just kind of went with the program.

 

 

 

I am at a loss as to why you couldn't call her room or something like that to arrange a private chat.

Perhaps the families were operating strategically - ?

 

 

 

That's what I was thinking. - During the first conference there was a "spark" between the two of you, wasn't there?

 

 

 

No. Especially since you haven't really had any time alone to begin with.

 

I think you had the chance to see each other and you should have taken the risk where each other is concerned. Especially since you spent a year building a relationship and she lives 800 miles away!

 

You know what they say -- "All is fair in love and war."

The people running the conference could get as mad as they wanted - but knowing I wasn't going to jail, losing my job, and really not in danger of any serious repercussions I'd have made sure I put myself out there and the invitation was understood.

Again - that is just me.

 

I think love is rare in this world. And it is the only thing worth living for. So many never even get the chance, you know?

 

 

 

So now that you are armed with this information - about it being natural to be awkward at first, etc. Now what are you going to do? Wait until the next convention to try to broach the subject...?

 

Just letting you know I wouldn't wait. But, as I said, anything for love!

 

And thank you so much for that responce Island Girl, i realyyy do appreciate it

 

They pretty much said we'd get kicked out of the convention if we didn't do what they said in something we signed, which includes the rooms they booked and we sort of did want to do the stuff they had planned, and after the first day it seemed lik we weren't really feeling it anymore between us. And i couldn't call- she was rooming with her cousins, i was rooming with one of her cousins as well. I did text her though and talked about how the convention wasn't what we thought it would be and she said we should just "go with the flow" of the convention. And yeah, at the first convention, when we were actually able to have a conversation alone, there definitely was a spark. But now we've been talking a lot less than we did before the convention(once every few days as compared to everyday) and the spark between us seems dead, plus it's seeming like she's not really interested anymore either. So we'll probably just be friends from now on. I guess when i started this topic i was hoping that the awkwardness wasn't natural, so that would mean we ended our relationship becasue we weren't good together(which i would have been fine with). But it sucks that the situations the convention put us in, instead of each other, pretty much killed what we had. But i'm really glad to get some closure on why it didn't work out, i was soo confused before. Thanks you so much for the thoughtful replies, You definitely are a pro when it comes to relationship issues!

[Talby]

This convention sounds really lame. If I'd been in your position I'd have just blown it off and worried about the consequences later.