It's starting to get rediculous...

[FusionPop]

Ok, so my boyfriend and I have been having some problems lately.

Well, actually, I've been having some problems with our communication. We both work. I work the same hours seven days a week, and his schedule is different every week, so sometimes it's difficult to find time when we're both free to talk, which is perfectly understandable and I don't have a problem with that.

The problem is, when we both do have time to talk, he always says he needs to go about five minutes into the conversation. I've tried to think back, and I think we've only had about four or five conversations that lasted more than twenty minutes in the past three months, and this is getting really frustrating for me. I need to be able to talk to him for more than five minutes a day, and I told him that about a month into it. He said fine, he would change it, and I thought he would. A few weeks later when nothing changed, I brought it up again and asked why it hasn't happened. And yeah, I was a little mad about it. I didn't yell at him or anything, but he could tell that it annoyed me and he said it would change. I gave it another week, but we still hadn't had any longer conversations and that's when I started to actually get mad at him, because now it's not just a problem with scheduling.

He tells me he's gonna be free at a certain time and then when that time comes, I don't get a call. Sometimes when that happens I'll call him but he usually won't answer, and instead I'll get a text back that says he's busy/working late/out to dinner/doing the family thing/whatever.

The biggest problem I've had with this, though, is the part where he says he will call, then doesn't. I'm always the one to call him and I feel like I'm the one holding this relationship together. And no, I'm not calling him every second of every day. I'll call, and if he doesn't pick up i'll give it a few hours then try again (because god knows he wouldn't call me back).

Recently, i feel like he just doesn't have time for me anymore. All of his friends are taking up so much of his time that he doesn't have anywhere to fit me in, and I think that's wrong. He tells me he loves me and he wants to make this work and that I'm the only girl he's ever loved and that above all that I'm his best friend, but seriously? Couldn't he show it a little more? I'm not asking for a lot here. I don't need long, deep conversations every night, but I don't think that asking for a decent conversation two or three times a week should be all that hard, and now he thinks I'm just being nit-picky because every other time we talk I bring it up.

Is there a better way I could go about asking him to do this for me? I almost broke up with him a few days ago because of it, but I do love him and I don't want to throw away our relationship just because we're apart for a few months and we're having problems. I'm moving back to his town at the end of next month, so it's not like we've got much longer... I'm just fed up with not talking to him and waiting for calls that don't come.

[hoping2heal]

Ok, so my boyfriend and I have been having some problems lately.

Well, actually, I've been having some problems with our communication. We both work. I work the same hours seven days a week, and his schedule is different every week, so sometimes it's difficult to find time when we're both free to talk, which is perfectly understandable and I don't have a problem with that.

The problem is, when we both do have time to talk, he always says he needs to go about five minutes into the conversation. I've tried to think back, and I think we've only had about four or five conversations that lasted more than twenty minutes in the past three months, and this is getting really frustrating for me. I need to be able to talk to him for more than five minutes a day, and I told him that about a month into it. He said fine, he would change it, and I thought he would. A few weeks later when nothing changed, I brought it up again and asked why it hasn't happened. And yeah, I was a little mad about it. I didn't yell at him or anything, but he could tell that it annoyed me and he said it would change. I gave it another week, but we still hadn't had any longer conversations and that's when I started to actually get mad at him, because now it's not just a problem with scheduling.

He tells me he's gonna be free at a certain time and then when that time comes, I don't get a call. Sometimes when that happens I'll call him but he usually won't answer, and instead I'll get a text back that says he's busy/working late/out to dinner/doing the family thing/whatever.

The biggest problem I've had with this, though, is the part where he says he will call, then doesn't. I'm always the one to call him and I feel like I'm the one holding this relationship together. And no, I'm not calling him every second of every day. I'll call, and if he doesn't pick up i'll give it a few hours then try again (because god knows he wouldn't call me back).

Recently, i feel like he just doesn't have time for me anymore. All of his friends are taking up so much of his time that he doesn't have anywhere to fit me in, and I think that's wrong. He tells me he loves me and he wants to make this work and that I'm the only girl he's ever loved and that above all that I'm his best friend, but seriously? Couldn't he show it a little more? I'm not asking for a lot here. I don't need long, deep conversations every night, but I don't think that asking for a decent conversation two or three times a week should be all that hard, and now he thinks I'm just being nit-picky because every other time we talk I bring it up.

Is there a better way I could go about asking him to do this for me? I almost broke up with him a few days ago because of it, but I do love him and I don't want to throw away our relationship just because we're apart for a few months and we're having problems. I'm moving back to his town at the end of next month, so it's not like we've got much longer... I'm just fed up with not talking to him and waiting for calls that don't come.

 

 

Actions speak louder than words. Tell him that.

[Island Girl]

He tells me he's gonna be free at a certain time and then when that time comes, I don't get a call.

 

If this happens regularly it is a BIG problem.

 

Sometimes when that happens I'll call him but he usually won't answer, and instead I'll get a text back that says he's busy/working late/out to dinner/doing the family thing/whatever.

 

If he "usually won't answer" you call --- ESPECIALLY since he was to call you at that time --- it is a really BIG problem.

 

If he is busy doing whatever it is - he could text you to let you know.

 

This shows he is inconsiderate of your time - and you - and doesn't value you.

 

The biggest problem I've had with this, though, is the part where he says he will call, then doesn't.

 

I agree. But you are the one continuing to call.

 

He says he will - but he doesn't - and you'll just call him.

Then he decides if he is free to talk or if he is doing anything more important.

 

And you are still there. Still his girlfriend. Still phoning.

 

I'm always the one to call him and I feel like I'm the one holding this relationship together.

 

True. You are.

 

And what exactly are you holding together?

 

It seems there really is no relationship on his side except that occasionally he extends himself enough to answer the phone and talk to you briefly.

Ooooooooooo Lucky YOU!!!

 

And no, I'm not calling him every second of every day. I'll call, and if he doesn't pick up i'll give it a few hours then try again (because god knows he wouldn't call me back).

 

WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU CALL HIM BACK???

 

It is REMARKABLE that you keep calling.

And that when you do and he doesn't answer - you'll CALL HIM BACK.

 

Even more astounding that you'd put that effort in when you know he WILL NOT CALL YOU BACK.

 

He tells me he loves me and he wants to make this work and that I'm the only girl he's ever loved and that above all that I'm his best friend, but seriously?

 

I was going to ask the same question -- to YOU.

 

He says this and you seriously believe him??

 

As hoping2heal said ACTIONS speak louder than WORDS.

 

He can say whatever he wants ---- that is if he chooses to answer the phone and you actually get to speak with him -------- BUT his actions are what you should be paying attention to.

 

 

I do love him and I don't want to throw away our relationship just because we're apart for a few months and we're having problems.

 

You aren't throwing your relationship awa because of problems.

 

You are throwing your relationship away because you aren't valued. You aren't treated like you are in any way important.

He can't even be bothered to answer the phone when you call.

 

He is putting everything and everybody -- ANYTHING - is more of a priority than you are.

 

So you are holding on to a guy who makes YOU bottom of the barrel -- he'll talk to you as long as he doesn't have ANYTHING else to do.

 

He sounds like such a prize.

 

I'm moving back to his town at the end of next month, so it's not like we've got much longer... I'm just fed up with not talking to him and waiting for calls that don't come.

 

It has NOTHING to do with geography.

 

You should be important no matter where you are.

And if you stay with him while thinking when you get there it will all be fine -- that is ridiculous.

 

He is disrespecting you. He is not making you a priority.

He is taking advantage of the fact that you are staying with him even though he treats you like crap and will not follow through with what he says.

 

You are acting like a doormat. And HE is treating you like one by walking all over you.