It's A Whole New Ballgame Now...

[Full Of Hope]

So much has happened…I don’t even know where to begin. I’ll do my best to sum it up real quick…

 

MM had the chance to start a new business venture and he took it. The company is based in another state….not his or mine. Over the past month he got all his ducks in a row and virtually moved there. I’ve been traveling a lot, but was able to visit for a week and check the place out.

 

He and his W discussed their separation before he left. It was a given anyway, but the conversation confirmed they were on the same page. He hasn’t told his kids yet, but he plans to on his first visit home. He should be going back sometime in the next few weeks.

 

This is the perfect scenario, as it gives us a chance to actually date. Seeing one another will still require travel, but it’s a much better situation than before.

 

Am I still the OW? I don’t know…I don’t feel like one anymore. My close friends knew of the affair, but I’ve recently started telling co-workers that he is separated and we have been out a few times. I know, I know….lies, lies and more lies…when will it end?!?! The answer is soon. I’ll just tweak the story as much as I need to until all versions are in line...slowly break them in...

 

I’m happy. He’s happy. Ecstatic might be better verbiage. Either way…life couldn’t be better.

[Trimmer]

So his kids don't know their parents are splitting up yet, or don't know that he is moving away from them for good? (Or both...)

[OWoman]

A "whole new ballgame"? FOH, I don't want to piss on your parade, but I'm really not sure where you get that idea from. To my mind, what he's created here is not a step closer to togetherness for the two of you - assuming that's what you still want - but a step closer to having it both ways, with both women. This way, he can go home "to see the kids" (and see his BW) when it suits him, and to have you over when it suits him, basically havintg hte convenience of a bachelor lifestyle with two women (and kids, and all the trappings of family in the wings) on tap to indulge in as the mood takes him.

 

Perhaps, for him, it is a necessary precursor to true separation - from his family, from you, or from both - but unless the move was actually accompanied by real separation (not just "talk of", which was no doubt reported very differently to you than the precis his W would give to her friends... "H decided to move to another state to make the most of this stunning business opportunity, so that the family will really reap the rewards in the future....") with D lawyers retained on both sides AND THE KIDS INFORMED, you're not there yet.

 

If the kids haven't been told their parents are splitting up, they've been told SOMETHING ELSE - which would have had a promise at the end of it, to make up for the physical absence. And, unless he's a really cruel heartless bastard who's prepared to lie to his kids and build their hopes up, only to dash them without a second thought later, he'll be bound by that promise of a "better life" for them (as a family) down the track through this venture. He had his moment to tell them - if he didn't use it, either he's bull****ting about his intentions (to you) or he's a total wuss who doesn't care who he hurts (in this case his kids, who'll never trust him again) in his single-minded pursuit of what he wants for himself.

 

I wouldn't yet hang up your OW dressing gown though - until the separation is formalised, and there are legalised arangements for the kids to visit him (alone, without their mother) and stay over with him at his place regularly, as part of a bi-nuclear family, or he moves you into his place to live openly with him as his partner - you're still the OW.

 

FOH, I'm not saying this to wish ill on your R - I really do hope it works out for you - but I do wish you'd stop counting your chickes before they hatch. Protect yourself against the heartbreak and disappointment that can still come your way. You're not on planet happiness yet. You're not even on the launchpad yet - you're still driving to the space centre, in separate vehicles, him with his W and kids in the car, ready to give him a peck on the cheek and wish him a safe and speedy journey back. I wouldn't announce much to colleagues or friends yet, either - if he's not doing it, screaming it from the rooftops, your doing so will be seen as rather sad, wistful, wishful thinking, and you'll merely be priming any naysayers to pounce with relish and spite if things don't work out as you're hoping. I know you don't want to hear this, but consider the possibility that things might not work out the way you're planning - and plan for that possibility too.

[Jilly Bean]

To my mind, what he's created here is not a step closer to togetherness for the two of you - assuming that's what you still want - but a step closer to having it both ways, with both women.

 

Well that, plus any other woman he may also be currently seeing. Wouldn't surprise me that he's packing up to move to a city in which he already has another woman. And if not, then he certainly will have plenty of time to find one.

 

This guy continues to give FOH crumbs, and she continues to build it into a big, beautiful cake. Not sure if he's just a great salesman, or she's really naive. Either way, agree with you, OWoman - this isn't progress of any sort that portends of any future for FOH.

[bentnotbroken]

A "whole new ballgame"? FOH, I don't want to piss on your parade, but I'm really not sure where you get that idea from. To my mind, what he's created here is not a step closer to togetherness for the two of you - assuming that's what you still want - but a step closer to having it both ways, with both women. This way, he can go home "to see the kids" (and see his BW) when it suits him, and to have you over when it suits him, basically havintg hte convenience of a bachelor lifestyle with two women (and kids, and all the trappings of family in the wings) on tap to indulge in as the mood takes him.

 

Perhaps, for him, it is a necessary precursor to true separation - from his family, from you, or from both - but unless the move was actually accompanied by real separation (not just "talk of", which was no doubt reported very differently to you than the precis his W would give to her friends... "H decided to move to another state to make the most of this stunning business opportunity, so that the family will really reap the rewards in the future....") with D lawyers retained on both sides AND THE KIDS INFORMED, you're not there yet.

 

If the kids haven't been told their parents are splitting up, they've been told SOMETHING ELSE - which would have had a promise at the end of it, to make up for the physical absence. And, unless he's a really cruel heartless bastard who's prepared to lie to his kids and build their hopes up, only to dash them without a second thought later, he'll be bound by that promise of a "better life" for them (as a family) down the track through this venture. He had his moment to tell them - if he didn't use it, either he's bull****ting about his intentions (to you) or he's a total wuss who doesn't care who he hurts (in this case his kids, who'll never trust him again) in his single-minded pursuit of what he wants for himself.

 

I wouldn't yet hang up your OW dressing gown though - until the separation is formalised, and there are legalised arangements for the kids to visit him (alone, without their mother) and stay over with him at his place regularly, as part of a bi-nuclear family, or he moves you into his place to live openly with him as his partner - you're still the OW.

 

FOH, I'm not saying this to wish ill on your R - I really do hope it works out for you - but I do wish you'd stop counting your chickes before they hatch. Protect yourself against the heartbreak and disappointment that can still come your way. You're not on planet happiness yet. You're not even on the launchpad yet - you're still driving to the space centre, in separate vehicles, him with his W and kids in the car, ready to give him a peck on the cheek and wish him a safe and speedy journey back. I wouldn't announce much to colleagues or friends yet, either - if he's not doing it, screaming it from the rooftops, your doing so will be seen as rather sad, wistful, wishful thinking, and you'll merely be priming any naysayers to pounce with relish and spite if things don't work out as you're hoping. I know you don't want to hear this, but consider the possibility that things might not work out the way you're planning - and plan for that possibility too.

 

 

Excellent post. And coming from you she won't view it as a "bitter" BS.

[Lucky_One]

Did the EMA have any bearing on his dismissal from work?

[Trimmer]

You're not on planet happiness yet. You're not even on the launchpad yet - you're still driving to the space centre, in separate vehicles, him with his W and kids in the car, ready to give him a peck on the cheek and wish him a safe and speedy journey back.

Interesting metaphor. I instinctively pictured the OP on her long drive from Houston to Florida, wearing one of those Space Shuttle diapers, with the garbage bag in the back seat holding the hammer, pepper spray, and duct tape...

 

I wouldn't announce much to colleagues or friends yet, either - if he's not doing it, screaming it from the rooftops, your doing so will be seen as rather sad, wistful, wishful thinking, and you'll merely be priming any naysayers to pounce with relish and spite if things don't work out as you're hoping.

Not to mention that the effect that the earlier you publicly confirm any connection with him, the more anyone who thinks there may be something going on will take this information as confirmation/evidence of such.

 

He and his W discussed their separation before he left. It was a given anyway, but the conversation confirmed they were on the same page. He hasn’t told his kids yet, but he plans to on his first visit home.

So what was resolved? He says they're "on the same page" - that doesn't mean much; what, specifically, is the plan? Tell his kids what? What is the plan?!?!?!

 

I’m happy. He’s happy. Ecstatic might be better verbiage.

I'm a little worried that he's so ecstatic. Yes, I get that he's ecstatic about being with you. But if you truly have a meaningful relatioinship, wouldn't he be sharing some feelings of grief or sadness over leaving his kids? Is it just no big deal to him?

[sugarmomma]

You were not there to witness any of the conversations between his W or his children.

 

Sorry to say but you are still the OW. He is still married and you are the mistress.

 

Now he can really have it both ways as a previous poster stated and you are happy with that???

 

Its just crumbs.

 

You are full of hope! I wish you were more full of REALITY!!

[KikiW]

I was perusing, thinking "rainbows and unicorns..."

 

And then I noticed her avatar.

 

*facepalm* and

[fooled once]

Lies lies and more lies.

 

And you will continue to lie.

 

How is that saying

 

Oh! what a tangled web we weave When first we practice to deceive!

Good luck!

[Mr. Lucky]

I’m happy. He’s happy. Ecstatic might be better verbiage. Either way…life couldn’t be better.

I'm sure that reactions posted so far are not what you wanted or expected. But given your back story, what do you see as the progression now that he's moved? Since he's put several states between you, he doesn't seem more committed to you, just less committed to his wife. There's a big difference as far as you're concerned...

 

Mr. Lucky

[2sure]

I have been trying to bite my tongue all day.

But this is like watching an accident and doing nothing. I'm just going to say it.

 

This is a MM who cheats. He cheated with you because you were vulnerable in some way. I know this because most women who are not vulnerable do not begin relationships with MM. If he leaves his wife, he will be single. If he is single he will find he has a much larger pool of women to choose from, including those who are not vulnerable.

[Full Of Hope]

Unbelievable. You are the most disparaging bunch of people I’ve ever met.

 

Maybe I need to clarify a few things about his new job. It wasn’t something that was just offered to him…it’s something he went after with everything he had. He did this for us. The deal was in the works for months, and then fell through awhile back. We thought it was over. Then, out of nowhere, the opportunity was there again…and he jumped on board without hesitation.

 

Trimmer: His kids know that he has taken a position with a new company that will require the majority of his time. They know he is going to be living in the new city, and coming home for visits now and then. As for him being ecstatic, that was indeed about being with me. Leaving his kids has been extremely difficult for him, no question. One of the many reasons this job was appealing was because his kids would have a chance to get used to the idea of him not being around before he had to break the news to them. He figured it would be easier on them this way.

 

O Woman: I don’t consider the possibility of things not working out because I just don’t believe it will happen. We worked very hard on this deal in order to create a future together. This move was a HUGE deal for him. The fact that he would quit his job and move halfway across the country (which is halfway to me btw) speaks volumes.

There have been no promises of a better life to his family. She, the W, appears to be well aware of the situation. And yes…I know this only because he told me so, and I believe him.

As for my colleagues, we decided it was time to start the rumor mill. I’m a pretty good story-teller. One of my friends at work who knows the truth heard me talking about our “date” to some other ladies in the office. When I got back to my desk, I had an email that said “You could sell ice to an Eskimo.” It’s going better than I ever expected. They’re on the hook. Now I’ll just reel them in slowly…

 

Jilly Bean / 2 Sure: I don’t believe in the “once a cheater, always a cheater” mentality. We have something amazing…something that most people don’t even know exists. I know I didn’t. This has been an eye opening experience for both of us. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…I had no idea what love was until I met him.

 

Lucky One: He resigned from his position at our company. The EMA had nothing to do with it as far as the higher ups were concerned, but in reality it was our primary motivation.

 

Mr. Lucky: I appreciate your POV, but it just isn’t the case here. The move was for me…no question.

[Mino]

Good Luck to you, if it is all you say it is. A new city, a new start. Just realize that once you get settled in, there could be other issues, for one thing he will miss his children, I wrote the thread almost there. 11 months we made it in his own place. But I will say this after almost 5 years, those 11 months were the hardest. So I do wish you the best and I would suggest ic for him during the first year, because he will most likey go through emotions he doesnt even see coming yet. And most likely try to hide them from you out of embarrassment. We were totally excited too, dinners together everynight,cuddling up and watching tv, going to bed together, waking up together, Yes those were the good memories, but then came the unexpected. (hugs)

[Athena]

You're not on planet happiness yet. You're not even on the launchpad yet - you're still driving to the space centre, in separate vehicles, him with his W and kids in the car, ready to give him a peck on the cheek and wish him a safe and speedy journey back.

 

LOL! :lmao:

[IfWishesWereHorses]

I'm confused here. He started a new business in another state while he's married????

 

I'm completely unfamiliar with the laws in other states.. but wouldn't half of this business belong to his wife?????

 

Most people who are seeking divorce don't start new businesses while they are legally married.

 

I don't understand what you could possibly be so happy about???

[Athena]

I’m a pretty good story-teller. One of my friends at work who knows the truth heard me talking about our “date” to some other ladies in the office. When I got back to my desk, I had an email that said “You could sell ice to an Eskimo.” It’s going better than I ever expected. They’re on the hook. Now I’ll just reel them in slowly…

 

lol, you seem to be having a little more trouble with reeling in the LS people...

 

So -- what timeframe has OM given you to move in with him? Or are you going to stay where you are, and commute to and fro?

[norajane]

Starting a new business in this economy? That IS delusional.

[Reggie]

You rock. Go girl. A man will move mountains for the woman he loves. What a heartwarming story. I am certain this will work out. Keep us posted , you little soulmate, you.

[Trimmer]

Trimmer: His kids know that he has taken a position with a new company that will require the majority of his time. They know he is going to be living in the new city, and coming home for visits now and then. As for him being ecstatic, that was indeed about being with me. Leaving his kids has been extremely difficult for him, no question. One of the many reasons this job was appealing was because his kids would have a chance to get used to the idea of him not being around before he had to break the news to them. He figured it would be easier on them this way.

You know, I don't really care about all the rest of it. I hope his "new business" does well. I hope his wife graduates and does well, and irrespective of my belief in the probabilities, risks, and obstacles involved, maybe you will find true love.

 

The thing that overrides all of this for me is the attitude towards the kids here which just seems to be - I don't know... I'm sure he "cares" and it will be "hard" for him, but it just seems.... naive.... He's leaving them; simple as that.

 

"Getting used to the idea of him not being around before he has to break the news to them?" They won't "get used to" that idea. This will ripple through their lives for years. "He figured it would be easier on them this way." That's like saying two separate bashes in the head with a 48 pound sledge hammer is "easier on them" than a single hit with a 100 pounder. Well, yeah, I suppose you can tell yourself that.

 

As icky as it seems to me personally, I understand that you are both seeking your true love - I get it... but I think you are both shirking the responsibilities you took on when you each had your kids. I don't really care about the rest.

[Chrome Barracuda]

I'm confused here. He started a new business in another state while he's married????

 

I'm completely unfamiliar with the laws in other states.. but wouldn't half of this business belong to his wife?????

 

Most people who are seeking divorce don't start new businesses while they are legally married.

 

I don't understand what you could possibly be so happy about???

 

In honesty she might try to be with him in another state. living together on the down low while the wife is at home oblivious to everything.

 

Is that the plan? FOH???

[Lyssa]

*bangs head on the table*

[2sunny]

and the fact that you are telling others about HIS separation is inappropriate. it is not your information to tell.

 

if i were him i would be livid! it is PRIVATE information between him and his wife. it's not your info to divulge to anyone.

 

you seem to also discount the role he will play as a father - that role should never go away as they get older... yet your approach is as though they won't really be a big part of his life. the wife (or IF she becomes the exwife) and kids will always remain in his life - whether or not you remain in the picture or not. start getting used to that mindset as your reality forever. IF he is a good father he would still participate in their DAILY life... not move out of state for a woman and/or any job - thus eliminating his daily interaction with them. they need to know they can count on him as a role model - so they understand that he loves them and will always be with them.

 

his actions state that he isn't a man of honor at all... which looks like an undesirable choice in any man to date... available or not.

[Athena]

You rock. Go girl. A man will move mountains for the woman he loves. What a heartwarming story. I am certain this will work out. Keep us posted , you little soulmate, you.

lol, Reggie -- full of surprises

[joybean72]

Well said OW & Sunny.