It's A Whole New Ballgame Now...

[Ms. Red]

We are not here to attack, We are a mix on this board, OW/OM and BS. Many of us post here just to get other opinions. Sometimes when we are in our situation, its hard to see everything in front of us, so we throw it on this board and most of the time we get great feedback and support from all. Yes it may be harsh sometimes, but many of us are much further along in the process/ expirence. Therefore we can give each other suport/advice. You know there are so many redfags int these types of R. We dont always want to see them. My mm has a mental condition. Its not something that you can see. He hids it well. We went to doctors, they told us, I still didnt want to beleive it because I couldnt SEE it. When it did start coming through, I still didnt want to see it. Even though I had facts in hand from EXPERTS ! Then after the denial phase wore off, I thought I could fix it. Silly me:o I finally had to reach acceptance. Even though sometimes I recieved hard advice which I didnt want to hear, I must say that when the chips were down< I recieved nothing but love and support on this board from ALL, it was not just the ow/om, but many of the bs, or former BS came to comfort me. If I were you, I would be a bit more open minded, our friends really cant help us but listen, they have not the expirence as our friends do on this board. We look at it from all sides, and we do tend to find some loop holes theat you may oversee. We are not here to hurt you, but merely point out things you may be overlooking. Wishing you the best, Mino

 

Great post Mino! Especially the bolded part.

[hoping2heal]

You're kind of a master manipulator. The way you talk so proudly about "tweaking" the story to your coworker, and the other one writing you that you could sell freezers to eskimos (or whatever that was). In every way you talk all you do is manipulate people, and then you want to come on here and rant away about how disparaging everyone is, why? Because you can't manipulate them too? I mean come on lady. What is this crap about he cries 2 out of 3 times on the phone with his kids? Did he take an acting class? Because I don't see how he can make the decisions he does, for his own selfish gain (the affair with you, the career). If he trully didn't know he'd be relocated, yeah *cough cough* and it was all that big of a surprise *cough, cough* he could of chosen to turn it down, he didn't. In a sense you two are very compatible because you both seem to thrive well in the manipulation market and neither one of you have the slightest qualm about who you hurt in the process. You are both all about selfish gain, what suits you best at the time, and if it hurts people, or children, or friends, or those who take the time to actually listen to you spinning bull****, litterally..you don't care, it doesn't bother you. Please, don't act so innocent like "oh poor little me comes to the boards and gets picked on." Most of these people are just trying to get you to wake up because they are trying to be helpful. You can fend for yourself just fine and you know it.

[OWoman]

And you never did answer my question about whether this is a LEGAL separation (with papers drawn up) or not. That tells me it's not, therefore yes, you ARE an OW.

 

That, and the MM's reluctance to say anything to the kids. If it really were step one in a split, the kids would be gently prepared for what is to follow, rather than spun some BS about the better life they'll have down the track after Daddy makes his fortune and comes to fetch them and fly them home to his palace in the sky.

[Touche]

You're kind of a master manipulator. The way you talk so proudly about "tweaking" the story to your coworker, and the other one writing you that you could sell freezers to eskimos (or whatever that was). In every way you talk all you do is manipulate people, and then you want to come on here and rant away about how disparaging everyone is, why? Because you can't manipulate them too? I mean come on lady. What is this crap about he cries 2 out of 3 times on the phone with his kids? Did he take an acting class? Because I don't see how he can make the decisions he does, for his own selfish gain (the affair with you, the career). If he trully didn't know he'd be relocated, yeah *cough cough* and it was all that big of a surprise *cough, cough* he could of chosen to turn it down, he didn't. In a sense you two are very compatible because you both seem to thrive well in the manipulation market and neither one of you have the slightest qualm about who you hurt in the process. You are both all about selfish gain, what suits you best at the time, and if it hurts people, or children, or friends, or those who take the time to actually listen to you spinning bull****, litterally..you don't care, it doesn't bother you. Please, don't act so innocent like "oh poor little me comes to the boards and gets picked on." Most of these people are just trying to get you to wake up because they are trying to be helpful. You can fend for yourself just fine and you know it.

 

Yes, but it's all in the name of luuuuvvv, the likes of which no one has ever seen. I think she said here or in another thread that they have the type of connection and love that people rarely have ever seen or had together...or some BS like that. Rainbow and unicorn land, I tell you.

 

That, and the MM's reluctance to say anything to the kids. If it really were step one in a split, the kids would be gently prepared for what is to follow, rather than spun some BS about the better life they'll have down the track after Daddy makes his fortune and comes to fetch them and fly them home to his palace in the sky.

 

Exactly.

 

Everyone thinks they can beat the odds and their love is stronger and deeper than anyone else's in this situation.

 

Occasionally there have been cases on here where I think someone will really beat those odds. It's rare but yeah, you do see it. This one? NO WAY. Never. I'd bet everything I have on that. Everything points to this guy being a real smooth talker and not much else. Full Of seems too smart to fall for his line of BS but apparently she's not. Go figure.

[norajane]

I don't think it's relevant whether he's starting a new business or acquiring one. What's the difference as for as this situation goes?

Touche, I think it makes a lot of difference.

 

Choosing to start a new business venture in another city, means he has to explain to his wife why he is leaving her and their children to start a new business somewhere else, especially in this economy. Giving up the certainty of income, especially when she is in school and presumably their family is dependent on a steady income for their home and children, is not something I imagine a wife would take lightly. At the very least, she'd ask some very pointed and difficult questions.

 

An acquisition, however, implies less choice. If his company acquired another, relocating to the new office is something he can spin to his wife as "they're forcing me to do this; I have to move away, I have no choice, it will only be for a while, we can make this work". Plus, there is more steady income when it is not a new business, so presumably, it won't affect their financial affairs for the worse.

 

Does that make sense?

 

Also, the inconsistency in her posting makes it seem like she is, oh, I don't know...full of lies?

[Touche]

Yes, NJ. That totally makes sense. You're right.

 

And yeah, full of lies and full of delusions, unfortunately.

[2sunny]

get used to your MM crying for MANY MANY reasons in his future.

 

a man with any feelings at all will be sad and on an emotional roller coaster for a very long time... whether he ends up with you or not.

 

he carries guilt and shame - but not so much that he's willing to be honest with his family or discontinue with his lies and deceit of cheating.

 

right now he's willing to make sacrifices to make more money and to try to be with you - and with that comes a price... his sadness. you will have to live with that as well as you watch this man change from what you once knew.

 

THAT is what we were trying to be honest with you about. THAT is reality. these situations create a lot of sadness... now he's literally caught in the middle - either way he chooses - he will hurt someone or several people. there is no easy way out for him - and no happy ending as a result.

[NoIDidn't]

Also, the inconsistency in her posting makes it seem like she is, oh, I don't know...full of lies?

 

 

Precisely. And when she gets called on it from posters of all stripes, she cries foul.

 

FoH is one of those people that apparently believes that the ends justifies the means, regardless of what the means might be. She came here offering a story of hope for other OWs, and all she has given them is a tale of woe spun into cheap silk. We only get a peek into her *world* whenever her MM has the time to stop by and play with her. It seems like he only comes around every three to five weeks, then.

 

I fail to see how lying to OW, any more than some of their MM do, is helpful or hopeful.

 

FoH will be back though, back with another installation in this ill-fated saga.

[Molley]

You rock. Go girl. A man will move mountains for the woman he loves. What a heartwarming story. I am certain this will work out. Keep us posted , you little soulmate, you.

 

Ahhh Reggie... so perfect, couldn't have said it better myself

[Mino]

Manipulation

 

The belief in ideal, perfect love

 

You not caring you're WRECKING LIVES

 

Your selfishness, which shows no bounds

 

Your hyper sensitivity to LEGITIMATE CRITICISM

 

 

YOU

 

ARE

 

A

 

 

N A R C I S S I S T.

 

Truly suffering from narcissistic personality disorder.

What the Hell is your problem? Are you a doctor now, why dont you go back to your "coping board" So you can get advice about your little narcisstic girlfriend who walked out on you, Geeezzzz, is it a full moon aroud here?

[Touche]

What the Hell is your problem? Are you a doctor now, why dont you go back to your "coping board" So you can get advice about your little narcisstic girlfriend who walked out on you, Geeezzzz, is it a full moon aroud here?

 

I'm sorry but I must agree. I can't stand these armchair psychos on here. It's ridiculous.

[LucreziaBorgia]

FOH knows the real deal deep down inside, I'm sure. When people want something to work out for themselves, they tend to go through the same vehement denial of things that are clearly in front of them but that they don't want to see. You see hyperbole and exaggeration of the 'good' while downplaying or outright denying the 'bad'.

 

Those things, as blind as they seem to them - are never far from the surface. They are especially visible in hindsight, which I'm sure FOH will come to see.

[Thomas X Forever]

Armchair psycho?

 

Ok kid, I'll humor you.

 

What qualifies me? Well, I have a Bachelors degree in Psychology

 

And I'm in graduate school, being paid as we speak, for my masters and PhD in it. Hmm, maybe I know a little of what I'm talking about.

 

I love how you resort to ad hominem arguments. It really shows your grasp on reality and intelligence. How bout you DISPROVE my claim. Because FOH is showing CLASSIC signs of Narcissism. She has shown the symptoms, so how bout YOU prove me wrong?

 

You wouldn't know where to start, of course, because you're an internet warrior who resorts to ad hominem arguments, just like a child would.

 

 

And to the other child that said go to the coping boards... umm, look in my entire 632 post history, and find a single TOPIC (let alone even a POST) I've EVER made in the coping board. Way to miss the mark by about 632 miles. It must be a full moon, because the idiots are out in full swing.

[Touche]

Armchair psycho?

 

Ok kid, I'll humor you.

 

What qualifies me? Well, I have a Bachelors degree in Psychology

 

And I'm in graduate school, being paid as we speak, for my masters and PhD in it. Hmm, maybe I know a little of what I'm talking about.

 

I love how you resort to ad hominem arguments. It really shows your grasp on reality and intelligence. How bout you DISPROVE my claim. Because FOH is showing CLASSIC signs of Narcissism. She has shown the symptoms, so how bout YOU prove me wrong?

 

You wouldn't know where to start, of course, because you're an internet warrior who resorts to ad hominem arguments, just like a child would.

 

 

And to the other child that said go to the coping boards... umm, look in my entire 632 post history, and find a single TOPIC (let alone even a POST) I've EVER made in the coping board. Way to miss the mark by about 632 miles. It must be a full moon, because the idiots are out in full swing.

 

Please, this is ridiculous! A bachelor's degree in Psychology is a joke. Everyone knows that. Sheesh! I could say more but I'll stop.

 

 

You have no leg to stand on when you diagnose someone you've never met. Stop it, will you?

[Mino]

Armchair psycho?

 

Ok kid, I'll humor you.

 

What qualifies me? Well, I have a Bachelors degree in Psychology

 

And I'm in graduate school, being paid as we speak, for my masters and PhD in it. Hmm, maybe I know a little of what I'm talking about.

 

I love how you resort to ad hominem arguments. It really shows your grasp on reality and intelligence. How bout you DISPROVE my claim. Because FOH is showing CLASSIC signs of Narcissism. She has shown the symptoms, so how bout YOU prove me wrong?

 

You wouldn't know where to start, of course, because you're an internet warrior who resorts to ad hominem arguments, just like a child would.

 

 

And to the other child that said go to the coping boards... umm, look in my entire 632 post history, and find a single TOPIC (let alone even a POST) I've EVER made in the coping board. Way to miss the mark by about 632 miles. It must be a full moon, because the idiots are out in full swing.

well mr, med Student , maybe you need to pay attention in class. There are no female narcissist on record, only Males... lol

[Mino]

Oh, you've learned to not make another ad hominem comment. Good, that's nice.

 

And wonderful, a bachelors degree is useless. I seriously laughed out loud at this comment. You really are a bright one, aren't you? I'm guessing you didn't make it to college. But I'll humor you by mentioning that maybe you'd like to reread the part about the masters and PhD.

 

You call a spade a spade? Okay, I will too. You are weak minded, your comments show insecurity. Your need to defend someone who is wrecking lives ALSO shows your wonderful character. Really, you sound lovely.

 

But it's psychology that's the joke, right?

 

...

 

......

 

.......Right?

 

 

Rest assured, you sure as hell don't stand a chance in this argument. You were shown a fool by your very first comment, which now proves you a hypocrite. You resorted to childlike name calling, and then later criticized me for 'saying things' without "knowing someone". Wonderful, your logic knows no bounds.

Boy, you really show your age, You want to be a doctor, with this attitude. Hmmm I thought doctors want to help people, You do a wonderful job at it.... thought about changing your major? Maybe to one when you dont have to deal with people? How about accountant? computers? Part of being a doctor is having compassion, which is what your seriously lacking. If you had ANY, you would give advice, not with your arrogant remarks

[Thomas X Forever]

Boy, you really show your age, You want to be a doctor, with this attitude. Hmmm I thought doctors want to help people, You do a wonderful job at it.... thought about changing your major? Maybe to one when you dont have to deal with people? How about accountant? computers? Part of being a doctor is having compassion, which is what your seriously lacking. If you had ANY, you would give advice, not with your arrogant remarks

 

 

First off, your comment about there not being any female narcissists? Are you.. joking? Please, please, PLEASE tell me that was some kind of joke. If not, please visit a website called google, and research even for 60 seconds. I don't mean to sound arrogant but my mind is BLOWN that you think there is no such thing as a female narcissist. I am left mind blown at that comment, because I KNOW you were being serious. I honestly am mind blown. I'm rambling on out of shock.

 

About me having no compassion, however? If I didn't have compassion, I wouldn't be sticking up for the family this lunatic is ruining. Granted, the husband is ruining it too, but still, this lady is an adult and needs to have SOME common sense. But to further diffuse your comment about me not having compassion... please do another 60 second research, this time of my posting history. I have a feeling you will be pleasantly surprised. This topic just pisses me off because FOH is ruining lives, and then there are people here DEFENDING that. It's truly lovely.

[complicatedlife]

Please, this is ridiculous! A bachelor's degree in Psychology is a joke. Everyone knows that. Sheesh! I could say more but I'll stop.

 

No, ad hominem attacks here. I just call a spade a spade. It's called "real life experience." Ever heard of it? You're a POS.

 

You have no leg to stand on when you diagnose someone you've never met. Stop it, will you? You're making a fool of not only yourself but your entire profession (and they already look pretty bad as it is.)

 

I wouldn't say it's a JOKE (hey, abnormal psych was no joke!), but I'll give you that you really can't get anywhere with it unless you have an advanced degree.

[complicatedlife]

They do exist. Very small percentage compared to men, though.

[complicatedlife]

About me having no compassion, however? If I didn't have compassion, I wouldn't be sticking up for the family this lunatic is ruining. Granted, the husband is ruining it too, but still, this lady is an adult and needs to have SOME common sense. But to further diffuse your comment about me not having compassion... please do another 60 second research, this time of my posting history. I have a feeling you will be pleasantly surprised. This topic just pisses me off because FOH is ruining lives, and then there are people here DEFENDING that. It's truly lovely.

The husband should be sticking up for his family. Not that she doesn't play a part, but he is the one that should be carrying that burden more than anyone else.

 

No one has defended her here- quite the contrary....that is why she has stopped posting and said goodbye in her last post. Where are you getting this?

[Thomas X Forever]

Clearly some people have reading comprehension issues.

 

Right, so all the quotes I have of yours above were somehow fake and it wasn't actually your posts? Interesting

 

 

 

Thomas ... You're ruining people's lives

 

 

Ok, I will ask this kindly. Will you please explain? You have it mixed up, whose ruining whose lives. I'm not breaking a marriage apart and GLOATING about it.

 

 

 

I agree with the above poster, however, that narcissism isn't easily diagnosed. I am well aware it's actually the MOST DIFFICULT of ALL disorders in the DSM-IV to diagnose. This topic creator, based on her posting history, however, shows enough signs to qualify her as a narcissist. I just jumped the gap and called her it so maybe she'd open her damn eyes.

 

Look, I'll be the bigger man and apologize for saying some of the things I said, Touche. I wasn't innocent by any means, and for that I am sorry. But come on. Reread your post, you called me an armchair psycho and then bashed an entire profession. Forget our mothers, you should be mortified at yourself for that comment. Please go back and reread your OWN posts if you think I am falsely quoting you. I would really love you to show how me taking YOUR OWN WORDS LITERALLY, is MY failure at reading comprehension.

[Touche]

I wouldn't say it's a JOKE (hey, abnormal psych was no joke!), but I'll give you that you really can't get anywhere with it unless you have an advanced degree.

 

Thank you! Duh!

 

The husband should be sticking up for his family. Not that she doesn't play a part, but he is the one that should be carrying that burden more than anyone else.

 

No one has defended her here- quite the contrary....that is why she has stopped posting and said goodbye in her last post. Where are you getting this?

 

Exactly. He's confused.

 

Sorry, Thomas you 're a very confused man.One day maybe you'll get it, dear. For now, you just don't. You don't. Sorry./B]

[Tony]

This thread has gotten entirely out of hand. I hope the OP got the desired feedback from members who kindly stayed on topic. Thanks to all who participated in a relevant manner.