Is it ME or HER

[He (Founder of We Are U)]

I have this girl that I really love, and not just in the sence of the word, as it is used today to describe a feeling in your stomache when you're with someone. But true love, I feel so connected. Leaving her is not an OPTION !!!

 

People tells me that she'll just hurt me, but I believe a relation ship requires HARD work. Love alone does not make out a relationship, it's the bigest part though.

 

I really wan't to have a perfect relationship with her.

 

I hate it when she smokes weed, I have confronted her and said that she must rather do it with me, when I'm with her.

 

She still does it behind my back, but now she tries to hide it from me.

 

She thinks that if you love someone, you don't have problems and the problems you do have will be fixed by love.

 

I disagree with her and wan't her to help me build our relationship, but it's just not happening.

 

I also hate it when she dances with other people, I cannot take it, not out of jelousy, but because i see dancing as an intimate experience. Maybe more intimate than most things couples do together. And now she want's to go do Ballroom classes, where someone else will have to dance with her to teach us. I know dancing means nothing to some people, but to me it's a very intamate and spiritual experience, and when you are intimate with others you get confused in a relationship.

 

I wan't her to understand a relationship is about give and take and not just me giving up everything to make it work, while she hopes our love for each other carries us through.

 

She also drinks way too much for her age, she is 19 and i'm 20. I really fear that she will end up an alchoholic some day. I don't like it but I never tell her she may not do it, but I would still like it if she didn't drink that much.

 

PLEASE HELP ME !! I'M SO DEPRESSED !! AND TIRED !!

[billy the kid]

cheeze He, there are really so many problems here, weed, alcho, dancing,she might really hurt you but then maybe not and just become dependent upon you for every thing..so it's really hard to have a perfect relationship with these problems. you both are so young, maybe she will grow out of it. I grew up a few years ago when it was cool to get high.. well I grew out of it and so did many of my friends, and some of them are doctors and other prof. and const.wprkers and laborers and so forth.. we are all really good people now even though some of us still smoke weed and drink too much.. but on the way to where we are we have loved alot and lost alot.. so that is the question how much are you willing to give up for this relationship?? every one has skeletons, even you at 20.. man I could go on forever, just take some time and think about it, all of it.. I wish you the best of luck

I have this girl that I really love, and not just in the sence of the word, as it is used today to describe a feeling in your stomache when you're with someone. But true love, I feel so connected. Leaving her is not an OPTION !!! People tells me that she'll just hurt me, but I believe a relation ship requires HARD work. Love alone does not make out a relationship, it's the bigest part though. I really wan't to have a perfect relationship with her. I hate it when she smokes weed, I have confronted her and said that she must rather do it with me, when I'm with her. She still does it behind my back, but now she tries to hide it from me. She thinks that if you love someone, you don't have problems and the problems you do have will be fixed by love. I disagree with her and wan't her to help me build our relationship, but it's just not happening.

 

I also hate it when she dances with other people, I cannot take it, not out of jelousy, but because i see dancing as an intimate experience. Maybe more intimate than most things couples do together. And now she want's to go do Ballroom classes, where someone else will have to dance with her to teach us. I know dancing means nothing to some people, but to me it's a very intamate and spiritual experience, and when you are intimate with others you get confused in a relationship.

 

I wan't her to understand a relationship is about give and take and not just me giving up everything to make it work, while she hopes our love for each other carries us through. She also drinks way too much for her age, she is 19 and i'm 20. I really fear that she will end up an alchoholic some day. I don't like it but I never tell her she may not do it, but I would still like it if she didn't drink that much.

 

PLEASE HELP ME !! I'M SO DEPRESSED !! AND TIRED !!

[Ajay]

He (founder of...)

 

First of all please, we are U? No, no, no; "WE ARE US"!!! You are absolutely right -- Love is hard work (and well worth the effort when it's reciprocated). No problems? Yeah right! Problems will abound. It is the working out of the problems together that makes the bond you feel stronger.

 

I'm VERY concerned about the alcohol and drugs involved here. Not because of the potential for alcoholism (possible though it may be), but because drugs and alcohol impair your ability to think clearly, make decisions, and love. Getting loaded can (and probably will) lead her to do other things (i.e.; dancing too close to somebody else) which will lead you to doubts about her and your relationship. Let us know what happens...

I have this girl that I really love, and not just in the sence of the word, as it is used today to describe a feeling in your stomache when you're with someone. But true love, I feel so connected. Leaving her is not an OPTION !!! People tells me that she'll just hurt me, but I believe a relation ship requires HARD work. Love alone does not make out a relationship, it's the bigest part though. I really wan't to have a perfect relationship with her. I hate it when she smokes weed, I have confronted her and said that she must rather do it with me, when I'm with her. She still does it behind my back, but now she tries to hide it from me. She thinks that if you love someone, you don't have problems and the problems you do have will be fixed by love. I disagree with her and wan't her to help me build our relationship, but it's just not happening.

 

I also hate it when she dances with other people, I cannot take it, not out of jelousy, but because i see dancing as an intimate experience. Maybe more intimate than most things couples do together. And now she want's to go do Ballroom classes, where someone else will have to dance with her to teach us. I know dancing means nothing to some people, but to me it's a very intamate and spiritual experience, and when you are intimate with others you get confused in a relationship.

 

I wan't her to understand a relationship is about give and take and not just me giving up everything to make it work, while she hopes our love for each other carries us through. She also drinks way too much for her age, she is 19 and i'm 20. I really fear that she will end up an alchoholic some day. I don't like it but I never tell her she may not do it, but I would still like it if she didn't drink that much.

 

PLEASE HELP ME !! I'M SO DEPRESSED !! AND TIRED !!

[Tony T]

She smokes marijuana, an illegal substance, and you don't like it.

 

She enjoys dancing with other men and you don't like it.

 

She drinks "way too much" and you don't like it.

 

You are depressed and tired.

 

Wow, it sounds like you really have an ideal, loving relationship here. Hang on to her for dear life or she may go on to make somebody else's life miserable and leave you right out of the picture.

[D.]

Tony was WAYYYYYYY Harsh here, but I am afraid I MUST agree!

 

I agree 1 Trillion percent with the pot and alcohol issue. And, even though I see nothing wrong with a woman dancing with another man other than her boyfriend, YOU DO! And that is what counts.

 

All I can say is she must be hell in bed! Why else would you put up with so much crap from her?!?!?!?!?! (By the way, I am female)

 

Dang, you can do better than her, dude!

[Princess]

Dear He,

 

You both are right. A relationship is built on giving and taking, but also you should love someone the way they are. It is great that you want her to be healthy by not smoking out and not drinking so much, but I think it is unfair that you don't like her dancing with other people. You have to understand that she is young (and so are you). When she gets older, she may not have the time and the energy to have fun by drinking and smoking. Let her do what she wants. It's not like she's going to leave you because she smokes too much. But if it is out of hand (believe me, you will know if it is out of hand) talk to one of her close friends, and maybe both of you can confront her about it. And if you are so worried about her dancing with other people, why don't you take these lessons with her? You know, relationships are not supposed to be perfect, if they were, there wouldn't be so many divorces and a prenupts. Don't try to control her. It'll just backfire. If something bothers you, tell her. If it means so much to you that you can't take it, then maybe you should leave her. But if you really do love her, don't try to change her. The next time you see something wrong with her, remember, she might be thinking something negative about you, but has she said anything about it?

 

Good Luck,

 

Princess

[magicklady]

Grow up! Love is not supposed to be hard... or hurt at all. The drugs will destroy your relationship, because you can't change her and if it was true love you wouldn't want to. She is going to have to realize on her own that drugs are bad for her. I have been through this situation and love didn't pull us through neither did 2 kids.. get my meaning.. you are going down a one way street.. and are bound to get hit by the on coming traffic. Jealousy you have to get over it will destroy any relationship that you are in. I just broke up with my live in boyfriend over jealousy.. going through my e-mail... my cell phone bill.. it might just be dancing that you are jealous of right now.. but if you don't get a handle on it... it will be other things. If someone is going to cheat they are going to do it no matter what so why worry about it..if it happens deal with it then. I am not going to tell you to break up with this girl, but I think that you need to think long and hard about the advice you have gotten from everyone on here. Don't waiste you life on someone who is not willing to give back what you give to them!

I have this girl that I really love, and not just in the sence of the word, as it is used today to describe a feeling in your stomache when you're with someone. But true love, I feel so connected. Leaving her is not an OPTION !!! People tells me that she'll just hurt me, but I believe a relation ship requires HARD work. Love alone does not make out a relationship, it's the bigest part though. I really wan't to have a perfect relationship with her. I hate it when she smokes weed, I have confronted her and said that she must rather do it with me, when I'm with her. She still does it behind my back, but now she tries to hide it from me. She thinks that if you love someone, you don't have problems and the problems you do have will be fixed by love. I disagree with her and wan't her to help me build our relationship, but it's just not happening.

 

I also hate it when she dances with other people, I cannot take it, not out of jelousy, but because i see dancing as an intimate experience. Maybe more intimate than most things couples do together. And now she want's to go do Ballroom classes, where someone else will have to dance with her to teach us. I know dancing means nothing to some people, but to me it's a very intamate and spiritual experience, and when you are intimate with others you get confused in a relationship.

 

I wan't her to understand a relationship is about give and take and not just me giving up everything to make it work, while she hopes our love for each other carries us through. She also drinks way too much for her age, she is 19 and i'm 20. I really fear that she will end up an alchoholic some day. I don't like it but I never tell her she may not do it, but I would still like it if she didn't drink that much.

 

PLEASE HELP ME !! I'M SO DEPRESSED !! AND TIRED !!

[Shebadd]

I think the first line in your post says it all "I have this girl". How about giving the girl a break and quit trying to control her every move. Thank god she has enough self esteem to buck the "system" and do as she pleases. I hope she dances with every guy she sees on the ballroom, who the hell are you to tell her whom she can dance with, smoke with, etc. You are not her "daddy", so get a life and back off. This has nothing to do with "love". It has to do with "control", insecurity, and plain old fear. The problem is you.