aloneanddepressed Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 Wondering what your thoughts on this are? Can someone still love you, but breakup with you for other reasons? I'm having a hard time tonight. Keep thinking of my ex, and he just told me a few weeks ago he loved me so much, but then we are done. I'm a bit confused. So, just wondering what your opinions are on this subject. Link to post Share on other sites
blueyedchika Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 YES..... I loved my ex but he was physically abusive & I new that I deserved better. I gave him 1 chance and that was freaking it! IMO he found greener grass or couldnt get past a part of your life that you couldnt control (kids, family, jealously, something like that)........Im not an expert so I could be wrong but............you would know better than anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
t0ri Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 My ex told me he loved me and that I was "THE ONE" 2 weeks before he dumped me. Then he came back and said he was still in love with me. Then he dumped me again but told me he'd always love me. Psh... Personally, I think someone can love you and dump you, but not be IN love with you and dump you. Unless there are some severe circumstances such as cheating or abuse. Link to post Share on other sites
tigressA Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 I've done that--I did that with my first boyfriend. I was so in love with him but I knew I had to end it because he didn't feel the same way and he would've dragged things out for fear of hurting me. It hurt like he11 and took a long time to get over, but I did. I don't know why your ex broke up with you, but him saying that he loves you was likely just some head game. I wouldn't pay attention to it; it'll just make you suffer. Link to post Share on other sites
AnswersPls Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 I believe words come cheap. If he breaks up with u.. he just does not love u enough.. Link to post Share on other sites
marmaliade Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 A Bf of mine of 3 years just broke up with me, though he says he loves me, but he's not able to commit for life... :bunny:I dont know what to hink... Link to post Share on other sites
maria_patheticsoul Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 My live-in partner dumped me twice. The first time he dumped me he took me back again. The second time he is trying to take me back again because i know in his mind he can still get me. I think there are various reasons why a man say he loves you then dumps you...maybe because he needs to put out his guilt feelings that's why he still says he loves you even he dumped you. Maybe he don't really love you he just pity you. I can understand if a man dumps a woman out of a big and reasonable reason...but a man who dumps you for a lame reason and yet still tells you he loves you after dumping you...i don't think it's really love what he felt for you Link to post Share on other sites
AnswersPls Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 My live-in partner dumped me twice. The first time he dumped me he took me back again. The second time he is trying to take me back again because i know in his mind he can still get me. I think there are various reasons why a man say he loves you then dumps you...maybe because he needs to put out his guilt feelings that's why he still says he loves you even he dumped you. Maybe he don't really love you he just pity you. I can understand if a man dumps a woman out of a big and reasonable reason...but a man who dumps you for a lame reason and yet still tells you he loves you after dumping you...i don't think it's really love what he felt for you agreed.. its all guilt or pity.. that is why he said he loves. Although he really does not.. Link to post Share on other sites
edward-e Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 everyone is gunna have their own opinion on this and really no answer is right... Link to post Share on other sites
maria_patheticsoul Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 everyone is gunna have their own opinion on this and really no answer is right... Maybe because we really dont know what is really going on inside the mind of a man / woman who dumps his/her partner and yet still says he/she loves you? Link to post Share on other sites
edward-e Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 Maybe because we really dont know what is really going on inside the mind of a man / woman who dumps his/her partner and yet still says he/she loves you? i do. i broke up with my g/f of 2 years before because she had a horrible gambling problem and after multiple attempts to intervene she just wouldnt let it go. i still loved her. i was still in love with her. but i just didnt see a future with someone who would gamble away her whole paycheck then beg me for money to pay her car payment. but other people would say...you didnt love her if youre willing to leave her when shes at a low point in her life. Link to post Share on other sites
maria_patheticsoul Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 I mean us giving our own opinions here...there is really no exact answer because we don't know what was the reason why he dumped the girl.....of course you do know why you dumped your gf....and it is really pitiful when you are dumped when you are in your low point in life. Link to post Share on other sites
edward-e Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 yeah thats what i was saying. it really comes down to circumstance. you never know really why someone breaks up with you no matter what they say. theres always unanswered questions. it really sucks to dump someone when they are at a low point at their life. but if you dont love yourself and dont respect yourself, how are you going to love and respect someone else? Link to post Share on other sites
maria_patheticsoul Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 yeah thats what i was saying. it really comes down to circumstance. you never know really why someone breaks up with you no matter what they say. theres always unanswered questions. it really sucks to dump someone when they are at a low point at their life. but if you dont love yourself and dont respect yourself, how are you going to love and respect someone else? That is why i always thought of not giving my one hundred percent...and leave some for myself because if something happens like i am being dumped...it's hard to start again all the confidence in myself are gone....but we learn and live...if we don't try it for ourselves we will never know...i think pain and hurt makes you a stronger person Link to post Share on other sites
Charmaine_Champagne Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 my ex told me he loved me then the next day did a disappearing act and cruelly left me in limbo until i finally took the hint. we were together 6 years and first loves so i know he did love me but i think he wanted to go in search of greener grass and play the field. the weird thing is the day he told me 'i love you' i sensed something was wrong in how he'd been acting and i asked him about it but i pretended it was nothing. he looked at me in the car touched my hand and said 'i love you' and i rem there was like a guilty tone to the way he said it.. almost like 'i love you BUT...'' then after that he went strange and things ended i think if you were a significant part of someones life they will always have love for you but it may not be madly IN love with you, or physically feel that way, it might be that they remember you fondly like a friend or something. in my case i feel my ex does still love me, we were together 6 years and you don't tur off feelings like that but he felt the grass was greener and wanted some variety.. i guess you can love some one as in you care about them but that doesn't mean u want to be with them in a relationship. if you think about it alot of us here still love our exs, even if we know we shouldn't.. my ex treated me like crap but yet i still have feelings for him.. tho i think i tend to only remember the good times and romanticize it all through rose tinted glasses Link to post Share on other sites
Charmaine_Champagne Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 That is why i always thought of not giving my one hundred percent...and leave some for myself because if something happens like i am being dumped...it's hard to start again all the confidence in myself are gone....but we learn and live...if we don't try it for ourselves we will never know...i think pain and hurt makes you a stronger person i can relate to that, i kept my ex at arms length at times- tho generally i can be a tough nut to crack and a deep person, hard to get to know etc. i really loved my ex but at times he did wrong or i felt i couldn't trust him so sometimes i wouldn't give 100% for fear of getting hurt.. now that he has left me i regret that maybe i was cold at times and that is why he sought greener grass but at the same time he was no angel either so there were reasons why i would hold back at times. he knew i loved him tho so he had no excuse to hurt me either way still, we over-analyze everything in the break up situations and the dumpees often blame themselves, i know i do, but what about the dumpers they did wrong also.. getting slightly off track here but anyway i think alot of people miss-use the 'love' word and throw it around a lot tho, i'm not saying they don't mean it or they may think they mean it- i was with my ex 6 years i know i def meant it, but people can use the love word and not even know what love really is and i think towards the end as i said before my ex used it out of guilt in a way ie) i believe he did love me but h still thought it ok to hurt me so he could go see if the grass was greener and i guess he sees me as 'old faithful' who was always there through the years, he prob thinks he can pick me up again when he's got it out of his system if someone really truly loved you they wouldn't hurt you Link to post Share on other sites
HappyAgain Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 Yes I loved my ex but the hurt he was causing me was too much to continue with him so I broke it off and left. Link to post Share on other sites
angel19nz Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 Yep- happened to me. He broke up with me because of the "age factor" as we were 10 years apart. He still emails me and wants me to be a part of his life and still tells me he loves me which is weird (to me). Because the age shouldn't really have mattered if he loves me that much, ay. =) What was the reason that your partner broke up with you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author aloneanddepressed Posted July 21, 2009 Author Share Posted July 21, 2009 Well, I'm a little confused my ex, told me he loved me with all his heart and all this mess, then like 4 weeks later its over. I feel like there were a lot of things about him that were difficult to accept, but I loved him enough to keep trying. I feel terrible thinking, he didn't love me enough to keep working at the relationship despite my faults. Why was I willing to still work at it and he not? That is a really sick feeling. I feel guilty, like yeah at times I was too "cold" like one of the above posters mentioned. But he wasn't actually all that considerate at times. I think we both had things to work on, but why was he ready to call it quits. That is when I question real love. In my situation, we did have our share of fights the past few months, but didn't think this would cause him to want to really break it off for good. I know the Notebook movie is a movie, but they supposedly "fault" often, but they still wanted to be together. I guess that was true love, and mine wasn't. Link to post Share on other sites
Charmaine_Champagne Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 dumpees tend to blame themselves and over analyze, search for answers and feel guilty. there are 2 parts to this, ur ex had faults also. u can't be responsible for other people. he chose to do it and there is no point thinking 'what if' sometimes reasons or whatever are actually out of your control, you never know what is going on in some1 elses head, u can only be responsible for yourself. you were prepared to work on it and he wasn't. just don't view ur ex through rose tinted spectacles, he had issues too and the way he ended it with you showed his true colors so don't beat yourself up as if it was mostly ur fault.. i doubt your ex was perfect. if you were sometimes cold with him so what, maybe that was because of how he behaved or something he did, that is the case with me anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Author aloneanddepressed Posted July 21, 2009 Author Share Posted July 21, 2009 Well, yeah dumpees usually blame themselves or feel guilt. I try to think positive, like even though he dumped me, he knew he was at fault too. He broke it off to benefit us both, but I still feel like the bad guy. That is why communication would have been good, but he just gave me the silent treatment. Of course, whatever he may have told me might have just been lies. I think if you really love someone, you try harder. Unless someone has some severe addiction that you can't tolerate, they have cheated on you or are abusive, why could things not be worked out. The worst part is wondering if they lied about saying they loved you. Link to post Share on other sites
edward-e Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 the thing i disagree with is how i always here women say that they didnt give 100 percent because they were scared they would get hurt. if your not willing to put your front foot forward and risk it all to be with the one you "love" then youre not really loving them at all. its better to be trusted than to be loved. and if you cant trust someone who you feel you love with all your heart and dont give them every ounce how do you expect them to give you 100 percent and wanna fall in love with you? i really just dont get it. Link to post Share on other sites
marmaliade Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 the thing i disagree with is how i always here women say that they didnt give 100 percent because they were scared they would get hurt. if your not willing to put your front foot forward and risk it all to be with the one you "love" then youre not really loving them at all. its better to be trusted than to be loved. and if you cant trust someone who you feel you love with all your heart and dont give them every ounce how do you expect them to give you 100 percent and wanna fall in love with you? i really just dont get it. Good point and now i'm getting hurt cause of all this I did, now I'm suffering... Link to post Share on other sites
hrtbrk hotel tenant Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 i think u can love someone and break up with them and really everyone u love ur not gonna be with forever so......love and let live Link to post Share on other sites
georgia girl Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 It's just me, but unless things are so seriously wrong for so long, I think that both people hurt a little bit when a relationship ends - and you wouldn't hurt if you didn't care. One person always hurts more and that's the person that keeps looking back to see if the other person "hurts" enough to still "love" them. We've all been on both sides of the aise - the hurter and the hurtee... I just think when it ends, regardless of feelings, it's pretty much over. Link to post Share on other sites
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