Trialbyfire Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 Wondering what your thoughts on this are? Can someone still love you, but breakup with you for other reasons? I'm having a hard time tonight. Keep thinking of my ex, and he just told me a few weeks ago he loved me so much, but then we are done. I'm a bit confused. So, just wondering what your opinions are on this subject. Yes, I've done this before. Sometimes, people just aren't right for each other, in that their dynamics are negative, due to all sorts of reasons. If it makes you feel any better, it hurts just as badly both ways. Link to post Share on other sites
maria_patheticsoul Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 the thing i disagree with is how i always here women say that they didnt give 100 percent because they were scared they would get hurt. if your not willing to put your front foot forward and risk it all to be with the one you "love" then youre not really loving them at all. its better to be trusted than to be loved. and if you cant trust someone who you feel you love with all your heart and dont give them every ounce how do you expect them to give you 100 percent and wanna fall in love with you? i really just dont get it. Defense mechanism not to give your one hundred percent....there are consequences though. If you stay logical and keep on thinking and analyzing how the relationship will be everyday it's like the fear is growing each day. But if you stop thinking and just let it flow....in a way you will be happy for sometime. Oh well i think there is really no permanent thing in this world so better to enjoy the relationship while it's still there....and just learn to accept when it's over. I am slowly regaining my confidence and starting to build my walls again until i finally heal. I think i will just think about this relationship as my scariest nightmare. Well atleast i did not hurt him so i don't have a guilty concience....it will be all on him. I hope he die slowly and he goes to hell. Link to post Share on other sites
stace79 Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 Wondering what your thoughts on this are? Can someone still love you, but breakup with you for other reasons? I'm having a hard time tonight. Keep thinking of my ex, and he just told me a few weeks ago he loved me so much, but then we are done. I'm a bit confused. So, just wondering what your opinions are on this subject. Yes, absolutely. I was in a situation where I desperately loved my bf and loved spending time with him. Loved being intimate with him; we had a fantastic connection. However, he wasn't taking care of me in practical matters the way I wanted him to. Wasn't working very hard, wasn't very active, wasn't fulfilling my needs in that I want a strong man I can depend on. So in terms of my overall happiness in life, getting married to him didn't seem right to me. So I broke up with him. I told him I loved him as recently as a day or two before I actually made the break. Link to post Share on other sites
Author aloneanddepressed Posted July 22, 2009 Author Share Posted July 22, 2009 Oh ok. Well you can love someone, and they have their faults or maybe some things don't satisfy you, but the way I look at it. If you really love them, love being with them, you are willing to deal with other things, like nothing else matters. if that even makes sense. if you have a fantastic connection then how do you break up? hmm, i guess its different for everyone. Yes, absolutely. I was in a situation where I desperately loved my bf and loved spending time with him. Loved being intimate with him; we had a fantastic connection. However, he wasn't taking care of me in practical matters the way I wanted him to. Wasn't working very hard, wasn't very active, wasn't fulfilling my needs in that I want a strong man I can depend on. So in terms of my overall happiness in life, getting married to him didn't seem right to me. So I broke up with him. I told him I loved him as recently as a day or two before I actually made the break. Link to post Share on other sites
stace79 Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 Oh ok. Well you can love someone, and they have their faults or maybe some things don't satisfy you, but the way I look at it. If you really love them, love being with them, you are willing to deal with other things, like nothing else matters. if that even makes sense. if you have a fantastic connection then how do you break up? hmm, i guess its different for everyone. I'm just convinced that you can be in love with someone who is not really "right" for you. You have to look at your lives together and determine if their "faults" are going to drive you so nuts that you won't be happy. My sister says the person you're meant to be with is the person who's faults you can tolerate. My version of that is your relationship is only as good as your biggest problem. Because if that one problem is big enough to drag one of you or both down, you won't survive it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author aloneanddepressed Posted July 22, 2009 Author Share Posted July 22, 2009 yeah, I think he just couldn't deal with the arguing and that was making him unhappy. well , who would be happy arguing, but we had many happy times too, which you think would keep him hanging in a little longer. it makes me feel like i didn't have enough other good things about me for him to stay with me. but what makes me so upset, is a lot of it was his fault, but i feel like the blame is on me. like he's thinking" i can't deal with your faults", when he should know one of the main reasons we are arguing is because of him being such an insensitive jerk. i feel like i was willing to still hang in there, and he wasn't and that is what pisses me off. oh well it is what it is:( Link to post Share on other sites
stace79 Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 yeah, I think he just couldn't deal with the arguing and that was making him unhappy. well , who would be happy arguing, but we had many happy times too, which you think would keep him hanging in a little longer. but what makes me so upset, is a lot of it was his fault, but i feel like the blame is on me. like he's thinking" i can't deal with your faults", when he should know one of the main reasons we are arguing is because of him being such an insensitive jerk. i feel like i was willing to still hang in there, and he wasn't and that is what pisses me off. oh well it is what it is:( I think sometimes it just doesn't work out; no blame on you or him. If you look at it rationally, 99% of your relationships are going to end. It's that 1% that is fantastic. I know it's difficult. But if he doesn't want to be in it anymore, it won't make you any happier than you are now if he gives in and gets back with you against his wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
MSUE Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 Personally I believe you can be madly in love with someone real and genuine feelings but it just won't work out...distance for example is one of the most difficult things to overcome...cultural differences this includes religious views, traditions, beliefs also long terms goals in life...that's another deal breaker one party may want the white picket fence and the wedding and kids and the other party may want to chill for a while maybe live together and certainly no kids anytime soon..these are deal breakers that have nothing to do with love...cause the love is there is just going different directions Link to post Share on other sites
gypsi Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 yes they can, even when they are madly in love with you if they dont see a future with you due to weak personality traits or broken trust or severe circumstances they will leave you even if it breaks their own hearts in their minds they are doing what is best for themselves in the long run. I think people who do this are really strong and have a lot of selfrespect. My ex did it to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Devil Inside Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 I believe this can happen Love is unconditional...relationships aren't. Link to post Share on other sites
ScarLettIsle Posted August 14, 2009 Share Posted August 14, 2009 the man i love the most is also the man i hate the most... aside from our issues - i didn't like who i was when we were together - i felt like i was on a emotional rollercoaster 24/7 - we were insane and insanely jealous, physical, detrimental to each others health - and u can't live long like that... i still love him, just from a DISTANCE .. Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted August 14, 2009 Share Posted August 14, 2009 It's very possible (and common) to love someone that you're completely incompatible with. There is no amount of love that will make it work in the long-term when two people are extremely incompatible. There must've been things going on between you and your xbf that either you weren't aware of or that were just beyond your control. It sounds like you're basically baffled as to why the break-up happened. Link to post Share on other sites
gypsi Posted August 15, 2009 Share Posted August 15, 2009 just shows you love doesent conquer all its a load of bs, people would rather be with someone that they are not madly in love with who are compatible with them than be with someone that they are madly in love with!???? Whats the point of falling in love then...? Or wait then they change it around and say it was lust or infatuation NOT love. So i am a bit confused as to what exactly "In love" means. Link to post Share on other sites
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