I got pregnant with a married mans child!!!

[Aloneforever]

I didn't get involved with a married man, but I felt deeply in lvoe with him. I avoid him, I made myself look bad to him and I endure accusations from his wife, her stalking me. And on top of it I beleive that there for perhaps a day or two I'd been happy and since I've never had anything, it would be precious, so even though I didnt have a relationship at all, sometimes I wonder if my rightiousness is just a way of been forever lonely and in pain, think about it. If you werent going to ever feel the same for anyone, what if he is married and it lasts a week instead of years, it's better than no one ever touching you.

 

On your particular situation, well I know both outcomes are possible though that he will dump his wife is more rare, it happens, you just have to be more wonderful and win him, like you are a better price catch, but that is lame, I still hope that loving me will be the only choice my man will think of. Thats why and mid twenties and never been involved with anyone.

 

Yes, you shoudln't have gotten pregnant, and all you can do is ask, if he truly doesn't want it, why have a child with no father, or you can raise the child yourself, or have an abortion, its against god to cheat on your spouse, so you should have never touch, but since you did, I couldnt kill a baby, I guess thats why I am in so much pain because I wont take that risk even if its onbe in ten million. Hey, being righteous doesnt pay off, and I don't even think there is such a thing like heaven, just the love for the rest of mankind, which doesnt reciprocate the love for you, so you suffer.

[TigerEyes]

Originally posted by madmarriedwomen26

I think all you people encouraging these whores who sleep with married men are just as SICK as they are! why would you keep a child like that?!

My husband cheated on me and we are waiting to fond out if he is the father and it has destroyed our home. We have two children of our own and i had a miscarriage due to the stress of this crazy nasty woman threatening me!Decent women don't sleep with other womens men especially if they are MARRIED! I don't think any of you should keep your heads held high because you should be ashamed of yourselves! What goes around comes around and you best believe when you screw around with married men you will pay! Marriage is ordanied by God and what he brings together is not to be tampered with by man!

 

 

 

I'm sorry you are in so much pain.... (that's the way I read your post---not like you are going off on people or anything...you're hurting...and you are entitled)

I, too believe there is NO excuse to mess with a married man.

 

I hope that somehow, someway...God shows you how to put your family back together, if that is what you want. Hang in there...God Bless!

 

Marriage is sacred, and while most people reading your post will see how angry you are right now...you are right....I believe the vows go something like...'What God has brought together, let NO man tear apart'

 

But, women who mess with married men will always find their 'justified' excuse why in their case, it's ok.

 

Again, hope things get better for you!

[average guy]

My gosh, I've never seen such a short thread cover so much area!!! There's enough in here to keep it going for a year!

 

But to try and put in my 2 cents to the original poster (and several other posters in the same situation) I had a very short relationship once (less than a month) when I was single (so I was cheating on anyone) but I found out about a year and a half later that she had gotten pregnant by me and had the baby but never told me. Looking back, it all made sense - she told me we didn't need condoms after I offered to wear one because she coudln't get pregnant (this was pre-aids).

 

Anyway, I was somewhat flattered and amzaed that this woman had (I think) basically schosen me to impregnate her. I didn't feel resentful that she never told me, and I respected that by never trying to talk to her about it (even though I easily could have contacted her as we lived in the same city, but didn't travel in the same cirles or neighborhoods).

 

So. I guess my 2 cents is to NOT tell him if you are ok with loving and raising the child on your own. If you feel the need to tell him, expect the worst - I seriously doubt he will leave his newborn child and wife for you, but what do I know

 

And lastly, my father cheated on my mother from the day they met. I used to hate women who slept with married men and figured they were just as much to blame as married men for having affairs (I mean if all women had the same morals about married men cheating, then no one would ever have sex with a married man - except paid professionals or women who were tricked by the men) but anyway, I digress from my last point which is - that's life. No one can tell who they are going to be atrracted to and have sex with - it's one of the many mysteries of life. It just happenes - no one is to blame!

 

Hope this helps ... and I look forward to checking back on this thread to see where it goes

 

Cheers,

 

A.G.

[Fritz]

Originally posted by End of my rope

I don't condone either. I think it's awful, and as I said in another post, shows the level of moral decline our country and our world is in. Cheating is immoral. Swinging, orgies, threesomes are also immoral. The diffrences in "consent" between the two are irrelevent. They are both wrong IMO. But again, that's only my opinion...

 

Well as you said thats your opinion. Mine is that the differences in consent are hardly irrelevent. I may not like or agree with it or think that swinging is for me but as long as both parties agree on an open relationship its not even in the same league as cheating.

[TazmaGurl]

The fact that you slept with a married man knowingly absolutly disgusts me (If all those girls out there stopped sleeping with married men, how much better would marriages be?)

The fact that I have been sexually active with my husband for 5 years and never got pregnant once in that time (and no I don't take the pill, I use only condoms -- and trust me its not infertility, thats a conversation for another day though) shows how we have more then enough contraceptives out there that could have been used and I would really like to know how you could have possibly gotten pregnant (the odds of it being a "mistake" are WAY too slim IMO).

 

But you are asking for advice, not critisism (I couldn't resist...)

I know I may get slam dunked with pro-life/make-people-feel-bad-about-their-choices-of-abortion types, but in my honest opinion this child is only a possibility of life at this stage. An abortion is may be the easy way out, and you probably wouldn't learn the lesson you need, but maybe some of the words said here will help with that.

 

Another option is giving it up for adoption, which is better for those who hate the idea of abortion. anyway, thats my opinion...

 

Tazmagurl

[TigerEyes]

Originally posted by average guy

 

 

Anyway, I was somewhat flattered and amzaed that this woman had (I think) basically schosen me to impregnate her.

 

 

-must say.....at your point ..I know a child born from an affair, and she is furious with her real parents for giving her such a topsy turvy life. She was denied her father...something a girl really needs. Then, she found out LATER, that she had a sister, who had a normal life with her father...all in the same neighborhood. It's a terribly, irresponsible thing to do to a child.

 

 

And lastly, my father cheated on my mother from the day they met. I used to hate women who slept with married men and figured they were just as much to blame as married men for having affairs (I mean if all women had the same morals about married men cheating, then no one would ever have sex with a married man - except paid professionals or women who were tricked by the men) but anyway, I digress from my last point which is - that's life. No one can tell who they are going to be atrracted to and have sex with - it's one of the many mysteries of life. It just happenes - no one is to blame!

 

No, it doesn't 'just happen, and noone is to blame'.....marriage is sacred, and it's called... SELF CONTROL.

[average guy]

Hi TigerEyes,

 

I agree there are many sides to the issue, but from my personal experince growing up with my father - I would rather have had a single mother! All I meant is that if this woman had made a decision to get pregnant and raise a child by herslf - I respected it. If she had asked me to be involved, I would have been (even though I was just an unwitting sperm donor

 

And I agree about self-control, but seom people have it and some don't. Why do you think some people become drug addicts or alcholics and other don't? I had to go through a process of forgiving my father and my therapist basically said he was a sex addict, and had little or no power to control himself. (One of my favourite sayings is: "My will is strong, it's my won't that's weak!") Otherwise, I completely agree with you that if people stopped sleeping with married men (or women) it would save a lot of marriages, but it does take 2 to tango

[TigerEyes]

Originally posted by average guy And I agree about self-control, but seom people have it and some don't

 

...and some conveniently forget it, when cheating on their spouse.

 

I'm not talking about sex addicts, although they can be helped if they want to be.

 

I'm talking about the people who choose this lifestyle of their own free will. The women out there on the prowl for some unsuspecting woman's husband...

 

It's cheap, disgusting, and it's a sin.

 

 

The OW/OM out there have no remorse for what they do....it's appauling.

 

yes it takes two to tango...the cheating spouse is also to blame....but TWO wrongs don't make a right.

 

 

I'm sorry, don't mean anything against you, personally.....however, when this topic is brought up, I simply have to put my two cents in, also!

This topic really gets under my skin. It is such a selfish betrayal to marriage....such an absolutely heartbreaking betrayal to your spouse, and everyone out here discussing how to help the OW/or OM succeed in breaking up a family, taking a child's family from them completely disgusts me.

[average guy]

I think I understand where your coming from, and I don't condone cheating in a marriage in anyway, shape or form (I recently advised a woman who said her husband was flirting to think about dumping him!

 

Anyway, I think someone who cheats in their marriage is really just saying that they want out of it. They are too chicken to deal with it and think that having an affair will force the issue. That's why I don't really blame the people they are having an affair with, it could be anyone, even another married person who also wants out of their marriage as well.

 

Anyway, I get the impression that maybe your spouse cheated, or maybe your mother/father did, (please forgive me if I am out of line here) and I truly understand what that pain is like, but just remember, it's not pain that is intentionally directed at you, it just ends up that way. I think most people that do cheat would say that hurting their spouse is the last thing on their mind.

 

Cheers

 

A.G.

[average guy]

This ought to be a lesson to married men who fool around:

 

http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2004/04/03/1080941726659.html

[jmargel]

Originally posted by End of my rope

I just found it amusing that someone who is into swinging, threesomes, orgies whatever ya call it, ( IMO it's all in the same group) was preaching about morals. Kinda the pot calling the kettle black don't ya think?

 

I never said that swinging wasn't CONSENSUAL. So is cheating. No one puts a gun to the cheaters head and makes them cheat. So how is that an underlying diffrence? Sorry but there's not a connection there.

 

I don't feel I made myself look like a fool. If you do, then that's fine, you are entitled to your opinion. And b/t/w, I never said a word about whether or not you love your fiance or not. Like I just said, I found if funny you were preaching about morals. Those who live in glass houses should not throw stones...

 

What does swinging, 3 somes or orgies have to do with morals, if both partners agree to it? It's obvious that you have a very closed mind about things. That's ok though because I won't judge you unlike you do to me or many others who are intersted in these things.

 

The underlying difference between the two deals with love, respect and trust. Swinging, 3 somes, etc.. involve both partners getting pleasure with each other and others at the same time. There is a very strong bond between those partners to be able to trust the other while doing this. Cheating is doing something behind your partner's back with no regard of the consequences. They show no sign of love, respect or trust when they do this.

 

Like the other poster said when did you become the morality police? There are many couples who don't swing and are miserable together. And when has swinging affected society in general? Partner swapping, 3 somes, orgies, etc.. has been around for centuries! This was common practice many, many generations ago. It sounds like you need to do some research as well.

 

You don't see very many couples who aren't happy with each other, or in an insecure relationship to be swinging. One of the first rules of this, is you have to have complete faith and trust in your partner. That is also one of the main underlying foundations to a successful relationship.

[ouchithurts]

I am three months pregnant with a married man. Do I feel guilty? Ohh yeaaa. Do I ask god for forgiveness? Every night. I made a mistake, I hurt people, and would do anything to take it back. But I cant. I unlike other women do not need advice or am in no position to give it. However I will say. For those married women who wish hell on women like me: My hate for myself is enough, the guilt eats me, and I find it hard to hold my head up. I am in hell. I had never looked at a married man before him, and I never will again. My apologies to all married women who have been cheated on, but go easy on us, we too know what betrayal is like. For those of you who are curious as to what I will do with my unfortunate situation: He will sign over all parental rights and responsibilities. His wife and family will never know. I care more about not hurting his wife than the financial support. As to what I will tell this child...I have a few years to think about it.

[jmargel]

Ouchithurts,

 

Don't you think you may be actually inflicting more pain on his wife by not telling her? Do you think he's only going to stop with you? What if he gets an STD from the next woman, and inflicts in on his wife? I think it should be upto his wife on whether she should stay with him. She is living under a false pretense, and if you think everything else in their marriage is perfect except for this little affair, then you are probably mistaken.

 

If a relationship is good.. If it is loving, respectful and trusting then there is no need to stray. No need to cheat. You don't truly know how he treats his wife. You know only his words, which can very easily be lies. Yes, you may feel guilty for what you did, but it takes two. He is just as guilty. If he wasn't going to cheat with you, then it would be with someone else. You are playing into his hands. Right now he thinks he's got it made.

[average guy]

Originally posted by ouchithurts He will sign over all parental rights and responsibilities. His wife and family will never know. I care more about not hurting his wife than the financial support. As to what I will tell this child...I have a few years to think about it.

 

Hi ouchithurts ,

 

I admire you for trying to do the respectable thing in a bad situation

 

However, just some quick advice ...

 

I had a friend (not me who was single and got a single woman pregnant and they decided she would keep the baby and he would move on (and a few years later he met and married another woman and had children with her - with the blessing and agreement with the first woman that she would never contact him or his wife or new family). However, when the boy turned 14 he was too much for her to handle and she called him out of the blue and said she wanted to send the boy to live with him for a while (which he did).

 

Anyway, I guess my advice is to make absolutely 100% sure that you will never want (or need) for your child to meet/stay with (what happens if something happens to you?) the father before you sign anything. Life changes and you need to be able to make changes with it

 

Best of luck

 

Cheers,

 

A.G.

[ouchithurts]

Thank you both for your advice. Each of you have a very good point. Yes, he could have very easily passed on a STD to his wife (did I mention she was pregnant and gave birth the same month I got pregnant). Another part of the story is he demanded for me to get an abortion saying I would ruin his life should I have this child. Due to a belief that only God should terminate life, it was not an option. I moved very far away in May. Since then: he called me my first week in my new state and said he prayed every night that I loose this child. Last week he called me in the middle of the night and said he hates me, I will do this alone and he would be no part of its life. The next day he called and said he was sorry and that there would be a time when he would want to see this child. Now you see I cant allow him to put me through an emotional hell, or play games with me. Also, it is all or nothing, he cant be a part of it only when its convenient for him, that would not be fair to the child. I really think it best that he play no part in the babies life or mine. His wife may need to know, I cant be sure. I dont think its my place to tell her, and I really dont want to hurt her. From what he has told me they have a perfect life, with two children, and no problems. I can only imagine the hell his wife would go through if she knew. As far as the child getting out of control, now that would be my fault wouldnt it, and it should be me who dealt with it. Besides, who's to say I wont fall in love with a great man who could play the father role? Trust me, I know it will be hard. I wish there was another way, but if there is I dont see it. Thanks all.

[Nubianangel]

The women out there on the prowl for some unsuspecting woman's husband...

 

It's cheap, disgusting, and it's a sin.

 

You've been watching WAY too many movies. Out on the prowl?:laugh:I was the OW for a year and recently ended our relationship Monday. I didn't go 'looking' for a man who was taken, his relationship was lacking in something and he came to me. I had no idea he had a g/f until a week into our courtship. I avoided him at first but my desire for him had already been planted. I had the moral fortitude to say 'no'. Did I? Nope! Because I was selfish and relationshipphobic, I thought it convenient that he lived an hour away and had a g/f because I was not ready to give of myself emotionally. Learn the OW's story before you go assuming and let's not forget there are OM too. Your venom seems targeted to women only. I will admit there is a small percentage of OW who plan these things but they don't make up the whole.

 

It may be cheap, it may be disgusting and it may be a sin and OW may be cast out to hell but let THEM worry about their relationship with God and you worry about yours.

 

As for the poster's question, I say discuss this pregnancy with him. If he is willing to be in this child's life emotionally, physically and financially then I say keep it. If not, consider other options such as adoption or abortion. For myself, I am pro life but in regards to others, pro choice.