Re: i need help

[D.]

Yours is a very difficult case. Age factors many times play a huge part in why a boyfriend behaves indifferently to a girlfriend. Say, in Jr. High, a guy may want to seem cool to his male friends by ignoring his girlfiend ... but that is the exception to the case. In Jr. High and High School, usually guys want to appear in front of their guy friends with their girlfriend on their arm to show her off, that is, unless they are embarrassed or ashamed by her.

 

He could be shy and giving you the impression that he is ignoring you when actually he is having much trouble communicating. That, too, is common. It could also be as you say, that he suffers from low self-esteem and feels undeserving of you.

 

You say you want to help him. You CAN'T! He is the only one who can help himself or find guidance or counseling to help him. You can contribute to making him feel better about himself if his problem is low self-esteem by compliments and builing him up, but it is only a temporary fix to say the least.

 

I do NOT know if he is into drugs, but those who are also exhibit the non-caring, ignoring behavior to their girlfriends/boyfriends that you have discribed.

 

Another possiblity, one that I am so very sorry to bring up, is that he is no longer interested in you and wishes to end the relationship but that you are peristent or he feels too guilty or badly to do so.

 

As I said, from the very small amount of information you have provided, it is impossible to narrow it down to just what is going on. Perhaps you can provide more info as to ages, how long you have been going steady, if drugs are involved, how social he is with other friends (both female friends and male as well) and how he behaves around his other friends. Also, perhaps you could relate a couple examples of what you are refering to regarding his "ignoring" behavior toward you. All of this would help immensely.

 

Best Wishes!

[Sarah]

i am a freshman and he is a sophmore. i do think he does do drugs. when we are together he sometimes ignors me. he does things with his friends all the time. i do not know if that is just how he is or not. we have been together only about 3 mounths but i figure that for being so young it does not last as long. thanks for responding!!!!!!

 

[billy the kid]

Sarah: this really used to piss me off .... who is everyone telling you to break up, and what do they want from you??? I was dating this girl once and every one was telling her to break up with me cuz they wanted her.. now talk to HIM and ask him why he treats you like he does..then you will know in your heart what to do... and if you really mean sleeping with him to show him real love, you really need to have a serious sit down talk first..

Everyone is telling me i need to brake up with my boyfriend. it is beacause he seems like he does not really like me. i think he has low self esteem. i think he does not know how to show love. i really love him but he ignors me! i want to show him real love. i want to help him. is it wrong to want to? please respond soon!!!!!!!!!! thank you!

[Tony T]

It is you who has the low self esteem. If you thought more of yourself, you would not want to be around a guy who seems like he really doesn't like you.

 

It doesn't make any difference what his reasons are. Just like it doesn't make a difference what causes people to die, fact is they are DEAD.

 

Why should you want to help somebody who doesn't seem to care about you. That is pretty insane.

 

When you get yourself together, try to find somebody that really likes you and enjoy the relationship and get more out of life. Meantime, YOU are the problem here, not this toad of a guy you are seeing.

 

And that's my final answer!!!

[D.]

Sara, so you have stated your ages and: "i do think he does do drugs." THAT is why he does things with his friends all the time!

 

People who do drugs hang out with people who do drugs and have them readily available (or at least a source to obtain them)

 

People who do drugs ALWAYS, I repeat ALWAYS care more for the effect the drug gives them than for any interpersonal relationship they may have. Not only that, any relationship they may try to form is NEVER as it seems as the drugs effect the personality of the druggie.

 

Sweetie, think more of yourself. If this guy wanted help, he would "Just Say No" to drugs. You mean little to nothing to him in the scheme of things in his life at this time.

 

Move on to a guy who can, with a CLEAR HEAD, devote his attentions and affections upon you as you so richly deserve!!!!

 

Good Luck!

[Ajay]

Oh Sarah:

 

Don't listen to "everyone", they are not the one's struggling with this, you are. Listen to yourself.

 

You "think" he does drugs? Find out for sure. You "think" he has low self-esteem? I wonder, does he or do you? It may not be "wrong", but wanting to show him love and wanting to help him indicate to me you have "lost puppy syndrome". He's not a puppy, and you can't train him or fix him. If you put as much time and effort into loving and helping yourself, I'm sure you'd feel a lot better.

 

Does this relationship feel right to YOU? Talk to him about your feelings but listen to yourself -- not me or anyone else...

Everyone is telling me i need to brake up with my boyfriend. it is beacause he seems like he does not really like me. i think he has low self esteem. i think he does not know how to show love. i really love him but he ignors me! i want to show him real love. i want to help him. is it wrong to want to? please respond soon!!!!!!!!!! thank you!