Oh God it hurts , I didn't know he was married at first .......

[Mary3]

Please be kind to me . I am crying right now ...for hours... I am simply devasated.

 

I didn't know he was married ( At first ) . He charmed and woo'd me. He fell in love with me. I loved him deeply. I was incredibly happy. We had 3 trips together . I was deeply attached when he cried and told me he was married. I said OH H** NO .

Then somehow ( I never get involved with married men. HUGE mistake ) But he won me over because we had an amazing chemistry and connection. Absoultely incredible in every way. Became best friends and great companions too ... He told me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. He told me this many many times...I ONLY hung on to this because he said we had a future. He would divorce. There is NO way I would have done this if he had not told me it was over with her. I should add its WRONG and I want no part of someone;s marriage but he continually told me it was over...

 

So I tried to deal with this. I gave almost a year of my life. I had alot of losses ( devastating losses lately, financially ) It seems after that he kind of changed. He didn't ( looking back on it ) want to give up the house. He said he would give it up and / or sell and the house was on the market.

 

I think back on it now and he was angry at her . She was rejecting him and not acting like a wife.

 

I guess him going to Church he felt he needed to confess everything to her . In that she told him they can work things out. Prior to her calling me , he sent me an "I love you "

 

God I want to believe he loved me. Please everyone don't be harsh . I can't handle that right now. Please

 

Yes, she called me. I had not heard from him in days. I thought he was dead.

 

I want to get on with my life. Please help me if you can .

 

I know some of you might say harsh things but I really need to be uplifted. He hurt ALL of us.

 

I removed him from my page and all his pictures. I need some deep support. Please don't be rough. I thought and believed him when he said he wanted to end it. I see now he was likely just angry at her.

 

If you knew the thoughts in my mind right now as I cry ...

 

I want to also tell you married men who have hit on me I always let them have it, saying they are disrespecting their wife. I truly detest when a married man cheats,. This one got away from me. If you want to be single and date then you should not be married.

 

 

 

Married women on here might not like what I say but I didn't know at first and then tried it end it like 50 times ..but he begged me to stay... .because he told me he didn't love her anymore. It was me he loved...We had a future.

 

By the way , she admits she neglected him on the phone to me. Its not like he was the guy who wasn't getting any attention...but still its very WRONG what he did and what I did..

 

I wonder how you can tell if a guy is really single anymore ? I have a long road of recovery and am moving out of this state . ( no he doesn't live here in my state )

[Reggie]

Chalk it up to having been deceived and then not having the strength to do the right thing. All you can do is learn form this and be more careful and stronger down the road.

You may not beleive it now, but you dodged a major bullet here. This man has zero integrity and your relationship was formed on a very weak foundation, unbeknownst to you at the time.

Once the love feelings start to fade, or to prompt their fading, you might want to run this situation by a close friend or two to get their feedback on what they think of a man like this. It may help you to see how others perceive him.

I know of two women who went through the same thing. Like you, once hooked, they were not strong enough to end it. They are okay people, but, they are somewhat wishy -washy on their values and morals. Perahps you, unlike them, will recommit to your values. You have a lot of life left and can have a decent one if you do this.

[Mary3]

Thank you Reggie for being kind and respectful , I did talk to 2 friends today and they were both disgusted and angry with him and all the things he tried to pull with me.

 

Its so weird , I go my entire life and never get involved with married men and kick the ones in the shin for suggesting I do , and then I let this guy totally convince me ..

 

But trust me it was NEVER okay. We had many rounds about it and his delays of " I need to sell the house " I'm thinking but you don't need to be living with her or even married to her to do that.

 

Just stall tactics. Did I think he loved me ? Maybe in a hot romantic way now. Always complaining about her. Just last week I said " You call her lazy. Thats what you will be calling me someday. " According to what I read.

 

My guy friend says its a chapter of your life over now and you can move forward. I hated LD relationships. I won't ever agree to one again. This one zapped almost a year of my life.

 

I appreciate your input. Thanks for understanding.

[Art_Critic]

Cut yourself a break.. you are only just a human looking for companionship and he took advantage of you...

 

Set your sights on the future.. make sure those sights do NOT ever include him and move forward.

Also.. you have heard the drill.. NC.. you absolutely must rid that crap out of your life, what a turd he is..

 

You'll find the right guy one day.. you'll see..

[Reggie]

Greenish is so right. Folks these days put the cart before the horse and get physical so fast. Hell, I did while dating my XWW and it fogged my brain.

Bonding chemicals are releases after getting physical and they cloud one's judgement. I ignored all types of red flags because of my stupidity in having sex with someone I did not know.

There is a load of pressure out there to have sex too soon. I have been dating a bit and the women I meet want to have sex within two to three dates. It is nuts.

Absolutely, in the future , go slow and learn something about the person you are about to have sex with. Have your friends size him up and your family, too.

[Reggie]

Thank you Reggie for being kind and respectful , I did talk to 2 friends today and they were both disgusted and angry with him and all the things he tried to pull with me.

 

Its so weird , I go my entire life and never get involved with married men and kick the ones in the shin for suggesting I do , and then I let this guy totally convince me ..

 

But trust me it was NEVER okay. We had many rounds about it and his delays of " I need to sell the house " I'm thinking but you don't need to be living with her or even married to her to do that.

 

Just stall tactics. Did I think he loved me ? Maybe in a hot romantic way now. Always complaining about her. Just last week I said " You call her lazy. Thats what you will be calling me someday. " According to what I read.

 

My guy friend says its a chapter of your life over now and you can move forward. I hated LD relationships. I won't ever agree to one again. This one zapped almost a year of my life.

 

I appreciate your input. Thanks for understanding.

 

I know of noone that has not done some dumb things in his/her life. I once let a married woman kiss me when I was in college. What an idiot/a-hole I was. Guess it came back to bite me in the ass as I was cheated on by boith my XWWs.

All you can do is learn from this stuff.

BTW, I doubt his wife was nearly as bad as he claims. Guy's a liar, remember.

[Reggie]

Now that you have slept with a married man and someone's husband, you will never be the same.

 

No one is ever the same after anything one expieriences. That can be a good thing, if one learns from it and does not repeat mistakes.

[Mary3]

This is easy, first, you get to know them by, including but not limtied to, visit their residence, meet their close friends/co-workers, meet their siblings and/or parents, BEFORE you take off your pants.

 

Decent women who are worth of respect do that. Easy women on the other hand end up shaing some one's husband, sometimes knowingly, sometimes not.

 

I was mainly referring to on-line dating sites. If I were to choose that route again. There have been some men who said they were single and it turns out they were married online. Thankfully I had not met them. I gave them my number and their wives would call. Thats one of the biggest turnoffs of the on-line world.

 

My guy was long distance . I did not know for some time he was married. His wife was out of town and thats how our friendship began online and on the phone. It progressed to a deep friendship and attraction. It was only after he fell deeply in love that he confessed. I was angry and told him NO WAY . I told him we could be friends only. That led to him begging and pleading with me not to end it. Up and down roller coaster. Me trying close to 50 times when issues came up.

 

As far as me being easy prior to talking to him, I had been celibate for around a year . Trust me I questioned my judgement and learned all I could about FWB.s No`one would be getting intimate with me without a deep loving connection. I had that route and thats why regarding FWB;s I try to help the girls here who wonder why the guy only calls late at night for sex /hangout .

 

After months of talking and finally deciding to meet and feeling a connection did we feel we had something special.

 

I guess when it comes to married men they don't want to give up the house and the money. I would say MOST married men struggle with that and so they stay and cheat . I still stand by " If your married act married. If you want to be single get a divorce. When I knew I no longer loved my husband I ended the marriage. I did not stay in it and sleep around ..

 

This is based on my experience of married men who would write to me and tell me they were married but they wanted to * play around * and was that okay ? It was never okay for them to even suggest it.

[Island Girl]

This is easy, first, you get to know them by, including but not limtied to, visit their residence, meet their close friends/co-workers, meet their siblings and/or parents, BEFORE you take off your pants.

 

I did this. I went to his house - he had an apartment with a roommate. His own room with all of his clothes in the closet, etc.

 

I met his co-workers - they'd already heard all about me and gave me a warm greeting (ALL of them).

 

His parents and siblings live in another country but I did speak with them on the phone several times.

Oh and I did meet extended family (numerous cousins).

 

And yet I still found out later he was still "technically" married.

Not living with her, she knew he wanted a divorce and stuck at the time because of culture and religion.

 

When I found out I stated under no uncertain terms that he was not to contact me again until he had filed divorce papers in hand and that I would be expecting to see them.

 

It was difficult and so very painful. It was a really tough decision and had I not been able to compartmentalize it at the time I don't think I would have been strong enough to do it.

 

Decent women who are worth of respect do that. Easy women on the other hand end up shaing some one's husband, sometimes knowingly, sometimes not.

 

So I did ALL that you say and even went steps further.

I went to church with him.

I went to big gatherings where his wife was PRESENT and no one said a word because for all rights and purposes the marriage had been over for quite sometime. It was just paperwork formalities at that point.

 

Do you now see that situations like these aren't ALWAYS so black and white.

 

That said are you still going to stick to the thoughtless, hurtful, blanket generalization above when you couldn't be more wrong?

 

 

 

In any event Mary3, I am so sorry you have been so hurt by him.

Hindsight is always 20/20 and people can play 'Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda' all day long - it doesn't help you feel any better!

 

Try to keep yourself as busy as you possibly can unless you are sleeping.

Fall into bed exhausted. Take time to pamper yourself and do things (for just you) often that you'd do on occasion.

Reach out to some of your friends and try to get out of the house a bit more - and set up an emergency calling circle who'll listen when you need to talk.

 

You have a move to look forward to and a whole new place with no memories around you.

Things will get better and days will get easier.

 

I hope that helps.

[D-Lish]

The same thing happened to me around 4 years ago.

A guy contacted me online- we hit it off. We dated for four months and I was completely smitten with him.

 

Then- his wife called me asking who I was - and we spoke for a good hour.

 

He kept an apartment in the city- he travelled for his job, and he had a home with a wife in another city.

 

She found out because she found his second cell phone and that's how she discovered me.

 

I was dumbfounded and blindsided. I'd met his friends which apparantly supported his affairs.

 

As soon as I found out I never spoke to him again. I was head over heels for him- but as soon as I found out about the deception I disappeared out of his life for good. He tried to talk to me several times- but I just stayed NC.

 

I do know his wife stayed with him.

[butcher's hook]

Now that you have slept with a married man and someone's husband, you will never be the same.

 

 

What's your problem? Knock if off with the snide remarks. The OP is hurting and your remarks are not welcome here I find them extremely offensive personally and I am not even the one hurting. Can't you respect someone is hurting?

 

Mary I feel so sorry for what has happened to you, just a few days ago I was reading your chipper remarks along the boards and never imagined this was happening to you.

 

As the others said, you were played. This man took advantage of you and your heart and was only thinking of himself. Married men do that at times. You can only learn from this and move forward. I can see you are really hurting now and it takes time. But think of it this way, any man who had to conn you into falling in love with him (he knew if he came clean he might lose you) is not a man worth loving with all your heart. This does not change that you do feel what you feel today, and I don't even doubt that he loves you, but his connection to his home/marriage is much stronger than the love he feels for you. I bet he is thinking with his head not his heart right now.

 

I would not be surprised if he comes looking for your in a few weeks time. Have you thought of what you will do then?

[GreenEyedLady]

Now that you have slept with a married man and someone's husband, you will never be the same.

 

Yeah, it's called a non-virgin.

 

But I bet you wouldn't know anything about that if your username is any indication of your physical or mental health.

 

GEL

[butcher's hook]

Now that you have slept with a married man and someone's husband, you will never be the same.

 

And actually yes she will be the same, in fact no correction, she will be better off in due time stronger and wiser from this experience. Time heals all wounds. Except for when you are a mental case then there is no cure for that.

[Island Girl]

Yeah, it's called a non-virgin.

 

But I bet you wouldn't know anything about that if your username is any indication of your physical or mental health.

 

GEL

 

CHEERS!! :lmao::lmao:

[GreenEyedLady]

OP,

 

You didn't say what his W said on the phone with you.

 

If I were you I'd just chalk it up to experience and be a little more diligent next time. There are lots of MM out there who want to score. In fact, mine was one who lied to me about his status, but we are actually married now.

 

You sound young. There are men out there who are predators. Just be yourself and if you're doing online dating, be extra careful if he seems to good to be true.

 

And forget about the poster who shall not be named.

 

GEL

[boldjack]

OP, this is very tough on you now, but will make you a stronger, wiser person , in the future. You only acted on the information given to you by this piece of sh*t guy, so I think that you have very little to blame yourself for.

[Mary3]

My best girlfriend is amazing. She has called me 3 times . She is always there , We have been friends 7 years , met here in my town.

 

She showed me that my recent loss is one of the reasons he ditched the relationship. Thankfully I did not move to another state as we had eventually planned. I now am thinking elsewhere to move , doing alot of research.

 

I just laughed at one of the posts,,, and I realized this is a tough road and I may cry alot more , particularly the times he used to call me. Thats the hardest time... But I need to get busy and he didn't steal my sense of humor..

 

I got to rant and get alot of it with my girlfriend. I called him every name in the book and so did she

 

Thanks for everyones support.

[Jilly Bean]

Mary, I'm just curious about something.

 

I understand you fell for him BEFORE he told you he was married (the worm!) and I understand you hesitated, and then charged forward.

 

In your mind, how was this all going to resolve? Did you have a vision of that?

[Mary3]

Cut yourself a break.. you are only just a human looking for companionship and he took advantage of you...

 

Set your sights on the future.. make sure those sights do NOT ever include him and move forward.

Also.. you have heard the drill.. NC.. you absolutely must rid that crap out of your life, what a turd he is..

 

You'll find the right guy one day.. you'll see..

 

Thank you Art I was lonely and vulnerable and I think he picked up on that.

 

A turd indeed . I deleted all his stuff. Its funny , I deleted a ton of email a few days ago and now I see I will be deleting all his emails..

 

I hope I find the right guy someday who loves to be treated special and does so back , and wants a real relationship.

[Mary3]

I did this. I went to his house - he had an apartment with a roommate. His own room with all of his clothes in the closet, etc.

 

I met his co-workers - they'd already heard all about me and gave me a warm greeting (ALL of them).

 

His parents and siblings live in another country but I did speak with them on the phone several times.

Oh and I did meet extended family (numerous cousins).

 

And yet I still found out later he was still "technically" married.

Not living with her, she knew he wanted a divorce and stuck at the time because of culture and religion.

 

When I found out I stated under no uncertain terms that he was not to contact me again until he had filed divorce papers in hand and that I would be expecting to see them.

 

It was difficult and so very painful. It was a really tough decision and had I not been able to compartmentalize it at the time I don't think I would have been strong enough to do it.

 

 

 

So I did ALL that you say and even went steps further.

I went to church with him.

I went to big gatherings where his wife was PRESENT and no one said a word because for all rights and purposes the marriage had been over for quite sometime. It was just paperwork formalities at that point.

 

Do you now see that situations like these aren't ALWAYS so black and white.

 

That said are you still going to stick to the thoughtless, hurtful, blanket generalization above when you couldn't be more wrong?

 

 

 

In any event Mary3, I am so sorry you have been so hurt by him.

Hindsight is always 20/20 and people can play 'Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda' all day long - it doesn't help you feel any better!

 

Try to keep yourself as busy as you possibly can unless you are sleeping.

Fall into bed exhausted. Take time to pamper yourself and do things (for just you) often that you'd do on occasion.

Reach out to some of your friends and try to get out of the house a bit more - and set up an emergency calling circle who'll listen when you need to talk.

 

You have a move to look forward to and a whole new place with no memories around you.

Things will get better and days will get easier.

 

I hope that helps.

 

Thank You Island Girl All of you guys are amazing with a super support system here

 

I just want to go somewhere green and beautiful . I am looking at the job situation there and the housing..

 

I dont know where life will take me but I will always sign in to LS !

 

You know when I was crying I drank some wine . I don't normally drink but it sure helped me get numb when it was bad...

[Mary3]

The same thing happened to me around 4 years ago.

A guy contacted me online- we hit it off. We dated for four months and I was completely smitten with him.

 

Then- his wife called me asking who I was - and we spoke for a good hour.

 

He kept an apartment in the city- he travelled for his job, and he had a home with a wife in another city.

 

She found out because she found his second cell phone and that's how she discovered me.

 

I was dumbfounded and blindsided. I'd met his friends which apparantly supported his affairs.

 

As soon as I found out I never spoke to him again. I was head over heels for him- but as soon as I found out about the deception I disappeared out of his life for good. He tried to talk to me several times- but I just stayed NC.

 

I do know his wife stayed with him.

 

I can say quite frankly that his wife (the guy you were with ) found the phone because she was looking for one. I bet she didn't trust him.

[Mary3]

No one is ever the same after anything one expieriences. That can be a good thing, if one learns from it and does not repeat mistakes.

 

Greenish were you cheated on ?

 

I would say thats right I will never be the same.

[Mary3]

And actually yes she will be the same' date=' in fact no correction, she will be better off in due time stronger and wiser from this experience. Time heals all wounds. Except for when you are a mental case then there is no cure for that.[/quote']

 

I am strong like granite.

[D-Lish]

I can say quite frankly that his wife (the guy you were with ) found the phone because she was looking for one. I bet she didn't trust him.

 

She didn't trust him.

According to her- I wasn't the only one he was having an affair with and it wasn't the first time she had caught him.

 

She is still with him though.

[Mary3]

Mary, I'm just curious about something.

 

I understand you fell for him BEFORE he told you he was married (the worm!) and I understand you hesitated, and then charged forward.

 

In your mind, how was this all going to resolve? Did you have a vision of that?

 

Well we spent much time talking for like 5 hours at a time. I loved his laugh , his sexiness , his whole persona. By the time I loved every single thing about him and he felt the same , It was then that he broke down and cried and confessed he loved me. We were like 2 firecrackers. Hard to explain unless you have intense chemistry.

 

Well it was he who said repeatedy that he was not happy and wanted a life with me... and we talked about weddings , we looked at rings, we sent eachother real estate , we looked at cakes , we looked at trips for our honeymoon....

 

My vision was that he would divorce .

 

He even drove me by the courthouse and pointed to the courts and said " Thats where I am divorcing her " Sounds cold but he could be pretty cut throat like that...