Married for 3 years but found my soul mate a month ago

[Fighter12]

I've been married for over 3 years now and with this woman for 9. She's 3 months pregnant with our first child. I love her and always have but I never believed in soul mates. I just believed in finding love and marrying that love. I didn't think there could be the perfect match out there for me. I didn't believe that I could find someone who loved almost everything I did, had the same interests, same personality, supported everything I did, even if it was negative, etc, etc.

 

Well, that woman walked into my life about a month ago. We met through friends and from that first day I felt an attraction. First it was physical but it's grown to much more than that. It's now emotional and mental. I connect with this woman on all levels. She is my soulmate. I now believe everyone has a soulmate, just most people never find theirs. At first I just thought maybe this was just a crush or something but the more I get to know this woman, the deeper I fall in love with her. I think about her all the time and the time we get to spend together is incredible. She supports everything I do, has all the same interests, finds all my weird traits attractive, thinks along the same lines I do. It's scary, we'll be sitting there and be thinking the exact same thing about a situation. We think along the same lines 99% of the time. We talk alot about our feelings towards each other and they're 100% mutual. She never believed in soul mates either until she met me.

 

What I feel with this woman I have truely never felt. Yes, I love my wife, I always will but there was never these feelings for her. I don't believe I settle when I married her. I married a great supporting woman. We have our differences but she's always supported me and been there for me and I've done the same. I guess this goes back to when I didn't believe in soul mates, knew I had found a great woman, and didn't want to lose her.

 

I think about my situation all the time and I believe now I would probably leave my wife if she wasn't pregnant. I don't want my child to grow up in a broken home. I've been blessed to have parents that have been married for 30+ years. The thing is, how do I ignore my heart? I truely want to be with this other woman, I don't want to hurt my wife, and then you add in the fact that I'm going to be a father, and I've got a recipe for disaster.

 

I was with my wife for 6 years before we married. I've known this other woman for just over a month and if I was single right now, we'd be engaged by Christmas and probably married within months. I always thought it took a lot of time to get to really know someone. Does it? I don't believe that any more either.

 

Another side note, she has a boyfriend of 5 years but has said over and over again, she will leave him in a second for me. She loves him but she's not in love with him.

 

My soul mate or my wife? What do I do? I know I should stick to the commitments I made but I have no control over my feelings towards the other woman. I've tried 3 times to walk away and so has she. It hasn't worked. Our love grows stronger every day.

[Lanapalace]

Wow! What a difficult yet wonderful position to be in. I am a female and I have been married almost 10 years. We have 2 children. I don't believe my husband truly loves me and I don't believe he has for a long time. I think he actually did meet someone who he fell in love with, but never told me. But I know I am not his soulmate and I believe that he is staying with me for the children and just because he believes it is the right thing to do.

 

But to be honest with you, I am miserable. I love him, but I have lived almost a decade of feeling unloved in return. Had he been honest with me, as painful as it would have been, at least I could have gone on with my life and tried to find someone who really does love me.

 

On the other hand, it is possible that after a couple of months your feelings for this other woman will change. If that happened, and you had already left your wife, and then you realized that you really loved your wife and not this other woman, but it was too late.....well you see what I mean. If you could just buy some more time. I just want you to know, once the baby is born, you are going to fall so madly in love with your child, that you will not even believe you had that much love in your heart. At that point, things really get complicated, because all of a sudden, you don't matter nearly as much to yourself anymore as the child does.

 

If there is any way you can just continue talking to this woman and not get physically involved with her for just another month or two, maybe you can see for sure how you are feeling. It's also tough living with someone who is pregnant, but believe me, it's tough being pregnant too! So, try not to let the difficulties of pregnancy affect your decision. Being a parent is an unbelieveable experience. So make your choice carefully - and pray.

[Fighter12]

Thanks for you reply. I wasn't sure what kind of replies I would get. I was actually expecting a lot of negative stuff and still do but I'm glad I have someone replying that understands the situation. I'm lucky enough (I guess), to have a friend who has gone through something similar and I talk to him in great detail about it. Until someone has met their soul mate, they won't truely understand the feelings I have for this woman.

 

I've been told that many times that everything will change when my child is born and my love for her/him (don't know the sex yet), will be like no love I've ever felt. I have this bad feeling I'm going to drag this out with this other woman until then and then try to use the birth of my child to walk away or if I still feel this love, then take it from there. I know it's a terrible thing to do to everyone involved and I feel really bad about doing it. You mentioned not getting physical with her. I guess I should have posted more details but it's too late. I already have. I tried to prevent it but we're both completely powerless around each other. The thing I'm fearing most right now is her telling me she loves me. I have this feeling it's coming and honestly, I almost told it to her twice yesterday. Not as a slip up or anything. It starting coming out naturally but I stopped myself. I can not let it go there. Not at this time anyway.

 

I'm in a world of mess right now.

[bark]

Oh boy, are you in a world of hurt. What a mess.

 

What is to be done?

 

You've embarked on an intense extramarital affair during your wife's first trimester. This new woman has made you psychotic with love, your hormones are working overtime and she is the source of all the pleasure, happiness and good feeling in your life. She's like a powerful drug.

 

I know you didn't ask for this. This stuff happens.

 

You're now drawn between your duty as a husband, father and good family man and your over-the-top passion and attraction for this other woman. In short, your between love and duty.

 

Once a person hops on this speeding train, two things can happen. You can exit your marriage , crush your pregnant wife and leave your future child fatherless or you can go into detox and stay the hell away from this new woman. You'll go through withdrawal, be miserable and suffer immeasurable heartache. But that will be temporary, you will recover--people always do with time.

 

I know you're not thinking to clearly right now, you're in that rush of early love/infatuation, but step outside of your hormones for a second to consider the lives of your wife and child. Two people, their lives and fortunes, are literally in your hands. Don't destroy them for hot sex with a new woman. Don't inflict incalculable pain on these people for the sake of your pleasure.

 

I know it will be hard, but end the affair before the affair ends your young family.

[Fighter12]

Bark, I agree with what you say... to a point. Yeah, it's become a steamy relationship and the sex is great but that's not what draws me to her. I can honestly say, I'd still feel this way even if we weren't having sex. I felt these things before the relationship became physical. These feelings are in my heart, not my pants. If it was just a sex thing, I could walk away, easily. And your right, my young family is totally in my hands right now and there's no way I can let my child grow up without me in it's life. I will always be there for my child but never in a million years do I want him/her to grow up in a broken home. I'm totally torn right now and feel totally guilty for feeling this way.

[bark]

Fighter, I'd get over the guilt. You didn't plan this. Yeah, you're not the perfect master of your emotions, drives and desires. Get in line. (Although you'll undoubtedly hear from posters who will imply that they have attained perfect self-mastery and question your inability to do so.).

 

I didn't mean to imply it was all sex. It's not, I know that. IT'S MUCH MORE DANGEROUS THAN THAT.

 

If we only knew how many intense, emotional, passionate and long-term affairs friendships between men and women (especially at work) have spawned. The number is legion. In my more cynical moments I consider work friendships between men and women as a type of gateway drug.

 

Right now, your torn between passion and responsibility. I know, responsibility is not considered sexy. But in my humble opinion you would be the sexiest guy on this planet if you end this adventure, now, before you pass the point of no return. It would give you stature that many lesser men lack.

 

I know, I'm one of the lesser men.

 

Good luck, Fighter, remember to tell us all about the birth of your child.

[vintim53]

"I know I should stick to the commitments I made but I have no control over my feelings towards the other woman".......

I'm not bashful on this subject. You had all the control in the world, The moment you started to be attracted to this other women is when character and integrity kicks in. you should have distanced yourself away from her before it got this far. You made a commitment to your wife, ok, your feelings changed, that I can understand, but you created a child within her. BEFORE you did that was the time to make absolutely sure you were where you wanted to be. IMO, the moment you procreate, you no longer have the option of frivolious thinking. The child is what matters the most and deserves any sacrifice you need to make.

[moimeme]

The divorce courts and relationship boards are littered with the corpses of dead relationships that started out with two people thinking they were 'soul mates'. In anywhere from six months to two years, your 'soul mate' will turn into a regular person with flaws and habits that drive you bugs - especially if you decide to ditch your wife and unborn child and go live with her.

 

The crux of the marital commitment is that people stop looking for somebody more or better. The whole idea is to commit your life to that other person and honour the promise you made to her. It's not a license to continue shopping or to follow up on other attractions when (not if) they come along.

 

the more I get to know this woman, the deeper I fall in love with her

 

which is exactly why you must stop getting to know her immediately.

[another]

Fighter,

 

What's amazing about your story is that is can be told with rubber stamps..."soul-mates", "love-but-not-in-love", etc. Just to educate yourself about extramartial affairs you should get the book "Surviving an Affiar"....you will be absolutley astonished that YOUR STORY is described word for word in its pages.

 

Believe me I understand that you are in an incredibly difficult & painful situation. And I just want to try to point a few things out to you.

 

The story of what happens if you decide to leave your marriage for your "soul-mate" can also be told with rubber stamps. You and your "soul-mate" are living in a fantasy right now. You are giving each other only your best - so that you make each other feel incredible and fall even more in love. It's all about making each other feel good. Real-life problems & issues do not exist in your relationship.

 

If you left your marriage for your "soul-mate", you would have to deal with these real-life issues - the things that REALLY test a relationship. And like all affairs do, your relationship would eventually fizzle out. Then what would you be left with? A great deal of pain, sorrow, and guilt. Rubber stamp.

 

Also ask yourself: what kind of a woman sleeps with a married man? I am not saying she is an evil person - but (given the correct circumstances) she does have it in her to "cheat" and so do you. What happens if you give up everything to be with her and your relationship starts to wane? I will tell you, this is how the expression "what goes around, comes around" was born.

 

People CREATE "soul-mates" out of each other, Fighter. If you and your wife both want your marriage to be incredible, it will be. Unfortuantely you are at the stage now where you have to tell your wife what you have done - either way. She aleady knows you are having an affair anyway. If you choose your marraige - but try to hide your affair - it will be gauranteed to come around to you. Not in a spiritual sense, but a very tangible one. There's a couple of scenarios:

 

- the truth will come out, somehow, eventually...

- you hide the truth, try to stay with your wife, and end up resenting her....thus you neglect her emotionally...then she finds her "soul-mate" one day in the future and tears your heart out.

 

I would also suggest that you try the forums at http://www.marriagebuilders.com.

 

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi

 

This forum seems to be pretty "anti-marriage" and "pro-do-it-if-it-feels-good". There, you can get input from "future versions" of yourself...people who have been in your shoes, and your wife's shoes.

 

Just consider that there are incredibly painful consequences to the road you want to head down.

 

Tell you wife what is happening, plead for help from her, get marriage counseling - in this case the future version of yourself will be a very strong, happy man with an incredible family.

 

Good luck

another

[Fighter12]

Wow, first off, thank you to everyone who is replying and being truthful. I greatly appreciate your honesty, thoughts, and support. A lot of what was said is true. I know this but can't seem to do what I know I should do. Anyone elses thought are much appreciated. I guess I don't have a whole lot of new things to say about it right at this moment but as the days go on, I'll post and be asking for advice, etc. etc. THANK YOU EVERYONE.

[quankanne]

hoo-boy ... you're in a bit of a pickle here, son. some advice, as offered to another poster who was married, but found her soulmate, too:

 

Save your dignity and focus on your relationship with your wife. If that doesn't work, divorce her and THEN look elsewhere for someone who'll fit your definition of love, romance and the "it was meant to be, we're soulmates" thing. Right now, this other woman looks very attractive because you're seeking some kind of validation that you feel you're not getting from your wife. However, you don't know that it's not forthcoming from your wife if you don't allow her to provide it ...

 

My take on a "soulmate" is that it's not the person whose bones you want to jump or someone who you've absolutely positively HAVE to have, but someone who brings something to your life in a harmonic way so that every relationship you have is enhanced, not threatened.

 

I.E., a true soulmate is going to respect the decisions you've already made for yourself and will encourage you to more fully explore the option you've already chosen because he or she wants the best for you because he/she cares that much about you. Not try to convince you that your whole life has been leading up to doing something you normally wouldn't do ...

[Arabess]

On the other side of the coin Fighter...don't forget to think about the feelings of the one you consider your "soul mate". With each day, you are making her feel "less than" by continuing in a relationship which may not have much of a future....nor can you put her first on a daily basis. It isn't FAIR to keep her hanging while you are married and committed to someone else.

 

I've been the "other woman" and it's a lonely painful place. There really isn't anything in the future but a great big sloppy ending which will hurt everyone in it's path. Do some real soul searching. Having two women on the line isn't fair to either one of them.

 

I know these things happen unexpectedly....but someone has to be the adult and make the decision. In this case, you'll have to be the one to do it. I know you are caught in "quite the circumstance" and I really feel for you. It has to be a timely choice though. Leaving it hanging is only asking for trouble.

[Faerie Princess]

Just because you love this new person doesn't mean you can't love your wife.

 

Just because you love your wife doesn't mean you can't love this new person.

 

Yeah, I agree, soul mate or no, there's tough times ahead.

 

Love ain't finite. For more and more people, realizing that you can love more than one person at a time is happening. Some marriage stay together and include new loves or opportunities for new loves rather than end. It depends on what's right for you.

 

Your wife could be your soulmate too. You can connect with her soul if you want, and you try, and she does the same.

 

But my experiences tell me that "soulmates" are something we want and then create when we find people that we're really digging.

 

I have had a few "soulmates" in my lifetime. Some I've parted with, some I'm still with.

[GuitarScho]

Well, let me give you another perspective.

 

I, too, believe in soulmates.

 

I, too, married a woman who is not my "soulmate".

 

And she has just discovered hers. After 15 years of marriage.

 

Kinda makes you think, doesn't it?

 

I believe that out there somewhere is a woman who was "destined" for me. (Forgive me if I sound like a bad romance novel) Yet, I have chosen to stay with the woman I married at 18 because no one forced me to do it. I made my bed, and I am gonna lie in it. I made a committment, and what does it make of me if I flee that committment simply because I now believe there is something over the horizon?

 

And now, my wife is leaving me for Mr. Right. I alternate between being mortally injured and curiously liberated.

 

I feel for ya, pal. But I think you and I both know what the correct answer is.

 

You can try to go back to being a boy, and chase the dreams you should have chased then.

 

Or you can be a man, and live up to your commitments, and make the best life you can for you and yours.

 

My thoughts are with you, bud.

 

- GS

[amerikajin]

What if you find another soulmate after you hook up with this soulmate?

 

What if you find out this soulmate is a pain in the ass to live with?

 

I know I'm going to get slammed by the p.c. police here, because as we all know in this day and age of malleable morality, it's much more wrong to judge someone's behavior based on their actions than it is to "understand their situation" and to be "compassionate".

 

F*ck compassion. You don't need compassion right now; you need to wake the f*ck up.

 

When your wife, who's pregnant with YOUR child, finds out that you've been two-timing her, she will be D-E-V-A-S-T-A-T-E-D!!!

 

Do you want to live with this the rest of your life???

 

I'm not judging you as a person, but I am judging your behavior, and right now: your behavior is nothing short of shameful.

 

We're responsible for our actions. It's as simple as that.

 

Do the responsible thing.

[cajnape]

Man...where do i start! I know exactly what you are going through. I am 27 and have been married to my wife now for 5-1/2 years. We were together for about 5 years before we got married. We started young of course in high school, went through college, and now have two little boys. Now...back to your situation...and how i know what your going through.

 

I started back to school this past january to get another degree. In my class was this woman a year older than me, and very attactive. I didn't really think much about her though until about two months ago in september 03. We were both having problems in our marriages and began talking about them. By the way...my wife was pregnant with our second son (about 8 months along). Our talking lead of course to other topics, more phone calls during work hours, cell phone talks, and eventually to us meeting up at different places around town. We both felt the same things about each other..."soul mates" and such. We connected on every wave length. We wrote love poems, etc...and we ended up deeper into each other...litteraly! We crossed that line. We met up at a hotel one night and you know the rest! Soon after that happened, the guilt started to set in. What in the world was i doing. I have a wonderful wife, a handsome 2-year old boy, and one on the way.

 

The sad thing is that i knew exactly what i was getting myself into. I tried to make myself believe that i was doing a right thing. I even went as far as having divorce papers drawn up and paid for to be put into the court system. It would have only taken 90 days to complete and then i could be single and take the other women away forever! I started to make myself distant from my kid, my wife, my work...and everything else that truly mattered...just for the sake of something i wasn't getting at home. All because i thought i had found my "SOUL MATE". Man was i stupid!

 

I could tell my wife knew something was up...i could tell my son knew something was going on between my wife and I...trust me...kids know more than we think they do, even at young ages. He began acting up at daycare...hitting, biting, etc...This was not like him. What was i doing to my family? What was i doing to my life i had created for myself? Was it worth it?

 

The answer...NO, it wasn't! Like i said before, the guilt set in. I couldn't take it anymore so i came clean to my wife (after she had the new baby). I couldn't bring myself to tell her while she was still pregnant. It would have devistated her even more than it did. Cheating on your wife is one thing, but cheating on her while she is pregnant is a whole different ball game. This is something i will have to live with the rest of my life and everytime my sons birthday comes around, unfortunetly i and she will remember what had happened. Not something to look forward to every year, but hopefully in due time...it will be eaiser to overcome!

 

The point is...End it now...Don't become THAT GUY WHO DESTROYED HIS FAMILY to everyone else and yourself! Sit back for a moment and look at everything you currently have. I did, and it's the best thing i could have done! Do i still think about her...of course! Do i still have feelings for her...of course! But i have come to realize what my wife means to me as well and why i promised to her my wedding vows. I have learned alot in all this and have never loved her more than i do now.

 

Time is a healer...you just need to give the healing process the time!

 

Will your heart heal and help you move on from all this...YES....!!! My heart hasn't fully healed of course....certain songs on the radio, certain smells, etc...still remind me of her. But that's normal. Just give it time! It will happen.

 

(Like Faerie Princess said...Your wife could be your soulmate too. You can connect with her soul if you want, and you try, and she does the same - "soulmates" are something we want and then create when we find people that we're really digging.)

 

So...Go back to really digging your wife and you will see that she too can be created into your "soul mate"!!!

 

We are in couseling now and so far, everything is working out great! Our communication has really increased and my 2-year old stopped his bad behavior at daycare and at home. We aren't back together on a physical level yet, but that's not what's important! Communication between partners is the main key of all marriages. Without it, they are headed for disaster!

 

Time to step up to your roles and responsibilities as a Man and a Father! Look deep into your heart (past all the new feelings for the other lady) and you will find what truely matters in your life. Trace them back to the beginning and let those true feelings bring you back to current reality!!

 

Hang in there fighter12...Do what is right...not only for your sake, but for your family's sake as well!

Later Bro...Take care and Good Luck!!

[AprilFool]

I would not get to know this woman any more. Tell her that you need space, to figure out your feelings. Dump her. Support your wife, love your wife, get food for her cravings, help around the house, and put your all into being the best most supportive husband you can be. Work to see if she gives you the flutters, and do your BEST not to think about this other woman.

 

Then, after your baby is born, you still are not over the "Other woman" start talking to her again. If you are truely soul mates, she will take you back in a second. If you are not soul mates, then she will still be angry at you for ditching her.

 

If after you've given your marriage the 6 month try that it will take until your baby's born, and you are still convinced that you love this other woman, the please leave your wife. Give her a chance to find someone that will love her and worship her the way you are doing this other woman. There is absolutely no point in you staying in a marriage if you are not happy, because you will make her unhappy, and you will make this other woman unhappy.

 

The other woman sounds like a crush to me. Someone that you are infatuated with and since your wife is pregnant, you have that extra stress on your marriage, which makes going to someone else easier. I would love to say SHAME ON YOU YOU CHEATER but I guess in all honesty, you can't help how you feel.....at least you aren't going out and disrespecting your wife by sleeping around.

 

Good luck!

[AprilFool]

I'm a Christian, so I was raised to believe that once you marry someone you put everything you have into making your marriage work. You made a PROMISE TO GOD that you would love honor and cherish this person until death. I believe that anyone who makes this commitment should work at keeping it. It sounds like you are working toward destroying it.

 

The first step to keeping your promise, would obviously be to dump the other woman. If you are too selfish to do that, then at least give your wife the dignity of divorce. And please, pay alamony...it appears that the dimise of your marriage is ALL your fault.

 

If I personally found myself attracted to someone else, I believe that I would distance myself from them. In another thread, I posted that I still have feelings for my ex-boyfriend, but that doesn't mean I go running back to him....that just means that I work harder to get over him, and to keep loving my husband. I'm not saying I'm better than you...just that I think I'm more cautious. If your marriage is unhappy...aka, your wife beats you, or won't communicate with you, or cheats on you, then I could understand why you would stray. I would UNDERSTAND, but I would've APPROVE.

 

You poor man. It looks like you weren't aware enough of what was going on until it was too late. Has your wife done anything to make you WANT to leave......other than not be your soul mate?

[fire fighter]

If you are truely soul mates, she will take you back in a second. If you are not soul mates, then she will still be angry at you for ditching her.

 

"What a terrible blow to the institute of marriage to perpetuate the myth that soulmates are someONE rather than the choices we make as partners to create connection, intimacy, love and romance in our marriages."

 

.....at least you aren't going out and disrespecting your wife by sleeping around.

 

Read again, he is:

 

Fighter12: "Yeah, it's become a steamy relationship and the sex is great but that's not what draws me to her."

 

A thread at marriage builders about this topic (I quoted the marriage counselor who started it): http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=29;t=003860

[MiMi2003]

I am the wife of cajnape. Let me give you the perspective of the pregnant woman who's husband was having an affair. Break it off with this other woman. Remember the commitment that you have made to your wife. You apparently had strong feelings for your wife at some point....you did marry her of your own free will. Rekindle those feelings.

 

It has been said before that the search for happiness is one of the chief sources of unhappiness. If it's happiness you're looking for, you will spend your entire life looking for it. You need to instead be happy and thankful for what you have....a wife who undoubtedly loves you and is about to bear your first child.

 

In an article posted in USA Today titled Infidelity reaches beyond having sex, it explains that changes in brain chemicals during an affair can create a high that becomes almost addictive....a likely explanation to the intense feelings that you have for this woman. I would guess that simply thinking of this woman would cause more of these chemicals to be secreted, making you think that there is something more to what you are feeling.

 

And tell your wife what you have done. Don't let her hear it through the grapevine or find out some other way....like catching you. But be prepared for the feelings that she will have, which will change between anger, depression, hurt, etc. compounded due to hormones. It's your responsibility to help her through these feelings, since you did this. Don't expect her to help you through your guilt.

 

Forgiveness can be a powerful thing. Give her the chance to forgive you. But only if your intentions are whole hearted. It takes two people to make a marriage work, and one to tear it down. And a marriage is work. The highs in life can be as high as the lows are low. Get counseling and learn how to love your wife the way that you should. If there is something in your marriage that is missing, and there obviously is, I'm sure that your wife will be equally willing to learn how to love you in the way that you need.

[Arabess]

What if you find another soulmate after you hook up with this soulmate?

 

What if you find out this soulmate is a pain in the ass to live with?

 

Amer....I don't think better questions were EVER asked!!!!!

[amerikajin]

>>>And tell your wife what you have done. Don't let her hear it through the grapevine or find out some other way....like catching you. <<<

 

This may seem contradictory to the kinds of things I've written in the past, but I have to disagree here. I say, since you've already done it, try to get away with it, hope you pull it off, and don't EVER do it again. If later it becomes obvious or at least more than half likely that she'll find out, then yes, it's better to preempt someone else and do it yourself. It's always bad when someone hears they've been two-timed, but it's best that they hear it from the two-timer. Mea culpas at least give you a fighting chance.

 

Why not tell her?

 

Because the fact is she's going to flip. She won't appreciate your honesty. She'll be devastated, and if you can keep it under raps, it's best to put this in the "I f*cked up once and I won't do it again" category. I know some will disagree and I understand why, but I think that once you've done the deed, there's just no such thing as a clean way out. Best thing to do is to keep the ole piehole shut and hope nothing ever comes of it. But even better, STOP DOING IT!!!!

 

And I appreciate the kind words from Arabess, which was in response to two questions I raise yet again:

 

What happens if you find another soulmate after you're married to this soulmate?

 

What if this soul mate's a pain in the ass to live with?

 

I won't sit here and lecture people ad nauseam on marriage since I've never been married myself (I was once engaged with a live-in partner if that means anything). But I think some of this just falls into the category of "common sense". During our lives we encounter all kinds of very attractive people. Some of them are attractive physically, some of them have charisma, charm and intellect, and god help any one of us if we happen to encounter someone who has it all. Nevertheless...you're still married. Either wedding vows mean something, or they don't. Increasingly, they don't. Hey, I'm all for the idea of experimenting with different types of marital systems. Maybe the live-in common law thing isn't such a bad idea. Maybe marriage should be a five-year renewable contract. I don't know. What I know is that these days, too many people are finding excuses to cut their commitment short. We've got some explaining to do.

[will_woman]

HI Fighter12, I am not sure have you sorted out the issue. But there is one thing which I must share with you.

The happenings between you and new found girlfriends has also happened to my husband. One month of love made you believed everything about her....made you think that she is perfect for you. And you even thought of divorce because of her. What you have written has also happened to my marriage. It was a nightmare to me and I am still getting emotional swings even though my case happened 3 months ago.

 

I can tell you that it is traumatic for your wife to know about these. I am not sure if you can understand the great pain which you can inflict onto her.

 

Please step back and really think over it seriously before you make the decision.

[mjk]

Wow!

 

I jumped in near the end here and man...

 

Please, please, please...don't do it.

 

Read what bark said. It is so true! Being on the "other-end" I can tell you I was hurt bad by my former wife's decision to leave the relationship.

 

She had so many "stars" in her eyes that when I finally found out about the affair it was hard to talk to her about anything.

 

Now...1 year later, that guy is long gone, I've picked-up my pieces the best I could, and I can see how just trying might have helped.

 

Damage? Hell Yeah! You have a beautiful baby on the way...man, don't "f" this thing up for her or your new baby.

 

Use your head on your shoulders on this one, not anything else, OK?

[gecolon]

It has only been a month dude, slow down. Take this from someone who has had 3 true soulmates in this lifetime. Now, it may seem great to be with someone who likes what you like, thinks what you think, hates what you hate, etc. That will not last. Why would you really want to be in a relationship with yourself? Someone with whom you have so much in common gets real boring real quick. 1. She even likes your negative aspects. Well, of course. She is the other woman, and that is what she is supposed to do. Plus it doesn't weigh against her. She doesn't have to deal with it. It is just a fun time when you are together, because you have no bills together, no children together, you don't share a house, she doesn't have to cook or clean for you or after you. All she has to do is stroke your "ego", and be inviting, alluring. She knows your secrets, and is part of them. You are sharing this great adventure in the neighborhood of make believe. Right now all she needs is your hard dic, attention and time. Give it a couple of months once she has time vested in you she will start demanding more of you. If you are so sure she is your soulmate, leave your wife believe me, there are always good men out there looking for a good woman. Just think you will be doing your wife a favor, she'll be able to find her soulmate, some handsom guy who will ***** her on the kitchen table, and make her cum six times in a row. She just may give him the best head he ever had, and your kid can call him daddy. She'll know that she is back in the game and start wearing her team uniform (hoochie gear). You'll start to notice why you feel in love with her and it will be too late. You may not be as hard to forget as you think. You may not realize it, but your wife can't compete in a game she doesn't know she is playing. Your mistress has an unfair advantage,and believe me she is using it. I may be a little rough on you, but I'm just trying to help you see what most guys don't see until it is too late. Be careful cuz you got a lot to loose. Peace-