Checking out girls

[ash21]

Hi,

 

I have been with my boyfriend for over two years and I always had this problem. Everytime, we are together walking or driving wherever, he check out girls. It really bothers me. Not only he looks at the girls, he check out her boobs and her ass and his head will follow her until he sees me looking at him. Today we were in his car and we stopped at the crossing. There was a girl walking across the street and he was stareing at her for a long long time. When i asked him why he always looks at girls. he said he look at them and said Damn, shes hot! it makes me soo angry hearing it. He did say "you are so much better than her", which makes me more angry.

 

Why do many men looks at girls when they already got one?!! Does it bother to any of your girlfriends? I really like to know. Please.

[UCFKevin]

Wow.......your boyfriend doesn't have much tact, does he? That's pretty friggin' rude. Turn the tables, start looking at guys and comment, "I bet he has a huge d*ck....."

[Vivid_29]

It's hardcoded into our genes, sweetheart. We see something that we like, we are gonna look, but your man does need to use a little more tact, as noted.

 

Try this - If he checks out a woman and comments on her a$$ or boobs, agree with him, and just play along. Respond with, 'yeah, she does have a nice a$$ or boobs', ect.

[Frodo]

dating you doesn't mean that he doesn't look or think about other women. It means he doesn't date them.

 

I keep seeing variations of the same question over and over and over again. It is,

 

Why are my boyfriend and I not joined at the hip?

 

Because you weren't born that way, and you have independent minds. These questions:

1) why does my boyfriend look at other women?

2) why did my boyfriend not throw away all his old love letters?

3) why does my boyfriend look at porn?

4) why doesn't my boyfriend call me every single day?

5) why did my boyfriend not feel very good about doing xyz?

 

 

they're all coming from the desire to have someone completely and utterly obsessed with you alone. It's okay in a romance novel or some fantasy, but in reality, it is not healthy for someone to be obsessed like that. jealousy is only useful when it applies to concrete situations.

[lipglossboost]

True, most men and women look at other people, however, not as blatantly as your boyfriend. He could use a LARGE dose of tact. I don't think the fact that it bothers you is coming from a desire for him to be obsessed with you, I think you simply don't appreciate him being so obnoxious about it.

 

The question is, how would he feel if you acted this way? He probably would not like it, either. Perhaps it is time for you to give him a dose of his own medicine.

[jenny]

i agree in general that women have fairly unreasonable expectations of men. having said this, however, i think it is a reasonable expectation that men use a great deal of discretion looking around while on dates with their main woman.

 

women i know tend to associate men who stare at other women obviously with a lower class of men - even if it's not true, thats just how it appears, and i have yet to meet a sophisticated man who does this. it's just not suave because it indicates a failure of control.

 

if you have talked to him and he can't change, try out ucfkevin's idea - that's awesome! talk about their pecs, how well they dress, how intelligent they are, imagine how good they might be in bed - have a field day!

 

on another note, know that many men do *NOT* do this, and you have many many choices available to you. this is a pretty good indication that your guy is a loser, frankly, so just think carefully if you have any future with him. if not, why keep wasting your time?

[Frodo]

Looking and talking are completely different levels. Making comments about "that guy's abs are so great" is intentionally rude. Seeing another woman within one's vicinity is passive and not disrespectful at all.

[midori]

Originally posted by Frodo

Looking and talking are completely different levels. Making comments about "that guy's abs are so great" is intentionally rude. Seeing another woman within one's vicinity is passive and not disrespectful at all.

 

I partially concur. I think talking about other men's physical traits will be artificial and transparent: see what you're doing? How do you like it?

 

But putting it into words escalates the lack of consideration. Which isn't likely to drive home the message.

 

However, I don't think that checking out other women while with your gf is passive or respectful. As Jenny pointed out, it indicates a lack of control and consideration. Go ahead and look all you want, so long as she is blissfully unaware of it. If you can't do it subtly, don't do it.

 

On the other hand, there are some women who are hyper-alert to any sign of interest from their man in any other woman. A good-looking woman crosses his line of vision and he's guilty of leering at her. No one should have to be responsible for another's extreme jealousy and insecurity.

 

Heck, I can appreciate when a woman is attractive. I have no problem giving another woman due admiration for looking good; and I have no problem if my guy notices it too. I would have a problem if he made a big deal about it -- and that would include prolonged looking, or blatant head swiveling. That's just ill-mannered, along the same line of boorish behavior as loud belching or talking with your mouth full. If a guy likes to do that while alone or in the company of his buddies, fine. But don't foist it on me!

[ash21]

Thank you all for replying my post. I wouldnt have a problem if he looks at girls when i'm not around or when i'm there he shouldnt make it too damn obvious about it. Its not like i'm overly jealous or insecure but too much is just too much.

 

Thanks guys!

[Nostalghia]

This guy doesn't have too much respect for you to keep that to himself ... dump him!

[pinky]

ive never had a problem with a guy checking out other girls cuz i do it all the time and i make comments to him about a girl we might come across, on the other hand there's a sort of limit, downright rude comments that u feel are pretty bad are just uncalled for but ive never had a problem with that, on the other hand being someone who gets looks from other guys a lot, some of them reeally do need a swift kick in the nuts:) i hate seeing a man with his wife and holding his kid or something who wont stop staring to the point that they actually follow u with their eyes and turn their heads, but i guess it bothers me more that the wife doesnt even notice:S anyways, it's normal in my opinion for them to check girls out start bringing it up first..we're girls, i KNOW we comment on each other moreso than them soo just join in..

[Summer]

I understand what you feel. I have been with my bf for over two years also.almost 3, and he does it too. He checks out other girls but if I was to mention it, he would be too scaredto admit it. He definatly wouldnt make a comment that he knew would hurt me. Your man was rude but dont be upset because your man was also honest and thats a good thing. At least he is honest. However, I do know how you feel. You may feel that he looks because your not enough to keephis attention but the truth is, he's probably just looking and nothing more. Most people do look at things that look good to them. I do too, dont you? By letting my boyfriend know how I felt, he does it way less now becuse he know how much Im against it. You say youve been with your manfor alongtime. Im sure that he probably loves you so most likely he will respect how you feel and control himself.