somuchpain Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 Hello I was just wondering if i was the only one who went through this, but at the start of your LDR, were you constantly worryed about it working out, and that your boy/girlfriend would end the relationship for some reason, like maybe they meet someone else while apart from you, maybe they cant take it anymore, or anything like that. I found at the start of mine, i always thought id come home and she wouldnt be there online, or id never hear from her again, and we both actually did worry about wether we would leave one another, of course always reasuring eac other everyday how much we need and love each other, i still found my self worrying, and it affected me alot, it made copeing with the distance and the pain so much harder, and iv learned you need to 100% trust your partner, to get through an LDR, I can say i do trust her, and my worrys have ended, but did anyone else go through this at the beggining of their relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
Author somuchpain Posted July 22, 2009 Author Share Posted July 22, 2009 Oh sorry guys i didnt see the post on "about to start LD" that had some good advice on uncertanty and fears and all, making it work, but if anyone one wants to continue this subject would be good to talk about it further. seb x Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 We started in person. We were together all the time as other couples are. Then we moved in together and were living together prior to going LD. We had fears that the other would find someone else there who could give all of the affection and day to day stuff that we had been so used to. Would he/she forget about me without me being with him all the time? How are we going to keep the relationship going with no certainty of when we could really be together again? How is all of the immigration stuff going to happen IF we get to that point? Those fears among others went rampant in our heads. Insecurities are easy to come by in LDRs but they can be dealt with. As long as both people are committed to understanding each other and communicating what they are feeling. etc. then the relationship can actually become stronger and stronger because of these issues. Link to post Share on other sites
Lovin a scrapper Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 Insecurities are easy to come by in LDRs but they can be dealt with. As long as both people are committed to understanding each other and communicating what they are feeling. etc. then the relationship can actually become stronger and stronger because of these issues. I cannot agree with you more on this IG. What I have noticed the most about all of this is that I really believe that since Rayette and I have been together and we have adhered to everything you said, every month of communication and understanding would be like two months of a local relationship if that makes sense. All that there is to hold us together is communication, understanding and our love for each other. Unfortunally they are the things that I have totally taken for granted in a local relationship and thank God I have learned and been a much better person for it. Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 every month of communication and understanding would be like two months of a local relationship if that makes sense. Oh it makes sense for sure - but I'd disagree as far as the calculation goes if you talk as much as we did when we first went LD I'd say each month was worth about 4 months of local. (And that is coming from a perspective of being local first!) When we were local we spent a lot of time together and did a lot of things but we didn't just sit and talk for hours each day. All that there is to hold us together is communication, understanding and our love for each other. In the end that is all any of us really have to hold us together in any relationship. It's unfortunate that what usually happens is there is focus elsewhere - in the things that really don't matter so much in the grande scheme of life - and then the relationship fails and the two people both wonder what went wrong, etc. The is an advantage to LDRs that most people don't see or can't understand. They make it necessary for complete surrender and honesty from each person if they are to be in any way successful for a significant length of time. Most people simply can not fathom what those of us who know are talking about. "Of course I know my husband/wife!" or "Of course I know my boyfriend/girlfriend!" and I have to say -- not the way we know our partners. We know them at their core - who they are without pretense - and in all situations especially when faced with challenges. We know a level of trust (and how valuable that trust is) that has become uncommon. People think our relationships (the working LDRs) are a curse - too difficult, etc. What they don't know is they are such a wonderful blessing. They are a renewal of what a miracle can happen when faith, trust, and love are equally shared between two people. Link to post Share on other sites
Author somuchpain Posted July 23, 2009 Author Share Posted July 23, 2009 you are both totally right, thanks for posting! I over come all y worrys and fears by simply talking to my girlfriend, talking about every little thing i was worryed about, and only to find out she had worrys to, so we both just talked about it and always reasured each other when we both felt insecure. As soon as something comes up we just talk about it, its always worked and makes us stronger. Link to post Share on other sites
Lovin a scrapper Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 you are both totally right, thanks for posting! I over come all y worrys and fears by simply talking to my girlfriend, talking about every little thing i was worryed about, and only to find out she had worrys to, so we both just talked about it and always reasured each other when we both felt insecure. As soon as something comes up we just talk about it, its always worked and makes us stronger. We rely so much on texting. Thank God for cell phones. We keep in such constant communication that we will text each other on such simple things as going to the grocery store and telling each other what we buy. You know what? I love it. Link to post Share on other sites
Lovin a scrapper Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 What they don't know is they are such a wonderful blessing. They are a renewal of what a miracle can happen when faith, trust, and love are equally shared between two people. Not only all of that, I so appreciate things so much more than I would have never ever thought about before. Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 Not only all of that, I so appreciate things so much more than I would have never ever thought about before. Exactly. :bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
Author somuchpain Posted July 23, 2009 Author Share Posted July 23, 2009 Yeah, communication is the best thing. We text when ever we can, msn when ever we can, write letters and send emails. It sounds like alot, and we do take up alt of our time sat behind a computer chatting away, but we also know that we cnt just sit there all day everyday wishing we were together. she has family to visit and likes to wrk out sometimes, i like to workout or maybe go into town for a little bit, just to get out and away from the computer, but we keep up the communication 100%. not becuase we feel we have to but becuase we really want to. Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 I concur with the posters here esp IG - she knows her stuff! I started off in LDR a few years ago and I am now engaged to my then BF! It started out well but after a few months, I started to worry.. then we talked and it was all good. THEN it was HIS turn to worry cause I got busy with work and was involved with a lot of events/gala dinners so it was hard for him - for not being there for me, to support me and be my date but with communication, we worked through all the worries and we are better than ever now! You and your GF will get through this. Have faith and don't foget to communicate! Btw, you both look so sweet together! Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 not becuase we feel we have to but becuase we really want to. Don't feel like you have to explain wanting to communicate all the time to us! We all get it seb. Link to post Share on other sites
Author somuchpain Posted July 23, 2009 Author Share Posted July 23, 2009 Don't feel like you have to explain wanting to communicate all the time to us! We all get it seb. OK i wont mention it again:) I remember when she went to some events or things like that, i was so worryed someone else would come along, but im past that now thankfully. Oh and sorry to ask lyssa, iv been asking around but you dont happen to know when ill be able to upload photos into an album on my profle or something do you? Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 OK i wont mention it again:) I'm not saying that necessarily -- just don't feel like you have to justify anything like that. We usually have to do that with some (or all) people in our normal everyday lives. This is one place where you don't have to explain it, justify it, defend it, etc. We all relate and know full well what you're talking about. I remember when she went to some events or things like that, i was so worryed someone else would come along, but im past that now thankfully. Well you are lucky to be completely over it so quickly. It took a really long time for me to get to the point where I am not triggered by things. For the most part it doesn't happen anymore - I mean we have been through so much for so long and we're still just as together and have made more of a commitment - but there are those times few and far between when I feel those feeling again. It is the same on his side. We work through them MUCH faster and they are completely gone in moments now. But initially? Sheezus. There were times where each of us or both of us were just a jumble of freak out emotions. Oh and sorry to ask lyssa, iv been asking around but you dont happen to know when ill be able to upload photos into an album on my profle or something do you? I really hope you have the answer for this Lyssa. And thanks for the shout out. seb - you can always post a thread under Loveshack Questions to get an answer from the admins/mods or other users who know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author somuchpain Posted July 23, 2009 Author Share Posted July 23, 2009 Ok, thanks IG. I did send a short message to them but havnt got anything back yet, hopefully they can tell me. I was so bad at times it upset my girlfriend alot, becuase she just wanted me to believe in her and not worry about someone else coming along while im away and things, and iv seen her cry so much now, becuase i was so paranoid and insecure, and for the past 7 months everyday she has been here for me, being true and honest and caring towards me, i just had to get it out my system, all those stupid thoughts that were never true. I find spending time alot easier to deal with when you dont worry, like today she has gone to her sisters house all day, and normaly id be worryed and upset that she would meet someone on the way, maybe an old friend or something and decide to get together and ditch the painfull relationship, but i just realised one day that all of these thoughts are complete rubbish and are not doing me any good. Shes going to a keane concert in about a month, i have a feeling ill be a bit insecure about that, but not like before, i just want her to have a good time, and come back to me lol sorry for rambling lol seb x Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 like today she has gone to her sisters house all day, and normaly id be worryed and upset that she would meet someone on the way, maybe an old friend or something and decide to get together and ditch the painfull relationship Is that a possibility for you? To walk down the street, see an old friend, and suddenly forget about her and everything you have together? Seriously - I am asking. And there is a method to my madness. Link to post Share on other sites
Author somuchpain Posted July 23, 2009 Author Share Posted July 23, 2009 Lol no way, absolutly not, im so deep in love i just never even have a thought of being with someone else:) Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 Lol no way, absolutly not, im so deep in love i just never even have a thought of being with someone else:) Is it that hard to imagine that she feels the exact same way? And if she was fearful about you doing something crazy like that -- an impossibility -- wouldn't it mean she was unaccepting of what you say and how you feel? Like I said I am familiar with insecurities. I have lived with them for quite some time. But at those times when she IS doing other things like the upcoming concert - you need some hard stuff to keep you grounded enough while you aren't talking to her so the insecurity fire still stays manageable. I hope that helps. Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 Oh and sorry to ask lyssa, iv been asking around but you dont happen to know when ill be able to upload photos into an album on my profle or something do you? If I'm not mistaken, you will be able to add an album once you have the PM privelege. You will get that after more than 50 posts (depending on mods) and/or few months you've been on LS. If not, you can go to your Control Panel and on your far left side, you can check if there is Picture/Album subtitle there. If you have that, go crazy adding your pics! Link to post Share on other sites
Author somuchpain Posted July 23, 2009 Author Share Posted July 23, 2009 Thanks IG, i know its jst madness of me to think something crazy like that would happen, she always told me that what i feel for her, is what she feels for me to. I know ill need things to keep my mind off the crazy thoughts when she does things like concerts and all, im sure ill manage fine, just miss her so damn much sometimes:( but yeah, it will all be ok Thanks IG Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 If I'm not mistaken, you will be able to add an album once you have the PM privelege. You will get that after more than 50 posts (depending on mods) and/or few months you've been on LS. If not, you can go to your Control Panel and on your far left side, you can check if there is Picture/Album subtitle there. If you have that, go crazy adding your pics! If this is the case then you can add immediately if you become a supporting member - you wouldn't have to wait for the minimum posting level. Lyssa - your avi would make a great tattoo and that is the first time I have ever said that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author somuchpain Posted July 23, 2009 Author Share Posted July 23, 2009 If I'm not mistaken, you will be able to add an album once you have the PM privelege. You will get that after more than 50 posts (depending on mods) and/or few months you've been on LS. If not, you can go to your Control Panel and on your far left side, you can check if there is Picture/Album subtitle there. If you have that, go crazy adding your pics! Thanks lyssa! ill just have to wait till iv posted alot more and then ill get a load of pics up in an album:) Link to post Share on other sites
Author somuchpain Posted July 23, 2009 Author Share Posted July 23, 2009 If this is the case then you can add immediately if you become a supporting member - you wouldn't have to wait for the minimum posting level. Lyssa - your avi would make a great tattoo and that is the first time I have ever said that. Sorry whats a suporting member???? seb x Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 If this is the case then you can add immediately if you become a supporting member - you wouldn't have to wait for the minimum posting level. Lyssa - your avi would make a great tattoo and that is the first time I have ever said that. Yeap, easiest way is to become a supporting member. I forgot about that! IG - I think so too! Thanks lyssa! ill just have to wait till iv posted alot more and then ill get a load of pics up in an album:) Don't mention it, SMP. Let us know when you have your album up Link to post Share on other sites
Author somuchpain Posted July 23, 2009 Author Share Posted July 23, 2009 Yeah i will, i think ill just stick to being a normal member and waiting to become an established member before i can put photos, its all in americna money lol so i dunno how it wud work out for me trying to pay to be a suporting member, but yeh, aslong as i can post here im happy:) thanks again Link to post Share on other sites
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