dkoala Posted November 8, 2003 Share Posted November 8, 2003 my ex of 4.5 years and i broke up about 2 months ago b/c she wanted to "find herself" and she needed "space and time." needless to say, one week after breaking up, i see her on a date w/ a co-worker that had a thing for her. (and she felt feelings for him too) anyway -- after a month of no communication, she calls me at midnight to see how i'm doing and to let me know she still cares for me. every time i thought i was going to lose my cool, i thought about how devastated i was when i saw her with that guy. she said she didn't want to be incommunicado during the holidays, and wants to stay in contact, but the ball was in my court to contact her. she also alluded to "the next time i see you" and how "[i'm] still an important part of her life." ??? i was crushed when she left me for someone else and had to cover it up with a lie, and i'm still getting over her. i'm pretty close to kicking the habit, but what now she threw me for a loop? what's with that call? i'm very sure she's still hanging out with that guy -- is she stringing me along? thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Vivid_29 Posted November 8, 2003 Share Posted November 8, 2003 My ex did the same to me -- "Oh baby, I need to find myself, I need my space, I need to find my soul, I need to experience life on my own, but you will wait for me, won't you?" -- What they really mean is, "There is this guy that I really like and want to try out and if it doesn't work out, I could always come back to you, right?" Hah!!! Not a day an hell... Yep - It happens to the best of us. My ex dumped me and went right back to her exboyfriend. But you know what??? He can have her!!! Don't mind me, I'm just feeling goofy! As for the call, she probably is really curious as to what you have been up to these days. There also could be a slim possibility that she could be regretting her decision to let you go. Me, personally, I would play it cool and let her know what's going on with me. Don't get all sappy/wishy washy on her and just try and be pleasant. Also, don't relive the past -- talk about your future. Link to post Share on other sites
AuroraFaery Posted November 16, 2003 Share Posted November 16, 2003 I bet she misses you terribly Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted November 16, 2003 Share Posted November 16, 2003 i think it could be either way - either she wants to get attention and make sure you've been devastated by her actions, or she truly misses you. so the strategy is to stay cool until she makes it clearer which way it is. best of luck, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Author dkoala Posted November 17, 2003 Author Share Posted November 17, 2003 Thanks everyone. I'd like to hope that she misses me as her boyfriend, since I miss her so much, but I know better than to think about it. I'm planning on giving her a Christmas present anyway. Do you think this is a bad idea? It's nothing big, just a shirt I picked up for her since I know she wanted it a while ago. Also, I haven't spoken to her since that last call on the 7th. I would like to see her again sometime. (Maybe during Christmas.) Do you think I should call her back? Should I just let it go? If I call her back, how long should I wait so I don't look desperate? Thanks again! Link to post Share on other sites
trying Posted November 17, 2003 Share Posted November 17, 2003 just be yourself, and follow your heart if she doesn't like the real you, then she is not the one for you, and you will both be unhappy Link to post Share on other sites
Author dkoala Posted November 17, 2003 Author Share Posted November 17, 2003 very very true. every now and then, i just need to be reminded. Link to post Share on other sites
Bronzepen Posted November 17, 2003 Share Posted November 17, 2003 Don't call, don't buy gifts and don't do anything. She already made her decision, you should make yours. I would change my number if I was you. So that she doesn't re-open that wound every time she calls you. Time to move on. If you do bump into to her somewhere, just excuse yourself and tell her your late for date and that you will talk to her some other time. my 2 pennies. Link to post Share on other sites
LauraD Posted November 18, 2003 Share Posted November 18, 2003 Hi. Are you MY ex boyfriend? Just kidding, but the situations are similar. I called my old boyfriend of years and years because I missed him. Plain and simple. He was a part of my family. He is a good person. Sometimes you leave a relationship only to find that no one else measures up. Maybe your old girlfriend is finding that other people just don't understand her and she doesn't have the patience to open up all over again. Perhaps she is just curious to see if you're still doing well. Maybe she misses your ass. After 4 1/2 years, it's probably been weird for both of you. Anyway, keep your options open. You probably still love her, but don't let her feel too powerful in the situation. She was the one who imparted the distance. If you want to give her a Xmas gift, do so. Only you know the dynamics of the relationship and what is/isn't within reason behavior-wise. Just don't let her feel too pampered. You can let her know you still care without sounding like you want her back. Keep her on her toes in case she is pondering a reconciliation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dkoala Posted November 19, 2003 Author Share Posted November 19, 2003 LauraD, if you don't mind me asking -- how did your old bf react to the call? Link to post Share on other sites
sexy Posted November 19, 2003 Share Posted November 19, 2003 Originally posted by dkoala my ex of 4.5 years and i broke up about 2 months ago b/c she wanted to "find herself" and she needed "space and time." needless to say, one week after breaking up, i see her on a date w/ a co-worker that had a thing for her. (and she felt feelings for him too) anyway -- after a month of no communication, she calls me at midnight to see how i'm doing and to let me know she still cares for me. every time i thought i was going to lose my cool, i thought about how devastated i was when i saw her with that guy. she said she didn't want to be incommunicado during the holidays, and wants to stay in contact, but the ball was in my court to contact her. she also alluded to "the next time i see you" and how "[i'm] still an important part of her life." ??? i was crushed when she left me for someone else and had to cover it up with a lie, and i'm still getting over her. i'm pretty close to kicking the habit, but what now she threw me for a loop? what's with that call? i'm very sure she's still hanging out with that guy -- is she stringing me along? thanks Hi there!!!! Well I think she is just making an excuse and its not right. You should tell her or ask her whats her problem . Thats what i would do. I broke up with my ex a few months ago about two months ago and now im going out with someone else whom loves me very much. I will always have feeling for my ex he will always stay apart of me and still have feelings for him but i dont want him back on the moment im too happy. He sms'd me the other day and asked how i am and we should do something together. I get so confused when he does that cause of the feelings that i have for him and I am so happy right now my love for my boyfriend is unexplainable deap and i liked to keep it that way. Does he still have feelings for me now all of a sudden or what? Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted November 19, 2003 Share Posted November 19, 2003 Man, a week later and she's already on a date with someone else! I read it somewhere that when women leave, they've already got plans in the works. You won't find them sitting around looking at four walls for very long, and I guess she's your case in point. I'd agree with the other posters: she's probably at least wondering whether or not things are going to work out with Mr. Johnny Come Lately. Hence the phonecall to you...at midnight, no less. Normally I'd say truck on and don't give her an ounce of anything. But after 4 1/2 years, if you ended the relationship without getting too messy, I'd say she deserves some respect. Nevertheless, I do think that she dissed you by firing you and picking up a temp to replace you seven days later. I mean, think about it...it probably took her at least three or four days to set up the date (or maybe the other guy asked her out first...who knows? who cares?) I think you have to be nice about it, but the end result is the same: truck on, babe. Truck on. Head on down that there highway and keep truckin on. Link to post Share on other sites
LauraD Posted November 19, 2003 Share Posted November 19, 2003 Dkoala, The correspondence via telephone was like old times. We laughed and talked, caught up. We kept the conversation away from talk of new relationships. I emailed him a couple of weeks later. It was a very long letter, and included many sentiments I owed him. He wrote back and gave the same amount of effort and care in his response. Basically, he was receptive. It was not the in-love with laura version, but still the same good guy coming through, and the person I know and loved. Did I answer your question well enough? Link to post Share on other sites
Author dkoala Posted November 20, 2003 Author Share Posted November 20, 2003 LauraD -- thanks, i was just curious to see how it worked out for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dkoala Posted December 2, 2003 Author Share Posted December 2, 2003 hey -- here's an update: we talked over the phone last week and she said that she wants to do something during christmastime. i said "i guess it was okay" to do something during christmas. probably not a great idea, but i can't say 'no' for some reason i told her that she didn't have to feel obligated to call me, and she replied "what if i want to?" also, she reiterated that she's using this time apart to find out what she wants to do with her life, and she hopes i'm doing the same. i'm just upset that i had closure with our relationship, and now she wants to open things back up again as friends. i know it would be a nice idea *in theory*, but i really don't want to see her again. so now i'm past the point of caring about what she says, and i'm trying to focus on other things. guess i just feel like rambling... sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
jjenkins70 Posted December 3, 2003 Share Posted December 3, 2003 dkoala -- had similair experience a few weeks ago...g/f of over 1 year calls me...tells me how much she misses me, loves me etc....when 2 weeks prior she told me she didn't want to talk to me anymore and wnated to move on with her life since i was moving on with mine. My advice, like the others that have posted, PLAY IT COOL, do'nt initiate contact, even though you may love her very much, ther ewas a reason you all broke up, and you have to decide what is best for you in your life. I personally decided that I would be happier single/dating (see my other post about my dating delmia ha ha) than try to work out with the ex who called out of the blue. LauraD--your experience is very reassuring. I only wish that all relationships, when there is true love could end up being friends, or at least communicatiing without yelling/fighting and being open with each other.! Link to post Share on other sites
sseisme Posted June 14, 2004 Share Posted June 14, 2004 Hi, I know this is months later then when you started writing this and I hate to stir up old thoughts but whatever happened? I am now 3 months after this happened to me and I'm sitting here bummed out hoping to find answers. I am not calling her or anything or writing her... I just miss her inside. So update us on what has been going on over the last 6 months... if you have good news people like me need to read it. If the news is to move on then people like me need to read that too! Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Author dkoala Posted July 2, 2004 Author Share Posted July 2, 2004 Well, 10 months later, and all is well. She and I are friends again even though we are not a couple. In fact, we hung out last night and had a long talk about our relationship. She is dating someone else now, and although it stings to say it, I think it's the best for her. She admits she's still in love with me, but she doesn't want a relationship at this point in her life. (Something I don't believe, honestly.) Over the past months, I've lost any respect in her ability to be a loving person. I know we will not get back together, and I know that if we do, things will certainly *not* be the same. This is one of toughest realizations to make, but now that I know this and *accept* it, I feel a sense of honest closure with myself. Yes, sseisme, you need to move on. Obviously, this is hypocritical advice since I've stayed in contact with my ex, but after going through it myself, I can assure you that the pain will only worsen if you keep your hand in the fire. Stay strong. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamguy Posted July 2, 2004 Share Posted July 2, 2004 Yes, i think it could be either way - either she wants to get attention and make sure you've been devastated by her actions, or she truly misses you. so the strategy is to stay cool until she makes it clearer which way it is. Yes I do agree with you but sometimes it takes too much time for her to make it clearer which way it is. Although I'm holding on to my word and I'm controlling myself it's still hard to wait for her to come out in the open and make her intentions clear ! Any suggestions on how to make her come out in the open sooner and/or how to be able to withhold from losing my control for the longest time possible until she finally reveals everything ? Link to post Share on other sites
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