2 months NC and she breaks it for the 3rd time

[lovdnlost]

So I have been pretty much NC with my ex for the past 2 months (she broke it a couple of times) and we have been broken up for the same amount of time. It has been an extremely rough 2 months but the past 2 weeks I’ve noticed progress in myself. I’m not depressed anymore about the whole thing, sad some days yes but I’m more in control of my thoughts and emotions now and feeling so much better now than I did a couple of months ago. I’ve been focusing on me lately, going to the gym, setting personal goals and doing the things to attain those goals. Meeting new people and having a good time. Starting to enjoy life again.

 

On Monday night my ex IM’d me asking the most random question saying:

 

“hey, what was the name of that artist you told me to check out on youtube a long time ago?”

 

I ignored it.

 

Then yesterday morning, she IM’d me again saying:

 

“it would be nice if you didn’t ignore me…”

 

Again, I ignored it

 

She then sent me a text asking why I was ignoring her. I decided to reply to her and so I did and I said:

 

“ey, don’t mean to ignore you but it’s what I’ve had to do to move on and what I have to do to keep moving forward…..just recently started to enjoy life again you know? I gave you your space so jus give me mine ya? Ultimately that’s what you wanted ain it? Being friends with you is not what I need in my life. Knowing you’re happy is good enough for me, just know that I’m happy too”

 

so I was thinking that the message I sent was pretty straight forward and clear and I’d either get no response or possibly an “Ok, sorry to bother you” but instead, she replied with this:

 

“Alright, I’m not asking to be friends. I just asked u a question and it would be nice if you answered it. It makes me think you have something against me…and I really hope you don’t. don’t mean to make this harder but if you wanna cut all ties, then tell me and I will”

 

WTF??? Did she not read my message to her?

 

I was kinda pissed off and wanted to reply. I haven’t yet and don’t think I should but was hoping to get some advice?

[WiseOne1]

To me it sounds like shes fishing really bad, which means that shes looking for any excuse to contact you, and also trying to gain information about how you feel, you gave a str8 answer and she acts as if she didn't even read the last message.

 

I would say don't say anything back next time, and then you'll get a message stating well fine "I never want to talk to you again" or something along the lines.

Bassically shes rephrasing the question to see if its possible that she can get a diffrent answer, kinda like detectives do ya know?

 

You keep doing great though, I think its cool that you can almost do NC for 2 months, because I had problems getting over 2 weeks.

[huck]

Shes dangling the hook mate..

 

Your reply was perfect.. Not too harsh ala (F*ck off) and nothing about missing her etc.

 

She didnt mention anything about you or the relationship so it was a random text to check up on you.

[Soul Bear]

ok, so im sitting in a bar just now, and randomly cruising through love shack... i read your post and had to reply... you did really well, really really well.

tell me, is she in another relationship? i think your reply was great btw. you showed her your in control... i wish me ex would txt me that...

[lovdnlost]

thanks for the confirmation that i did the right thing guys! it felt like the right thing to do and its what i'm truly feeling. she can dangle the hook all she wants but i'm beyond the point of reaching back...sad some times yes but with all the progress i've made, i know it only gets better without her.

 

soulbear, yup, she's in a new relationship, she hooked up with the guy about 3 weeks after we broke up. it hurt like hell but i got through it (for the most part)...now, anytime thoughts of her creep in, i catch myself quick and keep reminding myself, "don't know, don't care, doesn't matter just move the F*CK on"

[brock9911]

sounds similar to what happened with my ex. is she the one who broke up with you?

 

most likely shes trying to keep what ever of you she can. stinging you along, knowing she still has an affect on you. she may have also realized the grass isnt always greener and misses what she had.

 

your response was perfect and straight foward, she just doesnt want to accept the truth. keep being stong and dont bother replying. she will eventually get the hint, and if she doesnt, know your not the one dwelling she is.

 

good luck

[lovdnlost]

hey brock...yezzir, she gave me the "lets go on a break, i need space to find myself" b.s.

 

whatever her intentions are at this point, i don't care. if she thinks she can string me along or anything like that, she's dead wrong. she had an effect on me but staying NC and going through the roughest time of my life to date and dealing with it really has helped me get control of my life back.

 

when we first broke up and i came on here, listening to peoples advice about staying NC, i was so skeptical about it and at first was doing it as a game for her to miss me. i had the urge to break NC soooooo many times but fought it off...when i look back, i don't know how i did it, i just did it and i'm so thankful i did because trust me....when you go NC for you, it is so well worth it as time passes...out of sight, out of mind.

 

all those going through the early stages of a break up and are in the process of NC, stick with it. Truly stick with it no matter how bad you feel or how overwhelming the urge to break it is. The more you resist the temptation, the easier it gets. The longer you stay in NC mode, the more you start to focus on your life and how to rebuild it for you....and it feels great!

[brock9911]

Yeah it deff does. iv been on here since may. my ex broke up wit me may 18th. in the beginning i was heart broken and contacted her to make things work. but after the nasty attitude and realizing what she was doing to me...especially with all the advice i had been getting on here, i stopped pursuing her and i let my life live. i basically come on here to vent and express my feelings. im not gonna break nc, but it doesnt mean i had feeling ya know. and its the worst feeling getting that phone call or text from the ex because you know they want to be in ur head. i just ignore it, and iv been doing a good job of going out meeting new girls. the best remedy in my opinion haha.

 

i cant even begin to explain my drastic change in moods and behavior. people are saying im a lot more lit up and happy. my anxiety isnt bothering me, and im more opomistic. so there is good out of a break up, it just takes time to see it.

[lovdnlost]

mos def!! the beginning of post break is always hella hard to go through but i found that once i fully accepted it for what it was and started moving forward the "good" that comes from the breakup becomes more and more clear (like you said). you start to not only see it but feel it.

 

don't get me wrong, i still feel sad at times but its not a depression like before. its manageable and its so much easier to get through and deal with.

 

we do what we do to move on...whatever works for you! just remember though that nobody can fill the void that was left behind by the ex but you! i made the mistake of dating someone when i wasn't over my ex and that was disaster....it felt good for the moment but that was about it. it lasted 2 days before i cut it off.