My boyfriend and I are in a band...Another No Doubt situation?

[lostsoul411]

Ok here it goes... My boyfriend and I are in a band together. We met when I joined the band one year ago and about 5 months ago we hooked up. We both addressed the issue about how our moving forward in our relationship could effect the band and agreed that no matter what happened we would not let it. So here we are 5 months later with major issues.

The other night at band practice the band and I had a discussion about dedication and they mentioned that me not showing up in the last week was a lack. I told them that it was only because i was very sick... anyways my bf made it seem like I was purposely placing my problems over band practice and said that he has them too but doenst let them get in the way. Then i said i would show up every practice from now on just like i have for the last 7 months but dont expect me to sing because the pa system is very low grade and i will only strain my voice, and mentioned the promise we had made to pitch in for a new one. He said that I was just not using my voice properly cuz he's seen many singers with lower quality speaker systems that can sing 3 times a week, with major attitude. Even after I explained how hard it is for a singer to keep their voice in good condition and that the reason i cant use my voice properly is because i end up ruining it by screaming, he still would not budge and said it was my place to improve. (Numerous times at gigs people have said that the instruments greatly drown out my voice but yet when we do an acoustic set without them hooked up to speakers people are amazed at how loud and strong it is)

Anyways to make a long story short he was not taking anything i said into consideration and had his mind made up before he even heard my side, which he does extremely often with me and every one else in the band.

After band practice he acted like everything was all good and asked if he could ride with me in my car. I said whatever and he asked me what was wrong so i told him. He became very angered at my feelings and things got intense, he started raising his voice at me and telling me i couldnt take cristism and i was immature. I told him about how he holds the same attitude with everyone in the band and its always his way... He said f*ck u and started shouting obscenities at me as he got into his friends car and said never to call him again. Anyways things are very up in the air right now... I've done so much for him and showed him i cared greatly for him in the past and I feel like he just doesn't show me the same respect. I still love him very much but I think it would be best to permanently end our relationship now because he is a hotheaded alcoholic with a one-sided view point on everything. Now what about the band?? I don't know how to approach this situation and if we can still stick to the promise we made 5 months ago... What would you do if you were in my shoes??

[ArdeaCandidissima]

I would put my own wellbeing and peace of mind above a promise I made to Mr Pottymouth to never affect the band because of this affair.

 

And I would stop making pointless promises that right off the bat are looking hard to keep.

 

Now, gimme another easy question.