How long does it take to get over a long term relationship?

[Charmaine_Champagne]

ok i know im generalizing here. i'm mainly getting at long term relationships, i was with my ex 6 years. it's 5 and 1/2 months since we broke up and im not over him yet, i don't expect to be. but i'm just wondering how long it takes. ok i know every case if different but from your own personal experiences, how long was it for you?

 

is it really possible that my ex could be completely over me after 6 years together and being first loves? could he actually be completely over me so quickly? or does he just think that he is?

 

what are your experiences of very long term relationships esp cases of first loves? how long did it take to get over them, do you ever get over them?

[Thaddeus]

It's so dependent on the context of the relationship and the break-up that it's impossible, IMO, to give a generalized answer that will resonate with you.

 

Personally, I still feel an aching in my heart for my first wife. We were together for about 7 years. (She suffered a brain anyeurism in the fourth year of our marriage and died completely unexpectedly. No warning, no hint, no nothing, just one minute she's there and the next she's gone.) The feeling of loss not as all-encompassing as it was for the first year but I still miss her. She died almost 15 years ago.

 

I was over the second wife, that sexless cheating b!tch, before she got her car out of my driveway.

[bella16]

I really don't believe that theres a SET time for anyone to get over any relationship, no matter how long the relationship was. I think it all depends on the person. Everyone is different. Some people get over things in a flash because its just the way they let their emotions handle things. And some people are more emotional and it may take years to get over it. It also depends on how the R ended really. Whether it was mutual, really dramatic, or if it was a bad ending.

 

Each person is different so it could take just days, months or even years to get over. But I don't believe at all that it takes 1/2 the amount of time the relationship lasted.

[Charmaine_Champagne]

thanks, i just find it hard to think my ex could be over me so soon, but maybe i have been replaced. together 6 years and 5 months later he seems to be over me and has changed into a whole new person

[DustySaltus]

From past experience I would say 1-2 months per year invested..again everyone handles things differently. And as far as him seeming to be a totally different person, maybe he is, maybe he isn't....maybe he's WORSE now, but try not to think about it as hard as it sounds.

[Lizzie60]

It all depends on each person.. the stronger, more independant ones get over it much faster..

 

with my last ex.. it took me about a year.. but I have to say that I wasn't crying every night. etc.. I went on a sexual rampage... so I didn't have that much time to think about him.. but to be completely 'insensitive' when I thought about him.. I would say about a year.

 

He tried to 'reconnect' with me .. just for the sex.. cause his new gf (now his W) wasn't too good sexually. It took another 6 months before we had sex again.. we had an A for a few years after that.. we still see each other from time to time..

 

In your case, I feel that he's already moved on (from your posts) but you're the one struggling... you're too dependant on this guy.. move on..

[Lizzie60]

It's so dependent on the context of the relationship and the break-up that it's impossible, IMO, to give a generalized answer that will resonate with you.

 

Personally, I still feel an aching in my heart for my first wife. We were together for about 7 years. (She suffered a brain anyeurism in the fourth year of our marriage and died completely unexpectedly. No warning, no hint, no nothing, just one minute she's there and the next she's gone.) The feeling of loss not as all-encompassing as it was for the first year but I still miss her. She died almost 15 years ago.

 

I was over the second wife, that sexless cheating b!tch, before she got her car out of my driveway.

 

Come on Thad.. I don't believe that.. it must have hurt like crazy.

[Thaddeus]

Come on Thad.. I don't believe that.. it must have hurt like crazy.

In all honesty, no. We had both "checked out" of the marriage a long time before that. No sex for over 2 years. No sex=no relationship. What hurt more was the fact that she ended up with a substantial amount of my liquid assets after cheating on me.

[DustySaltus]

Damn Thaddeus, I thought I had it rough...

[boogieboy]

Your ex checked out of your relationship probably at least half a year before you broke up, he didnt have to "get over" you.

 

You however will take about 2 years to get over him, at the rate youre going.

[Thomas X Forever]

Boogie that was dead, spot on. Due to the fact she is obsessing, I would definitely wager a good 2 years.

 

They say it takes half the time you were together, to get over your ex.

 

I call bs, though, because I still care and have pain towards BOTH my ex's. The first one, I haven't seen in almost two years. The second, not in about 8 months. I still would take a bullet for either, even though the first one was truly the most insane girl I've ever met. (At that age range).

[gobs]

Its been over 10 years for me since my first serious long term relationship ended. I pretended for a long time like I didn't care. Really tried to convince myself, and was successful for a while, but I can't deny now that I still have feelings for her. That was 3 relationships and one failed marriage ago. I haven't talked to her in years, but I know she stays in contact with my mom from time to time. She is now married and has a kid. I had a chance to get back together with her a long time ago and I was still too hurt from our break up to get back into things with her. I was also in another relationship at the time and felt like I would be a jerk to break up with my girlfriend who at the time was a pretty good one. I've lived a life of no regrets. Seriously none. Except for I now wish I had taken that path when it presented itself the second time. I don't think about it all that much anymore, so I guess you could say I'm over it. I care very much for the girl I'm dating now. But I still think back every month or so and wonder what would have been different if I had had the balls to give her another chance. She never did anything bad to me and we got along so well. She was just too young at the time and wanted to experience life more before she settled down. I was older by a few years and in some ways more immature. That's life I suppose.

 

-T

[Crusoe]

Gobs, I know what you mean. My ex and myself split during out late twenties. We known each other for 12 years and lived together for 6 years of them and were talking of starting a famiy. Even after splitting both agreed they were the happiest years of our lives and that we had never loved anyone the way we loved each other. She simply decided she wanted one last hurrah, to be young and single, travel and party before she properly settled down so she left. "Sorry, its something I have to do".

I was devestated, she wanted to stay friends but it hurt to much so I stopped all contact. We have never seen or spoken to each other since the day she collected her belongings.

It took me about 18 months to really stop missing her, maybe another 2 years until I felt I could move on and find someone else. Never stopped loving her though, just convinced myself I didnt and put it to the back of my mind.

Nine years since we split now, so far have never met anyone else that really did it for me, and for the first time in years have found myself thinking of her more and more often. The really stupid thing is that a while back I bumped into her father, we chatted and as I was about to leave he told me she has regreted leaving me from the virtually the day she went.

 

Regarding the original question, you will get over it time, its just a waiting game for a while. Whether you ever regret it, you may not know that until years later. Whichever way, thats life.

[Crusoe]

Also meant to say I doubt your ex is over you quickly, people just hide and deny their feelings to make life easier for themselves.

[love_fool]

I'm in the mist of letting go of my first love... and already it feels as though he's already over me, and his feelings for me have faded completely. With him.. who knows.. I think missing me will hit him much later.

 

I, on the other hand, think it will take me a good year to be over him enough to date again.. 2 years was jam-packed with memories with him.

[contax]

Charmaine_Champagne, it depends. I don't believe some people get over it in a flash. They're kidding themselves.

 

This thing of getting into rebounds, sex rampages ( Lizzie60 - you're telling her to move on when you hooked up with your ex and still talk to him? Sorry if that bothers you...but you're better than that, do your thing) - you don't just share yourself with anyone., and alchohol is numbing.

 

After all the quick fix way of trying to forget it gone, the feelings come back. If not, those people are numb and lost - really to their calling. I've come to relize - when people do wrong things - cheating etc...anything that they know is wrong - they are essentially moving away from their own voice and calling in life.

 

I am proud - I have never cheated on a girl in my life, I have a career I love, I have a foundation I set up, I am happy with this. I have this sense of peace that's priceless.

 

These people who lie and cheat won't be remembered for anything good, their legacies are basically tarnished.

 

Honestly follow your heart, and take this time to love yourself.

 

You have broken up exactly how long I have 5 months + ago... If I miss my ex I miss the intimacy, the feeling etc...but I don't miss her anger, no education, no job, smoking, lying, cheating.... I thought I wouldn't get over it but I feel in my heart it is the right thing, and I'm slowly getting over it.

[Beeotch]

I've never been in a truly long term scenario....

 

But I suppose that sometimes it is not necessarily the length that determines how long it takes to get over it. I think lots of factors contribute. Because for example, my current ex we were together for about 4 months but it was intense and how I felt after the break up and now was a lot worst than when I broke up with the guy I was inlove with for 2 years.

 

So it really depends...but I know for sure that that person even after 4 months is like a permanent fixture in your life and you get used to that routine of having them around so I can imagine that for 6 years the sense of loss is very apparent.