Weight and marriage

[Lauriebell82]

I've seen pictures of you, LB, when you posted pictures of yourself with him in your profile.

 

Anyway, good for you for becoming "really skinny," if that's your thing. I hope you stay "really skinny" for your fiance.

 

The one in my profile now? I'm not chunky in that.

 

I plan to stay really skinny for me actually.

[Lauriebell82]

I wonder what would have happened if you hadn't as well.

 

Also, SB... I think you're a beautiful preggo person.

 

Wow, you really do act mean don't you. Man.

[sb129]

Thanks. I HAVE gained 25+lbs- and its not JUST the pregnancy that has "caused" that. (I was 140lbs before I got pregnant, and am 5'8" tall)

 

In my first trimester, I pigged out. I'll admit it!

I got pregnant 2 weeks after getting married so I went from the wedding diet extreme to eating whatever I wanted.

I have maintained a good level of exercise throughout.

The novelty of eating whatever I wanted wore off after awhile though (actually started to crave healthy food anyway), so am back to healthy eating and as much exercise as this growing bump will allow- weight gain still steady, and its better for the baby that way- I am on track to having a healthy, normal birthweight baby.

 

I know it will take me longer to lose the extra weight again. I know I can do it though- I did it for the wedding, there is no reason that with the same dedication I will be able to get back to that weight.

I am under no illusions that the only person responsible for both the gain AND the loss is me- I have full support of my H, but ultimately its ME that wants to get back into my skinny Joes Jeans again.

[Star Gazer]

The one in my profile now? I'm not chunky in that.

 

I plan to stay really skinny for me actually.

 

No, not that one. There have been others.

 

"Really skinny" isn't healthy. But whatev. If that's what your fiance wants, then go for it. Gotta keep him around somehow.

 

Wow, you really do act mean don't you. Man.

 

Huh? I think SB looks gorgeous, sincerely.

[Lauriebell82]

Thanks. I HAVE gained 25+lbs- and its not JUST the pregnancy that has "caused" that. (I was 140lbs before I got pregnant, and am 5'8" tall)

 

In my first trimester, I pigged out. I'll admit it!

I got pregnant 2 weeks after getting married so I went from the wedding diet extreme to eating whatever I wanted.

I have maintained a good level of exercise throughout.

The novelty of eating whatever I wanted wore off after awhile though (actually started to crave healthy food anyway), so am back to healthy eating and as much exercise as this growing bump will allow- weight gain still steady, and its better for the baby that way- I am on track to having a healthy, normal birthweight baby.

 

I know it will take me longer to lose the extra weight again. I know I can do it though- I did it for the wedding, there is no reason that with the same dedication I will be able to get back to that weight.

I am under no illusions that the only person responsible for both the gain AND the loss is me- I have full support of my H, but ultimately its ME that wants to get back into my skinny Joes Jeans again.

 

Good for you sb. I plan on continuing to exercise and eat right when I'm pregnant as well. Losing weight is not easy!

[Star Gazer]

Thanks. I HAVE gained 25+lbs- and its not JUST the pregnancy that has "caused" that. (I was 140lbs before I got pregnant, and am 5'8" tall)

 

I dunno, SB... I think you carry whatever weight you have gained really well. I can't wait to see your belly get even bigger!!

[Lauriebell82]

No, not that one. There have been others.

 

"Really skinny" isn't healthy. But whatev. If that's what your fiance wants, then go for it. Gotta keep him around somehow.

 

Please don't post if you are going to make these kind of comments. They are not nice and are not relevant to the topic.

[Star Gazer]

Please don't post if you are going to make these kind of comments. They are not nice and are not relevant to the topic.

 

Your thread is about the importance of staying thin when married. How is weight, and weight loss, skinniness (made up word), and/or your fiance's desire to have a thin wife, not relevant to that subject?

[sb129]

Yes- SG don't forget that the pictures you are referring to were taken 8 weeks ago! Things have changed somewhat since then!

 

Am getting WB to take some more today......

[Star Gazer]

Yes- SG don't forget that the pictures you are referring to were taken 8 weeks ago! Things have changed somewhat since then!

 

Am getting WB to take some more today......

 

I don't care how big your buddha belly gets, you're still going to be beautiful.

 

And please, tell WB that Star is waiting for fetus/bump picture updates.

[Lauriebell82]

Your thread is about the importance of staying thin when married. How is weight, and weight loss, skinniness (made up word), and/or your fiance's desire to have a thin wife, not relevant to that subject?

 

You comments towards me are not nice, and you know it.

 

All those are def. relevant to the topic. Insults aren't.

[Adunaphel]

I am aware that, like another poster said, comparing weight gain to a medical problem or an accident is like comparing apples and oranges,

yet... if my partner had ever said he would consider dumping me if I gained weight (and no matter how he might phrase it or even if he actually phrased it) I'd have assumed he might dump me if I had an accident or an illness.

 

Funnily enough... my partner would probably dump me if I gained a lot of weight (he is into thing women... hedoes not even like big breasts). I have never investigated into it. But when I was worried I might develop a medical condition he was actually hurt I was afraid he might dump me.

 

Apart from this digression... I am shocked at the comment of your friend's H.

Do you know the context? Perhaps they were arguing or were going trough some relationship problem? If such a comment was meant to offend, ugly as it might be, it would be less worrying IMO.

[Star Gazer]

All those are def. relevant to the topic. Insults aren't.

 

How have I insulted you, LB?

 

You're really skinny, want to stay really skinny, and so does your fiance. Good for you then. There's nothing left to say.

[Star Gazer]

Do you know the context? Perhaps they were arguing or were going trough some relationship problem? If such a comment was meant to offend, ugly as it might be, it would be less worrying IMO.

 

Holy cow! I don't think his comment is appropriate in ANY context.

[Adunaphel]

Holy cow! I don't think his comment is appropriate in ANY context.

 

I agree, but if it was said in a stressful context at least you can chalk it up to the context.

I think I'd rather my partner said something like that to retaliate in a moment of stress... at least he might not mean it. Or he might not be a full-time jerk.

[sb129]

Another difference between weight gain and an accident is time frame.

 

Generally, a large amount of weight gain happens over time, an accident happens quickly.

 

Its not like the H has woken up one day and suddenly said "you're dumped"- there would be many opportunities over the course of the weight gain to discuss whether this was working for you both.

[Mr. Lucky]

Its not like the H has woken up one day and suddenly said "you're dumped"- there would be many opportunities over the course of the weight gain to discuss whether this was working for you both.

Which is what many of these "you're so shallow" comments overlook. The poster's wife that gained 100lbs + didn't acquire that body weight overnight. And he didn't lose his sexual attraction for her overnight. A partner that gains that much weight ignores many signs, roadblocks and opportunities to address what's going on. It's not just a single conversation that pops up one day at 250 lbs...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Star Gazer]

I think there is a difference between getting fat and gaining a few pounds.. I think that most people gain weight when they're in a happy relationship... I've read that somewhere..

 

I agree there's a difference, and I've heard the same thing - that people gain weight during the initial stages of their happy relationship. They spend a lot of time, uh, "indulging their senses." (And sometimes that includes decadent food!

 

BUT, if they live healthy lifestyles, the excess usually comes back off.

 

Which is what many of these "you're so shallow" comments overlook. The poster's wife that gained 100lbs + didn't acquire that body weight overnight. And he didn't lose his sexual attraction for her overnight. A partner that gains that much weight ignores many signs, roadblocks and opportunities to address what's going on. It's not just a single conversation that pops up one day at 250 lbs...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Sure, 100-250 pounds of excess weight is out of contol. But is it fair to put a woman in a position where she feels compelled to become really skinny, to "keep" her man or make him want to marry or remain married to her? As LB said, she lost a lot of weight, as did her friend, before the engagement. Would either man have proposed had she not lost that weight? They've made it clear that even a few pounds is unacceptable to them.

[Lauriebell82]

I agree there's a difference, and I've heard the same thing - that people gain weight during the initial stages of their happy relationship. They spend a lot of time, uh, "indulging their senses." (And sometimes that includes decadent food!

 

BUT, if they live healthy lifestyles, the excess usually comes back off.

 

 

 

Sure, 100-250 pounds of excess weight is out of contol. But is it fair to put a woman in a position where she feels compelled to become really skinny, to "keep" her man or make him want to marry or remain married to her? As LB said, she lost a lot of weight, as did her friend, before the engagement. Would either man have proposed had she not lost that weight? They've made it clear that even a few pounds is unacceptable to them.

 

Are you kidding me? Please stay out of my thread if you are going to continue this.

[Ariadne]

But is it fair to put a woman in a position where she feels compelled to become really skinny, to "keep" her man or make him want to marry or remain married to her? ...They've made it clear that even a few pounds is unacceptable to them.

 

Yeah, that's absolutely ridiculous.

 

They say that if the wife gains weight she'll be sex deprived as well.

 

I'd say those guys don't even love their wives at all if that's the way they think.

 

True love is beyond the form.

[Mr. Lucky]

Sure, 100-250 pounds of excess weight is out of contol. But is it fair to put a woman in a position where she feels compelled to become really skinny, to "keep" her man or make him want to marry or remain married to her?

No, it's not fair. We're talking about two different things...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Lauriebell82]

Yeah, that's absolutely ridiculous.

 

They say that if the wife gains weight she'll be sex deprived as well.

 

I'd say those guys don't even love their wives at all if that's the way they think.

 

True love is beyond the form.

 

Yeah, I agree. While my friend's husband does want her to be skinny I do not think he feels that if she gains a few pounds it is "unacceptable." That is really rediculous.

[sb129]

Which is what many of these "you're so shallow" comments overlook. The poster's wife that gained 100lbs + didn't acquire that body weight overnight. And he didn't lose his sexual attraction for her overnight. A partner that gains that much weight ignores many signs, roadblocks and opportunities to address what's going on. It's not just a single conversation that pops up one day at 250 lbs...

 

Unless the scales have one of those built in alarms!......

 

Honestly- I KNOW my H would be less than pleased if I gained that much weight. I would be less than please with MYSELF. And, conversely, neither of us would be happy if HE gained that amount of weight.

 

We have talked about it recently- seeing as weight gain is a hot topic in my world right now.

 

I don't feel any "pressure" though- a healthy lifestyle is preferable to me for a number of reasons anyway.

 

If I was to gain a shedload of weight and give up grooming, I think it would be appropriate for my H to ask if anything was wrong- in that scenario there would be a very high chance there WAS something wrong with me.

 

Likewise with him. If he stopped doing active things he loves (like surfing), and became a total couch potato who binge ate, I would worry that there was something deeper going on. I would NOT ignore it and then just walk out the door, I would at least try and find out what was going on.

 

If, then, it turned out he just no longer cared, I would take that to mean that he no longer cared about US either, and I would consider leaving.

 

Thats not shallow.

[Ariadne]

Yeah, I agree. While my friend's husband does want her to be skinny I do not think he feels that if she gains a few pounds it is "unacceptable." That is really rediculous.

 

And besides, God forbid, she can be in an accident, be burnt, lose a limb, etc.

 

Does that mean that she won't be perfect and deserving to be loved? Because she will turn him off?

 

That is not love.

[sb129]

You know what?

 

Sometimes marriages DO break up after one party has suffered an illness or an accident. Sometimes they break up after a child is ill, injured or dies. Sometimes they break up after other stressful events such as bereavement, financial problems etc etc.

 

Being married to someone who is very ill or injured is extremely stressful, by the same token having a child who is very ill, injured or dies is extremely stressful.

 

Some marriages/ relationships simply can't withstand that kind of strain.

Its a fact, and it doesn't mean there is no love in the R.

 

In an ideal world, marriage is for better or for worse, BUT its almost impossible to know whether your marriage/ relationship actually will withstand that kind of strain until you are in the situation, and there is no "practice run" for something like that.

 

So do we vet potential partners on the basis that they may/ may not cope in a situation that may never happen to us? Perhaps we can to a point, but we can't ever be truly sure unless we end up in a situation that puts the R under strain.