Is husband cheating, found woman's pair of panties @ home & they aren't mine.

[heartbrokenlaura]

Hello, on Monday of this week my 2 older kids 11 and 10 came laughing telling me that my daughter had found a pair of underwear that weren't hers. I took a look at them & they're thongs. I then asked my daughter if she knew who's they were, I would never buy her anything like that, she said she didn't. See, I left @ 3:30am Friday morning out of town and came back Sat afternoon & realized the laundry had been done, when I asked who'd done the laundry my husband said his mom came in @ about 7am Friday morning & did laundry, he said he was very surprised that she would show up so early & do laundry, guess she did it cuz i've been busy @ work & had to go out of town. Anyway I had a serious talk w/my kids & asked them again to be honest cuz consequenses were really bad, they both said they knew nothing & I trust my kids they have always been honest even when they know i'm going to be upset @ them.I then called my mother in law thanking her for doing the laundry I then asked if by she had seen a small (SMALL) thong, she said she had & was very surprised I would buy something like that for my daughter but didn't think it was a kids underwear, (she knew it wouldn't fit me) I told her I didn't and didn't know who they belong to. She said she didn't believe I had bought those for my daughter & she said for a moment she was thinking of talking to my husband but decided not to since it's not her marriage & she wants to stay out of it. She said she opted for putting them in my daughters drawer. Later that day when I was making dinner my husband noticed I was upset & then asked why i was upset @ him, I told him it was cuz of the pair of undies that dont belong to anyone in the house. He said he was innocent & I was wrong to blame him when things go wrong. I then told him, they had to be his, maybe his misstres put them in his pants when he didn't realize it so I could find them & then when they went into the dirty laundry were they were found. I don't know, but this isn't the first time i suspect infidelity. About a month ago he was sent to Albuquerque NM due to his job, they provided him w/one of the most elegant hotels w/2 queen size beds, I asked him to take me & the kids & he said no, that 4 kids was too much, but that he would love to take me and just me, well a couple of days went by & I told him I would be going w/him, he said nothing. The night before when he was getting his bags ready I started making mine & he asked what I was doing, I then said I was going w/him & he got super mad, He said I should stay w/the kids, I told him Mom was watching them & then he got reeeallly mad, he said no,no, no, should I mention that he didn't call at all till the third day, he didn't even call to talk to the kids. He works at the university and i'm sure he's surrounded by a lot of young naive girls, and maybe this girls he's with wanted me to find her panties so that I would leave him & she could have him, well she can if she wants. I really think that those undies belong to his other girl, what do you think? Oh by the way our sex life was great, we were having sex about 4-5 times a week, & it was great sex. He always picked me up from work & never left the house on the weekends w/out me. Sure he would go out sometimes telling me he was going to download a file and it would take him a couple of hours but he did have the files w/him, maybe he downloaded them @ work. Anyway my husband is always telling me how beautiful and sexy I am so I am very confused. I thought we were having a good relationship but now that I think about the trip were he didn't want to take me and those panties, I just don't know. He's been sleeping on the couch for the last two days, and we just talk for things that have to do w/the kids, we aren't arguing in front of them were just not talking. I am not going to leave my home, and it seems like he's not either, neither one of us is wanting to leave because it's our little dream home, please advise I need some advise.

Thanks,

Laura A

[broken hearted]

I would definitely say that your husband is cheating on you...some of his behaviors are classic cheater behaviors. I hate to have to say this to you but I really think he must be cheating. Can you look at cell phone history or email or anything?

 

I learned the hard way and now I have no idea what the future holds for me, our son, the baby I'm carrying (8 months pregnant), my husband, or our marriage.

 

I would suggest that you dive a little deeper into snooping to find out the truth. I took my husband for his word and believed him for far too long until I could no longer ignore the gut feeling that I had been having for months! I checked his cell phone messages and found a message from the other woman.

[Mr. Lucky]

While I would agree that you need to keep your eyes open, it seems like you're jumping to conclusions here. There could be many explanations for the misplaced undies, of which your H is only one. Do you really want to end your marriage over this?

 

Mr. Lucky

[2sure]

Initially I was going to ask if one of your daughter's friends may have slept over and left behind a pair of underwear.

 

But you know he is cheating.

 

Men who cheat often have even more sex with their wives when they are involved in an affair. Your attractiveness, your sex life, your amicable marriage often have nothing to do with cheating.

 

Unless you have been a consistantly paranoid and controlling wife...in which case he wouldnt want you to join him on trips (but would not explain the strange panties) ...he is cheating.

 

Affairs require communication. Check his cell phone for text messages, and the cell phone bill for phone number history.

[Lizzie60]

Trust your instinct.. if you think he's unfaithful.. he probably is.

 

As far as the underwear.. it could be a trick someone played on him.. hard to say.. it could be from one of the young girls (probably)...

 

Check him out more carefully.. make sure he has no suspicions of your snooping..

 

For a while, he will be extremely careful... you might not be able to nail him for a while.. he will be on his best behaviour for a while.. trust me.

 

you can always check his cell phone.. his credit card invoices.. etc.. in the meantime..

[PhoenixRise]

I think your husband is cheating and I think deep down you know this.

 

Thong panties don't just materialize out of thin air.

 

I think your H initially invited you to go on the trip with him thinking you would say no.

 

At the end of the day you are going to have to trust what you see and his actions more than you trust his words.

[MistyK]

Let me take you to May 2007. I, as the OW, am scrambling to gather my shoes and car keys and undies (was wearing a dress) and somehow drop the undies. I try to retrieve them, but it's too late, the W and kids have run up the steps. I'm hiding in a closet until everyone leaves and then I grab everything and go, feeling awful. A few minutes later the W returns to grab the undies to confront her H with, but they are gone of course, as am I. Over the next several months, he convinces her that she never saw them, that she must have imagined it because she never trusted him, etc. Deep down, she wants to believe that he bought them for himself, just to keep and fantasize about another woman with . But we know better, don't we?

 

Don't doubt yourself. The worst disservice men do to us is making us question ourselves.

[2sure]

When I was in college , I took off my panties and stuffed them into a guys pillowcase just so his gf would eventually find them. I wasnt banging him, I just didnt like her.

 

Just sayin.

[Owl]

Trust your instinct.. if you think he's unfaithful.. he probably is.

 

As far as the underwear.. it could be a trick someone played on him.. hard to say.. it could be from one of the young girls (probably)...

 

Check him out more carefully.. make sure he has no suspicions of your snooping..

 

For a while, he will be extremely careful... you might not be able to nail him for a while.. he will be on his best behaviour for a while.. trust me.

 

you can always check his cell phone.. his credit card invoices.. etc.. in the meantime..

 

I don't make it a habit to agree with Lizzie...as she can attest!

 

But this makes good sense to me. If you doubt...snoop it out.

 

It could be a harmless situation...or it might not be. You don't have proof, but you have plenty of reason to be looking harder for the truth.

[MistyK]

When I was in college , I took off my panties and stuffed them into a guys pillowcase just so his gf would eventually find them. I wasnt banging him, I just didnt like her.

 

Just sayin.

 

Hilarious! lol

[PhoenixRise]

When I was in college , I took off my panties and stuffed them into a guys pillowcase just so his gf would eventually find them. I wasnt banging him, I just didnt like her.

 

Just sayin.

 

2sure

 

 

This is too funny.

 

I would not want to be on your bad side

[confused192]

When I was in college , I took off my panties and stuffed them into a guys pillowcase just so his gf would eventually find them. I wasnt banging him, I just didnt like her.

 

Just sayin.

 

 

I want to be friends with you. That's the best thing I've ever heard.

[2sure]

I know, its terrible and funny.

I have a love/hate relationship with myself.

[MistyK]

I know, its terrible and funny.

I have a love/hate relationship with myself.

 

With apologies for the TJ, what happened with that 2sure? Did she find them? Was he pissed?

[heartbrokenlaura]

While I would agree that you need to keep your eyes open, it seems like you're jumping to conclusions here. There could be many explanations for the misplaced undies, of which your H is only one. Do you really want to end your marriage over this?

 

Mr. Lucky

Mr/Lucky what other explanation could there possibly be. If you can think of one please let me know. My son and daughter come to work with me or him, they don't stay home alone, so I know it's not like they had friends over. Please let me know what other conclusions you may think of. And yes I would terminate my marriage over this. Thanks

[heartbrokenlaura]

I don't make it a habit to agree with Lizzie...as she can attest!

 

But this makes good sense to me. If you doubt...snoop it out.

 

It could be a harmless situation...or it might not be. You don't have proof, but you have plenty of reason to be looking harder for the truth.

I agree with snooping around, it seems like thats the only way I will find something. I have tried his cell phone messages and he never has new ones, he always has the same old ones he's sent to me, but when the phone bill comes in I see there were text messages and photo messages and when confronted he says I am acting dumb, he won't give me an answer and gets mad, won't talk to me for the rest of the day.

[2sure]

The suspicion of infidelity can do almost as much damage to a person and to a marriage as infidelity itself. The suspicion undermines the entire relationship, whether it is real or imagined.

 

The best thing for you to do at this point is be emotionally honest, even if you feel spouse will not. Infidelity /an affair requires and is largely - communication. Look at his cell phone history and the itemized cell phone bill.

[2sure]

OK, so you HAVE found texts, and pictures on the bill that he has been deleting from his phone. Since he saves the calls from you , he is deleting the texts and pictures for a reason. Period.

 

You should tell him right now that you know he is cheating and that you want answers and not bull****. If he continues to try to lie and manipulate you stop talking to him and talk to a lawyer. And do it. Dont ask him another question.

 

If you want more proof, have the phone service changed so that the bill is itemized and lists each number.

[heartbrokenlaura]

The suspicion of infidelity can do almost as much damage to a person and to a marriage as infidelity itself. The suspicion undermines the entire relationship, whether it is real or imagined.

 

The best thing for you to do at this point is be emotionally honest, even if you feel spouse will not. Infidelity /an affair requires and is largely - communication. Look at his cell phone history and the itemized cell phone bill.

Thank you so much to you all, I feel so alone. I have talked to my sister and mom but because they love me so much I fear they are going to tell me what I want to hear cuz they won't want to hurt me. I appreciate somebody looking at this from the outside and giving me their honest opinion. I really think that even if he dones't want to leave, then we can stay in the same house but I really think it's over. I cant imagine sleeping with him after knowing he was w/someone else. I'm sure it's a very young person, and you know what I don't want to blow my own bubble here but I know shes not better than me and never will be, never will she be able to give him what I gave him, 4 beautiful kids, 13 years of what I thought was a good marriage, hot meals, clean laundry, clean house, someone to talk to @ midnight, (maybe she can do that) but never the way we had it. Oh well I guess everything that has a beginning has an end, so sad, but you know I'm young and not bad looking, not that I would want a Man in my life at least not for a couple of years but I'll be ok. Thanks again to all of you!!!!