tojaz Posted September 1, 2009 Share Posted September 1, 2009 This is BS! My ex said he brushded his feelings aside to avoid an argument or hurting me, which Tojaz very rightly pointed out was BS, excuses, he compromised just like I did, that's a relationship, except, whenever he compromised he held resentment b/c he couldn't have his way ALL the time. Even simple things, things I was entiltled to ask for, to just spend some time with him for example. In reality Tojaz and Ladybug, all this really means is they could not have their own way all the time b/c they did not want to consider another person. In other words they are incapable of an adult relationship. That goes right back to I WAS MARRIED AND SHE WASN'T!!! For all three of us, it's the walkaways that are missing out on something special! They will all realize that they had it good, once it's too late! TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Auroracoladybug Posted September 2, 2009 Author Share Posted September 2, 2009 So I text J to ask him if he is off on Labor Day...He text me back that he was off but starting on-call this week...then "why whats up?". I responded that I was wondering if you wanted to take Cian thru Monday...he said "not responding thruough text" and tried to call but I am at work and unable to talk...I called back and Wo is me J came out again...He was looking for apartments and its really hard because you (meaning me) want the baby to have his own room...And he can't move into our Friends basement because of the bathroom being remodeled and mold...I told him I have nothing to do with his decision and no the baby is young enough he doesn't need his own room (plus he takes him how often?)...I told him I am trying to give him everything that he wants and he started in with "well I wanted to go to mediation...etc" I reminded him that I got a lawyer only for the babys sake...what a jerk! So he doesn't know if he can take the baby this weekend, he has paid the other roommates rent so he can stay longer...A$$ Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 Ohhhhh, poor J. Single life not turning out to be all he hoped? Boo Hoo! WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD BUDDY!!!!! (think that sums it up!) TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Auroracoladybug Posted September 3, 2009 Author Share Posted September 3, 2009 Well as I mentioned before J has paid the roommates rent because they are not responsible enough...So now he is staying until the end of the month...goody! Doesn't matter to me other than I don't like my son being in a dirty house where the shower is right next to the cats box etc. J is taking the baby from Friday night to Monday night so we will see how this works out...I am meeting with a potentially new daycare provider for the baby tomorrow...she lives closer to me...should I tell J? I mean I haven't decided yet but I do need the change...I just don't know what all I need to do now:confused::confused::confused: ...I hate this having to wait to get the courts to make him help...its not for me as much as my son!!! Keep me in your thoughts friends because I may go crazy this weekend:laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 We'll be here Ladybug!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Auroracoladybug Posted September 5, 2009 Author Share Posted September 5, 2009 Well...J picked up the baby tonight as planned at around 8pm...poor J poor J...his account is already $777 in the hole and he was paid on Monday (I found this out because I explained to him that I had given him all the diapers I had left and to please get more)...He was offered a position in Seattle with his company but he would lose any overtime or bonuses and they would not pay to move him (thankfully he said no without hesitation) He is looking at geting a $750/mo apartment...who had money management problems??? I don't know what to think about him anymore...I still love him and want him to be happy...It was terrible because I had to force the baby to go with him tonight...It took me a good hour to get my wits about me and function. Love you guys! I am glad I can vent here...I am scared about the future but it has to be better (PLEASE GOD LET IT BE BETTER!!!) Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 ladybug You know that the future will be better, the real thing, somebody you can share with. Why? Because it is something you want and it will happen and you deserve it. Think of this everyday gets you one day closer Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 Well...J picked up the baby tonight as planned at around 8pm...poor J poor J...his account is already $777 in the hole and he was paid on Monday (I found this out because I explained to him that I had given him all the diapers I had left and to please get more)...He was offered a position in Seattle with his company but he would lose any overtime or bonuses and they would not pay to move him (thankfully he said no without hesitation) He is looking at geting a $750/mo apartment...who had money management problems??? I don't know what to think about him anymore...I still love him and want him to be happy...It was terrible because I had to force the baby to go with him tonight...It took me a good hour to get my wits about me and function. Love you guys! I am glad I can vent here...I am scared about the future but it has to be better (PLEASE GOD LET IT BE BETTER!!!) The future will be better Ladybug, because it is all up to you. You get to decide what path you'll follow and leave all this hurt behind you. It will be better because your going to make it better. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 We're all here with you Ladybug! Vent away! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Auroracoladybug Posted September 6, 2009 Author Share Posted September 6, 2009 Okay so backsliding some...I knew this would happen. I miss my baby boy and it didn't help any that when I called J at 8pm to wish the baby a good night he told me that the baby continued to call and cry for me until he fell asleep last night and then woke in the middle of the night calling out for me...so I didn't talk to the baby (that hurts)...he was frustrated it seemed for me calling and that he didn't get a good nights sleep... I MISS MY FAMILY even with all of the problems. I just want to collapse. Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 Okay so backsliding some...I knew this would happen. I miss my baby boy and it didn't help any that when I called J at 8pm to wish the baby a good night he told me that the baby continued to call and cry for me until he fell asleep last night and then woke in the middle of the night calling out for me...so I didn't talk to the baby (that hurts)...he was frustrated it seemed for me calling and that he didn't get a good nights sleep... I MISS MY FAMILY even with all of the problems. I just want to collapse. I know what you mean Ladybug. Yesterday would have been my wedding anniversary and the wifes B-day. I did well and spent most of the day on LS, but eventually I had to just sit in my empty house and realize that this was my life now. Sad as it was, she was out celebrating her new life with friends and family and I was here alone mourning the loss of mine. Sad fact is she dosen't get it, dosen't understand that I'm hurting or that yesterday would be hard and neitherr does J it's just selfishness shining through. Theres going to be moments when you want to collapse but stay strong so you don't give up all the progress you've made. I didn't see it coming, but I lost a lot of ground last night.:o TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Auroracoladybug Posted September 6, 2009 Author Share Posted September 6, 2009 I lost a lot of ground last night too I don't think J knows what he wants really either...he wants to get out on his own and that is why I must follow thru with the divorce or he will never be "able" to help me out financially. I want my baby home and that would help a lot. Tojaz you more than anyone has followed what J has done (you feel like a closer friend then most everyone else physically here in my life)...I know he needs to grow up and put his priorities in strict line...I know I could do "better" but that doesn't really matter sometimes when your whole heart is for that person...Yes I am optimistic but it doesn't help when the only person I want in my bed and holding me is just gone...I know I need to be there just for me and the baby...but then who is there for me? Pretty much just my dad and I am scared to death I am going to lose him because of health issues and don't want to ask much of anything of him My best friend has a friend that she lived with for a while who got divorced with one little girl and five years later they came back together. They may never actually get married again but they have 2 more girls. I am hoping that I can finally get my finances in line, get my yard cleaned up, get my house fixed up, get rid of the junk and have a yard sale...I can't qualify for another house if I sell mine but I can't live with roommates forever...I guess I am going to have to scrape by for who knows how long and then finally sell...I hate that thought Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 I lost a lot of ground last night too I don't think J knows what he wants really either...he wants to get out on his own and that is why I must follow thru with the divorce or he will never be "able" to help me out financially. I want my baby home and that would help a lot. Tojaz you more than anyone has followed what J has done (you feel like a closer friend then most everyone else physically here in my life)...I know he needs to grow up and put his priorities in strict line...I know I could do "better" but that doesn't really matter sometimes when your whole heart is for that person...Yes I am optimistic but it doesn't help when the only person I want in my bed and holding me is just gone...I know I need to be there just for me and the baby...but then who is there for me? Pretty much just my dad and I am scared to death I am going to lose him because of health issues and don't want to ask much of anything of him Thanks for that Ladybug, I have come to feel very close to a lot of people on LS. So much that i feel obligated to check in on them everyday, just to make sure they are alright, your high on that list my dear. I know what it is to give your whole heart away. i feel like yo do. I have seen the "better" thats out there, experienced caring that my wife was never willing to give, yet I miss her. Compared to the hearts of the women here on LS You, Dela, Broken, SHB, and of course my own British Bombshell Lisa:love: my wife just dosent size up anymore, yet the longing is still there. Confusing and heartbreaking really. The question of "Who is there for me?" has come to the front of my mind recently as well. I've been very ill and dealing with a lot of stress from all sides and wanted nothing more then to have someone "there for me" in the end, you have to find that the only person you can count on 100% to be there for you is YOU! If you depend too much on others, that just leads to heartbreak. Lean on those who will let you, but be able to go it alone if you need to. Thats inner strength and your showing more with every post!! My best friend has a friend that she lived with for a while who got divorced with one little girl and five years later they came back together. They may never actually get married again but they have 2 more girls. I am hoping that I can finally get my finances in line, get my yard cleaned up, get my house fixed up, get rid of the junk and have a yard sale...I can't qualify for another house if I sell mine but I can't live with roommates forever...I guess I am going to have to scrape by for who knows how long and then finally sell...I hate that thought Your entering into a new life Ladybug, full of unknowns. Terrifying to have to leave all your old plans and life behind, but your going to make a new and better life with all the new found strength and confidence you will find through all of this. Embrace that, what ever may come your way, your going to confront it to the best of your ability and your head held high. Thats all anyone could ask for. I'd bet your Dad would tell you the same. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Auroracoladybug Posted September 6, 2009 Author Share Posted September 6, 2009 Hey Tojaz do you feel like an 18yr old sometimes seeking out the advice of adults? I always thought of you as older than me and you are only a year older...and a year younger than J...I am just having a horrible day/ weekend and all I want to do is cry and I am at work...I am not usually this emotional. Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 Sometimes, it's a lot like a lost child looking for answers. You just turn to whoever you can. Emotional triggers are all over. Once you think your over it, something brings it all to the surface a holiday alone for example or missing something you took for granted before. Gunny says over and over that pain is just weakness leaving the body. So go ahead and cry Ladybug, every tear will make you stronger in the end. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Auroracoladybug Posted September 6, 2009 Author Share Posted September 6, 2009 I can't at work...but it is really hard and I am not succeeding I just text J a little bit ago and asked if the baby had a better night...J responded Yes. But I'm still tired So I asked do you want me to take him tonight? J:That is entirely up to you. Doesn't matter to me. It is tearing me up not to be with my son and he is so willing to just let him go. Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 So take him! Your son makes you feel better and gives you comfort. If J does not appreciate his time with him then he dosen't deserve it. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Auroracoladybug Posted September 6, 2009 Author Share Posted September 6, 2009 I am scared to upset my son again by the back and forth because he is supposed to be with J tomorrow...I just want my baby if he doesn't but I am worried my wanting the baby will make the baby upset all the more when I send him back with J. Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 I am scared to upset my son again by the back and forth because he is supposed to be with J tomorrow...I just want my baby if he doesn't but I am worried my wanting the baby will make the baby upset all the more when I send him back with J. How do you think he feels being with someone who dosen't appreciate him? Why do you think he was upset when J took him? Kids are smarter then we think, they pick up on these things. Maternal instinct, follow your gut! TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Auroracoladybug Posted September 7, 2009 Author Share Posted September 7, 2009 How do you think he feels being with someone who dosen't appreciate him? Why do you think he was upset when J took him? Kids are smarter then we think, they pick up on these things. Maternal instinct, follow your gut! TOJAZ I guess you are so right and yes I followed my gut...I met with J just after 5 at McD's to eat and let the baby play...J tried to "sneak" out and I made him get a kiss and hug from the baby and the baby and I just went back in...he wasn't upset to see him go and even that breaks my heart. I asked him again if he thought we were taking the right route and he said "with the divorce? yes". He says he is not sleeping (welcome to my world @$$ hole) and he has too much stress with all of this legal paperwork and he needs to get an apartment and he wants a two bedroom so he can get the baby a little tv so he can hook up the dvd player for it...like he needs that at 2yrs old! I just want my son and my house alone and VACATION Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 ...J tried to "sneak" out and I made him get a kiss and hug from the baby and the baby and I just went back in...he wasn't upset to see him go and even that breaks my heart. Sadly, i think that tells you all you need to know. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Auroracoladybug Posted September 7, 2009 Author Share Posted September 7, 2009 Tojaz I think you are right...J doesn't know what he wants in life and is not making that effort to show his son that he is the most important thing in the world besides living (within your means not buying games for the 2yr old etc) Well J picked up the baby this morning and he was all good until they went to leave the house...the baby was clinging to me and J was not taking him...all J talks about is getting an apartment and I swear that he brings up my old friend/roommate coming over there on purpose to get me upset (I don't show any interest though)...I think his MLC makes him so oblivious that obviously he has a money spending issue...last night he mentioned that I wouldn't want to know how much he has spent for the roommates he is living with and that he didn't spend on anything big ($777 in the hole? I hope he likes how he is living now)...Last night the baby was in such a good mood until bed of course but he was talking a storm about airplanes and papa I am so glad he is a mommas boy because he gives me hope and incentive to make our lives better...I couldn't wait to be a mother unfortunately I thought we (the three of us) would be a great family and it all just fell apart because why? I will never know or understand and I will never be able to explain it. Are there really men out there who would take on me, my son, and my house? I don't want to have to have roommates (whole nother story) and I am scared to sell my house because I can't afford another one and I don't want to live in an apartment...just very down about all of this my LS friends. Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 Tojaz I think you are right...J doesn't know what he wants in life and is not making that effort to show his son that he is the most important thing in the world besides living (within your means not buying games for the 2yr old etc) Well J picked up the baby this morning and he was all good until they went to leave the house...the baby was clinging to me and J was not taking him...all J talks about is getting an apartment and I swear that he brings up my old friend/roommate coming over there on purpose to get me upset (I don't show any interest though)...I think his MLC makes him so oblivious that obviously he has a money spending issue...last night he mentioned that I wouldn't want to know how much he has spent for the roommates he is living with and that he didn't spend on anything big ($777 in the hole? I hope he likes how he is living now)...Last night the baby was in such a good mood until bed of course but he was talking a storm about airplanes and papa I am so glad he is a mommas boy because he gives me hope and incentive to make our lives better...I couldn't wait to be a mother unfortunately I thought we (the three of us) would be a great family and it all just fell apart because why? I will never know or understand and I will never be able to explain it. Are there really men out there who would take on me, my son, and my house? I don't want to have to have roommates (whole nother story) and I am scared to sell my house because I can't afford another one and I don't want to live in an apartment...just very down about all of this my LS friends. The two of you will make a great family! Don't worry about the rest, and don't worry about explaining it, the only person that knows is J and knowing dosen't help the hurt that much anyways. It shouldn't be about the whys and the hows, it's about you and your son. PERIOD! J needs to cope with his own issues and until he sees that hes not worth your concern. I wouldn't be looking for a man willing to take on anything. Build a life you can manage alone and then find a man who desires to take his place in it. On your terms. Look for what you want and deserve. The independence you find in that will be your strength in your next relationship. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 I wouldn't be looking for a man willing to take on anything. Build a life you can manage alone and then find a man who desires to take his place in it. On your terms. Look for what you want and deserve. The independence you find in that will be your strength in your next relationship. TOJAZ This is so true ladybug, as hard as it is to obtain that independance, and I know I'm trying to but you have your boy as well, it really is what you need. Only when you have this wil you be able to make careful and considered choices about who you want and allow to share in your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Auroracoladybug Posted September 9, 2009 Author Share Posted September 9, 2009 Okay so I know that I need to be independent and find myself...I didn't sleep well last night. I just remember J telling me at the beginning of the fighting that when his coworker asked if things were not working out with the wife J said No. The I kept visualizing him leaning against the sink in our room telling me that he could not give me a chance to hurt him again...he had his mind made up long ago...he never gave me the chance to really change things that bothered him...and his son? my life is so torn Link to post Share on other sites
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