FeelingLonely98 Posted November 6, 2009 Share Posted November 6, 2009 Okay so pizza was okay...the place looks nice (still smells like cats)...it was just pleaseant to be around him and joke but the tension was still there. Wow - ladybug - what an evening. I'm confused reading it - imagine you being there. I don't want to push anything and end up pushing him away... I don't think YOU can push him away - this is all HIS doing. Do not feel guilty for one second, ok? Do what ladybug needs to do. It was odd that he had 5 vanilla candles (my favorite) on the mantle...but I am trying not to read anything into it. I did get a one armed hug at the end of the night once I got the baby buckled. probably was an ode to you ... I know I still like things a certain way that I picked while with my W for 16 years. Each time I do it it reminds me of her. Like the way I make the bed each morning. The way I water the plants. I could go on ... I know that things can't go back to hunky dory right away and he has a lot to learn and a year lease...I just want to be able to be affectionate and get some affection in return...not puppy dog love...I want him to care about me and not as an afterthought...I wonder if I should dissappear...hell I don't even know if anything serious happened to me if he would even care. I wonder this too. IF I had a horrible car accident would my 47 yo W even come to see me? Would she go to my funeral? If she was in the hospital would she want me to see her? She would preobably want to 18 yo BF there and if I saw him there I'd probably knock his teeth down his throat!! IDK ...!! It soulnds like your H does care about you... Mine? doesn't care so much about me! I said it a while ago but I just wish he would come up behind me and hug me and tell me he loves me...I would collapse but it would feel amazing. In my weak moments I think of cr*p like that. (longing for the good old days!) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Auroracoladybug Posted November 7, 2009 Author Share Posted November 7, 2009 Wow - ladybug - what an evening. I'm confused reading it - imagine you being there. I don't think YOU can push him away - this is all HIS doing. Do not feel guilty for one second, ok? Do what ladybug needs to do. probably was an ode to you ... I know I still like things a certain way that I picked while with my W for 16 years. Each time I do it it reminds me of her. Like the way I make the bed each morning. The way I water the plants. I could go on ... I wonder this too. IF I had a horrible car accident would my 47 yo W even come to see me? Would she go to my funeral? If she was in the hospital would she want me to see her? She would preobably want to 18 yo BF there and if I saw him there I'd probably knock his teeth down his throat!! IDK ...!! It soulnds like your H does care about you... Mine? doesn't care so much about me! In my weak moments I think of cr*p like that. (longing for the good old days!) FL I truly hope he does and that he realizes that we can make this work...even after divorce...I will always love him unconditionally...not forsaking myself in all this though...I know that many things would have to be resolved before having a true relationship...I am willing to do that...if he is??? who knows...it took years for these problems to come up and will probably take years to fix it...hanging in there as always Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted December 1, 2009 Share Posted December 1, 2009 Hi Ladybug Just wondering how you are, haven't seen you on the boards in a while? Hope you are doing well? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Auroracoladybug Posted December 2, 2009 Author Share Posted December 2, 2009 Hi Ladybug Just wondering how you are, haven't seen you on the boards in a while? Hope you are doing well? Well J and I are spending a lot of time together and I have even been invited to spend the night and have even gotten a couple of I love you's...not rushing anything though...The divorce has been changed to a legal separation but there are many issues still to work out. Lots of stuff going on but now I can't get on at work and my room mate always has my computer sooo...I will write again soon. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 Well J and I are spending a lot of time together and I have even been invited to spend the night and have even gotten a couple of I love you's...not rushing anything though...The divorce has been changed to a legal separation but there are many issues still to work out. Lots of stuff going on but now I can't get on at work and my room mate always has my computer sooo...I will write again soon. Just be careful. He may just be looking for sex. Link to post Share on other sites
FeelingLonely98 Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 Just be careful. He may just be looking for sex. Couldn't he just find sex anywhere? Not with the BS? But phin is right - be careful Ladybug. Have you and him started talking about resolution of the "issues" that you referenced on your 11/6 post? What's been happening? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Auroracoladybug Posted December 3, 2009 Author Share Posted December 3, 2009 Couldn't he just find sex anywhere? Not with the BS? But phin is right - be careful Ladybug. Have you and him started talking about resolution of the "issues" that you referenced on your 11/6 post? What's been happening? Thank you so much for the concerns gentlemen...there isn't much move for sex at this time...we have talked about him moving into a home and supporting a family other than his own, him being used by the OW, his lack of money management...on my side there has been talk about my lack of affection, my lack of understanding, and other misc things. I am following thru with the separation because of the money issues and him having his own place and needing to figure out exactly what he wants. I have pointed out that I will not be the woman on the back burner (only me or I am gone) and that the feelings and things going on are not just because of the holiday's it is because I truly want that time with him. I am being careful as much as I can. Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted December 3, 2009 Share Posted December 3, 2009 Your doing it right Ladybug, just stay focused on the things that need to be repaired on bothsides! Just getting back together isn't the goal, building a better marriage is. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Auroracoladybug Posted December 3, 2009 Author Share Posted December 3, 2009 Your doing it right Ladybug, just stay focused on the things that need to be repaired on bothsides! Just getting back together isn't the goal, building a better marriage is. TOJAZ I find it interesting that he feels that the stuff we were forced to deal with by filing for divorce was the unimportant stuff...i totally agree...I pointed it out to him that I understood that it also got us to this point of talking about the things that truly matter...I support him and love him unconditionally...yes we all settle because nobody is perfect and what is matters more than the what ifs... Link to post Share on other sites
FeelingLonely98 Posted December 3, 2009 Share Posted December 3, 2009 I find it interesting that he feels that the stuff we were forced to deal with by filing for divorce was the unimportant stuff...i totally agree...I pointed it out to him that I understood that it also got us to this point of talking about the things that truly matter...I support him and love him unconditionally...yes we all settle because nobody is perfect and what is matters more than the what ifs... GOOD LUCK ladybug. Keep posting, ... I should probably be divorced by year's end, less than 4 months after d-day. I have 0% hope of my W coming home for reconciliation, BUT if she did it doesn't matter if we are divorced or not. Fixing it does not matter what is stamped on a piece of paper. And in your case it doesn't matter what is or isn't filed. Link to post Share on other sites
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