In reply to TONY's advice

[ALF]

The girl has sent you mixed messages. She changes her mind from time to time. As I have said in other posts, it's really difficult to stir up those romantic and sexual chemicals for somebody who's around all the time.

 

Make yourself scarse around her. Don't call her or see her except on rare occasions and for brief periods. I promise you she will start thinking about you differently. Friendships can transform but it takes some strategies like the one I've outlined above to do it. If you don't follow those directions, it simply won't work. If she has even slight feelings for you other than as a friend, the minute she hears you're going out with someone else, it will drive her crazy and you will hear about it. I also want to caution you that there are a lot of ladies who will be your friend and who will send occasional signals of interest but that interest is in the neutral zone. Basically, they want to have no romantical dealings with you but they don't want to see other women being romantic with you either. They will get jealous when you see other ladies...but they really don't want to go out with you. I don't understand this fully but that's the way it is. I think you ought to just move on and go about your business. Why people have to try to force things to happen always puzzles me. But, then again, we always want what we can't have. Make yourself somebody this lady can't have!!!

Its kinda hard to stay away. Her brother is my best friend and i am over there daily. I can sorta stay away. Like today when i was over there. i tried to take your advice and stay away. When she came in the same room as me i just left. I didnt say much to her at all either. She used to REALLY like me. She told me that. We used to talk ALL the time. Another problem for me is my best friend. The minute i show affection toward her or stand up to her he just laughs at me and accuses me of flirting. He pretty much knows i like her. And he likes to tease me, especially when some of our other friends are around. Do you think he is jealous because i give her attention? He only gets like that when i spend time w/her and not him. I REALLY appreciate your advice, and if you have any more at all im willing to hear it.,

 

thanks

[Tony T]

You just have to learn to play it cool. If she comes in the room, say hello to her and then get back to talking to your best friend. I mean if you can't have any imagination here, give up. You just have to be very cool about this and show her minimal attention if you are to get her interest.

 

As far as your friend getting jealous, he's pretty sick if he would get jealous about you spending time with his sister, unless he is gay and has a crush on you himself.

 

It really sounds like you are in the middle of some very weird people here. If you can't get this thing to work out with this girl, I suggest you change your circle of friends. You travel in some strange surroundings!!!

[D. To Tony]

Tony, I may be way out in left field, but I think what Alf meant when he stated:

 

"Do you think he is jealous because i give her attention? He only gets like that when i spend time w/her and not him."

 

Is: Sometimes, at a certain young age, guys get jealous of their buddies wanting to spend more time with "anyone" ... especially a sibling ... rather than with them. Same with some girls.

 

That could be one of the reasons the best friend gets upset and/or teases Alf when he gives more attention to the sister than to him ... after all, they ARE "best buddies".

 

Anyway, I think that is what was meant. D.

[Tony T]

I picked that up instantly. Was only trying to be a bit sarcastic to get the point across of how idiotic this whole situation seems to be.

[D. To Tony]

opsssssssss! 'scuse me

[magicklady]

When I was younger my brother's friends would always hit on me it caused big problems between him and I. I finally told them that if they were his friends that I couldn't go out with them. I think this one is best left alone and you find someone else besides your friend's sister. Although you like her, what happens if it doesn't work out? Then you have lost a close friend as well. Flirting is okay... but I would leave it at that... Now if you don't value this friendship by all means go for it...

Tony, I may be way out in left field, but I think what Alf meant when he stated: "Do you think he is jealous because i give her attention? He only gets like that when i spend time w/her and not him." Is: Sometimes, at a certain young age, guys get jealous of their buddies wanting to spend more time with "anyone" ... especially a sibling ... rather than with them. Same with some girls. That could be one of the reasons the best friend gets upset and/or teases Alf when he gives more attention to the sister than to him ... after all, they ARE "best buddies". Anyway, I think that is what was meant. D.

[ALF]

I picked that up instantly. Was only trying to be a bit sarcastic to get the point across of how idiotic this whole situation seems to be.

i DONT THINK THERES ANYTHING IDOITIC ABOUT LIKING SOMEBODY

[D. To ALF (and Tony)]

AlF, for heaven's sake, you took Tony's comment completely out of context. You say:

 

"i DONT THINK THERES ANYTHING IDOITIC ABOUT LIKING SOMEBODY". (Directing that comment to Tony.)

 

Tony did NOT say there the was, never has, never would. Tony, please excuse me for being so presumtous ... let me change that to I FEEL that Tony never would and I know that he never has.

 

What he said was:

 

"I picked that up instantly. Was only trying to be a bit sarcastic to get the point across of how idiotic this whole situation seems to be." Let me repeat ... "how Idiotic the SITUATION IS" ........ NOT about it being idiotic liking someone. AND his statment was in reply to a repsonse I made to him about your initial post and his initial response.

 

Again, NOONE has said that "THERES ANYTHING IDOITIC ABOUT LIKING SOMEBODY". You misinterpreted and need to go back, read all the reponses and put it all logically together.

 

Dude, you are being a bit more defensive than usual aren't you? What else is going on? I have a feeling that there is.

 

Best Wishes. D.

[ALF]

AlF, for heaven's sake, you took Tony's comment completely out of context. You say: "i DONT THINK THERES ANYTHING IDOITIC ABOUT LIKING SOMEBODY". (Directing that comment to Tony.) Tony did NOT say there the was, never has, never would. Tony, please excuse me for being so presumtous ... let me change that to I FEEL that Tony never would and I know that he never has. What he said was: "I picked that up instantly. Was only trying to be a bit sarcastic to get the point across of how idiotic this whole situation seems to be." Let me repeat ... "how Idiotic the SITUATION IS" ........ NOT about it being idiotic liking someone. AND his statment was in reply to a repsonse I made to him about your initial post and his initial response. Again, NOONE has said that "THERES ANYTHING IDOITIC ABOUT LIKING SOMEBODY". You misinterpreted and need to go back, read all the reponses and put it all logically together. Dude, you are being a bit more defensive than usual aren't you? What else is going on? I have a feeling that there is. Best Wishes. D.

I am being defensive. But theres nothing else going on. He said the whole situation is idiotic. How is that? I like my best friends sister and my best friend doesnt like it. Thats the only problem,

 

ALF

[D. To ALF ::smiles::]

Dear ALF, Yep, he did say the whole situation is idiotic ... I took that to mean "downright silly" ... The way I took it to mean silly (or idiotic) is that your best friend would be jealous of his sister's attentions taking your time away from him, instead of him being happy for you and sharing your attentions with his sister ... His sister, of course, being that of a "girl friend", and him being that of a best buddy.

 

You see, ALF, there are so many times that I have witnessed, and even been involved, where the best friend introduces their pal to their brother or sister because they feel it would be a good match. These are the siblings that are proud of each other and care for each other's well being (not to say they don't get into fights and bicker also). There are other brothers and sisters that hide their friends from their siblings because they are either ashamed (embarrassed) of them, "can't stand them" (know what I mean?), or flat out don't want to SHARE their attentions with "THEIR" friends ... ("My friend, sis , NOT yours! So lay off"). Alf, that last case scenario IS IDIOTIC on the behalf of the friend who does not want to share their buddies with their sibbliings. It is just plain out SILLY and DUMB!~

 

That is all I was getting at regarding the situation being idiotic or silly. I hope I explained myself better this time and in a way that won't cause you to be defensive as YOU are the sane one here! ::big smile::

 

I am so very sorry for your dilemma, but wish your best friend would take a chill pill and learn to share his buddies with his siblings and not get jealous of the prospect that his buddy (you) may end up liking his sibling (his sister) better than you like him! That is DUMB!!! You would like her DIFFERENTLY, NOTTTTTTT Better! Right? You bet!

 

Best of luck!

[Ajay]

I have two older brothers and I, like magicklady, had a lot of problems when we were growing up because their friends would show interest in me. They would come around on the pretense they were visiting my brothers and end up flirting with me. My brothers and I had a deal, we did not date each others friends...

 

Of course, sometimes it happened, sometimes things worked out for a while, BUT there always seemed to be this underlying stupid jealousy thing going on. I never understood it.

 

Likewise, girls would try to be friends with me in hopes of getting a date with one of my fine brothers; I hated that. One of my brothers lost his virginity to my at-the-time best friend and, let me tell you, when things didn't work out for them...what a mess.

 

They say blood is thicker than water, but friendship and love and lust can all make the blood boil. Have fun, good luck, expect problems...

When I was younger my brother's friends would always hit on me it caused big problems between him and I. I finally told them that if they were his friends that I couldn't go out with them. I think this one is best left alone and you find someone else besides your friend's sister. Although you like her, what happens if it doesn't work out? Then you have lost a close friend as well. Flirting is okay... but I would leave it at that... Now if you don't value this friendship by all means go for it...

[ALF]

Dear ALF, Yep, he did say the whole situation is idiotic ... I took that to mean "downright silly" ... The way I took it to mean silly (or idiotic) is that your best friend would be jealous of his sister's attentions taking your time away from him, instead of him being happy for you and sharing your attentions with his sister ... His sister, of course, being that of a "girl friend", and him being that of a best buddy.

 

You see, ALF, there are so many times that I have witnessed, and even been involved, where the best friend introduces their pal to their brother or sister because they feel it would be a good match. These are the siblings that are proud of each other and care for each other's well being (not to say they don't get into fights and bicker also). There are other brothers and sisters that hide their friends from their siblings because they are either ashamed (embarrassed) of them, "can't stand them" (know what I mean?), or flat out don't want to SHARE their attentions with "THEIR" friends ... ("My friend, sis , NOT yours! So lay off"). Alf, that last case scenario IS IDIOTIC on the behalf of the friend who does not want to share their buddies with their sibbliings. It is just plain out SILLY and DUMB!~ That is all I was getting at regarding the situation being idiotic or silly. I hope I explained myself better this time and in a way that won't cause you to be defensive as YOU are the sane one here! ::big smile:: I am so very sorry for your dilemma, but wish your best friend would take a chill pill and learn to share his buddies with his siblings and not get jealous of the prospect that his buddy (you) may end up liking his sibling (his sister) better than you like him! That is DUMB!!! You would like her DIFFERENTLY, NOTTTTTTT Better! Right? You bet! Best of luck!

Ok,

 

See? Thats why we have these online posts. So i can learn a little. Id like to thank all of you guys for your replys, and i also have a pretty good story for u guys. I took tonys advice and i gave her as little attention as possible. It was hard at first but it got kinda fun when she started asking me questions. Just anything at the top of her head. i could tell she was trying hard to spark a conversation. So after one day i have her runnin for her money i guess. Thats not my point though. I just want her to see me in a different way. Thanks for all your help....and i will keep you guys updated,

 

ALF

[D. To ALF: YAYYYYY!!!!!]

Dear ALF! Alright, Dude! Kudos to you! Hope you can keep it up because it sure looks like it is working for you.

 

Now, don't give in too soon and start being so "available" like you were before .... just keep doin' what you're doing.

 

YAY!!!!!!! Congrats~! Hope you keep getting the same results! Best Wishes! Love, D. ::HUGE SMILES!!!::

[ALF]

Yeah, i guess theres some good news. But from what i hear, she likes this other guy.... one of my good friends. So there goes another problem. But i think i got the best of her today....maybe. So when exactly do i make myself available again? How will i know when its time? Ill keep in touch...thanks,

 

ALF