wow123 Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 Ex girlfriend wanted to try again. Now has become confused. Doesn't know what she wants. Doesn't know what to do. What do I do? Link to post Share on other sites
br0kinhart Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 Im in a similar situation and Im trying to get back with my ex who dumped my sorry a$$.... Now she is game with keeping in touch and meeting up from time to time but is confused as well and does not want to commit. If your really interested in getting back with her my best advise is play it cool and let her come to you. If she doesnt then you saved yourself problems in the future, if she does then you got what you wanted! I should take my own advise sometimes! ;-) Best of luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author wow123 Posted July 23, 2009 Author Share Posted July 23, 2009 Thanks for the advice. The situation really sucks. Hope everything works our for you! Link to post Share on other sites
SRTtoZ Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 You need to make her comfortable and everything...A girl will NOT try again unless they know something is in it for them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wow123 Posted July 23, 2009 Author Share Posted July 23, 2009 How do I make her feel comfortable? Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 Ex girlfriend wanted to try again. Now has become confused. Doesn't know what she wants. Doesn't know what to do. What do I do? You stay away from her. You don't initiate contact. You simply live your life to the fullest as if she is NEVER going to come back (and odds are, the way she is acting, she probably won't). YOU do not have to wait around for her to figure her $%@# out! YOUR life is not dependent upon what SHE does. You are confident guy who is open to advances from other women. You have hobbies, you work out, you have a career. YOU'RE BUSY! You don't have time for games. If she wants you, she should have to work her tail off for your attention. Remember, women love strong, confident, independent men (caring cavemen!). Be that. Read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" (Glover) for more information on how to be exactly that. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 If your really interested in getting back with her my best advise is play it cool and let her come to you. If she doesnt then you saved yourself problems in the future, if she does then you got what you wanted! I should take my own advise sometimes! ;-) Best of luck! Yes, this is what you do. Yes, you should take your own advice. You need to make her comfortable and everything...A girl will NOT try again unless they know something is in it for them. Disagree. She's the one who left him. He should NOT initiate any "reconcilliation" talk. He should not try and make her feel "comfortable". She should be wondering if he really wants her back. If he spills his guts, she will no longer wonder. She'll see him as weak, needy and clingy. The best thing he can do is move on with his life and not think about what she is doing/thinking. Act like she isn't coming back and LIVE like it. Link to post Share on other sites
utterer of lies Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 Ex girlfriend wanted to try again. Now has become confused. Doesn't know what she wants. Doesn't know what to do. What do I do? Have sex with the ex, and don't get too heartbroken when she leaves you because she found someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
samspade Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 Ex girlfriend wanted to try again. Now has become confused. Doesn't know what she wants. Doesn't know what to do. What do I do? "Confused" = cop out. Either she wants you or she doesn't. In any case, don't wait around. Next her. Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 You stay away from her. You don't initiate contact. You simply live your life to the fullest as if she is NEVER going to come back (and odds are, the way she is acting, she probably won't). YOU do not have to wait around for her to figure her $%@# out! YOUR life is not dependent upon what SHE does. You are confident guy who is open to advances from other women. You have hobbies, you work out, you have a career. YOU'RE BUSY! You don't have time for games. If she wants you, she should have to work her tail off for your attention. Remember, women love strong, confident, independent men (caring cavemen!). Be that. Read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" (Glover) for more information on how to be exactly that. This IS what you need to do! I did and now she's back, wanting me to let her hop right back in where she let off. I can't do that! I'm taking things slowly and still living my day to day,for me! I'm not going to stop talking to my new "female friends" just yet, like she requested. What a joke that request was! I am willing to see where things are going to go with my ex. I just have a gut feeling that will be no where! I do have, and will keep my guard up, until she's shown me she has changed and deserves my trust again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wow123 Posted July 23, 2009 Author Share Posted July 23, 2009 You guys are right. I knew what I needed to do I just didn't do it. She came back all lovey dovey then got scared and backed off again. I'm too available...she thinks I am here waiting whenever she wants me. No more chasing for me. She may or may not come back but me chasing her obviously isn't working so I will do the opposite. And yes I think there is another guy involved which is where most of her confusion is coming from. My question is...if she is with someone else why would she come back and then back off? Link to post Share on other sites
utterer of lies Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 My question is...if she is with someone else why would she come back and then back off? To check your interest level. To get some additional comfort. To keep you longing after her. To....Does it matter? Should it? Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 My question is...if she is with someone else why would she come back and then back off? With my ex she admited to being selfish for doing this at the begining of our breakup. NOW she wants to be "100%" with me because "she can't get me out of her head, whenver she's with him, be it dinner,movies,or hanging with her friends(who ALL love me!) ALL she thinks about is me". I went hardcore NC for about 3+wks or so, to hear this. Whether it's true or her being selfish again is to be seen. That's why I refuse to jump back in 100% at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
georgia girl Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 Praying4Daylight, Your advice is the best. We all just need to get on with our lives and let these people choose. Us chasing them won't make a difference. Think about the last time you got chased? I'll be honest, the last time someone chased me I got even more turned off. Also, and I don't mean to be cynical here, but there's a balance of power issue. All relationships need a power balance - i.e. each person has both a need for the other person and is the object of the other person's desire. If you let it get too out of whack, the relationship never works no matter how many stops and starts. No contact on the part of the hurt party allows the balance to be reset. Once the other party sees that the injured person is just fine without them, they suddenly want the relationship back. Good for you, praying4daylight. We all need to follow your advice. Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 Praying4Daylight, Your advice is the best. We all just need to get on with our lives and let these people choose. Us chasing them won't make a difference. Think about the last time you got chased? I'll be honest, the last time someone chased me I got even more turned off. Also, and I don't mean to be cynical here, but there's a balance of power issue. All relationships need a power balance - i.e. each person has both a need for the other person and is the object of the other person's desire. If you let it get too out of whack, the relationship never works no matter how many stops and starts. No contact on the part of the hurt party allows the balance to be reset. Once the other party sees that the injured person is just fine without them, they suddenly want the relationship back. Good for you, praying4daylight. We all need to follow your advice. CaliGuy was my main insperation when I first visited this site. He gets all my praise for putting me in the right state of mind. It also took ALOT of mistakes on my part to get to where I am with this. I messed up ALOT!! It's way easier to give advice to others, than follow the same for yourself. There's also ALOT of other posters here whom have either given me direct advice, or by their previous postings. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wow123 Posted July 23, 2009 Author Share Posted July 23, 2009 Prayingfordaylignt, How long were you broken up and how long was she with this guy? We have been broken up for a few months now and they met when we broke up. He still seems to be in the picture but she came back and now put her wall up again. I dont get it. Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 Together 5yrs/ 2.5 living together.. Broken up for close to 4 months now. She had started seeing him about 2wks before I found out. She says it was only "emotional" at that point, "because I had distanced myself from her". That's true! I moved out from our home 6mo before the breakup to better myself. She was starting to over drink(mean drunk at the end),spending "her money" on stupid things when OUR bills were due. I had lost my job and became depressed and living with her made it worse. I chose to leave and rebuild myself for myself/her and she agreed. We still spent 4-6 days a week together staying at each others homes. Until the new guy came into the picture. She told me that they have "no title" to their relationship. Basicly just hanging out from time to time. She is a single mom and is very good about not bringing random guys around her son. I've told her she has to completly end ANYTHING with him if she wants to try again with me. Actually she told me that's what she was going to do...we'll see!haha Link to post Share on other sites
Author wow123 Posted July 23, 2009 Author Share Posted July 23, 2009 Well my ex has only known this guy for less than 3 months and is obviously already having doubts which is clearly not good for them. They should still be in the honeymoon period and she should not want to be hanging out with me but she does. Do I keep talking/hanging out with her or make her choose? Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 AND my EX came back 2days ago by no trying on my end except NC. She called wanting to meet up and talk. I even went as far as making her pick me up! I did however make the mistake of letting her spend the night/sex. The following morning came the whole she wants us to "be a family again" talk, and the "only seeing each other"..so yea.. I'm still not feeling 100% on this with her. Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 Well my ex has only known this guy for less than 3 months and is obviously already having doubts which is clearly not good for them. They should still be in the honeymoon period and she should not want to be hanging out with me but she does. Do I keep talking/hanging out with her or make her choose? I wouldn't! I'd be out dating others and living while she figures her "confused" mind out. He's her rebound. My ex even went as far to say "her new guy was perfect for her on paper but, she still loves/wants me?!?!" What the hell!!haha Link to post Share on other sites
Author wow123 Posted July 23, 2009 Author Share Posted July 23, 2009 Oh man! Ya she seems to wanna date this guy but still calls/sees me. It was months before we hung out after our breakup and she was so happy and into it. Now she backed off again. I guess I need to back off and let her see what life is like without having me as an option. What do u think? Im guessing she was trying to use him to get over me but it never happened? Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 Im guessing she was trying to use him to get over me but it never happened? Could be..seems that's what happened with mine. If I were you I'd back off completly and like you said "not be available for her". If you're there and so is he why would she make a decision on way or the other? Link to post Share on other sites
Author wow123 Posted July 23, 2009 Author Share Posted July 23, 2009 Good point. If we had 2 girls and they were both fine with it would we make a choice? NOPE. Im dissappearing Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 My question is...if she is with someone else why would she come back and then back off? Oh this is easy. You meet a need for her (emotional or physical). The other guy meets a need for her (emotional or physical). To get her needs met, she is USING the both of you. This is very selfish and hurtful, especially to you. Stay away. Bad Mojo. RED FLAG. Heed it. Being too available is a HUGE turn off, by the way. Link to post Share on other sites
LovesHangover Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 Have a straight conversation about what works for you and. What doesn't in relationships. I do no know what is in the way of people having honest conversations, but the wait and see method is childish game-playing. Having an honest conversation and making agreements is distinct from chasing and being a doormat. It is better to deal with what and who matters to you than avoid and withhold in my honest opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
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